Chapter 20
twenty
MARILEE
I truly couldn’t imagine a more perfect day. So far, it’s been one for the books.
After our tumultuous evening—during which I cried more tears than I have in a good, long while—I woke up in the California king-sized bed under the softest duvet. Jordan was nowhere to be seen, though sunlight streamed in through the window and my suitcase sat on the footboard bench. Not only that, but a lidded cup of coffee rested on my side table, still warm to the touch.
I was up and showered before Jordan returned in his running clothes, pulling AirPods from his ears. “There’s a cute breakfast cafe in the hotel. Hungry?”
“Starving.” Especially considering I fell asleep before the room service came last night.
Breakfast wasn’t the only thing I was hungry for, but first thing in the morning didn’t feel like the right time to continue our conversation from last night.
It also didn’t feel like time when we explored the town together after breakfast or met with a few local vendors Jordan might consider partnering with if he secures this contract with Mitchell McGraff. And it wasn’t the time as his truck chugged up the mountain pass to Mitchell’s land, which is gorgeous in its own right. We’re so far up that our cell phone reception is spotty, surrounded by trees and wild flowers.
It’s been good to have the time to reflect though. Because it was a hit to my pride when he stopped my kiss last night. It took a lot for me to reach out—and then he stopped me.
I understand why, but it’s taken me a while to know what I want to say to him. To be sure.
Unfortunately, we haven’t had two minutes to ourselves since arriving early this afternoon. After checking in, Mitchell took us around his property, telling us all about how he’d inherited the land from his grandfather and cut down just enough trees to create a clearing for twelve tents. They’re smaller than I imagined, but cozy, each with a queen-sized bed with a rustic luxury frame, a small bathroom with a rainfall shower, and a completely clear dome overhead. The front of our tent is also see-through, but a curtain can be tugged closed for privacy. A series of paved walkways connects the tents, and the resort features a hot tub, pool, kids’ playground, and dining dome where Mitchell brings in a five-star chef to create truly gourmet meals.
Throughout the tour, Jordan asked insightful questions, his voice calm and steady, but I could see the thrill building in his eyes. He wants this to work—and I don’t see why it shouldn’t. Obviously we haven’t tried the tents overnight, but Mitchell has graciously provided us with one to test out tonight.
Now, as the tour finally ends, perhaps we’ll have our chance to have that conversation after all…
But then Mitchell invites us to his home, a beautiful two-story log cabin that sits on the edge of a nearby lake. Mitchell and Jordan hash out some details as we roast hot dogs and marshmallows over the fire pit.
My impatience grows, but I keep a smile pasted on.
Finally, as the sky starts to darken, Mitchell claps his hands together. “Well, it’s getting late, and I shouldn’t keep you newlyweds any longer.”
“Oh, we’re—” Jordan looks over at me for a split second, then back at Mitchell. “Thanks, man.” He reaches out, shakes the guy’s hand. “This place is great.”
“Hopefully great enough for us to work together?” Mitchell smiles, Jordan laughs, and we all stand.
“It’s a definite possibility,” Jordan says.
“Fantastic.” Mitchell stretches his lower back. “Have a good night, you two. If you need anything at all, just shoot me a text. I want your stay to be as comfortable as possible.”
Jordan glances at me again. “I think we’ve got everything we need.” He takes my hand.
I shiver at his words. At the implication there. And once again, something in my soul whispers… “you’re enough.”
Mitchell douses the fire and waves as he heads inside.
We make the quiet trek back to our assigned tent. Jordan quietly offered to ask for a second tent if I wanted my own—the resort is only half-booked, probably due to the chilly weather—but I said that would look funny for his wife to stay in her own tent.
I mean, that’s not the only reason I want to stay with him, but again… It wasn’t time for that conversation.
Now, though?
The rain from last night is nowhere to be found, and stars pepper the sky like a spicy soup. Streaky cloud wisps resemble spun cotton candy stretched out beneath the crescent moon. It’s the perfect night for stargazing.
The perfect night for love.
If we have the courage to speak our truth.
We don’t spy a soul as we walk the path. Thanks to the higher elevation, I’m bundled in my red winter coat and Jordan’s in a black hoodie—not the one I stole from him. That one’s mine forever, stuffed away in my suitcase to prove it.
My teeth start to chatter, but finally, we reach our tent. Dropping my hand, Jordan kicks at a clod of dirt. “Do you want to sit out here and look at stars for a bit?”
I exhale, and my breath’s visible on the air. “It’s a little cold for me. Plus, we can see stars from inside the tent.” I tilt my head, shooting a reassuring smile his way. “Kind of the point of this place, right?”
