Chapter 14
14
Three weeks into her new dating life, Beth still got flut tery every time her phone rang. Or at least anticipated getting fluttery, because the world was neatly divided into Teddy and not-Teddy. Not-Teddy calls were important but far less thrill-worthy. But when Teddy called, everything was more sparkly and wonderful.
She’d stopped telling herself to get over it, that he was just a guy, blah, blah, blah—mostly because she couldn’t seem to believe herself. There was something about him that made her happy. She spent her day thinking about him, counting the minutes until she could see him, or remembering when they’d last been together.
True to his word, he hadn’t tried to push her into bed, and thus far, their kissing had been on the chaste side. Although she wanted to take things to the next level, a part of her appreciated the slow build. They were getting to know each other—making sure they had their emotional relationship solid before taking the next step. The only downside was how she spent every waking moment in a state of low-key arousal. She was starting to think she should have gotten a more powerful shower massager.
She left the sandwich shop right on time to go get ready for their date. He was coming over and she was cooking. Although she’d invited Agatha to join them, her aunt had said she would make other plans so the two of them could have a nice evening alone. Sweet, but unnecessary, Beth thought as she drove home. At some point she did want Teddy and Agatha to hang out so they could get to know each other. She was also toying with the idea of a double date with Rick and Jana. She smiled as she pulled into the driveway. Funny how suddenly there were so many possibilities.
She had just shut off her engine when her phone rang. She glanced at the screen and enjoyed a rush of giddiness when she saw Teddy’s name.
“Hi,” she said, wondering if she sounded breathless. “I was just thinking about you.”
“Beth, I’m sorry,” he began, his voice thick with tension and regret. “I can’t make it tonight.”
Disappointment flooded her. “Oh. Okay.”
“Orchid fell off her bike. We’re just back from urgent care. She’s banged up, but nothing’s broken. She needed a couple of stitches on her chin and has a few scrapes and bruises. She’s going to be fine, but I’m not comfortable leaving her tonight.”
“Of course you’re not,” she said automatically. Orchid was just a little girl. She was in pain and needed her dad. Beth could be mature about the situation and ignore the crushing disappointment of missing time with Teddy. “I understand. It’s totally fine. We’ll reschedule.”
“I want to see you,” he said. “Would you be open to coming by later so we could hang out for a couple of hours? I know it’s not exactly a fun date, but—”
“You’re talking about me showing up after the kids are in bed,” she clarified.
“Yes.”
“I’ll be there.” She didn’t need a fancy evening or dinner out. Just seeing him for a little while would be enough to get her Teddy fix.
“Good.” Relief filled his voice. “My days don’t seem right if I don’t see you.”
She mentally hugged those heart-stealing words. “Mine, either.”
“Nine okay?”
“It’s perfect.” She paused to steel herself to say the understanding thing. “And if the kids won’t settle, just text me and I won’t come over.”
“Thanks, but I really need to see you. I’ll get them settled. Jana’s at a study group, so she won’t be around, in case you were wondering. See you in a few hours.”
“You will.”
They hung up. Beth went into the house, where she found Agatha in the kitchen.
“I’ll be out of your way in no time,” her aunt said cheerfully. “Unless you want my help with the cooking before I duck out.”
“No ducking required.” She explained about Orchid’s accident.
“That sounds painful,” Agatha said. “I’m glad she’s all right.” She raised her eyebrows. “Disappointed he’s not coming over?”
“Yes, but I appreciate he has responsibilities.”
“Orchid is an unusual name. Pretty, though, and there won’t be three in her class.” She wrinkled her nose. “There were no Agathas in my class, which I would have liked, because I always thought mine was an old lady name.” She smiled. “I was named after my maternal grandmother. By the time your mother was born, our parents seemed to have forgotten about our paternal grandmother, and she got to be called Caryn with a C . Back then it was very exotic.”
