3. Dennis #3
He could almost hear the grin in her voice when Myrah announced, “Oh, now you’ve got to tell me!”
He gritted his teeth. “I came across a naked man. Holding a fish in his mouth.”
A loaded pause. “Wait. What? A fish? I was with you through ‘naked man’ but I could swear you just said he was holding a fish in his…mouth? But you wouldn’t have said that, because what the fuck.”
“I definitely said that,” he said, not hiding his smirk at her flummoxed manner. “He was literally holding a dying trout between his lips. And he was naked while holding said trout between his lips.”
“...Why?” she demanded.
“This is where it gets really weird.”
“It gets weirder?” she asked faintly.
“Yes!” He nodded even though she couldn’t see him. “Because he’s a shifter. And apparently he had been chowing down on the fish in his bear form. Until I got near him. And then he changed back to human.”
There was a long pause wherein he could hear her breathing, but nothing else. “Do you mean…” she finally breathed.
“He says I’m his mate,” Dennis confirmed. “Which, that’s insane, right?”
“Well,” Myrah allowed, “it’s not insane, in the sense that this is a known thing that happens to shifters when they meet their mates. We both know that. Hell, from the stories you tell, you’ve seen it more than once at the bar.”
He flopped down against a tree, only belatedly thinking to check that the ground was dry.
Thankfully, it was; he didn’t need to be wandering back into the cabin with a wet ass.
He let his head hang back until he felt the tree’s rough bark against his hair.
“Yeah, but with me? Me, as a shifter’s mate?
And I mean it’s not even like he’s a housecat shifter or something small like that.
He’s a fucking brown bear. Or some kind of bear.
At least, he’s a bear that’s brown,” he finished lamely.
“So what you’re telling me,” she said carefully, “is that you went on vacation to be alone, and you accidentally met your fated mate. Naked. With a fish.”
“He eventually dropped the fish so he could talk,” he pointed out.
And why was she so hung up on the damn fish?
“Forget the fish. I’m more concerned with the fact that I have an amorous six-and-a-half foot tall guy in my living room telling me we’re destined to be together and he squished my bread, dammit. ”
“He…what? Is that a euphemism? I don’t want to hear about your kinky sex life, Den.”
He snorted. “No, he literally squished a loaf of bread, because he’s a giant-ass clumsy bear!
Do you remember the rhino who trashed the bar a few weeks ago?
It’s like that. He’s going to ruin my stuff.
Oh!” he almost shouted. “And I forgot the worst part: the cabin is double-booked this week. Give you one guess who the other renter is.”
“You have got to be shitting me,” she breathed. “What the hell? Are you in a romance novel? Wait, is there only one bed? Tell me there’s only one bed!”
He sighed heavily. “There’s only one bed.” She squealed and Dennis pulled the phone away from his ear with a wince. “I told him he could sleep on the couch.”
She clucked. “You told your mate to sleep on the couch?”
“He’s not my mate!” he snapped.
“Uh…” She made a dubious sound. “Dennis, my dearest friend. The man turned from furry to naked when he saw you. You know what that means: he’s your mate. It’s not really something you can debate.”
“Only if I accept him,” he pointed out. “And I haven’t. And I won’t. I don’t need that kind of chaos in my life. I don’t even know this man! What if we hate each other when we get to know each other? What if he’s a criminal?”
“So get to know him,” she shot back. “You’re alone together in an isolated cabin in the woods for…a week? Two weeks? What better way and time to get to know someone the fates have marked for you?”
He snorted. “Don’t tell me you buy into that ‘fates’ crap. Invisible sky fairies? Really?”
“Well,” she said archly, “what would you call it, when there are certain people who trigger uncontrollable reflexes in certain other people, and it only works on each other? And then those people are almost invariably happy for the rest of their lives once they get together? I mean we can call it ‘fate’ or ‘plart-mumblox’, but either way we know what it means.”
Plart-mumblox, he mouthed to himself, wondering where she came up with this stuff. “How do we know it’s only that one person, though?” he protested, and it sounded weak even to his own ears. “Maybe it works with a dozen people, and people just stop looking after the first one.”
He thought he heard her mumble something that might have been Give me strength, and then she sighed.
“How is that any different than dating and successfully getting married then? Maybe you could have been happy with a dozen people, but you picked one and you’re happy with them.
Or, you know, not happy,” she added as an afterthought. “But you know what I mean.”
