Chapter 12
Twelve
You complete mess.
—Boone to Nettie
Nettie
It’d been three weeks of crawling into his bed every night after he was asleep that our first doctor’s appointment came up.
“What did you tell the staff why you weren’t there today?” I wondered.
“Doctor’s appointment,” he answered stiffly, his eyes roaming around the office space like something was about to jump out and murder him if he didn’t keep his eyes moving.
I crossed my arms over my chest and wiggled lower in the seat next to him.
The last time I was in this office, it was when I was being told that I was no longer pregnant.
This office gave me hives, but literally it was the only one I was willing to go to.
“Antoinette Wheeler?”
I stood up and latched hard onto Boone’s hand like it was a lifeline, yanking it out of the pocket he’d just shoved it in to do so.
He didn’t complain when I practically cut the blood circulation off to his hand.
He just closed his fingers over mine and walked with me like we were walking off the plank of a pirate ship.
The woman smiled, her eyes happy and excited. “Y’all ready for your first doctor’s visit?”
This technically wouldn’t be my first. Not even with this pregnancy.
But I didn’t bother correcting her of that.
She led me through the usual rigmarole. She got my weight, my blood pressure, then used the doppler on my belly to find the baby’s heartbeat.
My hand never left Boone’s as we waited with bated breath to hear that whoosh-whoosh.
My heart lurched into my throat when the heartbeat sounded, fast and strong.
Boone’s hand on my own became tighter.
“One-sixty-two.” She smiled. “That’s perfect.”
I knew that.
Yet, again, I didn’t correct her.
She asked me personal questions, which funny enough, Boone answered half for me before she left.
Dr. Sanjay arrived two minutes later, a look of worry and concern on her face as she took me in.
“Nettie, Boone.” She smiled, her eyes sad. “I’m so glad to see y’all here.”
I smiled, though it didn’t reach my eyes.
This woman was the woman that’d seen both Boone and me at our lowest.
Sixteen and seventeen, holding the tiny little baby in our hands, crying our eyes out.
Because, she may have been unplanned, but she wasn’t unwanted.
“We’re nervous as fuck,” I blurted out.
Dr. Sanjay smiled. “I’m sure you are. The heartbeat sounded really good. Want to take a look?”
I looked at Boone, who was nodding furiously, lips thinned and wearing his heart on his sleeve.
“Should be more than far enough along to see on the outside then,” she rolled the cart toward her and got to work on the sonogram.
Two and a half minutes later—I was counting the seconds—our baby appeared on the screen.
“Whoa,” Boone said. “That’s a baby.”
I snickered.
“Bigger than you expected?” she asked with a small smile, her eyes still on the screen.
“Yeah,” he croaked.
“You said she was nineteen weeks along?”
“Yes,” we both answered.
“Well, she’s measuring right on time.” She paused. “I do hope that I didn’t just ruin the surprise.”
“No, we already knew,” I answered. “I got the genetic testing done with this one.”
I wanted to make sure I had zero surprises.
This baby had a helicopter mother already.
Poor thing.
The rest of the appointment was fairly routine, though Dr. Sanjay took her time and answered all of our questions.
By the time we were walking out of the hospital, I was feeling much better for some reason.
And worse, too.
Because at some point during the appointment, Boone had pulled away.
He hadn’t let go of my hand until I was getting dressed, but it was like he’d taken a step back mentally.
When we got to the parking lot where we’d have to go our separate ways, he stopped and studied me for a long time before speaking again.
“I’ll see you when I get off work,” he said, shoving his hands into his pocket instead of reaching for me like I so desperately wanted him to.
Giving me space.
The space I asked for…
“Bye,” I said softly.
His smile was strained, then he gestured toward my car. “Get in so I can leave.”
I rolled my eyes, and his lips twitched.
A little bit of the tension that’d been building since we’d left the doctor’s office dissipated.
I walked to my car and got in, locking the doors.
I backed out of my spot, and still he was standing there in his jeans and khaki shirt, still doing it for me.
The man could pull off many things, but seeing him in his park ranger getup? That had set me off the first time I’d seen him walk out fully dressed.
He looked so cute.
And boyishly happy.
Not today, though.
Not today.
Fifteen minutes later, I pulled up outside Margery’s place and got out.
I didn’t look toward the main house.
I never did.
Best to ignore that woman, or I might literally take the choice out of Boone’s hands and do it myself.
I knocked on the door to the cottage and waited.
When she finally came to the door, she was looking haggard.
“You little liar,” I growled at her.
She smiled, though feebly.
“I didn’t want you to worry.”
I rolled my eyes and said, “Do you think you can make it to my car?”
I was glad to have it back.
I’d let Holly use it for two weeks, and I’d been stranded at home or at Boone’s office.
Nothing against either of those things—because I loved being stranded with Boone—but it was hard being around him and his space and not want to bury myself in him or his scent.
And it looked weird when he came home randomly and I was face deep in one of his previously worn hoodies.
