Chapter Nine
J osie left Clyde Park just before nine. Summer in Montana meant lovely long, light-filled days, and it was still light as she drove home, the roads relatively empty. But even then, she drove carefully, paying attention to the other drivers when they approached, but before long she was turning off Highway 89 for Marietta. A few blocks later she was parking in Bear’s driveway and letting herself into Bear’s house. The house smelled of paint, floor stain, and polish, and Josie cracked open the windows to let in some fresh air.
She’d spent much of the day painting the living room, and she examined the chocolate-colored walls, wondering what Bear would think. She liked them, and once the furniture arrived next week, she thought he’d like them, too.
This afternoon while the paint dried, she finished installing an accent wall in her little bedroom. Now that she knew Bear owned the house, she wasn’t afraid of investing a little capital and elbow grease into turning the bland house into something more welcoming. The exterior was still rather hopeless, but that could come later, after Bear had moved in, and if the young family touring his house tomorrow wanted it, she knew he hoped to move to Marietta by the end of next week.
She didn’t blame him. His Clyde Park house, so stunning and luxurious, hadn’t been designed with a wheelchair in mind, forcing him to live in a corner of the enormous living room, and his bedroom—the former trophy room.
She still hadn’t mustered up the courage to ask where all the trophies and awards had gone.
When she had asked him why he didn’t go outside and enjoy his front porch more, reminding him that it would be a great place for dinner or his morning coffee, he’d answered in that dry tone of his that he hadn’t yet mastered the art of rolling with plates on his knees, or a hot drink between his thighs when there was a threshold, and the front door had a significant threshold.
She, who understood the challenges of wheelchairs better than most, had forgotten this.
Josie suddenly pressed a fist to her chest, just above her heart, pressing back against the ache she felt. She felt oh, so many things, and it was scary caring this much. Scary wanting someone that had different needs than hers, that would never know the spontaneity so many took for granted.
Bear had to think for his body, had to create habits and patterns, learning to be aware for a body that couldn’t signal pain or pressure, whether it was on his butt, his calves, or his bladder.
But he was also so much more than a man in a chair. He was larger than life and made her believe in the human spirit, and the resilience of man, and tonight, Bear had said all the things she believed—that there was more to life than just making money, and more to being alive than getting ahead. There was helping others, extending a hand to those who needed it. She believed in improving things for those she met. She wanted to positively impact the world around her. Maybe she was a hopeless idealist, but that was okay. It helped balance those who were hopelessly negative… and the world had plenty of those.
*
Bear did a last set of curls in the garage on his workout bench, focused on the muscle contraction and the burn. He was getting stronger, and he liked that he was gaining size. Perhaps, once he moved to Marietta, he’d join a gym. They’d had far more equipment than the bar, bench and dumbbells he kept here.
The move to Marietta was happening soon. It was just a few days now. He hadn’t been to the house in days as Josie had forbidden him to visit until she had everything set up. She claimed she needed to take some photos for her project and needed to do that without his stuff cluttering it up, but he suspected it was more than that. He suspected she was doing her thing—decorating, fluffing duvets, and filling the living room couch with pillows no one needed.
The idea of her fluffing duvets and plumping pillows made him smile. He was looking forward to living with her, seeing her daily, even if it was just in coming and going. Fortunately, they’d be working together on the Farrell Building, which would officially be his on Monday, and the permits had been fast tracked by city hall, allowing them to begin construction the first of August.
It was all coming together. Life was good. Better than he’d expected or hoped.
Bear finished his workout in the garage and returned to the house to shower and dress before heading to dinner in Marietta with Josie, Rye, and Ansley. Rye had booked reservations at the elegant steak house on Main Street to celebrate the Farrell Building closing on Monday. Bear had no intention of letting Rye pay for the dinner, but he definitely felt celebratory and was pleased that Rye recognized that this was a special occasion.
He’d just eased his jeans on and was starting to button up his western dress shirt when the doorbell rang. Was it the doorbell? He never had visitors and he couldn’t imagine who was at his door at five o’clock on a Wednesday.
But there it was again, the doorbell, and it rang several times, an insistent peel that was impossible to ignore.
Bear rolled out of his room and down the hall to the front door. He was stunned when he opened it, looking up into a very familiar face, the face of someone he’d once loved. “Savannah, what are you doing here?”
She pushed a heavy wave of blonde hair back from her face. Shadows circled beneath her brown eyes. “I brought you Mick.” She turned to her dusty compact SUV and whistled. The dog pushed his head out of the half open driver’s window. “See?”
