Chapter 9
nine
JORDAN
My converted garage-slash-man cave might be filled with dudes at the moment, but my head is even fuller. And not even our monthly Saturday guys’ night can get me out of this funk.
“Oh, come on, mate!” Frederick tosses popcorn at the big-screen television from his seat on the black couch. “That’s a definite penalty.”
“Yikes.” I lean on a cue stick near the pool table behind the couch, where I’m playing a solo game. “That looked like it hurt.”
“It’s downright criminal is what that was.” Freddy cups his hand around his mouth and boos loudly.
Landon snickers, clapping Frederick on the shoulder. “Still cracks me up we’ve converted you into such a hockey fanatic, Freddy, old boy.”
“I didn’t know what I was missing, chaps. How can you not enjoy watching Ethan Fox killing it on the ice like that?” Freddy lifts a water bottle toward the sky, as if in toast to the Big Apple Blizzards’ forward. “I really think it’s likely he will lead them to the Stanley Cup this year, yeah?” His accent—which matches Chloe’s, given they’re both from the European country of Kentonia—sounds all sorts of dignified, and in direct contrast to the way he was screaming at the TV not moments ago.
“It looks promising, that’s for sure.” I line up my shot and take it.
Miss.
Shoot. I’ve even lost my ability to play a decent game of pool. Marilee’s that much of a distraction, even out here.
“Agreed, but only if he can keep from being injured. Everyone’s clearly gunning for him.” Blake grabs a few cans of soda and two waters from my garage fridge, which is next to the door leading into the house—the house where Ryder’s asleep and Marilee’s spent all day baking up a storm. The smell of cinnamon and sugar and frosting have seeped through the doorway cracks. She’s got a few cakes to finish up this weekend, and I didn’t want to disturb her, so I took Ryder out for a long hike today so she could be alone.
Maybe, like me, she needs time to process last night’s kiss.
It…well, I’m not gonna lie. It shattered my world in every kind of way. Shattered what I thought I knew. What I thought I wanted.
What I thought I could be content never having.
When Marilee Moffitt came for me, I don’t think she intended anything more than putting Constance in her place. I didn’t either—until I had her there, and the entire rest of the world disappeared, and Marilee turned to liquid in my arms.
Then, I honestly just forgot about anything but showing that woman how much I love her. I poured it all out, right there on that patio, and it felt like she responded in kind.
But then, the spell broke…and she looked horrified.
Horrified.
Yeah, that really makes a man feel good.
And now, I don’t know what to think. We haven’t spoken about it. Haven’t spoken much at all. She’s been in her baking zone, where she retreats when the world is big and scary and she’s trying to figure out her emotions.
But maybe her emotions are less about how she feels about me, and more about how to let me down easy.
Because I’m not sure there’s any way she doesn’t have a thousand percent clarity on how I feel about her—just like every other person on that deck who saw us kissing.
Silver lining—I think Constance was one of those people. She slunk back to her table with Larry and didn’t bother us again. As for Marilee, well, she forced a smile that didn’t reach her eyes, and we headed back to hang with our friends and toast Chloe and Freddy’s wedding, which is planned for this fall in Kentonia.
“Yo, earth to Jordan.”
I snap my attention back to Blake, who is now standing in front of me with a Dr. Pepper in his outstretched hand. “Oh. Thanks, man.”
Taking the can, I set it on a nearby cocktail table and position myself to take another shot at the purple ball in front of me.
Instead of going back to join Freddy and Landon on the couch, Blake cracks open his Coke and studies me over the top of his can. “Want to go a round with me?”
I think he’s talking about pool. I hope he’s talking about pool.
Because I can’t forget that Blake is Marilee’s brother. And given the words of warning before our wedding ceremony, and the way he was also witness to that kiss yesterday, I’m guessing he has a few things to say. “Sure.” I snatch another cue stick off the wall and hand it to him.