“Just like Mom,” Beth said lightly, thinking she didn’t want to start a mental spiral about her mother. “Teddy’s other kids are Magnolia and Atlas. His late wife was Valonia, so unique names might have been a thing with her.” She glanced at the wall clock.
“Counting the minutes until you can go over?” Agatha asked, her voice teasing.
Beth nodded. “I can’t help it. I want to see him.” She laughed. “It’s like he’s in my head and I can’t get him out. Not that I want to.”
“You’re obsessed,” her aunt teased. “It’s nice to see. Passion matters. It makes us feel alive and rearranges our priorities. I always knew you had it in you.”
“I didn’t. I’ve never felt like this. It’s all happening so fast.” She thought about the time she spent with Teddy. “It’s like we connect on a deeper level. I know what he means when he talks. I’m starting to understand how he thinks. We’re sharing who we are in a deliberate way that should terrify me, but doesn’t. I want him to know everything, and I want to know the same about him.”
She drew in a breath. “I’m both scared and excited, and I don’t know why it has to take so long to be nine o’clock.”
Her aunt laughed, then hugged her. “Passion,” she repeated. “I’m so happy for you. This is what it’s like to be alive. Savor every moment.”
“I’d rather time went more quickly.”
“It’s already speeding by. All right. I’m off. Enjoy your clandestine meeting with your young man. I won’t wait up.”
“Nothing’s going to happen. Not with his kids in the house.” Plus she and Teddy were waiting—a decision that frustrated her body but gave her mental clarity. He’d been right by saying sex would complicate things. Oh, she wanted him with a desperation that was nearly crippling, but this was better. She liked that they were thoughtful and deliberate. It meant they mattered.
She drove to Teddy’s house, arriving five minutes after nine. Rather than knocking, she texted to say she’d arrived. Seconds later the front door opened, and he stepped out onto the porch. They looked at each other before rushing together. The second his arms came around her, she relaxed into his embrace, welcoming the sense of homecoming.
“Now I can breathe,” he murmured, his body pressing against hers.
“You must have been so scared.”
“Down to my bones. Orchid’s tough, but when I saw her lying on the sidewalk, I knew it was going to be bad. I’ve never been so glad to be wrong.”
Teddy kept his arm around her as he led her into the house.
“But she’s okay now,” she said as she dropped her bag onto the entry table and faced him.
He nodded. “She’s banged up. Like I said, there are a couple of stitches.” He grimaced. “She was trying to pop the curb like she’s seen Atlas do.”
She must have looked confused, because he added, “You ride fast toward the curb and pull up on the front handlebars right before you hit it.”
“Or you could use the driveway,” she said.
He grinned at her. “There’s nothing cool about that.” The smile faded. “She and I are going to have a talk later, though. At least she was wearing her helmet, or it could have been worse.” He drew in a breath. “I want them to be kids, you know? Have fun, take risks, but there’s always a downside.”
“Risk,” she said lightly. It was something she’d avoided her whole life. She’d always been a “take the driveway” kind of person. Until now—with Teddy. He was the biggest chance she’d ever taken.
“Do you have pictures of Valonia?” she asked. “I’ve never seen her.” She paused at his look of surprise. “Should I not have asked that? She’s a part of your life, Teddy. If she hadn’t died, you’d still be together.”
Something she’d thought about back before she realized he was attracted to her. She’d tried to talk herself out of her crush by pointing out that Teddy hadn’t broken up with his late wife. Their marriage hadn’t fallen apart and ended on its own. It had been severed by cruel fate.
He took her hand. “We’ll have to be quiet,” he said. “The pictures are in the hallway by the bedrooms.”
He led the way, flipping on an overhead light as they went. She saw a set of double doors and an archway at the far end of the hall. In between were dozens of framed pictures.
She released his hand and walked to the large wedding portrait of Teddy with a petite, dark-haired woman. They were both smiling at the camera, looking happy and very much in love. The woman was lovely—curvy and pretty, with a bright smile and a hint of mischief in her eyes.
