Chapter Fifteen #5
He was gazing at her with a look on his face like the man who had just been given the greatest gift of his life.
“There’s no need to apologize, my lady,” he said softly.
“ ’Tis only that it seems to me that you and I find ourselves in an unexpected situation and I am simply trying to make it easier for the both of us. ”
She removed her hand from his arm. The cold of the solar was getting to her as she turned away from him, shivering, and sat in the nearest chair.
“I know you are,” she said after a moment. “And I suppose my attitude should be the same. But I am still very much married to my husband, in heart and mind and body, and I cannot give that up.”
Keller didn’t say anything. After a moment, he left the room, leaving Derica sitting in the cold darkness. She thought she had offended him. Just as she was preparing to leave herself, Keller returned with a heavy woolen blanket and swung it over her shoulders.
“ ’Tis cold in here and since you will not let me start a fire, perhaps you will let me bring you a blanket.”
Derica was touched by his gesture. “You really are too kind, Sir Keller.”
He sat on a stool opposite her, his rugged face barely visible in the darkness. “I would be honored if you would simply call me Keller.”
That was not too much to ask, and Derica nodded her head in agreement. The silence grew heavy and Keller began popping his knuckles again.
“Is your chamber comfortable?” he began with the idle chatter again because he didn’t know what else to talk about. “Should we move the children to their own chamber now?”
Derica shook her head. “I still prefer them with me, thank you.” She fell silent again, watching the knight fidget. “Keller?”
His head snapped up as if she had ordered him to attention. “My lady?”
“There is something you can do for me, if you would be so inclined.”
“Name it and it shall be done.”
“You can find where my husband’s body is buried and bring it back to me.”
He paused, indecision on his features. But he was a man sworn to obedience and his word was his bond. “If that is your wish, my lady.”
Indescribable relief swept over Derica. She hadn’t realized what that gesture would mean to her.
The thought of Garren’s precious remains being within her grasp, something she could reconcile herself to, was almost too much to take.
She simply wanted to see him one last time, to say a proper good bye to the man who meant everything to her.
Before she could thank Keller, the tears came and she was unable to speak.
He was stricken with her soft sobs. “Have no fear,” he attempted to comfort her. “I shall find him. I shall go tonight.”
Derica could only reach out and touch his arm again, silent thanks for a deeply meaningful promise.
Keller dared to put his big hand over hers in comfort and, feeling that her hand was like ice, took it into his big, warm palm.
She was freezing and he gently coaxed her other hand away from her.
When he had both of them in his grasp, he rubbed briskly to warm her.
“Do not weep,” he murmured. “I will not return until I find him.”
She sniffled, her big green eyes overflowing at him. “But how will you do this?”
“I will go to Chepstow. The Marshal will know where he is.”
“I do not know how to repay your kindness to me.”
He was in deep territory and unsure how to navigate. “Our marriage will be repayment enough. And perhaps a strong son or two.”
Derica’s smile faded and Keller knew he had said something terribly wrong. “I didn’t mean….” he stammered.
She pulled her hands away from him. “I know you did not. Your statement was not unreasonable.”
“But I did not mean to.…”
“You did not.” She stood up, abruptly, and the blanket fell away from her. “I will bid you a good eve, then. And I thank you again for your kindness.”
She was to the door before he could stop her. “My lady,” he said, almost pleading. “Please do not leave. I did not mean to offend you. I would never knowingly do that.”
Derica paused, feeling foolish, feeling overwhelmed.
The thought of bearing another man’s children had not yet occurred to her.
To let this man, no matter how kind he had been to her, touch her in such an intimate fashion made her sick to her stomach.
The only man she would ever want to touch her in that manner was dead.
She forced herself to look at him, smiling weakly.
“There may be days when I behave abruptly, for reasons I can hardly explain at the moment,” she said quietly. “You did not offend me. It is just difficult for me to think of another marriage right now, much less children.”
Keller was relieved he had not insulted her. He gave her a lopsided smile. “And you have to ask me why you make me nervous? I live in constant fear to say something that will upset you, and I do not want to do that.”
“I realize that, and I am sorry. I shall try to do better.”
He looked at her a moment. “I should not want you to do better.”
“Why not?”
He tried to put his thoughts into words. “Because if you were grieving for me, I should want the same devotion. I shall not take any measure of loyalty away from Garren le Mon.”
Derica thought on that. “Sir Keller, I suspect that you are a truly remarkable man somewhere underneath all of that knightly solemnity.”
He smiled, embarrassed. “I cannot say, my lady.”
“I can.” She flashed him a genuine smile. “Good night to you.”