Chapter Eleven #2
“My lady?”
Kenton’s voice was soft, coming from behind.
Bent over a bin of rye grain that seemed to have a bit of mold on it, Nicola gasped with the surprise of his unexpected appearance.
He had cornered her down in the storeroom of Babylon, the vaults beneath the keep, and there was no one around.
In the cold and dark dampness, she could only see Kenton’s face in the torchlight.
“God’s Bones,” she muttered, patting her chest as she tried to catch her breath. “You gave me a start.”
Kenton smiled faintly. “I asked the cook where you were and she told me,” he said, trying to see what she had been looking at. “What are you doing down here?”
Nicola was nervous, extremely nervous. She’d spent the past three days avoiding him, pretending she was working, or with her sick children, who now all had sniffles and running noses, and she’d seen very little of Kenton even if thoughts of him had been heavy on her mind.
Try as she might, she couldn’t seem to shake him and the betrayal she felt from the man had eaten a nasty, rotted hole into her soul.
But now, here he was, and they were alone.
Her heart pounded loudly in her ears as she struggled not to look at him.
“The rye grain,” she said, pointing to the basket at her feet. “There seems to be some rot on it. I was trying to see if we can salvage it.”
He took a step closer, his gaze on the big basket of grain. “Oh?” he said, sounding concerned. “Is this isolated or is there mold on other grains as well?”
Nicola took a step away from him as he came closer. She didn’t want to be within arm’s length of him should he try to grab her. “Just the rye, I believe,” she said. “If we can scrape it away, it may be salvageable.”
Kenton wasn’t a fool. He could see that she was moving away from him.
He’d hardly seen her over the past three days and was coming to think that she was avoiding him, although he had no idea why.
He had been wracking his brain with their conversations since returning from Manchester, trying to see if there was anything questionable or offensive he’d said to her that might make her avoid him.
He honestly couldn’t think of anything and the separation from the woman was starting to wear greatly on him.
His army was prepared to depart Babylon and he at least wanted to bid the woman a private farewell.
He wanted that memory to hold on to, to sustain him, to give him something to look forward to upon his return.
Already, he missed her.
“I am sure that under your expert guidance, it will be saved,” he said, eyeing her and noticing that she would not look at him. It made his heart hurt in ways he never imagined it could. “My lady, may I ask a question?”
Nicola was still looking at the basket of grain. “Aye.”
“Have I done or said something that would cause you to avoid me?”
Nicola was startled by the question but just as quickly, she felt cornered. Cornered and angry and guilty. Swiftly, she shook her head.
“Nay,” she said, stammering and moving away from him even further. “I… I have been busy and my children are ill. There is much on my mind.”
Kenton sighed. He didn’t believe her for one minute and his heart sank.
“Nicola, please,” he begged softly. “I must have done or said something. It is clear you do not wish to be around me and not knowing what I have done is eating at me. Please tell me. Whatever it is, I apologize profusely. I would never do anything to knowingly hurt or offend you.”
He had managed to push her a little too far with his gentle words. Her anger surfaced and she tried to move away from him further but ended up stumbling over a bushel of grain. When he reached out to prevent her from falling, she lashed out at him savagely and smacked his head away.
“Do not touch me,” she hissed. “Leave me alone!”
Kenton stood there, looking at her with an expression of naked confusion and desperation. “What have I done?” he pleaded. “Won’t you tell me?”
Nicola shook her head furiously and before she could stop them, the tears started to come. Embarrassed, and feeling pain she’d struggled to push aside, she tried to turn away from him.
“Please go,” she whispered. “Go away and do what you must do in order to carry out your orders. Just… leave me alone.”
Kenton could see the tears and each droplet was like an arrow to his heart. Pricks of agony that he couldn’t help and he couldn’t stop. But he didn’t move. “What did I do to upset you so?” he asked again. “Nicola, won’t you tell me?”
She sniffled, trying to discreetly wipe away tears. “There is nothing to tell, Sir Kenton,” she said. “I asked you to go. I would be grateful if you would oblige me.”
Kenton knew one thing: he wasn’t leaving, not until he knew what he had done to upset her so.
He’d never felt such desperation or angst in his entire life.
