Chapter 25
Today has been utterly perfect.
As I add wood to the fire I built on Firestone Beach, I turn my focus back to Lucy, who is wandering just a little ways down the beach, looking for a stone. What kind of stone? She doesn’t know. When we first started exploring the beach a few hours ago, she just said she’d know the perfect stone when she saw it. We wandered the beach, climbed the waterfall, took a dip in the ocean, and have spent the whole time here alone, with bouts of stone searching.
And still, no perfect rock.
But the fact Lucy’s still looking is something I love about her. She’s got the sunniest disposition. I used to think it was a bit inauthentic, but now I just think it’s Lucy. Her glass-half-full mentality balances out the daily dose of reality I’m constantly taking…and it’s kind of nice to see things from her point of view. To come here today and not really have a plan beyond being with her. Nothing to “accomplish.” No goals other than getting to know her better.
Of course, the whole day’s been a practice in the art of self-control, especially given the way she looks right now. Even from afar and in the waning sunlight, her details are clear to me. Her hair is hanging damp down her back, and she’s still wearing her swimsuit top with low-slung cutoff shorts and nothing on her feet as she carefully steps over the stones and occasionally squats to examine them more closely.
I strike a match and set fire to the kindling I’ve placed in the ring of rocks I spent the last thirty minutes arranging while Lucy combed the beach, her adorable off-key singing drifting back toward me. We are the only two here, something I didn’t plan for but don’t hate. Sure, I could have taken her on a date in Hallmark Beach, but there are lots of prying eyes—a fact that became all too clear the second we stepped from the rock outcropping at the party on Friday night.
So. Many. Looks.
We didn’t even hold hands as we left, but many an old dude shot me a thumbs up, while some of the older women—I’m looking at you, Alberta Jenkins—flashed me frowns of disapproval. Thankfully, Jordan and Marilee didn’t say a word to me, just let us join their volleyball game.
But I’m sure they noticed the way I couldn’t keep my eyes off of Lucy.
Kind of like now.
She must notice my staring, because her head pops up and she breaks into a huge grin, waves. Standing, she walks back toward me, empty handed. “No luck.”
“I admire your persistence.”
“Some might call it futile, but I will find the perfect stone. Just you wait.”
“I have no doubt you’ll do whatever you put your mind to.” Even if it’s something as impossible as finding perfection.
Grinning up at me, she folds her arms around her body. That’s when I notice that she’s got goosebumps all down her skin. The setting sun and the breeze off the ocean feel amazing to me, but Lucy’s clearly cold.
“Geez, Sunshine. Come sit by the fire I built you.” I pop open a red camping chair and set it near the fire—though not too close. “Here. I have a sweatshirt too if you need one.”
“Thank you, kind sir.” Yet instead of sitting down, she just steps closer to me. Glances up with those big, innocent eyes—ones rimmed with mischief. “But I was kind of hoping you’d warm me up instead.”
If ever a guy needed an invitation, this is it. But while I’ve been dying to kiss Lucy all day, I also don’t want her to think that’s all I’m interested in. I’m on a date with her because I like her. Because I can see a possible future with her. Not just because she’s beautiful.
She’s more.
Still, I also don’t want to friend zone her. I?—
“Flake,” she says, a teasing lilt to her voice. “You’re overthinking this. Just hold me for a minute, okay?”
She’s right. I’m overthinking, just like I always do. Not everything has to be planned or precisely calculated. “Come here.”
Then I pull her into my arms, and she fits so well. Together we stand there, watching the sun disappear behind the horizon. Darkness descends around us, but the fire keeps us warm and brings light to our world. The trees down the shoreline are tall, dark spires in the sky. The ocean ebbs and flows, delivering a calming hush to my heart and mind.
Or maybe that’s just Lucy. Even though I can’t see a clear path forward between us, being in her presence makes everything clear. She teaches me how to just be. How to stay still and stop striving so hard. To be content in the little moments.
That’s no small feat.
“I could stay like this forever,” she murmurs.
I nuzzle my nose into her hair, breathe in the hints of vanilla somehow still clinging to her despite our earlier dip in the water. “I was just thinking the same thing.”
“How did you find this place, anyway?” She burrows deeper into my arms, and I rest my chin on her head.
I blink, trying to remember the first time I was ever here. “I was in high school, I know that. Got into a fight with Dad over something. I think I said I didn’t want to try out for football, and he thought I’d be throwing away an opportunity for a scholarship.” I sigh at the memory. “Everything was an opportunity to him.”
“An opportunity for what?”
“To get out of Hallmark Beach.”
She stiffens in my arms. “Oh.”
Keeping hold of her, I pull slightly away so I can see her. So she can see me, even if it’s dark out. I like to think that doesn’t stop her from seeing what’s in my eyes. “Lucy…” How can I make her understand? “Did I ever tell you about the time when I was eleven and my dad took me to New York City?”
