40. The Sinner
We got word last night from David, and his rebel forces, that my nephew had been rescued, and was in a safe house with his mother, awaiting my arrival to meet them. Before I can do anything, though, I have to keep up my end of the bargain with David. Even though everything within me is telling me this is a trap, that he’s setting me up, and I don’t know what his endgame is, which terrifies me. Am I going to die today? Are we all going to die today?
Despite the feelings that are bringing darkness to my heart and mind, and the possibility I could very well lose my life tonight, here I am outside of the Holy Father’s mansion, which is crawling with Brotherhood soldiers, awaiting a distraction caused by the rebel forces, so I can go in and murder my great uncle, and the supreme leader of our society. Easy, right? Fucking not.
David has indicated that after I perform tonight’s gruesome task, he will disclose the location of where Noah is keeping Sammy. As much as I don’t trust David and his motives, and I fucking don’t, he’s a snake, he has provided me with pictures showing, in graphic detail, the deplorable state that Sammy is in. He’s half dead already, tied to a devil’s cross, and there is not an inch of him that is not covered in blood or wounds. David’s mole inside has made it clear that his mind might be as broken as his body is at the moment. I cannot delay any further if I want to save him, and David, the bastard, will not help me unless he gets what he wants. My anxiety is rising along with panic. It feels as if a clock is rapidly ticking away in countdown mode, and I don’t know how to stop it.
I promise myself that if I don’t die here tonight, and I manage to save Sammy, David will be the next to die at my hands. The way he’s manipulating me, and using me, demands that I eradicate him from this earth. I can’t leave a man like him breathing.
“Dinah, I have a bad feeling about this. Warning bells are going off in my head. This is a trap, Snow.” My eyes leave the darkened windows of the mansion before me, while I hide in the deep shrubbery around the perimeter, and turn to stare into a pair of emerald green eyes filled with worry. If we weren’t in such a dire situation, I would joke that he’s a prince about to enter the dragon’s den, but I can’t find any reason to smile or laugh at the moment.
“Atasi, there has to be another way to get to Sammy. Someone else has to know his whereabouts. This is dangerous, baby. You could lose your life trying to save him, and he would never want that.” My eyes close at the truth in Abe’s words. He’s right, Sammy would be furious with me, if he knew what I had agreed to. But Sammy is not here, and I have to do everything I can to get him back. Everything, no matter the cost.
“There is no other way. You saw the pictures. He will be dead before we can get to him on our own. I... I could never live with myself if I didn’t try to save him.” My eyes meet Zeke’s and then Abe’s. I can see the pain, worry, and disapproval on their faces. Do they think that they are not enough for me? Do they not understand my pain? I would think if anyone in this world could understand the feeling of hopelessness and rage at having the love of your life, your very soulmate, ripped away from you, it would be them.
Yet here they are, pleading with me to abstain from this mission, and let him die. Not in so many words, because neither of them would have the courage to say that to me, knowing that I’d probably thrust a blade into their hearts if they did. Don’t they understand that my heart is shattering into millions of pieces every moment that I’m away from him? The monster inside me is growing in strength, as I lose a little more of myself, without Sammy here to rein me back from the edge. The minute I saw those images, I could never unsee the torture they were inflicting on him because of me. The pain he’s suffering because I am free while he’s trapped with demons.
Me.All of this is my fault; all of it is my doing. I should have gone meekly into my fate like all the other women of the Brotherhood, instead of trying to fight back. All it has brought me is misery, and if it costs Sammy his life, none of it will have been worth it. I don’t know why I thought I could change anything. The price to pay is too high. I cannot lose him too, after losing my brother and mother. Sammy is my family, not just my lover.
Zeke’s hand wraps around my jaw, forcing me to meet his gaze. “We will not be able to live without you. Do you not understand that, Snow?”
I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat at his words, and shift my body forward until my lips meet his in a tender kiss. Just a brief moment, to show him I understand and feel the same emotions he does. If our roles were reversed, I wouldn’t want him to walk blindly into a trap, either. I do love him and Abe, and I always have. First with a child’s heart, then with a young girl’s affections and crush, and now as a woman who understands sacrifice and pain.
My head tilts to the side, and I reach out, grabbing Abe by his dark, long-sleeve shirt and pulling him towards me, until my lips meet his in the same tender kiss I just gave Zeke. “I care about both of you, and would completely understand if you did not go in there with me, but please do not ask me to let him die, when there is something I can still do to try to save him.”
“Dinah, we are not asking you to abandon him. We are asking you not to die. We all got the same vibe from David; something was not right there. Someone else is pulling the strings here and has the power. How will you save Sammy if you die here tonight?” Zeke questions, his lips drawn into a scowl and face tense.
“Atasi, we can’t trust any of these rebels, not even my mother. She’s fanatical, just like they are. They’ve convinced themselves they will change the world, and return it to the one long gone. It doesn’t work like that. The ground will be soaked with blood before any of this is done. I will not have it soaked with yours.”
I know he is right. I even know that he speaks the truth, and I can’t trust that the rebels with us won’t desert us or murder us, once I take out the Holy Father. I, too, felt that something was not right with David. His flexing of power and demeanor both confused, frightened, and made me wary. As for Abe’s mom, Sarah, she is a woman who has suffered so much trauma and abuse for so long, that any small glimmer of hope is one that she has latched onto with everything she has left. I cannot blame her with all that she has endured at the hands of men, who professed to be godly.
“Trust no one but us three to have each other’s backs. We will tread carefully forward, and at the first sign that we are being betrayed, we escape and head back to my childhood home. It has been deserted since Gabe’s death. Promise me if shit goes sideways, you will save yourselves and meet me there.” I plead with them through my eyes, letting them see the need to do this, coupled with the necessity to also protect them. I can’t lose them either. If I managed to rescue Sammy, but lost them in the process, I would be no further ahead, and pieces of me would still be missing.
Zeke and Abe stare at each other, and something passes between them, some silent communication or agreement that I am not privy to, before they both turn to me and nod, and I release the pent-up breath that I didn’t even realize I was holding. Thank fuck, I thought they were going to argue some more with me, trying to win me over to their side. They never would have managed to convince me not to do this.
“Well, fuck, let’s go off and kill the wizard, shall we?” Abe cackles with a snarky grin, his amber eyes alight with mayhem, as he checks all the sharp blades attached to his chest holster.
“I can’t wait to get a good look at who is under that ostentatious mask.” Zeke grins back, his body releasing some of the tension in his shoulders and frame. He still doesn’t look entirely on board, and doesn’t have Abe’s bloodlust and mayhem running through him, but he pulls out his gun and prepares himself to take down more of the Brotherhood.
As for me, I don’t give a shit who the wizard is, or what he looks like; as of now, he’s dead. He is the price demanded for Sammy’s life, and nothing will stop me from delivering it.