He’d never felt such emotion over a woman and therefore truly had no idea how to gracefully handle what he was feeling.
As she stood there and quietly wept, Kenton sat heavily on a barrel behind him. He wasn’t leaving until he knew.
“I am not a man given to emotion, Nicola,” he said softly.
“I have seen much war and death in my lifetime, of those close to me, enough so that I have learned to dull my feelings when it comes to another human being. I thought I was doing quite well until I met you but now I see that I am a weak fool when it comes to you. Right now, I cannot breathe for all of the pain I am feeling, knowing that I have somehow hurt or offended you. Clearly, I have done something and you will not tell me what it is. I am not leaving until you do.”
Rather than ease or comfort her, his words inflamed her and she whirled on him, infuriated.
“You will cease with your sweet words,” she hissed.
“All that comes out of your mouth are lies and coercion. You have been doing it since you came to Babylon and I will no longer listen to you, so cease with your attempts to be kind. I am immune to them.”
His brow furrowed in puzzlement. “Lies and coercion?” he repeated, rather taken aback at such strong words. “How could you think….?”
She cut him off, rudely. “Stop it!” she shouted, putting her hands over her ears.
“You only lie to gain your wants but I am not listening to you any longer! I know the truth, Kenton le Bec, so you can stop pretending to be kind and attentive. Your actions are filled with lies just like the rest of you. If you want to know what I know about Edward’s movements or my husband’s allies, then I wish you would simply ask me.
You did not have to pretend to be kind to me in order to gain your wants. ”
Kenton was stunned. “Is that what you think?” he asked, aghast. “That I have been pretending to be kind to you in order to extract information?”
Nicola burst into painful sobs. She was trying to keep her hands over her ears but she couldn’t do that and point for the ladder that led from the vault, so she was forced to drop a hand and gesture most strongly towards the exit.
“Get out,” she screamed at him. “Get out and leave me alone. I do not want to see you again, ever!”
Kenton was pale with sorrow and anguish. He could hardly believe what he was hearing. “Who told you this about me?” he demanded, his voice hoarse. “Who told you such lies that you would believe them?”
Nicola was beyond rational thought at that moment; all of the pain she had been feeling at the realization that Kenton had only been using her was flooding out all over the place, through her veins, bleeding out of her pores, and filling the very air around them with anguish. She started screaming at him.
“Get out, get out!” she roared. “God damn you to hell for what you’ve done to me, le Bec! God damn you for making me feel… for making me hope… get out of here before I kill you!”
She was far gone with rage and hysteria.
Kenton sat there, watching her, realizing that he was close to tears himself.
In those few stammered words, he could see that she had felt something for him as well.
She felt something for him now. It was the only way to explain the utter agony she was exhibiting.
She was feeling something for him just as he was feeling for her but somehow, someway, someone had poisoned her against him.
Someone had lied to her. Someone had convinced her that his intentions were not honorable and she had believed them.
He could see, simply by her reaction, that she was as heartbroken as he was.
He’d never felt so much pain in his life.
Quietly, he stood up and made his way over to the ladder, hearing Nicola’s sobs all around him, echoing off of the cold walls of the vault. They were like blows to his body, causing him physical anguish. There was a lump in his throat as he put a hand on the ladder.
“I am leaving,” he said, his voice tight, “but you will listen to me before I do. I do not know who has told you that my intentions towards you were dishonorable, but nothing could be further from the truth. I love you, Nicola Aubrey-Thorne, and when I return from Manchester, we will have this discussion again. If it takes the rest of my life to convince you that my feelings for you are true, then so be it. I am willing to give the rest of my life to you, and only you, because I have never loved anyone before. You are my first and, God willing, you will be my last. This is not over.”
Nicola couldn’t help but hear his words.
They carved through her like knives, causing her entire body to weaken.
I love you. No one, save her children, had ever told her that.
Hearing those words from Kenton’s lips was the most glorious and most tragic thing she could have ever experienced.
She wanted to believe him, to tell him that she loved him also, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. He was lying… wasn’t he?
Distraught, Nicola collapsed on the floor of the storage vault in a fit of deep sobs as Kenton mounted the stairs and left, just as she’d asked him to.
She never saw the tears on his face that he quickly wiped away before anyone else could see them.