“Right.” Humorless, he’s rigid as he opens the tent flap.
Ducking inside, I am instantly grateful for the installed heater that allows me to strip off my jacket. “Be right back, okay?”
He nods absently as he stands at the open front of the tent, looking up at the sky.
Grabbing my pajamas, I step into the bathroom and change. Not sure what I was thinking, only bringing shorts and a spaghetti strap shirt, but the big fluffy orange duvet should keep me warm tonight.
That…and hopefully, Jordan.
My bare feet pad quickly back into the main tent area. Jordan glances back at me and coughs, laughing as I jump into the bed and pull the duvet up to my neck while I sink back against the headboard. “Cold?”
“I’ll be fine.” I pause. “You gonna jammy up?”
“Jammy up? Who am I, Ryder?”
“Ha ha. Fine. Are you going to change into your pajamas?” Jordan’s normal bed wear is actually just boxers and no shirt (Ryder is a fount of information you never asked for), but since I’ve lived at his house, he wears a white undershirt and basketball shorts to bed.
Jordan hesitates, then nods, disappearing and reappearing in his usual fare before he exhales and climbs into the other side of the bed. He leaves an entire foot of space between us.
I arch an eyebrow. “You think I have cooties or something, Jay?”
“What? No.” Another exhalation. “I know we haven’t talked yet, and I didn’t want to…presume.”
This sweet man. I scoot over to him and lift his arm around my shoulders, snuggling up against him. “No matter what we say tonight, the basics will not—cannot—change.”
He relaxes against me. “And what are the basics?”
“You and me have each other’s backs. Forever.”
His breath warms my ear as he sets his mouth against the side of my head. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Whatever happens, we will always be in each other’s lives.” I place a hand flat on his chest under the comforter. “Deal?”
“Deal.” His free hand covers mine. “Do we need to add it to the contract?”
I love this guy’s ability to tease me, to make me laugh, even when we are navigating something new between us. “Could be we need to renegotiate some of the terms of said contract.”
His finger traces the top of my hand. “You think so, huh?”
“I do.” Pushing myself back up, I turn to face him, my hand still lying against his heart as I peer through the starlight into his eyes. He’s the most handsome man I’ve ever seen, and I don’t know why it took me so long to realize it, so long to face the fact that I’ve probably been in love with him for a good while now.
“Jay, I didn’t want to kiss you last night simply because you’re the opposite of Donny. It’s because you’re you .”
His eyes flicker. “So, it wasn’t just because I punched that scumbag and stood up for you?” The fingers that were around me fall to my right shoulder, and Jordan’s thumb draws a line down the delicate strap of my shirt, leaving fire in its wake.
“Well, that definitely helped.” I laugh and push against his chest. He holds tight to my hand, and I grow serious again. “Nobody has ever treated me with the tender care that you have. I convinced myself for so long that it was just as a friend, because I couldn’t accept the idea that you’d think of me as anything more.”
“Why, Lee?”
“You know why. I didn’t think I was worthy of the kind of love you showed me day in and day out. As a friend, I could accept it, but as more than that, I just couldn’t.” My lips press together. “Speaking of presumptions, I know I’m presuming a lot here…”
His hand slides up the side of my neck, fingers teasing into the roots of my hair, which is up in its usual bun. “I think you can safely presume away.” Jordan straightens and draws closer to me. “Marilee Moffitt, everyone is worthy of love, but most especially you. You are an angel to everyone around you, leaving sprinkles of sunshine wherever you go. You’ve brightened my life from the moment I first laid eyes on you baking in our home economics class.”
I laugh at the memory. “Talk about a mess.”
“A beautiful mess.” Reaching up, he gives the rubber band in my hair a gentle tug and tosses it aside. As my hair falls around my shoulders, I feel the softness of it against my skin. Jordan presses closer, and his hand plunges deeper, nudging me forward until we are nose to nose, breath mingling. “That day changed my life forever. It was the day I first saw you. The day I first fell for you.”
“What?” I can’t help but laugh out the question, awe filling my chest at the pure devotion in his tone, at the crazy words he’s speaking. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’ve loved you half of my life, Lee… And I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”
Oh, this man. This wonderful, beautiful man. “I love you too, Jay. And I?—”
But I don’t get to say any more, because he hauls me up and over his lap, where he holds me close and kisses me like there’s no yesterday or tomorrow.
Just today.
Just us.
Just this tent, and this bed, and this moment.
Just his hands skating up the sides of my thighs until our breaths are one and the same as we give and take years of love and wanting. Secret longing, now exposed.
