Sylvia #4
“I would never try to replace you but you’re damn sure allowing someone to come in a fill the role you refuse to occupy. You’re mad but giving someone else a chance to make them forget all about you.”
“That nigga been wanting to be me since high school.” He chuckled like he had Hassan pegged and I was so irritated at how stupid he sounded.
“Will you shut the fuck up? You truly think that someone is holding a petty grudge against you for twenty years? Your brain is stunted and I don’t have any way to combat that.
Fine, you’re not coming. That’s cool. I’m going to go and let our children know you’re not coming because I’m sure you’re too much of a bitch to face the consequences of your actions.
” I was disgusted with myself for ever thinking this man was worth my time.
I felt like shit because I’d done my kids a disservice when it came to give them a good dad.
“They’ll get over it.”
I huffed and bit back tears trying not to let him get to me.
He was so flippant about disappointing our kids and I didn’t understand it.
Dave had never been a great person but he’d never been blatantly cruel.
At least not to our kids. This person he was turning into made me fine with them not spending time with him.
I wiped the tear that escaped and nodded because I knew I had to be there for them no matter what. “You’re right, they will. Because I’ll love them through any bullshit you pull. The point is, bitch nigga, that they shouldn’t have to.”
I hung the phone up because there was nothing else I could say after that short of calling him every name in the book I could think of.
“Now what the fuck am I supposed to do?”
I looked at myself in the mirror trying not to curse my past mistake of getting with this nigga. It was clear the only good thing he’d ever done in his life is give me my kids and he wasn’t going to be useful for anything past that.
I picked the phone up and hit the number of the man I was going to have to disappoint for one who’d chronically let me down.
It was a shame that in a few short weeks, Hassan had managed to ingratiate himself into my life and support me in ways I never had been in almost twenty years of being with Dave.
“What’s good, beautiful? Your fine ass can’t wait to see me you had to call?” He sounded so jovial but I hated that I was going to have to bring down his joy.
“Hey, Hassan.”
“Oh hell nah. What’s that tone for?” His voice switched up quick as shit and I could tell he was ready to snap.
I looked in the mirror at my half curled hair and thought about braiding it back up. “There’s gonna have to be a change of plans.”
“What’s good?”
“It’s the kids—”
“Somebody hurt? You need me to handle something?” I could hear him moving around on his end ready to spring into action for whatever I needed. I felt moisture of unexpected tears at the way he was stepping behind someone else’s flesh and blood.
“Their dad has decided that he’s not going to come and get them this weekend.”
“And why not?” I could hear the anger in his voice and I hated that Hassan was more concerned about my babies than their sperm donor.
“He said that I have too much time on my hands if I’m gonna be out hoin’. I should spend it with my children instead.”
“That fuck nigga can go lay up with the side bitch but you gotta deprive yourself of something real? Sisi it’s gettin’ hard baby. Especially with the way he’s disrespecting you.” His breathing had changed and I didn’t know what that meant but I was sure it wasn’t anything good.
“What is?”
“Me trying to battle the urge to take that nigga’s head off his shoulders with a machete. I was keeping shit low because I thought the one redeeming quality he had was his children. Now I see he’s trying to fuck up his only saving grace.”
I giggled thankful that he wasn’t serious. “It’s not that deep.”
“It is that deep. A nigga who don’t take care of his kids on some get back shit ain’t worthy to breathe air in my book.
Our people made their shit work and I know my parents had some rough times.
Hell, you’d have to battle them to give us space once they know we’re official and shit.
Might be the reason they move back to the Grove cause my Black ass wasn’t enough.
Him being petty is expected but I’d hoped that nigga had better sense than that. ”
I blew out a breath because the tears were trying to fall again. “Clearly not.”
“Yeah, I’m seeing. But that don’t change shit we got going on.”
“It doesn’t?”
“Nah, gotta make some changes but nothing so major that I’m not going to see you. It’ll just be the four of us instead. If it’s okay with you that I meet them.”
I could practically hear the nerves in his voice as he asked and the moisture in my eyes turned into a full blown tears. Only this time they were from joy and not sadness. I smiled softly because he was really wanting to make a good impression on my babies.
