Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Gideon
I’d immediately gone to my office and shut myself in.
My temper was hot, and it was taking everything I had in me not to storm down the hallway and make Penn talk to me more.
I wasn’t out of line in telling him he had no right to parent my children.
He’d been here what, a few days? What gave him the right?
And then he had the nerve to get mad at me?
What fucking opposite world were we living in?
I had to calm my temper; I’d told Olivia and Owen I’d come to them, and I wouldn’t let them see me so upset. I fell into my chair, my head in my hands. Then I took a cigar out of the box beside me and lit it. He’d saved my children and there he was, defending my youngest…was I a dickhead?
Owen had always been quiet, but when Ella died he’d struggled more than any toddler should.
Olivia was sad but Owen was detached, almost like the slivers of happiness were just torn away from him.
I hated punishing him because it was like saying, “The small thing that makes you smile and rebel, I’m taking from you too. ”
A knock on the door broke my maudlin train of thought. “Come in.”
Rita barely waited for me to finish inviting her in before she was in front of my desk, red-faced, her eyes murderous.
“What did you do, Gideon?”
“I’m going to need you to elaborate?” I flicked the ash from my cigar into the tray.
“Gideon, what did you do? Olivia told me you two were fighting. Apparently, she didn’t walk away from the bedroom and heard some, let’s just say colorful words coming out of both of your mouths. So, I went to find out what she was talking about only to find Penn packing his stuff back up.”
“What!” I stood abruptly, smashing the cigar into the ashtray. “We had a disagreement, Jesus fucking Christ.”
“About what?”
“He interfered in me reprimanding Owen for eating Play-Doh.”
She stood akimbo, eyes narrowed. “And?”
“It was heated but this…leaving, it’s irrational.”
“Is it?” She sighed. “He runs, Gideon. He told us he hops from place to place. Moving, running, it’s his way.
Of course it’ll be his go-to when things get to be too much.
What I want to know is what exactly you told him to push him there?
He seems fairly rational—he wouldn’t just leave this house, risk being killed because you asked him not to parent your children. ”
I played the whole argument in my head, the things he and I’d said, it was a jumble. “I don’t know that anything was bad enough to push him into leaving, but I need to stop him.” I moved around my desk, but Rita blocked my exit.
“You can’t talk to him until you know why you want him to stay. Knowing you, you’ll walk in there and tell him he has to stay. Why? To survive? Sure, valid reason…except he’s preparing to go, already knowing the dangers. Think, Gideon. What did you say to him?”
I ran my fingers through my hair, tugging on the ends. What did I…oh. I looked at her. “I…shit.”
“How bad?”
“I accused him of not being used to being involved with families, kids, rules, and structure.”
Rita’s eyes widened. “Oh, Gideon. He was put up for adoption at Olivia and Owen’s age; he was lucky that Tenny woman loved him. Why would you cut so deep?”
“I was angry, I wasn’t thinking.”
“Do you think the reason he defended Owen was because he’s the same age Penn was when he was rejected by his folks?”
Fucking hell. “I didn’t think of that, and I’m not sure Penn did either, but it could be a subconscious thing.”
She moved to the side. “Go, Gideon. Make it right.”
I kissed her cheek and rushed out of my office and to his bedroom. He had his door open, and sure enough he was packing his things…and just a little while ago he’d been settling in.
“Don’t go.”
He turned, jeans in hand. “I’m not staying here, Gideon, and before you give me the ‘it’s not safe’ bullshit, I’m aware. I thought about that. Lorcan thinks I’m here. If he never sees me leave, he will think I still am.”
“Penn, we had an argument. You can’t run every time things get a little hard.”
He scoffed and shoved the pants in his bag. “As a matter of fact, I can. See, I spent a shit-ton of time dealing with the tough things. When Tenny died, I promised myself I was going to live the rest of my life at peace.”
“And alone?”
“If I have to, yes, Gideon.”
I inched closer. “What I said, I was wrong, and it was—”
“Doesn’t matter.”
He moved to get the rest of his clothes, and I grabbed his arms and spun him to face me. “It does matter.”
“No, it doesn’t. You’re not the first person to make me feel like a monster or a freak, someone void of all the things a human being needs. You won’t be the last. I’m not mad, Gideon, I’m just done.”
“No.”
He scoffed. “Sorry, this isn’t something you get to dictate.”
“You can’t go. I’m sorry, Penn.”
“And I’m sorry I interfered with Owen. You were right, I should never have said anything, even once we were alone.
” He shifted out of my hold. “This isn’t my home or my family, it’s yours.
I don’t belong here anymore than I belong anywhere, and that’s not a plea for your guilt. I’ve accepted it a long time ago.”
“It’s a shit thing to accept, Penn.” My voice rose.
He shrugged. “You see that to be true but to someone like me, it’s normal.”
“You’re not a monster or a freak, Penn.”
He smirked. “I appreciate you saying that.” He grabbed the books from the nightstand and placed them on the bed and moved to get the box.
“Penn.”
He peered over his shoulder. “Hmm?”
“You tell me you’re a monster, but I don’t think you know what a true monster is.”
He dropped his arms, the box forgotten. “Monsters come in all shapes.”
I nodded and walked closer to him. “True. But monsters, real monsters, they kill, they break things, burn houses with children in them, tie men to chairs and hurt them to get what they need.” I lifted my hands to show them to Penn.
“Lorcan is a monster; I’m a monster. These hands have ended lives, taken hope.
” Gently I moved them to cup his face. “You’re a hero, Penn. ”
He closed his green eyes briefly. “You’re not a monster either.”
“I am, but you know what I’d like?”
He swallowed. “What?”
“I’d like to be your monster, Penn.” He gasped. “Please stay.”
He didn’t answer me right away, and he didn’t push me off him. After a beat he leaned in, and it wasn’t until his lips met mine that my heart calmed.
“Okay, Gideon,” he whispered between kisses. “I’ll stay.”