23. Ashley
ASHLEY
“ O liver proposed,” I informed Fox, trying to bury my ‘can you believe that’ screech deep in my chest, but seriously ?
“Congratulations.” Fox reached past me to shake Oliver’s hand.
A waiter approached with menus and asked if we needed a bigger table.
“Join us,” Eddie insisted to Whit and Oliver.
“We only came to share the news,” Whitney protested. “Mom was organizing lunch at the villa.”
“Let me buy,” Oliver insisted. He was glowing like a bride. “Text Joanna to join us.”
“Mom never looks at her phone. Fliss, run and ask Grandma to join us,” Whit ordered.
Fliss was hungry and tired, but she disappeared so fast, people probably thought she had robbed the place.
Oliver offered me a smile of remorse.
“I didn’t mean to be insensitive by proposing when you’re...” He couldn’t even finish the sentence. “I’ve been planning this since we booked the trip, thinking I would do it after the wedding. Then I honestly meant to put it off until we were home again. But when we got to the waterfall…” He looked at Whitney, gaze all helpless and hapless and smitten.
Oh, God. How could I hate him when he looked at my sister like that?
“It was so perfect.” Whitney locked eyes with him, expression equally sappy and soft. “The sun was coming through the trees in little beams, making a rainbow in the spray. No one else was around. The birds were singing and the air smelled amazing. I’ll never forget it. I said I loved him and he said he loved me and we kissed. Then...” She blinked fast and gave a little sniff of gathering tears. “He asked me.”
My heart panged at how romantic it sounded.
“I couldn’t help it!” Oliver laughed at himself, blushing. “I had been meaning to put the ring in the safe but it was in my wallet. The words popped out. I nearly dropped it.”
“He went down on one knee .” Whitney pressed both her hands to her chest. “I couldn’t even speak.” She was laughing and flushed. She was freaking ecstatic and she deserved it. She really did.
But oh, my heart throbbed with envy. With a recognition that I didn’t have that and hadn’t had it. That’s what really stung. I hadn’t believed it was possible. Not for us .
But maybe it just wasn’t for me ?
“That sounds really beautiful, Whit. I’m happy for you. Truly,” I said through the gall I was trying to choke back. I was happy for her. And I refused to see it as insult to injury, but that didn’t stop my gut from roiling with icky emotions like jealousy and offense.
Fox slid into the chair beside me and gave my knee a commiserating squeeze.
I wanted to fall into him and let him wrap his strong arms around me and squish me into his chest and pat my head and say, There there .
But I had to smile and report on Ryan’s excellent manners and terrific form while we’d all played in the waves.
We ordered drinks and Fliss returned with Mom as we were deciding on communal plates for starters.
Fliss had her head ducked, but her eyes were red. Fox must have noticed, too. He stood and said very casually, “Have my chair, Fliss. I need more room for my legs.”
It was exactly the same amount of room on the far side of the table, but Fliss mumbled “Thanks,” and sank into the chair beside me, which put her on the end, so I screened her from her mother and the rest of the table. Her hair fell to hide her expression as she studied the menu. She sniffed, but I was the only one who heard it.
“Are you having the wedding now?” Ryan asked Whitney with innocent confusion.
My brain went through the proverbial windshield. Beside me, Fliss sucked her tongue into her lungs and made a choking noise.
“I’ve already arranged for my refund,” I blurted.
“Not on this trip,” Whitney said with an affectionate smile at her soon-to-be stepson. “We’ll decide about wedding dates and everything else once we get home.” Her smile faded as she realized Fliss was using Ashley as a human shield and refusing to look at her.
Oh, kiddo . I deflected attention by pointing to a cat wandering between the tables. “I heard there were a lot of feral cats here. That must be one of them.”
“Looks well fed,” Fox remarked.
Sandy inadvertently steered the conversation back into rocky waters, joking with Joanna, “At least your mother-of-the-bride dress won’t go to waste.”
“I’m moving in with you,” Fliss said through gritted teeth to me.
Across the table, Fox sent a concerned look to her, then searched my gaze. I gave him a half-hearted smile.
We got through the meal and, as we rose to leave, Whitney invited everyone to the villa for dinner. “Oliver and I were planning to barbecue anyway.”
“We missed you last night. Please come,” Mom coaxed the Holloways.
“That’s very kind,” Sandy glanced at Eddie who nodded. “We’d love to.”
“We have plans,” I said a little too loudly. “Sunset dinner cruise,” I added when everyone looked at me with surprise. “It was already booked and paid for. We can’t cancel or change it.” I had no idea if that was true, but looked to Fox to back me up.
“It’s part of that prepaid package I bought for her and Shane.”
“The romance package,” Whitney recalled with a hard smile. “No, you don’t want to waste that.”
“We could drop by the villa afterward,” Fox said. “The sun sets around seven. I doubt they’ll keep us out much later than that.”