There were pictures of them on vacation, then a side shot of her showing off her pregnancy belly. Beth walked down the hallway, taking in pictures of Christmases and birthdays, the swaddled newborn shot of each of the kids. Halfway to the main bedroom, the pictures changed from a family of five to a family of four. There were still the birthday parties, the family by the tree, but the heart of them all was gone.
She felt the pain almost as if it was her own. She wondered how lost the children must have felt to suddenly not have their mother. How had they all survived? She looked at Teddy, knowing he would have felt it most of all. His life’s partner ripped away with no warning.
Unexpected tears filled her eyes. She did her best to blink them away, but he saw them and quickly pulled her back to the front of the house.
“What’s wrong?” he asked quietly. “You’re upset.”
“I’m not. It’s fine.” She brushed away the moisture. “Obviously I never knew Valonia, but looking at those pictures, I felt so sad. As if I could touch the grief.” She grimaced. “Sorry. I’m not making sense.”
Instead of answering, he drew her close again. “Thank you,” he murmured.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You understood.” He drew back enough to look at her, his gazing locking with hers. “I want you to know how much you mean to me.”
His voice was fierce, his expression intense. She got what he was saying—something had happened between them. Not just tonight, but from the moment they’d met. She didn’t understand it, wasn’t willing to name it just yet, but it was real and alive and she never wanted it to end.
“You matter to me, too.”
Because he did, and while he was completely unexpected, she was so grateful to have found both him and them.
* * *
“This is silly,” Beth said as they slid into a booth at the small café in the busy shopping center.
“It’s not silly.” Jana put her hands on the table and leaned toward her friend. “It’s long overdue. You’ve been feeding me for weeks. The least I can do is return the favor once in a while. Besides, we’re celebrating my calculus test. I got another B and I’m thrilled.”
“Good for you!” Beth smiled at her. “You’re such a Brainiac. I couldn’t ever pass a basic college-level math class, let alone calculus. But you’ve worked hard, and you’re getting a B!”
The casual self-put-down reminded Jana of the conversation she’d had with Teddy about Beth’s thoughts on college and what Rick might or might not have said. She thought about mentioning her concern, then decided this wasn’t the time. She wanted to have a fun dinner with her friend, not get into something about Rick. Besides, he was just so great, she couldn’t imagine him telling his sister she was too dumb to go to college.
“One of the things I like about the class,” Jana said, “assuming I can like anything about calculus, is how the professor structured the quarter. Instead of a midterm and final, we have biweekly tests, with the final simply being the last of them. No one test has more value than the others. It takes off some of the pressure.” She shimmied in her seat. “If I could end up with a B in the class, I would be thrilled.”
“You should be. We’ll get you a plaque to hang on the wall.”
Jana laughed. “I’d like that.”
“Have you decided about graduation?”
Jana grimaced. “No. It’s silly. It’s just community college.”
“The key word being college ,” Beth told her. “Come on. You have to do it. I want to go and cheer you on as you get your diploma.”
The deadline for signing up to participate in graduation was fast approaching. Jana was torn. Teddy wanted her to do it, and Jana was kind of excited about the idea, only every now and then she thought it was silly. She wasn’t some twenty-year-old like most of the other students. She was nearly thirty, and it wasn’t that big a deal.
“I’ll think about it,” she murmured.
“You’d better. It’s important. Not just for you but for Linnie. She needs to see the payoff of all your hard work.”
Something Jana hadn’t thought of. “Good point. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. So, after finals, you have the summer off. Nursing school doesn’t start until September, right?”
“Yes. Once the semester is over, I’ll start working more hours to save as much as I can. I want to cover my and Linnie’s expenses as much as possible.”
Beth’s expression softened. “You know Teddy would be happy to help. He’s proud of you and what you’ve accomplished.”
“Is this your way of telling me the two of you talk about me behind my back?” Jana asked, her voice teasing.
“Only a little, and we always say good things.” Beth looked at her. “He would do anything for you.”
“He’s a good brother, and I love him right back.”
