15. The Sinner
Chapter fifteen
The Sinner
Dinah
I ’m numb all over, a coldness that fills my bones and threatens to shatter me, as I allow him to strike me again and again, and make no attempt to stop him. My lover, my protector, and my soulmate, turned against me and hates me now. How do I reconcile my heart with the knowledge that I caused that? Ultimately, my horrendous decisions, and insatiable need for vengeance, cost me the one thing I valued, and held onto more than my life. It cost me Sammy. “Whore. Liar. Abandoned me. Monster!” Each word uttered is a blade piercing my heart. Each look filled with scorn, another strike on my battered, weary soul. How much more can I take, before there is nothing left of me?
If I lose him, is there really anything worth continuing to breathe for? “You’ll kill her. You... love her...” Zeke, my prince, is always ready to save the damsel in distress. I love him too, and Abe, with all the broken pieces of my heart, but I am a poisonous cancer to all of them. Everything about me is rotting from the inside out, with both lunacy and evil. It would be a kindness to all of them to have me perish, even if it’s at Sammy’s hands. Abe and Zeke will have each other, and be happy, safe, and together, finally free from me and what I represent. I choke on the blood sliding down the back of my throat, from the impact of Sammy’s punch on my nose. More, he’ll have to do more damage to end me, and then I can be with my mother and brother, and at peace. Finally, I’ll be far away from a world that has done nothing except cause me to suffer, moment after moment, with the only joy in stolen fragments with the three men that I love, one of them now prepared to brutally end my life.
It is only right that he should be the one to take my life, since it only truly began when I met him. I wish we had never left our little secluded house, where we were safe there from the world around us. One moment, I’m getting ready to take my last breath, staring up at the man who has brought me so much love, kindness, and joy in the years we were together, and in the next, he’s ripped away from me by a dark mass, yelling thunderously, and thrown to the ground. It doesn’t matter. I’ll stay right here, and wait for him to come back and finish me off. He wants me dead, and I have nothing left inside of me to fight for, if I’ve lost him. Warm, quivering hands gently touch me, trying to encourage me to sit up, and reenter the world that I can hear battling around me. “Please, Snow. We have to get out of here.”
Zeke. Why can’t he let me go too? Why don’t they all leave me to perish at the hands of the enemy I foolishly thought I could eradicate. Don’t they see I will be the death of them all? Look at what they have done to my Sammy. He’s more monster than man, more skin and bones than human, more theirs now than mine. He’s ravished by pain and destruction, an abomination to everything he once was. “He hates... me. He thinks I abandoned him... he... he wants me... to die,” I sob, as my chest tightens painfully. Pathetic. Get up! My mind urges, but my heart knows the truth. There is nothing left inside of me. I’m empty and broken. It was all for nothing, all the endless pain... for nothing.
Zeke cradles me in his arms, the tenderness and concern on his handsome face heart wrenching. My hand lifts of its own accord, trembling and rising in the direction of his jaw before I stop myself. I don’t deserve his compassion, since he, too, was brought into this mess because of me. I ripped his and Abe’s lives apart, as much as I did Sammy’s. His bright green eyes shine with tears, as he tries to hold back his emotions, forcing himself to remain stoic, my sweet, unhinged prince. Does he know we are all going to die here? Does he realize that I won’t stop Sammy from killing me now? “He’s confused, and I think they’ve done something to him. He doesn’t hate you, Snow.” He’s right and wrong, Noah might have done something to Sammy to cause the rage, but I am responsible for the feelings of abandonment. I should have pushed harder to have him rescued. I should have never allowed myself to be manipulated by David and my father.
My father? Where is that fucking monster now? I try to turn my head to get a glimpse around the large space, but it’s utter chaos, with people running scared for their lives, bodies dropping all over the place, and too many enemies surrounding us. This feels like the end of the world, armageddon finally coming to wipe the world of its perpetual evil. Perhaps this time, the whole of the human race will be eliminated. My thoughts are rambling, and I’m feeling lightheaded. Zeke shoves me behind him, as he quickly gets to his feet and stumbles forward. One of my eyes is swelling shut as I try to clear the fog from my vision, to get a glance at the threat before us. “You don’t want to hurt her, and I don’t want to hurt you, but if you touch her again in anger, I will fucking end you, Sammy!” Zeke raises his clenched fists, his body filled with tension as he faces off with Sammy once again. I try to get my feet under me, and sway on my weakened limbs.
No! I can’t allow them to kill each other over me. I’m not fucking worth either of their lives. “St... op!” I try to shout, but my voice can’t be heard above all the noise, and I feel blood trickling down my chin. My hand reaches out and endeavors to grab Zeke to pull him away, but he shrugs me off, as if I was a mere pesky fly. “Please...” I try again, but he disregards me, never taking his eyes off of Sammy, who’s bleeding now from all the hits he’s taken. Where is Abe? Has he killed him? Will I lose all of them in one horrifying moment?
