5. Clueless
5
CLUELESS
BASIL
I thought the party would be subdued after Summer left—but everyone seemed to have a great time, except me . I tried. I pretended.
I went from feeling fine that Summer and I were over to hoping she’d come back. This was just a fight. Couples fought all the time, and that didn’t mean their relationships were over.
Then I remember what I said to her: “You walk out, don’t bother coming back.”
Damn it! I shouldn’t have said that. But I had to. Summer had to realize I was serious about how she needed to do better with my friends and colleagues. Sure, she came from a different world—but that didn’t mean she couldn’t adjust.
“Are you sure you want to be alone tonight?” Drew asked as I walked her out. She was the last to leave, and I was getting a little annoyed with her presence. I wanted to be left alone so I could call Summer or reach out to her—something, anything. I checked my phone to see if she’d sent a message or said she was sorry for how she behaved. Nothing!
Were we really over?
“I’m fine.”
She hugged me. Her breasts were crushed against my chest, and I noticed for the first time how she went on tip-toe, wrapping her hands around my neck. This was more than friendly—and I hadn’t noticed it before, but now that Summer had thrown a hissy fit, I did.
I stepped away from Drew, feeling awkward.
Sure, Drew was touchy feely…but only with me? No, she hugged the other guys, too, right? But those seemed perfunctory and in greeting, this was different . I had to admit that I never saw her hugging Gareth, Ajay, or Felix so closely. Had she kissed any of them on the lips? She must’ve, right?
Then I remembered how everyone fell silent when I mentioned her kiss, and she blistered about it. It was just a peck…but it was on the lips, not on the cheek, as it usually was.
Damn, Summer! Now you’ve gotten me thinking about all these things that I never worried about before.
Drew was a friend. Had been one for a long time. We were close. We talked about work. We talked about our lives. Sure, she didn’t like Summer but maybe not all of Summer’s friends liked me—that wasn’t a prerequisite for a relationship, was it?
“I’m fine, Drew.”
She put both her hands on my chest and rubbed. “You sure, darling?”
Darling?
Well, she called me that sometimes and other times she called me baby. It wasn’t a big deal. We’d known each other for eight years, and we’d never fucked, so why the hell was Summer so fucking worried about this? And even more importantly, why was I second-guessing every conversation, every hug, every touch with Drew now? It was platonic. End of story!
“I’m exhausted.”
“Well, I’ll see you at work on Monday.”
“Okay.”
“You want me to come by tomorrow?” she asked softly.
“I have that charity golf thing at The Golf Club in Newcastle.”
It was an invitation-only event, and only the crème de la crème of Seattle’s IT elite would be there. I was thrilled when they contacted me, as it meant I had made it.
“But you don’t like to golf,” Summer had said when I told her.
“This is about networking not golf. The event is just an excuse.”
“Have a great time there.” Drew went on tiptoe again and this time I moved my face so her lips brushed against my cheek. “You sure you don’t want me to stay the night, Basil? You look…well, pale and?—”
“Just tired,” I cut her off.
“Basil, she’s not worth it.” Drew opened my front door.
How would you know? I wanted to ask. She hadn’t spent time with Summer. She didn’t know how much fun she and I had together. She didn’t know how Summer soothed my fears about failing at work. She didn’t know how absolutely perfect it was to make love with my girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend?
“Goodnight, Drew.” I gently ushered her out and pressed for the elevator.
“Basil, are you?—”
“I need to be alone,” I said as gently as I could because I wanted to scream the words.
Where the hell was this equanimity and care when you were telling Summer that she needed to grow a spine?
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
I barely slept that night.
It wasn’t the lingering anger buzzing beneath my skin. It was the silence. No sound of Summer breathing beside me. No familiar shuffle of her moving around in the early morning. Just nothing.
By the time the sun rose, my irritation had dulled into something else.
Maybe I’d been a little harsh. Perhaps she did have a point about my friends—they all had bitched about her the minute I’d said she’d packed up and left.
I should never have told her to grow a spine like she wasn’t already stronger than most people I knew. She grew up a foster kid and had despite all the shit she’d been through only some of which she’d told me about, she still believed that people were decent and good things could happen to her. Her positivity was one of her most attractive qualities.
I went to the golf event and barely noticed who I was talking to. My attention was on my phone, and I was waiting for Summer to reach out. I knew Sundays were busy for her because she had a lot of foot traffic at Sage & Sunflower—but she always texted me.
That damn store of hers.
She didn’t take weekends off, which annoyed me. She opened her store five days a week from ten to five and on weekends from eleven to eight. She closed the shop on Mondays and Tuesdays because she taught yoga at The Breathing Room. That meant we had only the weekend evenings to spend together.
Every evening, Basil, don’t make it sound worse than it is. She came over and cooked, or you went to her place, and you got a home-cooked meal with excellent company.
Being with Summer was the best stress reliever for me. The minute we were together, just the two of us, it was peaceful. This made me wonder about the times we argued—seemed to always be when my friends were around.
I gave up on Sunday night and texted Summer: How are you?
No response.
The next morning there was still no response.
She was pissed as hell, I was sure of that. Now I’d had enough time to consider all the shit I spewed at her, and I knew I was deservedly being ghosted.