Chapter Thirty-Two
Tania closed the laptop and pushed it into the middle of the table. She’d ordered a few outfits for both her and Carter, a couple would be delivered later in the day, mostly the things for the baby. He needed a lot more clothing than she did as he tended to wear several in a single day.
“All done shopping?” Smokey asked, approaching the table she’d set up the laptop on.
“For now.” She knew she’d need a lot more if they couldn’t get her things from the house, but that was future Tania’s problem.
“You got anything warmer than that to wear?” Smokey skimmed his gaze down her stolen t-shirt and borrowed leggings.
“I’ve got the jeans I had on yesterday and I’m sure you’ve got a hoodie or two I can steal.”
“Sounds good. Why don’t you take that back up to the room,” he tilted his head toward the laptop, “and change. I’ll grab his diaper bag and deliver both to Raven, then I’ve got something to show you.”
“Raven?” she frowned, not sure the club president was the best person to be watching a baby. She didn’t think he would hurt him or let anything happen to him, but surely there was someone else who wouldn’t mind.
“Don’t worry, Shell. He volunteered.”
She shrugged and scooted out of the booth. “Then let him. He’s got one of his own coming soon anyway.” Picking up the computer, she headed for the stairs.
“That’s kind of what he said,” Smokey said from right behind her.
Ten minutes later, she hurried down the stairs, curious what Smokey wanted to show her.
He stood at the bar, watching. When she reached him, he took her hand and led her to the door where he took down her jacket and helped her into it before wrapping her scarf around her neck and pulling her hood up.
“We’re going to be out there for a few minutes.
I want to make sure you’re warm.” He leaned in and rubbed his nose against her, like they’d done as kids, but she didn’t remember what they’d called it.
The gesture made her smile, remembering how easy things had been then, and how things had come full circle, because here she was, with Smokey again.
He led her outside and away from the street, she followed her mind on her life and her choices instead of where they were going.
She didn’t need to know where they were going.
She trusted Smokey. He would make sure she wasn’t hurt.
The odd part was she’d never really wanted to be anywhere else.
She’d been doing what her parents had wanted.
But she was done with that. She was going to live for her, for Carter, and even for Smokey, because he was the one who was always there for her.
He was the one who actually took care of her, or at least tried.
Then there was the fact that she loved him.
She almost stopped in her tracks when the thought registered but somehow she kept moving.
After a few minutes, she realized they’d passed through a cluster of trees, but then there had been another clearing, this one had what looked like the beginnings of several houses, all in different stages of construction.
Smokey walked past two, then turned and waited for her in front of the third.
“What do you think?” he asked as he stood looking at the wood skeleton of a house in front of them.
“What do you mean?”
“Come look at it.” He headed for the house, climbing the three steps then standing with his arms wide.
“This will be the porch. The living room will be in here.” He stepped through the outline of a doorway and spun in a circle, his arms out to his sides.
“We haven’t gotten the second floor up yet, but that will have four bedrooms and two baths. ”
“Four?”
“We might want more kids. Carter’s going to need at least one sibling.”
She stared at him for several seconds, waiting for him to say more.
When he said nothing, she spoke up. “What are you trying to say? I need you to say it.” Tania shook her head and brought her hands up to cover her face.
“I’ve screwed everything up so bad. I don’t trust myself anymore.
If there’s something you want from me, I need you to say the words, Tim.
” She realized as soon as the words were out that she’d called him by the wrong name.
she glanced around to see if anyone might have heard it. She didn’t see anyone.
“I want it all, Shell. Carter. You. Everything. If you need me to make it more clear, I want you to stay. I want you to be my old lady, Shell. I want to be a good dad to Carter.” He stepped close enough that she could feel the heat of his body.
“I want you to be my wife. I want to have more babies with you.” He laid one hand low on her belly, over her coat and clothing but she would swear she could feel the heat of it as she stared down at his hand.
“I want to watch you grow big with our child. I missed it with Carter but I won’t miss it again.
I want to be the only one to hold you. The only one to love you.
The one you turn to when you need something, anything I want it all, for the rest of our lives.
Tania’s breath caught in the throat. She wanted to say yes.
She wanted to tell him that’s what she wanted to, but what would everyone think?
She’d just been married to Rod, and had what everyone thought was his baby.
But everyone would know different soon. She knew life in a small town, as soon as the paperwork was processed by the court, someone wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to share all the details, or what they knew—that Carter wasn’t Rod’s.
She looked up and met Smokey’s gaze.
“I want that too.” She did her best to smile but wasn’t sure how well she succeeded.
She shoved her hands into her jacket pockets to keep him from seeing how badly she shook, not from cold, though it was pretty chilly out here, but from nerves.
“I can help.” She let out a mirthless laugh.
“I just found out I’ve got a lot of money. What can I do to help?”
“Keep it. I’m not after your money, Shell. I don’t care about it. I can take care of us. If there was no money, I wouldn’t give a flying fuck. Do whatever you want with it. Set up college funds for the kids, build a monument to yourself, give it all away, I don’t care.”
She leaned forward and pressed her face against his shoulder as she fought back the tears that threatened to fall.
“What do you say? Will you marry me?”
“I can’t. I’m not even divorced yet. I haven’t even signed the paperwork to file.
” And yet, she’d slept with him a few hours ago.
What kind of woman did that make her? What kind of mother?
That reminded her. “You said my parents took some of the money too. Are you sure about that?” She knew he was sure, she just needed to hear him say it again.
“Baby, I’m sure. They got part of the payout. And if they hadn’t planned on it all along, why didn’t you know about the money?”
She’d thought about the same thing. Now she had to figure out what she would say to her parents, or if she said anything.
She was sorely tempted to just cut them off.
If they’d done this to her, what else had they done that she still didn’t know about?
Did she want Carter growing up thinking that kind of treachery and betrayal was normal or acceptable? That answer was easy. No.
“As for your divorce, it will happen, it’s just a matter of time. We can keep our plans to ourselves as long as you like, and you don’t even have to answer me now, but I want to know you’re not walking away again.”
She stared up at him. “I’m through running, Tim.”
“You don’t have to be. I just want to be sure that when you run, you’re running back to me. I’ll take care of you, I’ll protect you, I’ll stand between you and the world if that’s what you need.”
Tania took a deep breath and held it for a moment before she spoke, she wanted to get the words right and that took a moment to consider each one.
“I don’t want anyone but you. I never have.
I married Rod because that’s what my parents wanted.
I’m through living my life to suit other people.
” She took another deep breath, met his gaze and held it.
“I’ll marry you. But I’ve got to get divorced first.” She glanced back toward the clubhouse, though all she could see was the copse of trees they’d walked past on the way out here.
“We should probably go see if Fletch sent that paperwork over.”
“We can if you want, but when I was signing the custody papers for Carter, Hawkeye said even if they come in now, there won’t be time to get them to the courthouse and filed tonight.”
Tania let her shoulders fall. She’d been hoping to get it done and filed today. To be one step closer and at least feel like she was making progress.
“Hey, it’s not all bad.” Smokey wrapped his arms around her and tugged her close. “He was sending someone to the courthouse to put the custody paperwork in a judge’s hand. Then when it’s time, we’ll do the same with your paperwork. It will go through quickly, trust me.”
“I do trust you. You and the rest of the Angels are about the only people I feel like I can trust.”
“That’s okay, Shell. We’ll always be here for you.”
“Thank you.” She buried her face against his neck and stood there, letting him hold her, until she got so cold, despite his warmth so close, that she couldn’t stop shivering, then he took her back to the clubhouse to warm up.