CHAPTER 21
The following morning, I wake up with a slight headache. It starts right at my temples, and then spreads like thorns of angry bush roses around my head, poking any place it reaches, creating thousands of little pain fountains. But, that’s not what I’m focused on.
I grab at my cover and pull it over my head, in a futile effort to hide myself from the world. I can’t believe what I did. I seriously can’t believe I did that. I had sex with Mason. And, Adrian. And, Wagner. What on Earth was I thinking?!
I’m so upset with myself that I can’t even feel the headache any longer. How will I be able to look at them, at any of them? Maybe it’s best just to gather my stuff, get Dominick and get out of here before anyone…
“Knock, knock…” I hear a voice through the closed doors, at the same time that I actually hear the sound of knocking.
“Yeah?” I mumble, my voice hoarse and unpleasant.
“Whoa, you sound like an 80 year old heavy smoker when you wake up,” Mason peeps through the door.
“It’s the alcohol from last night,” I try to explain, but the more I speak, the worse I sound.
I’m still hiding underneath the covers, but I feel Mason sit on the edge of the bed. He doesn’t try to get me to come out. For a few moments, he just sits there next to me. I wonder what the time is. Is Dominick up already? Has he had breakfast?
“Adrian said this will help,” Mason says, then I hear the sound of something being put down on the little nightstand next to the bed.
I peek through a small opening from underneath the cover, and see it’s a cup of some steaming, yellowish liquid.
“It’s peppermint tea, with a little bit of honey,” he explains. “According to Adrian, people have been using peppermint tea for centuries as a cure for hangover. He said, ahem, lemme see if I can quote him, it both counteracts the nauseating effect of a hangover, and relaxes tense nerves and muscles.”
“That was pretty good,” I smile, still not coming out.
“Sounds enough like him, right?” I can hear him laugh this time.
“It really does.”
“You know, in his entire lifetime, he’s only loved one woman,” he suddenly starts telling me a story. “She was some countess or shit. I forget. Real looker. Men’s jaws would drop to the ground when she would pass by. And, for some reason she had eyes only for him. This was shortly after he escaped the circus, before he joined us. Our paths still hadn’t crossed at that point. So, anyway, he found work doing some odd jobs. He would send her things he carved from wood, as presents. She loved them. And, she loved him. He wanted to marry her, and after a few months of courting her secretly, he asked her to marry him. She said yes. But, he had to ask her father for her hand, and a blessing from him was something he wouldn’t be getting that easily, because her father had already arranged a marriage with one of his friends, who was much older than his daughter. I guess that’s how things were done back in the day. As you can guess, the proposal didn’t go that well. Adrian was thrown out of her house. He almost ended up in prison. He wasn’t allowed to come near her. On the morning of her wedding day, she was found dead. She swallowed deadly nightshade berries. A few were still left in a little bowl. He was crushed. I think he never even looked at another woman, until you came into our lives.”
A few tears rolled down my face as I was listening to his story. I press my face against the pillow, to wipe it. Then, I slide the cover down, revealing myself.
“I didn’t know that,” I whisper, my voice trembling.
“I told you this story to show you that for him, for us, for me and Wagner as well, this isn’t just a fling. If it’s just that to you, then all you need to do is say so, and we won’t stand in your way, if you want to leave, or whatever else you want to do. I - “
“I know,” it feels good to be the one who interrupts him this time.
I take his hands into mine, and place a kiss on them.
“Thank you for sharing this story with me,” I smile. “I know how different all three of you are. And yet, you are the same in so many ways. The three of you aren’t one perfect man. You are three perfect men and I consider myself so lucky, so grateful to be loved and cherished by you.”
“We’re far from perfect,” he shakes his head. “And, honestly, I don’t want you to think we are. You might get disappointed that way.”
“I’d never be disappointed by anything you do or you did.”
“You say that now,” he smiles, caressing my cheek. “Just, believe that we are good men. That’s enough.”
“I know that, I really do.”
“Because, we’ve all done something in our lives we’re not proud of. Wagner’s been in more fights than you can remember. He’s also fucked about a thousand women, in his youth. He had problems with alcohol, with rage, but that’s all behind him. He’s learned from it. He is the man he is today exactly because of those mistakes from the past.”
I look down, trying to make sense of his words. He’s right. We should learn from our mistakes. Otherwise, we are doomed to repeat them over and over again.
“Adrian believes that he has become weaker because of his past. They’ve broken him so many times, and yet, he’s still standing. That in itself, is victory.”
“What about you?” I dare to ask, managing only a slight whisper.
“Me?” he smiles weakly. “I’m no different. I cheated. I fought where there was no need to fight. My father was the clan leader, and like I already mentioned, we have slightly different rules here. We’re civilized, but we’re not ready to give up our connection with the old way of things. That’s what my father believed. I myself am willing to modernize the clan, as you can see. But, he wasn’t. That is what was eventually his downfall. We made the mistake of making an alliance with the wrong clan, a clan which didn’t share the same ideals as us. They betrayed us, and many of us died as a result.”
“Oh, I’m sorry…” I gasp.
“I don’t like to talk about it,” he nods. “I guess, you and I are the same like that. Adrian and Wagner, too. We all have different stories, but one thing binds us, and that is that we became who we are because we overcame what happened. No one is perfect. No is errorless. This is a word Adrian would use,” he chuckles to himself, and I join in. “You just keep going. You face your fear. You fight it. You don’t surrender your whole life to it. Because then, it will swallow you whole. It will swallow you alive, Danica.”
I hear him sigh heavily, as if the weight of the world is pressing upon his shoulders, and there is no one to share the burden with.
“We’re all having breakfast down at the big kitchen. Come join us, when you’re ready.”
“I’ll be there in a second,” I smile.
He just nods, then exits the room. I take the tea and drink it slowly. Adrian was right. My throat immediately felt better. As for my voice, that’ll take longer. My headache subsided as well. Maybe I could actually grab something to eat.