“We’ll text.” I sent that promise to Fliss, but her how-could-you-abandon-me glower didn’t budge. “I have to make some calls about my stuff now that Sydney’s awake, but you can come hang out in our room if you want,” I offered in an attempt to mollify her.
“I’m dying to see all these balloons and baskets I’ve heard about,” Whitney said brightly. “I’ll walk up with you.”
Fliss made an injured noise and said, “I’ll go read my book.”
“I want to see the balloons.” Ryan looked appealingly at Whitney.
“I’ll bring you one, sweetie.” Whitney smoothed his hair. “I want to talk to Auntie Ashley. You go with your dad and I’ll bring it to the villa. Sound good?”
Ryan nodded and Whitney exchanged a light kiss with her intended before we all broke up and went different directions.
A thick silence fell between Whitney, Fox, and me once the Holloways got off on their floor.
“Have you checked out the fitness room?” Whitney asked Fox, pointing to the plaque beside one of the elevator buttons. “I’ve been meaning to see if there’s a yoga class we could do with Fliss.”
“I was thinking that, too, but I haven’t looked up their schedule yet,” I said.
“Would you mind fetching one for us?” Whitney asked Fox as the doors opened on the Vista level. She used her sweetest voice and added a pretty-please bat of her lashes.
“Really?” I said flatly. “If you want to talk to me alone, just say so.”
“I assumed Fox was smart enough to figure that out.”
“I’ve been meaning to check out the gym.” He handed me the overstuffed beach bag he had carried up from the restaurant, but made sure to meet my gaze and give me a chance to signal that I wanted him to stay with me.
I might not want to talk to my sister right now, but I wasn’t afraid to.
“Thank you,” Whit said of his understanding.
He stayed in the elevator and I led Whitney through the coffee lounge.
“Anything you have to say you can say in front of him,” I muttered over my shoulder.
“Yes, I can tell you’re very close. What is up with that?”
“He’s my friend.” I ignored the burn of what felt like a guilty conscience. I didn’t have anything to be ashamed of. Except maybe some ill-advised ogling after he’d told me I’d been thrown over. A bit of weepy leaning on him last night. A teensy shred of anticipation for a quiet dinner with him tonight away from the madding crowd of my family and Whitney’s impending happily-ever-after.
Whitney didn’t need to know about this weird, new, misguided attraction I was suffering, though. She had a litany of crimes and misdemeanors she wanted firmly placed on Fox’s record.
“He broke up your wedding. He’s staying in your room?—”
“Technically, I’m staying in his room. And he took the pullout ’cause he’s a gentleman.”
“He’s seducing you with massages and dinner cruises.”
“I’m not even going to dignify that.” I shuffled through my bag in search of the keycard as stood outside my door. “You don’t get to judge me. I’m going through a lot and you are not helping.”
“What was I supposed to say? Sorry Oliver, but I can’t accept your extremely romantic and heartfelt marriage proposal because my sister’s feelings are more important than ours? It’s not my fault your wedding fell through. And I’m sorry it did, I really am. But I’m happy . For the first time in my life, I’m genuinely in love. I want you to be happy for me.”
“I am.” I didn’t sound it. Not really.
I found the card, but didn’t use it. I faced my sister and spoke from the heart.
“Oliver seems like a really good guy. Ryan wouldn’t be such a happy, confident, well-adjusted kid if his dad was a deadbeat. I’m glad you’ve found someone who makes your life better. I am genuinely happy for you.”
“Thank you,” Whit said, and we shared a hug.
“But your timing sucks,” I added as I tapped the card against the mechanism and pushed into the suite.
“Holy Christmas,” Whitney gasped as we entered.
The spectacle was worse since the resort had delivered what Fox had called a ‘Sorry for your loss’ bouquet—which was a rearrangement of the wedding flowers I had already paid for. The note said the Events team regretted they wouldn’t be able to provide the celebration I’d been anticipating. If there was anything they could do to improve my stay, they encouraged me to reach out and very much hoped they could serve me in future.
“This view is killer.” Whitney opened the door onto the lanai and stepped out.
I moved to stand beside her and set my bare hands on the rail. “That’s a really pretty ring,” I said of the sparkler on her finger.
“Oh, Sissy.” She threw her arm around me and used the endearment that was only ever in play when we were making up after a mad. “You’ll get through this. We always do. At least we haven’t given up your apartment yet. You can have it to yourself once Fliss and I move in with Oliver?—”
She cut herself off as I pulled away and looked to the horizon. She read my stubborn jaw like a neon sign. Her breath sucked in with the energy of a thousand older-sisters.
“You are not going to Oz to be with him ?” She waved at the interior of the suite. “ No .”
“Would you please stop acting like I’m madly in love with Fox?”
“ You stop acting like it and maybe I will.”