Best to not be here and pretend that I wasn’t dying piece by literal piece as I continued to keep that wall up between us.
We hadn’t talked with Margery, either, about the status of our relationship.
“What are we going to do in it?” she asked.
“First, I want to drive past the state park and show you how cute your grandson looks in his uniform.” I smiled. “And we’re going to take him lunch because he went to my doctor’s appointment with me and decided he’d skip lunch.”
She eyed me warily. “Are you ever going to tell me that news? Or should I keep pretending I don’t know?”
I grinned, unsurprised that she’d figured it out on her own. Guess that’s what we get for waiting so long to share the news with her.
“Everything’s fine,” I answered her unspoken question. “The baby is thriving.”
Relief hit her weathered face.
It struck me then, how much older she looked.
Even since I last saw her a couple of days ago.
She was fading fast.
“I’ll never, ever forgive you if you die before you can meet our baby.”
Margery’s lips twitched. “I’ll try really hard. No promises, though. I’m tired, child.”
I knew she was.
“Would it make you light up inside if I took you somewhere secret?”
She blinked slowly. “What kind of secret?”
I backed out of my parking spot and sped down the length of the driveway.
My lips twitched when I saw the Wicked Witch of Montana walking her stuck-up ass away from the reaming I’m sure she’d just given the gardener.
Probably too much pink in her garden again…
Gail’s eyes narrowed on me, but I didn’t slow down or look at her as I sped past.
“I hate her,” I grumbled.
Margery’s laugh was musical as she said, “I concur.”
So proper.
“Where are we going?”
I thought about not telling her for a long moment, then decided…fuck it.
Margery deserved to know.
And the fact that Denver, Boone, and Sawyer hadn’t told her was likely because they thought she was too fragile to hear.
“You have another granddaughter.”
A long, drawn-out pause and then, “I’m sorry, what?”
I explained everything, not leaving anything out.
Because there was one person in this world besides Boone and my own sister that I did not keep secrets from, and it was Margery Windsor.
That was why I’d hesitated in telling her that Boone and I were engaged.
Because Margery had never lied to me, and I wouldn’t lie to her.
She knew that I’d said the words to Gail not because they were true, but because I knew it would piss her off.
“You’re…joking.” Margery gasped softly.
“I wish I were,” I said as we came to a stop outside of a residence that I knew belonged to Koen King.
“Is this where she lives?”
“Kind of,” I answered. “She works here. Lives in a room off the back of the house that Koen converted into a mother-in-law suite of sorts for her.”
“And what are we…”
The door opened and Ida Bell spilled out with Koen’s kids.
She had one strapped to her back, and the other one by the hand.
She walked with them to the snow outside and grinned when the four-year-old dove headfirst into a large pile.
“She looks just like Sawyer, only feminine and much prettier,” Margery breathed.
We sat there, several houses down, and watched Ida Bell through the front windshield.
We sat there so long that Koen came home.
He clocked us immediately and instead of heading toward his house and parking, he stopped beside my car and asked, “What are you doing?”
I bit my lip. “Watching.”
His eyes went hard. “My kids are…”
“Not your kids,” I interrupted him. “Ida Bell.”
His frown was fierce. “What are you watching her for?”
“She’s my granddaughter,” Margery answered. “And her mother kept her from me.”
Koen shook his head. “Ida Bell doesn’t have any family but her father.”
“Wrong,” I said. “Though, she doesn’t know it.”
“Explain.”
I did.
Koen looked pissed as hell when we were finished. “Boone’s mother?”
“Boone’s ‘mother,’” I agreed.
“What a fuckin’ shit show.” He shook his head as he pressed a button on his car’s steering wheel. “Call Boone.”
“Ruh-roh.” I rolled my window up and started the car.
As we pulled away, both of us were fairly quiet until I pulled up to her cottage.
“I wasted eight years denying the feelings that I had for Sol.”
I released my seat belt then turned to look at her. “Yeah?”
“I hate myself for those wasted years,” she reminisced.
“I despise that I ever thought it was a good idea to wait until he was out of the military. I hate that we missed exactly 2920 days that we could’ve been together.
Could’ve started a family earlier. Could’ve laughed and cried together. Could’ve made so many more memories.”
I looked down at my lap, knowing where this was heading.
“What if he died tomorrow, Nettie?”
My stomach cramped.
“What if you woke up tomorrow, walked into his room to find out where he was, and he was dead?” she asked. “What if he goes through a bear attack like your own sister did while at work? What if he gets in a car crash and dies, and you’ll never know what it’s like to call him your husband?”
Bile burned its way up my throat.
“I’m dying, Antoinette. And it’s my dying wish that you’ll pull your head out of your ass and finally put my grandson out of his misery,” she said.
“It’s not his fault that he loves with all of his heart.
His worst sin is thinking his mother was a good person.
You can’t hold that against him. Not and look your baby in the eyes and tell her that you’re a good person, too. ”
Boone called right then, making my belly twist.
“He won’t be mad at you,” Margery promised.
Except, that was not the case. He was mad.
Big mad.