Chapter 5 #3
Lee sighed and brought his gaze back to Alex, something deliberately brave in its steadiness. “It seemed to work in porn. Which was about the extent of my experience with guys at the time.”
A spark of heat slid down Alex’s spine. He swallowed before he managed a laugh. “That makes a scary amount of sense.”
Lee’s smile was framed by tension. “Are you okay with this?”
“You being gay? Yes.”
“The fact that I used to like you.”
Alex’s focus tripped over the past tense. Right, yeah. Years ago, a pretty face and a cute smile might have been enough to hold Lee’s attention. Now, though? They’d both grown up a bit, and Lee had the looks and money to collect some experience along the way. He’d mentioned an ex, after all.
That was fine.
“Used to?” Alex underpinned the question with a grin and a snooty wave of his hand. “So you don’t think I’m pretty anymore, is that it?”
He’d clearly gone for the right tone because Lee seemed to relax for the first time since he’d dropped that tiny bomb on Alex. “You’re still plenty pretty, Beaufort. It just so happens that my tastes have evolved to favor guys who look my age.”
Oooh, shots fucking fired.
Alex let his eyes go wide and soft, bottom lip sticking out a little. “You mean old?”
For one glorious second, Lee stared. Then he shook his head, laughing. “Bloody hell, you’re good. It’s a real loss for the ladies that your parents intend to take you off the market.”
Which landed them right back where they’d started.
The room felt overly warm for even just a sheet, so Alex moved it off his lap and crossed his legs, leaning back against the headboard.
Lee’s gaze dipped down to Alex’s bare collarbones and further.
Alex was certain Lee wouldn’t have let that happen in the locker room where fit guys in various states of undress were a common sight—Alex was well aware.
He rather liked Lee looking at him, though. Maybe that wasn’t fair when he had no intention of following through.
“Well.” He let one corner of his mouth curl up, and Lee’s focus returned to his face. “Given you’re even more thoroughly off the market, you’re hardly the best judge of what women want.”
“On the contrary.” Lee’s smirk brightened his eyes. “I excel at emulating the female gaze.”
It startled an inelegant snort of laughter out of Alex, the kind that Jeff always strove to tickle out of him. “Okay, fair.”
They were both comfortably quiet for a beat, Lee still perched near the foot of the bed, hazy lamplight washing over his muscular body.
“Also,” Alex said, letting seriousness creep into his tone, “I’m sorry.”
Lee looked genuinely surprised. “What for?”
“Implying earlier that because you’re single, you have no right to a qualified opinion on… love. Or relationships. It must be a lot harder to find someone when you have to be this careful.”
“It’s…” Lee’s chest rose on an intake of air. “Not easy, yeah.”
“Yeah,” Alex echoed, and how had Lee even met his ex? Also, did he want to come out one day, follow in Ben Jimmer’s footsteps? Was that why he’d returned from Italy to play for Manchester Athletic—to have a guaranteed mentor in his corner?
None of these questions required an urgent answer.
Since it looked like, at least tonight, Lee would volunteer no more than he already had, Alex didn’t fight the pull of a yawn. “Guess we should get some sleep, right?”
“Right.” Hands in his lap, Lee seemed to be waiting for something.
Alex arched an eyebrow. “What?”
“Don’t you want to go back to your own room?”
“Why?”
“Uh.” Lee tilted his head, a small wrinkle between his eyebrows. “Kind of obvious, I’d think?”
Alex blinked at him. “Do you want me to go back to my room?”
“Well, I mean… not necessarily.” Lee’s voice tilted up at the end just enough to hint at a question mark. “Only if it’s more comfortable for you.”
God, Alex should tell him—wipe that air of uncertainty off Lee’s face. But even if Alex had been straight, he rather hoped he wouldn’t have been a dick about it.
“You don’t make me uncomfortable.” Tell him.
Alex bit down on the inside of his cheek, the sting of pain settling the buzzing in his ears, and no, he just—no.
Not tonight. “Also,” he continued, “we’ll go back to regularly sharing a room tomorrow, plus locker rooms, showers, all that stuff.
Unless you want me to tip everyone off, I’m not going to change how I act around you. ”
It was damn near heartbreaking, the way Lee’s eyes filled with gratitude. “Thank you.”
Bloody hell, now Alex felt like a fraud. Maybe because he was one, kind of—meeting Lee’s honesty with omitted truth.
“No need,” he said quietly and moved on before Lee could respond. “How many people know? About you.”
“On the team? Just Oliver.” Lee smiled slightly, and Christ, he was gorgeous—his plush mouth at odds with the strong line of his jaw and his prominent cheekbones, dark eyes warm. “And you, of course. Beyond that, my sisters and my ex. That’s it.”
Five people, compared to Alex’s total of zero.
“Thank you for trusting me. And”—Alex hesitated—“for talking me down a bit last night. I may owe Kieran for putting us in the same room.”
“Me too.” Lee’s voice was gruff. “And you played well today, by the way. You belong on that field, and if your parents disagree? Screw ’em.”
“It’s not really about how well I play, you know?” Alex tugged the sheet into his lap. “It’s like… Imagine if Prince Joshua decided to join the Premier League—not quite suited to his role, is it?”
Lee cut Alex a sly look. “You’re no prince, mate.”
“I realize that.” Alex shrugged. “Not entirely sure my parents do, though. My father in particular.”
Lee took a moment to consider it. “Sounds fucking exhausting,” he said then. “My mum may not be in the running for any kind of parenting award, but at least she never tried to take over my life. Why do you put up with it?”
Jeff had asked Alex the same thing, more than once, but with more swear words involved. Alex’s answer was identical, though. “Because they’re the only parents I have.”
Something shifted in Lee’s expression, and when he spoke again, it was low. “Yeah, okay. I get that.”
Maybe he did, in a way that Jeff couldn’t because Jeff’s family might be loud and chaotic, but they’d help each other hide any body, any day.
A silent second spun out between them, then Alex dipped his head with a smile. “Sleep?”
He didn’t wait for a reply before he wiggled down the mattress and pulled the sheet up to somewhere around his belly, then sent Lee an expectant look.
With a small delay, Lee slid under his own sheet, and the bed really was massive, leaving plenty of space between them.
Alex had shared beds with Jeff before during away games, so really, this wasn’t all that out of the ordinary.
Except… Except tonight, sharing had been a conscious choice rather than circumstances beyond their control.
Still, though. Nothing that unusual. Most of their teammates had partners or other family over because it wasn’t the night to be alone, not when the roar of the crowd was still ringing faintly in Alex’s ears.
It presented a counterpoint to the familiar sounds of Lee fluffing up his pillow and settling on his side even though Alex had learned that he’d be on his back come morning.
“Good night,” Alex mumbled.
Lee flicked off the bedside lamp, plunging the room into darkness. “Good night, Alex.” The words were laced with a new kind of warmth, or maybe just an openness that hadn’t existed before. It wasn’t entirely balanced, though. Not while Alex was holding back.
Some other time, maybe.
He closed his eyes and waited for blackness to seep in around the corners of his mind, extinguishing all thought.