“So.” He sets his soda down and grabs the chalk, rubbing it on the end of his stick while I collect the few balls I managed to send into the table pockets. “Any word from your attorney? Court date still a few weeks out?”
“Yeah, three weeks from Tuesday.” I arrange the balls in the rack on the table, then remove it, leaving them in a triangular shape. “You can break.”
Blake circles the table, his eyes on me just as much as the balls. Like a lion about to pounce on its prey.
I sigh. “Go ahead. Let me have it.”
And he seems to understand exactly what I’m saying—that I’m not talking about pool. “Does the attorney know your marriage is a sham?” His jaw clenches and loosens. He finally comes to stand at one end of the table, lines up his cue stick, and lets it fly.
The snap of the white ball hitting the rest is like a whip cracking the air.
Four balls sail into various pockets.
Ouch.
I rub the back of my neck. “No.”
“Don’t you think that’s risky?”
Freddy and Landon whoop from their spots on the couch, and from the corner of my eye I catch sight of a triumphant Ethan Fox holding his hands over his chest in the shape of a heart. Maybe he’s got a girl in the stands, cheering him on.
Can’t imagine he’s been in love with the same woman for half of his life without any sort of reciprocation, hanging onto the barest of hopes that someday she might return his affection.
He’s probably not as pathetic as some of us.
Blake banks another shot and sinks it. “Well?”
“I don’t know, man. Probably. But my back was up against the wall.” I open the soda he brought me and drain it, the cut of the carbonation burning my throat. “What was I supposed to do? Ryder’s my kid. I’d do anything for him.”
“I get it. I already feel that way about my kid, and he or she isn’t even born yet.” Blake frowns. “But I know my sister. She loves with her whole heart, and she’d do anything for anyone.”
“You’re right.” And it’s a precious thing. Too many people in this world are the exact opposite. Ungiving, undeserving. Selfish.
I fear I might be one of those people. I think Blake knows it too.
Blake chalks up again before taking another shot, but this time he scratches. Leaning down, he pulls the solid blue ball from a pocket and sets it on the table. “All I’m saying is, I don’t like to see her taken advantage of. But I gave her my perspective on this whole thing, and she didn’t want to hear it. So now, I’m telling you.”
I retrieve the cue ball and set it down, line up to take a shot. “Telling me what?”
“I know what she means to you.”
I miss. By a lot. “Do you?” My voice shakes and I look away, clearing my throat before I glance back.
“Yeah, it’s kind of obvious, especially after that display last night.”
“Oh.” I figured, but hearing it confirmed…
Great.
“Okay, so… What?”
Blake runs his thumb down the top of the stick. “Donny really messed with her, and I didn’t step in to stop it. That’s one of my biggest regrets in life. I won’t stand by again and watch her get hurt.”
Shoot. Blake’s a good guy, my friend, and more than that, Marilee’s only close relative. I don’t want him thinking badly of me. “Look, I need you to hear this. The last thing I want to do is hurt Marilee.”
“I know, man, but this whole thing reeks of hurt. Lucy tells me I just need to be patient, to trust that what’s supposed to happen will happen, but I can see a world in which Marilee feels obligated to love you back just because she’s too afraid to hurt you. Or lose you.”
I feel like he’s jabbed his cue stick directly into my stomach. “I don’t want that either.” And maybe that kiss showed her all my cards. Maybe, without meaning to, I put too much pressure on her.
“Good.” Blake sinks two balls in a row. “I’m glad we’re on the same page.” With one ball left, he’s about to win.
Not that I care. This whole game is a sham—just like, apparently, my marriage.
But I knew that. I know that.
And I need to remember that, over and over again, until it’s drilled into my brain and there’s no room left for pesky things like hope.
Marilee did me a huge favor only because she cares about me as a friend.
And no matter how much I loved kissing her—or how much she seemed to enjoy kissing me back—I will not be another Donny in her life. I will not demand more of her than she’s willing or able to give.
Even if I wish things could be different.