52. Ashley
ASHLEY
A n hour later, I joined my family on the beach where they were just settling in. Ryan asked for Fox the minute I appeared.
“He’ll be down in a while. He’s talking with his friend about their business.”
“Oh?” Mom looked up from the book she was reading under a shade umbrella.
“We had breakfast with the Holloways. Sandy’s looking forward to you visiting us.”
“She’s so lovely, isn’t she?”
“She is. Now, before I do anything else, I’m going to get a photo at the end of that point,” I said, nodding at the rocky outcropping that helped form this sheltered cove next to the hotel. “I’ve been wanting to do it since we got here. Anyone want to join?”
“I’m wiped,” Fliss announced, rolling her soggy body over on the flattened lounger next to Mom and reaching for a dish of grapes. “I got up on the board three times on the other side, but it took, like, a hundred tries.”
“You were surfing this morning?”
“Uh huh. Oliver tried, too.”
“I feel like an old pair of jeans, I spent so much time in the washing machine,” he said.
“Ha. Good on you for making the effort,” I said, wishing I’d caught some video of Fliss, but glad that she and Oliver had found something to bond over. “Iz?”
“I’m sort of living the dream,” she said from her own lounger. She was gleaming with a fresh coat of sunscreen, face mostly hidden by sunglasses, body shaded by her own umbrella. “Do you mind if I make like a lizard?”
“No. It’s your vacation, too. Enjoy it.”
Oliver took Ryan back into the water, but Whitney stood and whisked her sarong around her waist, tying it off. “I’ll come.”
Great. I ignored the way Mom and Fliss and even Izzy watched us walk away.
We didn’t talk as we wended our way between canoodling couples and energetic families and sedate retirees all staked out on the sand. When we reached the first lumps of pocked black rocks, Whitney finally spoke.
“I didn’t think you were serious about him.”
I tilted down my sunglasses to look over them. “Lack of apology not accepted.”
“I’m not going to apologize. My feelings are valid and real,” Whit muttered, picking her way onto the uneven rocks ahead of me.
“I am not breaking up this family! It was never my fault that Mom kicked Dad out and it isn’t now. Ask Mom. We’re not even broken.” So go to hell, Whit .
“ I feel like we’re broken. Like we lost something a long time ago that I’ve wanted to get back to. I thought this was our chance to finally be…whole.”
“You’re getting married! You’re moving in with Oliver. Taking Fliss. Even if I went back, you won’t be there.”
“You were only supposed to go away on vacation,” she scolded. “Which was fine . When you said you were getting married and moving there, I pretended I was fine with it, but I’m not . I never was.”
We came to a spot where the waves were crashing hard enough on the rocks that the spray overshot the ledge and hit our legs.
“Now you’re not even getting married and you’re still moving away. I’m so mad at you for leaving.”
“Gosh, I wouldn’t have guessed that from all the shit I’ve been taking from all of you . But we were always going to grow up and do our own thing, Whit. In fact, your own daughter is going to grow up in six years and go off and do her own thing. Brace yourself.”
“Does Fox know you’re this mean? Because I’m going to tell him.”
I continued picking over the rough rocks toward the tip of the spit. When we got there, I started snapping photos of the ocean—as if I didn’t already have a thousand photos of the endless quilt of blue-green beneath a ceiling of paler blue.
“Do you really love him?” Whit asked as she stood beside me.
“Do you really love Oliver?”
“So much,” she said with a ring of despondency.
I lowered my phone. “Why is that such a bad thing?”
“Because Fliss is barely speaking to me.”
“She’s twelve. And Oliver seems really sweet. So is Ryan.” I flipped the screen so we could take a selfie with the ocean behind us.
“Isn’t he the cutest? I didn’t expect to fall for him so hard, either.”
For the space of a few snaps, we abandoned our differences, posing with wide smiles and duck lips and our favorite, somber and cheek-to-cheek, so we looked as much alike as possible.
“I’m just worried Oliver’s ex— Well, you’ve met her.” She sent me an exasperated look. “I mean, she seems nice, but it’s still going to be weird to be her kid’s stepmom and have Oliver acting like a dad to Fliss. I want so much for us to fit together and turn into a family, but what if we don’t? What am I going to do if I don’t have you to run to when I realize I’ve made another mistake? Mom just says ‘I told you so.’”
I lifted my chin to where Oliver’s red ballcap stood out next to Ryan’s green sun shirt. Fliss was beside them, damp blonde hair drying in the breeze. “Isn’t that your future husband purchasing your daughter’s affection with ice cream? Pretty sure it’s going to be okay.”
“He’s so worried they won’t find common ground. All the way to the turtle beach, he encouraged her to tell him about the different versions of Sims. Mom and I were ready to throw ourselves from the van, but he was so patient and interested .”
“Definitely a keeper,” I said as we began making our way back.
“Right?” Whitney smiled all soupy, then sobered. “But it’s going to be hard on her. Fliss needs you, Ash. Who else can she complain to about me? Mom just agrees with her. At least you take my side sometimes. And help us get over our mad. She’s only twelve. That’s a lot of teen drama I’ll have to face alone. Blood will be shed. Lives lost.”
“And she can smell fear so I suggest you pull it together.” I slid my arm around her and Whit dropped her own arm across my shoulder. We were sticky with sunscreen and we were picking our way across uneven boulders, forcing us more off balance than ever, but we clung to each other anyway. “She’s not the nightmare you were, coming in after curfew smelling of coconut rum and cigarettes.”
“Because you raised her right.” Whitney squeezed me closer. “I love you so much . You know that, right?”
“How could I doubt it. We don’t roll out a guilt trip like this for just anyone.”
“Isn’t that the truth?” Whit wrinkled her nose and grinned. “I used the good china and everything. A veritable banquet of guilt and you turned around and made me feel guilty for guilting you. That’s a lot of love between us.”
“It really is.”
“It won’t be the same if you’re not there,” Whit said, releasing me as we arrived back at the sand.
I wondered if I should tell her that Fliss had said the same thing to me.
“You’ll tell me if things go sideways and you want me to come and get you, right?” Whit said with a frown of concern. “I’m giving you a hard time, but I won’t if something happens and you need me. I promise.”
“I know.” I faced her. “And you know I’ll come home if you really need me.”
“I guess I do know that.” She gave a little sigh of resignation. “At least tell me he’s giving you screaming orgasms.”
I’d already spotted Fox walking up the beach toward us. I knew Whitney was pitching her voice a little louder for his benefit. I didn’t turn around as I said, “I would have thought you heard us already, they’re so violent.”
Whitney let her gaze flick past me, offering a playful shrug.
“Your timing is impeccable,” I said to Fox as he stopped next to me and looped his arm behind my waist.
“That’s how I do it,” he told Whitney, making me double-over with laughter.