They picked up menus and made their selections. Jana was in the mood for a big, juicy burger and fries. Not the healthiest choice, but this was a special meal.
“How’s Orchid doing?” Beth asked after they’d placed their order. “Teddy mentioned her bike accident.”
“It turns out his youngest has a flare for drama. Last night at dinner, she did a reenactment of the fall, complete with moans of pain and what I assume was her fainting.” Jana grinned. “So I’m going to say she’s doing fine.”
“I’m glad. It has to be terrifying to be a parent. The worry about something awful happening and then when it does, the terror and concern. I don’t know how you do it.”
“I try not to think about the bad stuff. It’s easier now that Linnie can tell me what’s wrong. The baby part was really tough. Fortunately Teddy had had his three, so he was a big help.” He’d spent more than one night reassuring her that whatever had Linnie crying would pass.
“It’s so much responsibility.”
“It is, but it’s worth it.”
Their server arrived with their drinks. Jana added sweetener to her iced tea.
“So things are going good with Teddy,” she said.
Beth smiled at her. “Asking or telling?”
They both laughed.
“My brother’s pretty happy,” Jana admitted.
“I’m glad. I am, too. How about you and Rick?” She frowned. “I just realized I haven’t seen him in a while. He mentioned one of his partners was on vacation.”
“I know. He’s been so busy. He’s barely had time to text. We haven’t seen each other in nearly two weeks. I miss him.”
“I’m sure he misses you.”
Jana appreciated the comment. She was also happy that Beth had gotten over her initial concerns. She wanted them to be friends, and while dating each other’s brothers could be a complication, for them it was working out.
“I’m thinking of introducing him to Linnie,” she said. “What do you think?”
Beth leaned forward. “You’re the one who has to decide. She’s your little girl. For what it’s worth, I think Rick will be great with her.” She paused. “It’s a thing, though, right? Introducing your kid to the person you’re seeing. It says something. Like I said—a lot of responsibility.”
“Especially when he turns out to be a jerk, like the last guy I dated. But I think I’m ready for Rick to meet her. I’m thinking something casual. Teddy and I talked briefly about a barbecue. Nothing specific, and I’m not speaking on his behalf here, but what if it was all of us?”
Beth stared, her eyes widening. “What does that mean? All of us as in me?”
“Sure. Me, Linnie, Rick, Teddy, his kids and Dex.” She frowned. “I can’t remember if Dex is seeing anyone, but if he is, then her.” She shrugged. “The kids are used to meeting Dex’s many girlfriends, so that won’t faze them.”
She had more to say, but Beth had gone completely still.
“What?” she asked. “Are you all right?”
“No, I’m not. You’re suggesting I meet Teddy’s kids? We’ve barely been seeing each other a month. We haven’t even slept together.”
She immediately slapped her hand over her mouth. “Oh, God. I didn’t say that. Pretend you didn’t hear that. I mean, it doesn’t make a difference, right? I like him so much, but children are a whole other thing. They make it real. Plus there are so many of them. Three. That’s like a lot. What if I can’t keep their names straight? What if they hate me? I just don’t know. I screwed up with you about Rick and nearly lost our friendship. The potential for damage is huge!”
Jana reached across the table and touched her hand. “Breathe. It’s okay.”
“It’s not. This is a bad idea. I don’t want to disappoint him, and this seems like a place that I would.”
Jana hadn’t ever had doubts about Teddy dating Beth, but watching her friend freak out warmed her heart. It was obvious that Beth cared about Teddy and their relationship to the point that she was hyperventilating. She wouldn’t have thought such a successful, together person could be vulnerable, but she could see Beth was actually shaking.
“You’ll do fine,” she told her friend. “For what it’s worth, I think having all of us together at one time would be easier. The kids will have a lot of places to put their attention so you won’t be in the spotlight.”
Beth didn’t look convinced. “I’ll be the first woman their dad has brought home since their mom died. I’m pretty sure they’re going to notice.”