A harsh laugh, that sounds like it’s been ripped from the bowels of hell, hurts my ears. I grab onto the back of what’s left of Zeke’s torn robe, and try to hold myself up. “You got what you wanted, didn’t you, Prince Charming? You got what was mine !”
I can’t have him blaming Zeke for what happened. If there is a chance the three of them can survive after I am gone, I don’t want them to kill each other. I force one unsteady foot in front of the other and slide around Zeke. My head spins, and I have to swallow the bile that rises to my lips with all the pain. Every part of me feels like it’s been hit by a tanker, and I’m sure there are various broken bones, but even with all the discomfort wracking my body, I have to face Sammy. I have to try to reason with him, to pull him back from the sharp precipice that Noah has placed him on. “Sammy, please... I... love... you. Tell me... how to help you. Tell me what they’ve done... to you?”
Sammy stares at me as if I were filth under his shoes, a vile substance that he wishes to eradicate. Gone is the mischievous sparkle from his midnight blue eyes, or the warmth of love that I always felt when he looked at me. Now all I witness is wrath, and the desire to end me painfully with his own hands. “ Now you care?! You fucking lying whore. You can’t fool me anymore with your words. You are a Judas, a forsaker, a villain, Nightstar, and I wish I had never laid eyes on you.“ His words are bullets, each one rapidly tearing me to shreds, and yet I cannot fault him for them. I can’t even deny their charge. “End my life then,” I whisper, not sure if he can even hear me, as I clutch at my chest, the pain so powerful that it threatens to bring me to my very knees. “I can’t... won’t... live without... you.”
“That’s rich, Nightstar. My scars don’t lie. They tell the lengths you would go to to betray me.” Sammy takes a step towards me, his jaw tense and nose flaring. He’s such a devastating mess, that it’s challenging to look at all the damage Noah and his cronies have caused, but I refuse to look away. If he suffered it, the least I can do is face it. “I would have burned the whole world down, allowed the flames to ravage everything around us, and stood proudly at your side, Dinah, and yet I was unworthy of you. Not once, in weeks of captivity, did you come for me. Not once did you reciprocate my loyalty.” His voice rises with each syllable, and spittle flies from his lips. He resembles a rabid beast about to charge at me. I close my eyes and wait for the impact, knowing these could be the last moments I draw breath. I’m coming, Gabriel. I’m sorry I failed, momma.
I’m pushed hard to the floor, my knees impacting with the stone, as my hands break my fall, preventing my face from smashing. I can’t breathe, the crash jarring all of my bones, and my mouth fills further with blood from biting my tongue. I lift my head, expecting to see Sammy above me, ready to end my life, or Zeke fighting him off, but wetness falls on me, and as I lift my hand to swipe at my face, I realize it’s blood. Oh my God, whose blood is that? Panic assails me as I try to scramble forward, my heart in my throat. That’s when I spy the discarded gun left abandoned on the floor, and I crawl between various legs and reach for it. My shaking fingers wrap tightly around the grip, and I yank it closer to me, prepared to rise back to my feet and stop this insanity. We should take all three of them with us in death, my mind whispers, and for a mere second, I actually consider it. I don’t want to be alone.
“What the fuck?” Zeke growls above me, and I’m forced to crane my neck, to glance up at the astonishment on his face. I grab onto his legs and hurl my aching body up, until I’m barely standing. I follow the direction of his gaze, and my own mouth slides open in shock. “ Mom?! What the fuck are you doing here?“ Abe’s voice sounds from behind me, but I am so mesmerized by the scene in front of me, that I can’t force myself to turn around and make sure he’s unharmed.
“Sarah?” I question. Abe’s mother is standing there, covered in bloody fatigues, with a black bandana wrapped around her neck, and a grin across her age-lined face. She’s strapped with weapons along her petite body, and flanked by two similarly dressed men. “Hello, children. Aren’t you happy I’ve come to save your asses?”
“I... I don’t understand. How is this possible? You’re with David, and the... rebels belong to David, don’t they?“ I question with confusion, and start to think that I’m not actually awake, but instead trapped in some fucking nightmare.
“Pff, David thinks so, but he’s so full of himself he can’t see the forest for the trees. I’ve always known that he was manipulating us, but the true rebels are with us. Not Brotherhood cronies disguised as rebels, and playing at warfare.” She smiles smugly.
I don’t have time to decipher all of her words, or wrap my exhausted and shocked brain around her knowing what David was up to. A thick, muscular arm wraps around my neck, and yanks me backward into a rigid body. The scent of blood, sweat, man, and home permeates my senses, and instead of fear racing through my limbs, longing takes its place. Sammy.
“It’s time to die, Nightstar. I’ll meet you in hell, baby.”