“Yeah, that’s fine.”
“Cool. I gotta brush up on my fuck quietly skills. Ain’t had to use them since I was a chap but I can’t have them babies knowing how I take they mama down.”
“Hassan Beacon!”
We laughed together and it was crazy how he knew exactly what I needed to lift my sprits.
“I hear that spark is back in your voice. Go ahead and break the news to them that plans changed. You don’t even have to tell me he was too much of a coward to do that shit himself.
Dave still allergic to being a real nigga after all this time.
” He made a tisking sound and I was laughing again.
Maybe Dave wasn’t the only one who’d held a grudge all this time.
“You really don’t like him.”
“And I’m sure the feeling is more than mutual. Had you been with anyone else that wasn’t me or one of my cousins he probably would’ve let this shit slide. But now? Pfft that bitch gone try you every way he can. Just know I got you not matter what he does, Sisi.”
I knew he was right because Dave’s finances hadn’t recovered after we got divorced. It got so bad he went crawling to my grandfather to help find a job because he was hollering about needing to support the kids.
“I hear you, ‘San.”
“You play your cards right and you’ll feel me later. But get off my line. I gotta switch shit up and I’m not trying to be late.”
“Thank you.” I was smiling and trying to keep the emotion out of my voice but I failed as my voice wavered.
I could hear his smile match mine through the phone. “It ain’t nothing beautiful. Now let me go and handle business so that we can have a good night, aight?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Oh, you definitely trying to get fucked tonight.”
“Hey, can y’all come over here for a minute?”
I’d left my bathroom and gone looking for my babies. I found them downstairs in the den playing their video game. I’d watched them momentarily before I interrupted.
“He’s not coming is he?” My son Dorian didn’t even bother to look up from the game and I was positive him and Selene had discussed this while I was upstairs. We’d started arguing and there was no telling if they’d heard me raise my voice.
I hated that they didn’t even sound disappointed. Of course after so many hours being left waiting it was the natural conclusion but I still hated it.
“No, he’s not. How do you feel bout that?”
Dorian shrugged but he turned around after he paused the game. “Ma, we know that daddy only does stuff to get under your skin. You have to remember that we not little kids. We can see that he’s being petty because he’s not happy.”
My hurt lurched at hearing him say they weren’t little kids but he was right, they weren’t. At least not as little that they could ignore the obvious. “I didn’t realize that.”
“Yeah him and Ms. Bianca always fighting because of you. Not anything you did but just the fact that you exist I guess. It’s weird and they’re weird. We don’t even have a room when we go to their house because Brioncé has the second bedroom.”
I was angry hearing that he still hadn’t made a place for the kids to be comfortable in his home.
We were supposed to have designated spaces for them in each of our residents but it’s clear Dave didn’t care about defying the court.
My grandfather had put in a word for him at the lumber mill nearby because the pay would’ve been enough for him to do what he needed to with the kids.
But I guess that still wasn’t his focus.
He’d moved into Bianca’s apartment and never left.
Three people in a two bedroom was fine but having five in there had to be tough.
Should’ve made his life so much worse than I did.
“Are you sad?” Because I would take their pain away in a heartbeat if I needed to.
“Not sad. Disappointed but you were carrying a lot of the weight even before you all split up. I hate that he’s acting this way but we know there’s nothing we can do.
” Dorian shrugged with an indifference I hated that he felt.
It just proved that he wasn’t missing his father because he didn’t have much to miss.
“And that it’s not our fault.” Selene chimed in with that bubbly way of hers. Her hair was braided up into two big space buns. She’d inherited my thick hair and I refused to have to deal with it daily. Selene had let her big brother talk but she clearly wanted to make her feelings clear.
“When did you guys grow up?” I was smiling but inside I was kinda sad because it felt like time was moving too fast.
“Granddaddy already told us that dad might do this so we were prepared for it.” Selene grinned big as hell like she was proud to have remembered what her granddaddy taught her.
I had to roll my eyes because of course my daddy had told them that. He was messy as hell and I knew he was toeing the line of parental alienation. Dave clearly didn’t need much help with that.