Chapter 9 Riggs
Riggs
Ipaced the front living room with Alanna, trying to give my mate a chance to rest. An unexpected spring storm howled outside, making the windows rattle as thunder crashed in the distance.
I’d cranked the heater up a few degrees for Alanna, even though my Clan was going to hate me for it. I also had a thick baby blanket wrapped around her, but I was pretty sure she didn’t care about my efforts to keep her warm because she was too busy being miserable.
“I know, sweet thing. I know.”
She kept crying, hiccuping from the force of her emotions. It wasn’t the cry of an angry baby—I was learning the differences in baby cries—it was the cry of a baby who was hurting and confused by her pain.
She was strapped to my chest with some kind of contraption that defied the laws of gravity, leaving my hands completely free.
I used the nearby kitchen sink to wash them thoroughly, then rubbed more of the stuff on her gums that Dice had given us.
After that, I gave her another dose of pain reliever, marking the time on a whiteboard affixed to the fridge.
Before Alanna, I’d never had much interaction with babies and toddlers, except through the Clan during gatherings. I was an only child, born late in life to older parents. I had been their miracle baby.
Alanna’s cries softened as the medicine kicked in, numbing her gums, and then stopped altogether. She blinked swollen, red eyes at me, her chest still shuddering, her face red and blotchy, sticky from her tears.
I moved to the nearest bathroom off the living room and pulled a soft washcloth from the linen closet.
After dampening it with warm water, I squeezed it out and gently started wiping her face.
She made faces at me and tried to pull away from my efforts, grunting in very clear baby betrayal.
I chuckled at her. At least she wasn’t growling at me like she’d been doing lately with everyone.
“That gum stuff works quickly, huh?” I rumbled at her.
She seemed to love my voice. Whenever I talked—even nonsense—she became completely spellbound. I tried not to let it inflate my ego, but I couldn’t help it. It felt nice to have at least one of them captivated by me.
And then I remembered that she reacted that way to several others as well, and my sense of pride deflated like an undercooked soufflé.
Still, I thought she might prefer me, at least a little. I had no idea why she also liked Alistair. Taco, Drew, and Mathan I understood, but Alistair? He was five shades past grump. Sometimes, he was just mean.
“Well, there’s no accounting for taste,” I whispered to her, and she grinned at me.
She was such a good baby, but like anyone breathing, she hated pain. When the pain was gone, she was back to being little Miss Sunshine.
“I don’t blame you,” I said as I used a fluffy white towel to dry her face, then smoothed a bit of baby lotion onto her skin so it wouldn’t dry out. She seemed to have delicate skin. “Pain is not fun.”
It had been a week since Piper had come back to the Lodge, and even though she had thawed a bit toward me, she was still keeping me at arm’s length. It was the hardest thing I’d ever done, but I was doing my best to abide by her wishes.
I didn’t know what would happen down the road—if she would be a part of my future once things with Barrett were settled—but I hoped she would.
I tried to comfort myself with statistics.
At least half of shifters didn’t jump into a relationship right away when they met their mate.
Emrie and Roarke had obviously been in love for a long time, so them moving directly into a relationship made sense.
But for most shifters, their first meeting was when they realized they were mates.
And even for us, a first meeting was too soon to build something lasting.
Some relationships just took more time to develop, and I was trying not to be discouraged by that.
I also tried to remember that just because I was ready didn’t mean she was—and it didn’t mean it wouldn’t work out.
But my bear didn’t see it that way. He’d gone silent lately, and I knew he was hurting just as much as I was.
It’s not a no, I reminded him for maybe the hundredth time.
All I got was a sad sigh in return.
Was it possible for him to be depressed? Should I be worried about this? I wanted to protect him as he protected me, but addressing psychological concerns was beyond me. I pulled out my phone, skimmed my contacts list, and tapped one.
It was the middle of the night, but I was sure he would be up. He was a vampire, after all.
“Draven here.”
I cleared my throat. Alanna was staring at me in fascination, gnawing on a fist shoved halfway into her mouth.
“Hello, King Draven. Are you taking therapy clients right now? I’m sorry to bother you at home, but I’m concerned about my bear.”
