43. Fox
FOX
I wasn’t really absorbing the information I was reading about the WWII pillbox—the small concrete bunker that I had wandered toward because I had nothing else to do—but the graveled voice beside me made me jump.
“You’re dead, mate.” Eddie peered out through the narrow window.
“No doubt.” My intestines clenched in a combination of guilt and the sort of dread I hadn’t experienced since I’d been young, when whatever passed for a home and stability had been yanked like a rug every few years, before I learned how to roll with it.
I had never learned to like it, though. In fact, I’d managed to forget how painful it was, but it was all coming back in vivid colors and it sucked hard .
“I didn’t realize you were out here,” I said.
“Sandy was doing laundry. I felt like a stroll.” Eddie came out and stood looking at the rugged mounds of cooled lava pocked with tidepools that formed the shoreline.
I gave a meaningless nod and drew a breath. I’d have to say it.
“Do you have your phone on you? Did you know Shane is here?”
“Fair dinkum?” Eddie shoved his hand into his pocket and withdrew his phone, gave the screen a few swipes.
“Sandy saw him,” I added. “I think he went to your room with her.”
Had Shane really expected to slide back into place next to Ash? I was still trying to make sense of this morning’s events, including why Shane had decided to show up after all.
Did he love her? Had I done the unthinkable and actually destroyed a marriage before letting them give it a shot?
“That’s excellent.” Eddie was grinning at his phone. “The wedding’s back on?” His excited tone fell away as he looked at me. “Or not.”
“Not.” I gave the back of my neck a rub where sweat was trickling. “He asked her, but she said no.”
“Hmph. Well, she was pretty hurt. Still, that’s a shame.” Eddie seemed about to say more, but only looked at his phone as he clicked it off and thoughtfully returned it to his pocket.
I had to come clean. Had to.
“Let’s get out of the heat,” I said and led Eddie to the path shaded by the trees.
“You’ve seen him?” Eddie asked as we got there. “I thought you’d be helping him drown his sorrows if he’s not celebrating.”
I swallowed a sick taste of bile in the back of my throat. “We had words.”
“About?”
I gritted my teeth against a stronger thrust of nausea. This was so hard .
“I didn’t mean for it to happen, Ed.” I looked at the water, unable to look at this man who was a father-figure. “I hope you’ll believe me when I say nothing happened before this morning, which doesn’t make it right. I know that. But it wasn’t as wrong as Shane thinks. Which doesn’t matter because we can’t go back from it.” I released a frustrated sigh.
“You and Ashley.” There was no doubt in his tone, only a strong, I reckoned .
Were we that obvious? Because I hadn’t seen it.
I couldn’t look him in the eye. I couldn’t bear to see his disappointment or disgust. Not after Sandy had already cut me in half. I waited for him to say, I taught you better .
“I can’t say I’m surprised.”
“Ed, I swear ?—”
“Yeah, yeah, you were sharing her room for moral support. Oh, you didn’t think we knew about that? We’re not idiots.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “It really was supposed to be moral support. We’re friends .”
“You could have been reading bible verses to each other for all I care, but it was clear to me you had feelings for her when you showed up here. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have got on the plane. You would have texted her. Or me and Sandy, and told us to break it to her. No, you’ve always been...” Eddie looked to the water. Made another dismissive, impatient noise. “You’ve always been protective of our Shane. If that meant being sweet to his girl, well, that’s all I thought it was between you and her. Until you got here. Then it was plain as day to me that it wasn’t just Shane’s heart you were tending, looking out for her the way you did.”
My heart was in the sand and getting kicked along the path. I set a hand on my stomach where my clenched guts felt as though they were spilling out. I felt like a child. Obvious. Foolish, because I might have fooled myself, but no one else.
“It wasn’t clear to me,” I said in a rasp. “Or her. But Shane thinks... It doesn’t matter what we did or when. He has every right to be angry. I just hope you and Sandy will believe me when I say I meant no disrespect to either of you. You’ve always been so kind to me. I wish I wasn’t causing you more hurt.”
They were some of the hardest words I’d ever had to say. I clamped my lips flat so they wouldn’t quiver like a child’s. Thankfully a line of tourists on horseback came toward us, forcing Eddie and me to separate to either side of the path. I used it as an excuse to send Eddie a final nod and started in the opposite direction from the resort.
“Hold up, there,” Eddie demanded as the horses trotted into the trees.
One had dropped apples, leaving a pungent aroma that had both of us grimacing.
Eddie jerked his head, urging me to walk with him toward the hotel. He didn’t speak until we could breathe freely again.
“Sandy and I have been suffering a lot of guilt since you told us Shane wasn’t coming.”
“Why? None of this is your fault.” I waved that off.
“No, you listen.” Eddie had a voice that had not only kept his sons and their high-energy mates in line, but had kept many a tradesman or worksite on task. “We got onto Shane pretty hard about Ashley. We should have kept our noses out, but she’s a lovely girl. Sandy started dreaming about grandkids and you know I’ll give her the moon if she wants it. We would both like to see Shane settled. That’s a natural thing for a parent. And I’m embarrassed to say we thought it was time he found a woman to look after him instead of leaning on you.”
“We’re partners. I lean on him, too. We bring different things to the table.”
“You’re a good team, I agree. Shane knows how to work if he has to. Wouldn’t have won a damned thing if he was truly lazy, but we spoiled him. I know that. You lose a child and your perspective changes. Why fight with him to take out the garbage? He’d suffered enough heartache in his life. It’s not the best way to parent, but it was how we felt.”
“I know. And you thought Ashley would make him happy. So did I.”
“No. See that’s where we messed up. We were thinking about how happy it would make us if he married her. Shane is happy. Was. And I suspect he proposed to her because he wanted to make us happy. He’s a good boy at heart.”
“He is.” I winced one eye closed as I looked at the water through the filter of the trees. “You’re not making me feel any less of a prick, Ed.” My chest felt as though it was caving in on itself.
“We’re all pricks sometimes. Shane was, three days ago. We’ll still talk to him and we’ll still talk to you.” His heavy hand came down on my shoulder in a fatherly clap.
I rocked under the impact, both eyes closed now, afraid the sting in them would become too hot to contain. It was already spreading to my throat.
“Thank you,” I said tightly. Earnestly. “I don’t know that Sandy will feel the same, but it’s kind of you.”
“Kind? This isn’t charity, you little shit. Do you remember the day Vicki dragged you over to help us move boxes? I’d never seen a more miserable face than yours—except on our boy. Twenty minutes later, you and Shane were laughing about something or other. I didn’t care what sort of idiocy it was. We hadn’t heard Shane laugh since the day of the crash. And before you say something stupid about that being the only reason we kept you around, or suggest you were some sort of substitute for Marcus, you aren’t. You couldn’t be. You’re you. And you grew on us, ya big dumbass. We worry about you every bit as much as Shane. We want a good life for you, same as we want for Shane.”
“Even if mine comes at the expense of Shane’s happiness?” I asked skeptically.
“Well, that’s the shits, isn’t it? But no one says life is a pretty little rose garden. Where we come from, be thankful if all you’ve got is aphids. That’s all this is, a nuisance detail you and Shane will have to work through.”
“Never realized you were such an optimist, Eddie,” I scoffed, still choked up.
“That’s not optimism. It’s perspective. You’re not dead , Fox. Once Shane realizes that, he’ll be grateful for the luxury of telling you what a maggot he thinks you are.”
I had to laugh at that. It was ragged and pained, but a laugh all the same.
“Terrific. I can’t wait.”