How dare she use logic on him? He huffed. “Because he’s telling me I don’t get a choice. I have to be his husband, forever.”
“Is he hot?” she asked abruptly, and he startled at the topic change.
“What?”
“Is he hot? Like, is this someone you would want to do sexy things with, if you met him on the street and there was none of this ‘mate’ stuff between you?”
He considered that. Bjorn was, well, a bear.
Tall and bulky, with brown hair shot through with gold highlights that he was pretty sure were natural.
His hair fell to his shoulders, a mix of straight and wavy that said it was entirely unstyled and just did that.
Since the man hadn’t worn a stitch of clothing since they met, he was also aware that his body hair was thick and a shade darker than his head hair, without the blonde highlights.
His skin was caramel-colored, hinting at ancestry that hadn’t exactly been isolated to the northern part of the globe, and his lips were full and pink.
Also his cock was proportionate, and his ass was delicious. Not that he’d noticed either of those things. He cleared his throat.
“Uh, Den? You still there?” Myrah asked loudly, and he realized he’d been sitting there against his tree, just visualizing Bjorn in all his naked glory, for who knew how long.
“Yeah.” His voice came out dry, and he cleared his throat again. “Yeah, I’m here. He’s, uh…attractive.”
“Attractive,” she repeated dryly. “Uh-huh. And does he seem like a criminal? Or unlikeable?”
He saw where she was going with this, and he didn’t like it, no sir. “It doesn’t matter,” he told her sternly. “We’re not a couple, and I don’t need to like him. I suppose I do need him to not rob me while I sleep, but I can deal with that.”
Myrah laughed, loud and long. “No one who’s seen your resting bitch face would dare try to rob you, Den. And I’m betting if this guy is fated for you, he’s no dummy.”
“Myrah, I called you to…to…” To what, exactly? To listen to him bitch? To talk him out of his frantic urge to flee the country? “To be on my side,” he finally finished.
“And I am on your side, my darling. I just happen to think that your side might be happier with a partner, and this guy sounds…let’s just call it ‘promising’.”
“Ughhhh,” he ground out, banging his head against the tree trunk.
“Just think about it,” Myrah urged. “Give him a chance. Get to know him a little while you’re trapped together. Maybe you’ll fall in love.”
“Or maybe he’ll murder me and turn my buttocks into a Sunday roast,” he retorted.
“Well, considering it’s Monday, that would still mean you got to know each other for six days before the murder, so I’d consider that a victory,” she said very seriously.
“I hate you,” he muttered.
She snorted, and he could almost hear her rolling her eyes. “You love me as much as I love you. Which is why I’m telling you all this: for your own good.”
“Still hate you.”
“And my work here is done,” she sang. “Go hang out with your bear. But tell him no more raw fish in human form; that’s just gross.”
Dennis grunted, then sighed. “Love you,” he said, grumbling the words so she knew he begrudged them. “And thank you for listening.”
Myrah cooed. “You’re so fucking sweet under all those protective layers. Give bear-man a chance to see under them. And I love you too. Now, I have a meeting in ten minutes, and I need to pee, so I’m hanging up. But I expect you to keep me updated!”
“Yeah, yeah.” They said their goodbyes and hung up, and Dennis stuffed his phone back into the cargo pocket of his pants.
Ugh, that hadn’t cleared anything up, though he did feel a bit better just for having been able to unload his stress on her.
He sighed again and closed his eyes. Maybe he could sleep out here.
There was surely a bed of moss or something within range.
Who was he kidding, he was an indoor cat, there was no way he was sleeping outside with all the bugs and dirt. Now that he thought about it, he was pretty sure he had some new mosquito bites just from sitting out here on the phone. He shuddered and jumped to his feet, brushing himself off.
He started to walk back toward the cabin, then slowed.
As much as he wanted away from the bugs, he also didn’t want to face Bjorn again.
What would he say? Myrah had him doubting how sure he was that this couldn’t work, and that was just not ok.
He needed to hold firm until they could get this cabin mess sorted out and go their separate ways.
Then life could go back to normal, and he wouldn’t have a burly bear trying to declare his undying love or whatever.
So instead of returning to the cabin, Dennis turned on his heel and headed deeper into the woods. Thankfully, there were marked trails, so he wouldn’t get lost. He just needed to walk off some of this angst. He’d come back in a few hours calm, collected, and ready to negotiate with Bjorn.
***