He made a quiet noise, and I heard a door shut in the background. “I am, on a limited basis, but I can make time for you, Alpha Riggs.”
Good. That was… good. I winced. “The only problem is that I can’t leave the Lodge right now.” I couldn’t afford to be away from Piper and Alanna, and I didn’t dare bring them with me. We hadn’t found any evidence that Barrett or his men were still nearby, but I knew he was just biding his time.
“That’s fine. I can either come to you, or we can do a session via video call. I prefer meeting in person, though. My vampire senses can give me a better picture of what we’re dealing with if I meet you in person rather than over the phone.”
Made sense. “Do you have any availability this week?” It was Thursday, late in the week, but hope sprang eternal.
“I do, in fact, have availability tomorrow. Fridays are more casual workdays, and I can take a few hours. Would seven work for you?”
I almost slumped onto the couch in relief. There was nothing like feeling like you were breaking apart to give you proper perspective. I needed this, and hopefully it would help my bear.
He still hadn’t reacted to the plans I was making, and that worried me more. I felt… nothing. No hostility or anger. No frustration. Just… nothing.
“Yes, thank you, King Draven.”
He chuckled, and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. It wasn’t fear. It was my shifter senses acknowledging the power of the master vampire, the well-leashed power.
“Draven is fine. You’re not one of my subjects.”
I made a face at Alanna, embarrassed, and she giggled. It came out muffled with her fist still shoved into her mouth, but it was adorable nonetheless.
“Of course. I’ll see you tomorrow at seven.”
When I hung up, I set the phone next to me on a side table. If I tried to put it in my pocket while sitting down, I’d injure something. I wasn’t a young man anymore. Roarke would laugh at me and call me a fledgling, and I knew fifty wasn’t old in shifter years, but lately… I’d begun to feel my age.
With these new concerns, I wondered if it could also be depression. Depression often masked as other things. I guess I would find out tomorrow. And since I wasn’t able to do anything about it today, I set it aside and checked in via the Clan link with my enforcers on patrol.
Other than the storm, everything seemed quiet, and they reported no new problems or sightings.
Sighing in relief, I looked down at a very wide-awake . “What’s it going to take to get you to sleep, huh?”
She grinned, still gumming her fist.
I shook my head. “That fist sure seems tasty.”
She replied by blowing bubbles at me, and I laughed.
“Okay, let’s get you out of this carrier thing. Maybe you’ll relax better out of it.”
It took a few minutes, but I got her out, laying her down right next to me on the couch as I worked the rest of it off and slid it onto the floor. Then I picked Alanna up again.
“You know, you’re a lot of work, sweet thing.”
She waved her glistening fist at me, grinning, and my heart melted.
“So, what you’re saying is that you know you are, but you’re well worth it. In other words, you know your worth.” I nodded at her seriously. “This is good. It means I won’t have to break too many boys’ jaws when you get older.”
If I got to witness her getting older…
Shaking my head, I moved back to the kitchen and made her a bottle. “Let’s see if food makes you sleepy. I’ve run out of ideas.”
When we got back to the living room with the warmed-up formula, I pulled out the little half-moon pillow meant for mothers who nursed their young, but it worked just as well for bottle feeding.
I felt no embarrassment whatsoever as I sat down, latched it around my waist, and settled Alanna onto it, resting her in the crook of my arm before giving her the bottle.
She did a good job of holding it herself, but I helped, because the weight was too much for her after a while.
I watched her eat. Sometimes I sensed something in Alanna. Something other. But always, before I could pin it down, it flickered away, slipping out of my shifter senses, even my alpha senses.
“Do you have powers, baby girl?” I murmured to her. “Is it something you want to share with the class yet?”
Her wide blue eyes stayed locked on me as she drank the bottle down, and a deep tenderness filled me.
It wasn’t new. I’d been feeling it for the past several weeks she’d been with the Clan, but it was deepening.
And even though I knew loving Alanna and Piper might rip the heart from my chest in the end, I didn’t care.
Love was always worth it.
At least… that’s what I told myself.
I just hoped I was right.