Orchid and Atlas would be fine with it, Jana thought, but Magnolia might have a few things to say. She was the one who remembered their mom the most.
“Does it bother you he has the kids?”
Beth frowned. “I don’t understand the question. If you’re asking if I wish he didn’t, the answer is no. His family is everything to Teddy. He wouldn’t be who he is without them. Being a father is what he was destined for. I’m the weak link in all of this, not him or the kids.”
A good answer, Jana thought.
“That doesn’t mean I’m prepared to meet them,” Beth added as she pressed a hand to her belly. “Now I feel sick.”
Jana couldn’t help laughing. “You’re making this more than it is.”
“Easy for you to say. I’m the one who has to measure up.”
“No, you don’t. You can be yourself. That’s plenty.”
“If only that were true.”
* * *
“I heard about your freak-out,” Teddy said over the phone, his voice filled with amusement.
Beth sank onto her bed. She’d only been home from dinner with Jana for a couple of hours. Word traveled fast in the Mead household.
“Is that what we’re calling it?” she asked, careful to keep her voice light. “I was thinking more of a natural and understandable concern. I don’t have a lot of kids in my life. It’s not like I’m the director of a daycare center. My main interactions these days are at the store, where I ask them if they want apple slices with their sandwich and point out the animal cracker selections.”
Hardly real encounters where conversation and play were expected. Although under other circumstances, Beth knew she would be perfectly fine. Maybe a little quiet or awkward, but nothing overly noteworthy. The problem was, these were Teddy’s kids, so the pressure was on. She wanted their relationship to work out, and that meant dealing with more than just the hunky guy who haunted her dreams. The children added a challenging element—one that terrified her.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked softly.
“Of course.”
“Why do I know that’s not true? Beth, you have nothing to be worried about. You’re amazing, and my kids are going to see that.” He paused. “I’d like you to meet them, but if it’s too soon for you, we’ll put it off a few more weeks.”
She felt a rush of gratitude, followed by a sense of indecision. On the one hand, she would prefer to wait. On the other hand, him wanting to introduce her to his children meant something. It was a sign that he was just as interested in her as she was in him. Plus Jana was ready for Linnie to meet Rick. Her friend had been right—having a big family barbecue would add a level of casualness to the event. Better that than something more formal like dinner out.
“Let’s see what Rick wants to do,” she said. “If he’s comfortable meeting Linnie, then I’ll meet your kids. It’ll be more natural that way.”
“You sure?”
No. A thousand times no. But instead of admitting that, she did her best to sound happy and confident as she said, “Of course. It’ll be great.”
They talked for a few more minutes, then hung up. When she’d tossed her phone on the bed, she went in search of her aunt. Agatha was in her small home studio, carefully fitting a bikini top on one of her mannequins. She smiled at Beth.
“I’m thinking of working with yak yarn. It’s going to be a thing, and I like to stay ahead of the trends. Do you—” Agatha studied her for a second. “Oh, dear. Something’s happened.”
Beth sank onto the love seat opposite the desk. “I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong. Not exactly. It’s just…” Ack, how to explain? Probably the simple truth would work best. “Teddy wants me to meet his kids. It’s only been a month, so it feels too soon, but things are moving fast and we’re both interested in each other, so is it too soon or am I reacting to the whole kid thing?”
Agatha nodded in understanding. “You’re concerned about being a stepmother. It would be a challenge.”
Beth nearly came out of her seat. “A what? Don’t say the S word. No. Teddy and I are barely dating. There’s no stepmother talk.”
She’d never thought of herself that way, probably because she’d never dated a guy with kids before. Stepmother. She couldn’t.
“I haven’t even met the kids. I’ve seen pictures, but I don’t know anything about them.” Teddy had shared a few things, but it wasn’t like getting to know them.
“Nothing is going to happen today,” Agatha told her. “You don’t have to do anything or solve anything.”
True, Beth thought, trying to do as Jana had suggested earlier and breathe. Even if she was going to meet them, it wouldn’t be for a little while.