“Oh my God. Even if I was, which I’m not— ” For some reason my voice stumbled over that. “—you have had some very sketchy relationships with some very sketchy dudes. I’ve always accepted your choices.”
“Sure you have,” she said on a chortle of outrage. “You’ve been treating Oliver like he’s radioactive waste since you met him.”
I couldn’t deny that, but I only looked to my nails. “What about Fliss? She isn’t happy about this.”
“Forgive me for not ruining the moment by telling Oliver I need to run it past the tribunal of women who think they all get a vote on how I live my life.”
The irony of making that statement seconds after her bossy command about how I should live my life went completely over her blonde ponytail.
“Fliss and I will work things out,” she insisted. “We always do. You are the one in the witness box. What are you going to do now that you’re not marrying Shane?”
“I don’t know,” I ground out. “And I’m sick of everyone asking me that as if I had a Plan B in case my groom didn’t show up. Maybe you should take a lesson from this. Make a contingency plan for if Oliver backs out,” I said with a facetious smile.
Whitney’s brows flexed in hurt, but after a second her mouth went sideways with rueful empathy. She drummed her gel-polished nails on the rail and cocked her head.
“Rebound sex has always been Step One for me after a break up. Maybe you should give Tall, Dark, and Convenient a go since you’re not going to see him ag— Oh. Hi. That was fast.” She smiled into the suite.
I closed my eyes, refusing to turn around. I considered throwing myself over the rail and ending it all right now. What further humiliation could I possibly have left to live for?
“They don’t let you work out unless you have closed-toe shoes,” Fox said. “Here’s your schedule.”
“You’re a peach.” Whitney took the page Fox handed her.
I turned, but kept my gaze lowered, unable to look at Fox.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just came to drop that and tell you I’m heading to the shops to buy some shoes.”
“We’re done. I need to go talk to Fliss,” Whitney said. “And Mom. Surprise surprise, she has opinions, too.” She aimed a flat smile at me and looped me into another hug. “I’m sorry our timing was so awful. Please don’t be mad. It’s ruining my vacation.”
“I’m sorry you think I treat Oliver like he’s radioactive waste. I only meant to treat him like he has a cold sore. One of those really bad ones like you had that time?—”
“Oh, shut up.” Whit pushed away from me. “Enjoy your cruise. I’ll see you both later.”
As Whitney stepped from the lanai into the suite, Fox drew a bottle of champagne from the fridge. He cast me a questioning glance.
“Good idea.” I nodded agreement that he should give it to Whitney. “You and Oliver enjoy that. Congratulations.”
“Really?” Whitney took it and studied the label. It was askew after being in the melted ice bucket all night, but it put a huge smile on her face. “Thank you.”
“All part of the prepaid romance package,” I said sweetly.
Whitney gave Fox a rueful head tilt. “Thank you, Fox,” she said as though her mother had poked her in the back to remind her to use her manners. “For this and for giving us our moment of girl time.”
“No worries.”
Whitney left and I had a hard time meeting Fox’s gaze. When I finally tried, he wasn’t looking at me. He was searching his wallet for something.
“Do you need anything while I’m out?” he asked.
“I’m sorry,” I said to get his attention. “I don’t know what to say about what you overheard except that Whitney’s MO is not mine.”
He didn’t pretend he didn’t know what I was talking about. He found the valet ticket and closed his wallet.
“I’d like to say you don’t have to say anything, but I think we need to say something.”
“To who?” I asked with alarm.
“Each other.”
My heart dropped about ten feet and stayed there, crushed under the elephant that had muscled its way into the room.
Oh, who was I kidding? That pachyderm had been here this whole time, pressing on both of us, using its trunk to goose places it shouldn’t.
I knew I was violently red because my face hurt as though I had the worst sunburn of my life. My whole being dripped guilt and mortification.
“Fox, if I—” I didn’t even know what to say.
“Stop.” He held up his empty hand, then ran it over his face—which had darkened with embarrassment. He squeezed the back of his neck. “I know you’re not the type to pick up the nearest warm body in search of comfort. Or use me to punish Shane. I know you’re not like that, but you are in a bad place. I want to be here for you, but we’re pretending we’re mature enough to share a room without overtones and the tones are everywhere .” He waved at a lemon-yellow bra I’d left on the foot of the bed.
“You’re attractive, Ash. It’s not like I’ve never noticed. Sometimes I wonder if you realize how hot you are, which is a tiny bit frustrating because I’ve always wanted to tell you that and couldn’t. Now I’m saying it and...” He pressed his lips flat and lifted helpless hands. “It makes this worse.”
My stomach was tight, as though braced for a blow, but all those words had been the opposite of a punch. A caress. Swirls of taboo excitement worked through my abdomen.