His lips move to my neck, the movement curling my toes with delicious pleasure that expands when his attention moves to the hollow of skin above my collarbone, nerves popping one by one. Then he captures my lips again and the kiss deepens quickly, a small sound escaping my throat as his tongue traces my bottom lip.
And I can’t help but melt into Jordan.
The world outside is lost to us, and each brush of his lips against mine sends tingles down my spine, igniting every part of me that has been waiting for this moment. His mouth is warm and soft, molding against mine as if it’s been waiting too. The taste of him—the sweetness of marshmallows from earlier—lingers on my tongue, making me crave more.
I never knew a kiss could feel like this, like falling and flying at the same time.
Like coming home.
I clutch at his shoulders as if he is my lifeline, and in that second, I realize he truly is. Perhaps he always has been, but I’ve been too scared to see it. With every soft caress, every gentle push of his mouth against mine, he ushers me into a world where we exist solely for each other. I can feel his heart pulsing against my chest, and it matches the rhythm of my own, a drumbeat only we can hear.
His hands travel up and down my back, exploring the curve of my waist before he grasps my hips with a firm tenderness. I lift my chin and wrap my arms around his neck tight, needing to bridge the small space that still feels too wide, but the boundary only fuels the yearning inside me.
Jordan pauses for a moment, his forehead resting against mine. “I can’t believe this is real,” he murmurs, his voice low and thick like honey.
“It’s real.” And because I don’t want this moment to end, I kiss him again, more fervently this time, pouring every ounce of my love and longing into it. Our mouths move together, perfectly synchronized as if they were always meant to meld this way, like chocolate and peanut butter over a gentle flame.
I have never felt so utterly seen, so cherished as Jordan’s fingers tangle in my hair, pulling me closer, as if he is afraid I might drift away.
As we pull apart briefly, he cups my cheek with his palm, his eyes locking onto mine with an intensity that makes my breath catch. “Marilee,” he whispers, “you have to know that this doesn’t change anything… Except maybe everything.”
I nod, heart racing at his words. I don’t know what the future holds, what will happen after tonight, but I know that I want to be with him, whatever that means. “I know.”
He leans in again, and I can feel the heat radiating between us, the space that we’ve once kept so carefully defined now feeling impossibly small. The midwinter chill outside contrasts sharply with the warmth enveloping this tent—and I am here for it one thousand percent.
Jordan’s heated palms drift from my hips to press against the small of my back, guiding me gently off his lap as he lowers me delicately onto the mattress, his body hovering over mine but not pressing down. Every brush of his skin against me sends shivers through my body. I run my fingers down his arms, feeling the muscles ripple beneath his shirt, marveling at how right this feels. At how well we fit.
The stars outside highlight the scruff on his jaw that only adds to his rugged charm. I can’t help but touch his cheek, feeling the faint stubble beneath my fingertips—a reminder that this moment is real and tangible. That it exists. That we exist. That we are alive.
That we are in love.
And yet…
His head dips to kiss behind my ear. My eyes flutter shut, because it feels amazing. But I finally force them open and whisper, “Jay.”
He sits up on an elbow, his breathing labored. “Yeah?”
“Can we…” My eyes blink into the dim light. It’s like coming back to myself. “It’s just…I know we’re technically married, and with that might come certain…um, expectations. But this is still new.”
His look softens, and there’s a flicker of understanding in his eyes. “You want to take it slow.”
“Yes,” I breathe, relief flooding through me. “I’m not saying never. Just…”
“Not right now. I understand completely.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course, I’m sure.” With that, he leans in for another kiss. It’s feather-light but filled with warmth—and over far too soon when he lies back down beside me and tucks me into his side. “I want to savor every moment with you, Lee. We don’t have to rush a thing. Just kissing you is more than I ever dreamed possible.”
“Thank you.” I should have known this would be his reaction, because whether he’s my friend Jordan or my husband Jordan…he’s still just Jordan. A good man. The best man. My protector. My champion. “So, what now?”
“Now, we look at the stars.”
“And maybe kiss a little more?” I say playfully, pinching his side.
Groaning, he slicks a hand down his face. “Woman, you’re killing me, you know that?”
“You love it.”
“I love you ,” he says, and the conviction in his tone is like a tuning fork to my heart, making it sing. “And as for now… now I get to date my wife.”
His wife. Wow. How strange…and yet, wonderful. I think. It’s been an unconventional path, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Right?
Okay, yeah. I’m tired. So much has happened in the last twenty-four hours. But we have time to figure it all out, to process and see what works best for us. For right now, I’m just going to enjoy this moment.
“Well, Mr. Carmichael.” I cuddle up against him, pressing the bottom of my foot against the top of his, deep under the blankets. “I really do like the sound of that.”