“I have a serious lack of kid experience,” she said. “I’ve never been around them. I didn’t babysit in middle school. Ian and I talked about having children, but neither of us seemed overly enthused. What if I’m not a kid person?”
Agatha smiled at her. “You have a very giving heart, my dear. That’s what matters most. As for the rest of it, you’ll learn as you go. That’s what I did with you and your brother.”
“I know you and Uncle Dale never wanted children, but you were totally there for us.” Beth remembered when her aunt had rescued Rick and her from their respective foster care situations. It had been about eighteen months after they’d lost their mom.
“Dale didn’t, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to push things. By the time I realized I felt an emptiness in my life, I was well into my thirties.” She smiled sadly. “He agreed we could try, but I never got pregnant. Eventually I accepted it would just be the two of us.”
Beth thought maybe Agatha had been her age when she’d realized she would never have children. Not that Beth was looking to be a single mother, but times had changed, and if she decided to have a baby, she still could.
“I was at a low point about the decision when I decided to reach out to your mother. We hadn’t spoken in at least five years.”
Beth knew about the family drama—how her mother had always been difficult—getting into trouble, running away, hanging out with the “bad” kids. She and Agatha had never been close, never gotten along, something Beth had trouble understanding. Agatha had such a warm, gentle, giving spirit.
“You found out she’d died,” Beth murmured.
Agatha nodded slowly. “I felt so terrible for not insisting we stay in touch. My guilt for what happened to you and Rick has haunted me for years.”
“We’ve talked about this,” Beth told her. “There was no way you could have known what happened.”
She and Rick never remembered meeting Agatha and her husband, although they must have at least a couple of times, and their mother had never talked about her sister, so when she’d died, neither of them had thought to mention a not-so-distant relative. Instead they’d been split up and sent to separate foster homes. Beth remembered how frantic she’d felt, knowing that Rick was alone. He’d always needed her to get through life. He was too smart, too quiet and awkward to navigate the world easily.
“Besides,” she added, smiling at her aunt. “The second you found out Mom had died, you rushed to find us.”
Beth remembered the shock of being called out of class to meet her aunt and uncle. When she’d seen them, there’d been no sense of recognition, and she’d been more than a little nervous about going home with strangers. Then Agatha had mentioned they were going to get Rick as well and they would be living together. That was all Beth had needed to hear to happily collect her things and join them. After nearly eighteen months apart, she and Rick had been reunited, and they’d started new lives with Agatha and Dale.
Agatha had done all she could to make the two frightened children comfortable. She’d been caring and warm, while Dale had been a quiet and stern man. He’d made the rules clear. Although he’d never completely warmed to having her and Rick around, he’d appreciated her eagerness to work in the store. While her friends had spent their job money on pretty clothes or makeup, she’d saved so she would know she could always take care of herself and her brother—should disaster strike.
Over time that need had eased, but had never gone away. It was why to this day, she looked out for her brother, and he looked out for her. Sure, they were capable of taking care of themselves, no matter the circumstances, but some lessons could never be unlearned.
Still, the four of them had become a family, and losing Dale had been devastating for all of them.
“You rescued us,” she told her aunt. “I would be stepping in to replace a beloved mother. It’s different.”
“You wouldn’t be replacing her. No one can do that. And didn’t you say the younger two barely remember her? They wouldn’t judge.”
That was something Beth hadn’t thought of. With them, there wouldn’t be any comparisons. Magnolia was older, though, and she would have all the memories and with them, expectations.
“I wouldn’t want to mess up,” she said, then added, “I’m not a naturally warm person.”
Her aunt smiled. “You are very loving and giving. Don’t worry about that. Just meet them and see how it goes. If it turns out there’s a problem, we can work to fix it. But what if—and here’s an unexpected thought—what if it goes well? What if they like you and everything is fine?”
Something Beth hadn’t considered. “My luck isn’t that good.”
“Are you sure? It seems to me that since meeting Teddy, your luck has taken a turn for the very good.”