I shook my head, fearful. I wanted to put the brakes on something that was rolling away uncontrolled. I stood there both humiliated at being unable to stifle my attraction toward him while I hungrily ate up his reluctant compliments. Should I tell him I thought he was hot, too? I had noticed, too. He had those wide shoulders and high cheekbones and those golden-hazel eyes that made me feel gilded in light. His abs were obscenely sexy. So was his ass.
He licked his lips and his gaze came up from where my bathing suit peeked through the eyelets of my dress. He swallowed.
I couldn’t breathe.
“I don’t mean to see you as anything but a friend and I refuse to lose you as one,” he said, voice strained but firm. “I won’t crawl into bed with my best mate’s ex, either. So we need to agree that whatever this is...” He waved between us. “…can’t happen.”
“I’m so embarrassed.” I hung my head in her hands, wanting to curl into a ball. “I’ve put you in a terrible position. I’ll move to the villa.”
“No,” he insisted gruffly. “I want you to stay here.” He was staring out the doors to the furthest point on the horizon, all the way to Asia. “I want to spend as much time as possible with you because I’m worried I won’t see you after this. Not soon, anyway.”
“Oh, Fox.” My shoulders fell and so did the corners of my mouth.
“Yeah,” he said heavily. “You don’t realize how much someone means to you until they’re in a different time zone. I’ve missed you,” he admitted sheepishly, then chuckled. “So do the neighbors. They keep asking if you can feed their cat when they want to go away for the weekend. And the kids at the shop.” He was grinning, but it was kind of melancholy. “People come in and ask for you. That rep who likes you so much. The one who also thinks you’re hot.”
Also .
“He only flirted with me because I was the owner’s girlfriend.”
“And there it is.” Fox shook his head in exasperation. “I swear that wanker sat in his car for ten minutes, checking his teeth and retying his tie, before he came last month. I thought he was going to cry when I told him you’d gone back to Canada.”
“Pull the other one.” I offered my ankle.
“But you still think he wanted Shane’s attention. You’re not hard to look at, Ash. You have a great laugh and you’re kind and patient and smart. Any man would have a crush on you.” He cleared his throat. “Which isn’t what this is. It’s just...” He ran his hand over his face.
What ?
I couldn’t bring myself to ask, afraid of the answer. Afraid I would have to start labeling my own thoughts and feelings and petty disdain for women who had thrown themselves at him when he’d only been trying to help them buy a wetsuit.
I wanted the floor to open up. I wanted to pack and leave and not have to face him. I wanted to stay right here and not miss a second of the time I had with him, even when it was agonizingly awkward.
“I missed you, too,” I admitted, relieved to have that much off my chest, even though it caused a wide river of what-ifs to open between us. Impossible possibilities we could never explore.
I cleared my throat and tried to steer us back into neutral waters. “I’m extra glad you’re here because who else can I talk to about the fact that my fucking sister ...” I leaned forward in belated outrage. “Got fucking engaged . The day after my own wedding was cancelled?”
“Okay.” He put up a hand and bit his lips together. “It’s not funny, but...”
“Oh, it’s hysterical. I’m hysterical.”
We held a look of bewildered hilarity at the perverseness of the situation. All of my pent-up anger and hurt and humiliation... All of it seemed to poof into a jagged chuckle of what-can-you-do? We both laughed it out, but my eyes watered.
“There’s no use being mad, is there?” I said after I had grabbed a tissue and blew my nose into it. “I’m not getting married and she is. So what?”
“I think that’s a healthy attitude.” He nodded.
“Thank you. I mean that. You are a good friend. Someday we will have a beer and laugh for real over this entire nightmare.”
“I might still be on iced tea, but that’s sounds like a plan.”
“Stomach still sour?”
“Touching that champagne bottle nearly turned me green.”
I chuckled. Nodded. Fell silent. Wistful.
“I have to ask you something else,” Fox said with a wince of reluctance.
“What?” I braced myself.
“How do you feel about helping me draft a statement that the wedding is off? Shane won’t do it. I’ve already had a couple texts from friends, asking me why we haven’t posted any photos yet. We talked up the wedding online. Fans will be expecting something.”
“Oh gawd.” He was right, but, “I don’t know what to say. Artistic differences?”
“That’s better than saying he stood you up.” He winced.
“I’m won’t smear your brand, Fox.”
“I don’t expect you to lie.”
“This is just one of those things that didn’t work out. Let me think about it while I make my calls about my stuff.”
“Thanks. I’ll run out and grab what I need, but I’ll come right back to help with the statement.”
“We can work on that marketing proposal too, if you want.”
“You really don’t mind?” He searched my gaze. “You don’t have to be this nice, you know.”
“Of course, I do. Otherwise, I have to revoke my Canadian citizenship.”
His mouth twitched. “Back soon.”
I nodded. Business as usual. Nothing to see here folks.
Except a giant elephant that had been acknowledged and was still here.