Shaking her head, she eyes the chair I set up for her. “Come tell me.”
When she plops into the chair, I pull another out of its case and set it up right beside hers. I also dig in my bag and grab out one of my Bruins-blue UCLA sweatshirts. I hand it to her, and she eagerly dons it. The sight of her drowning in my clothing…I almost can’t handle the way it makes my chest ache in all the best ways.
The fire pops and crackles, encouraging me just like she does as she turns in her seat and reaches for my hands. “What happened in New York?”
Please let me communicate this well. I swallow hard, grit in my throat. “We went there to visit my dad’s old college roommate, Steve. He and my dad were best buds. Steve was actually the one who originally suggested they vacation in Hallmark Beach after graduating from Stanford with their MBAs.”
“And that’s when your parents met.”
“Yeah, exactly.”
“And then what?”
“Well,” I rub the back of my neck. “My dad fell head over heels for my mom, but she told him flat out that she’d never move from Hallmark Beach. That it was her home, where all of her friends—like your Aunt Bea—were, and that as much as she loved him, she couldn’t see herself surviving life in New York, where he was headed at the end of the summer. See, he and Steve both had job offers there at a huge investment firm.”
“And he gave it up for her.”
“He did.” I look away, into the flames. Each one sparks, grows, and gives way for the next. A circle of life, in a way. “And I always thought he was okay with that. But when I was eleven and we took that trip—and we saw the lavish life that Steve led…I mean, Lucy, he had a butler, was the CEO at the firm where he’d started, had all this mad respect from the people who worked for him, box seats at the theater, the fanciest cars. And I just saw it in my dad’s eyes.”
“What did you see, Blake?” Her hand tugs at mine, and I turn my attention back to her face. Her eyebrows knit together, like she’s trying to piece together the puzzle.
“Regret.” I sigh. “And determination.”
“Determination for what?”
“For me to do what he hadn’t. To choose differently than he did. To have the kind of life and respect and success that Steve had. To him, Steve had it made. Had an easy life. Of course, I’m sure that wasn’t true. But to Dad…” I shrug. “So yeah. I was eleven years old when he first told me that I should make sure I’m well established before falling for someone.” I cough. “That I should stay far away from small-town girls who would only hold me back.”
And that’s when she slips her hands away. When her gaze leaves me. When she slouches down into my sweatshirt like she wants to disappear. “Oh.” Her voice sounds so small, and suddenly I’m desperate to make her understand.
“Look at me.” My voice is low and tumbling. “Sunshine. Please.”
Finally, her gaze lifts again.
“Those were his words, Lucy. Not mine.”
“But you believed them.”
“Believed. Past tense.” I scoot forward, trace a path down her cheek with my index finger. The firelight flares in her eyes. “I’ll admit, the drive to make my dad proud has always been strong. Even when we didn’t agree on the what—my cooking—I saw his point. And I also saw how bitter he was. I didn’t want that. To resent my wife, my family…” I choke out the words. “So I just found it easier to pursue the things that would ensure I didn’t become like him.”
“You mean, that if you didn’t pursue love, you’d have nothing to regret because you wouldn’t have chosen it over your dreams?”
This woman. Somehow, she made sense out of my mind’s muddle. I cup her face with my palm. “Exactly.”
She leans into my touch. “So what’s changed?”
I want to tell her that everything’s changed. That I can give up L.A., that I can find peace here with her. But a part of me is still hesitant. What if this is exactly how Dad felt about Mom when he made the decision to give up everything for her?
But I can’t tell Lucy that. Not while I’m still working out in my own head what all of this means. What’s at stake. Because my dreams of the restaurant aren’t just about me. They’re about Dale too. He’s invested time and money. Things are in motion—and I can’t just back out of all that, can I? Especially when I’m not sure I want to. Or have to.
Maybe there’s still a chance that Lucy would be willing to come with me.
“All I know, Lucy Reynolds, is that the small-town girl in front of me hasn’t held me back. She’s given me a gift. She’s opened my eyes to a world of small quiet moments. Of optimism. Of flavor and color. A world where perfect stones exist. Where I can be myself, where I can be a food truck chef, a brother, a friend, and that’s enough.”
“It is enough, Blake.” A tear streaks down her cheek. “You’re enough. You’ve always been enough.”
“And you’re everything.” I lean in and softly kiss away her salty tears. “Everything I didn’t think I could have.”
And maybe still can’t. Because you’re leaving—and what if she doesn’t want to come with you?
There goes my subconscious again, ruining the moment.
But as Lucy climbs from her chair and onto mine with me, slinging her arms around my neck and her legs over my lap and settling her head against my chest, we watch the fire dance…and my mind is pacified again.
Maybe, somehow, this thing between us will defy all odds. I don’t know how, and right now, I don’t have the energy to figure it out.
All I’m sure of is Lucy. And in this moment, Lucy is all I need to be sure of.