“I told you I’d make arrangements to have him picked up.”
“I waited for you to reach out, but you didn’t—”
“It’s only been a week.”
“Almost two weeks,” she corrected, “and you know me, I’m not good at waiting for things to happen.”
So very true, he thought. “You should have texted, reminded me. There was no need to drive all the way here.”
“I know, but I had to do something. I couldn’t just sit in that apartment and wait for Noah to walk in the door. He’s not coming back.”
Her words were like a punch to his gut. He exhaled hard, struggling to catch his breath.
“No,” Bear managed after a moment, the grief rising up, the injustice of it all as overwhelming on the day he learned his friend was gone. “He’s not.”
“And so, I’m here.”
Bear ground his jaw tight, conflicted, angry, heartbroken. And yet, also relieved to see Noah’s Mick looking healthy, the dog’s black and white head hanging out of the car, his tongue lolling.
Savannah was another story. She didn’t look well, too thin, and clearly sleep deprived. She wasn’t his problem either, and the last thing he wanted was her here, on his doorstep—or anywhere else in his life.
She’d burned so many bridges, and Bear was bitterly sorry Noah was gone, but Bear wasn’t in any position to help Savannah pick up the pieces. “You have family. You have parents. You have Noah’s parents, and I know they’d be there for you, thrilled to help welcome his baby—”
“I’m not going to tell them,” she interrupted tightly. “Not telling anyone.”
“You told me.”
“Because I already know what you think of me. It can’t get much worse.”
“So, what do you want me to do? Forgive you of all responsibility? Decide how you’re to handle the future? You’re almost thirty years old, Savannah. You’re an adult.”
“Thanks, Bear, super helpful.”
Despite the shadows beneath her eyes, despite her alarmingly slender frame, she was still pretty, still Savannah, her long blonde hair tumbling over her shoulders. Her roots were darker than he remembered, but he also knew it was the style to do that. She was so meticulous about her hair color that it couldn’t be by chance.
“I’m not trying to be an a-hole,” he said. “But we haven’t talked for years and now you’re here, and I’m not sure why.”
“That’s not true. We talked a couple weeks ago. You called me.”
“To find out about Noah.”
“And I told you he was dead.” Her voice cracked. Tears filed her eyes, the golden-brown irises framed by thick, black-mascaraed lashes. She averted her head, straight white teeth catching her lower lip. “And then I told you about the pregnancy.”
“You said you didn’t know if you wanted to keep the baby.”
“Exactly. It should be my choice. I don’t need my parents weighing in, or Noah’s family weighing in, or you .” She looked at him defiantly, the tears now clinging to her lashes. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m scared, and I don’t know what to do. Which is why I’m here.”
“To not get my opinion,” he said, and yet his anger was gone.
She was, and always had been, impossible.
Savannah blinked and wiped her eyes dry. “Can I just stay here? For a little bit? While I try to figure out… the future?”
“I’m getting ready to move. I’m out in just days.”
“What? Why? Where are you going?”
“Marietta, it’s about thirty-five minutes from here. I’ve bought a house there—”
“What’s happening to our house?”
Our house. He held back a laugh. She would always be the main character in the story, and not just her story but everyone else’s. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with the house long-term, but for the next year I have somebody who’s going to lease it. They’re excited about living here, and that makes me feel good about leaving.”
“But why do you want to leave?” She glanced past him down the hall toward the soaring great room with its majestic, beamed ceiling and stone fireplace that reached up all the way to those hand-carved beams. “This is the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen. And you poured your heart into it. You were obsessed with getting it right.”
“For you, too, not just me. It was going to be our family home, but I’m single and this isn’t exactly wheelchair friendly.” He kept his tone light, not wanting to get into a lot of conversation about a decision he’d already made. “The folks who are leasing it from me have a couple kids and they’ve always wanted Montana property, and this will give them a chance to figure out if they’d like to live here fulltime or not.”
“They sound like LA people. Actors or something.”
“He’s a director.”
“I knew it.” She shook her head. “It just seems wrong.” Her hair swished as she looked up at him. “Do you need money?”
“Doesn’t everyone need money?”
“I just didn’t know if this move was motivated by financial issues.”
“It’s really none of your business, Savannah? You have your finances. I have mine.”
And then he saw her stricken look and felt like a jerk. She’d just lost her boyfriend. She was pregnant. She was… just being Savannah.
“Rather than let the house sit empty, I thought it was better to create some revenue, as that revenue can go a long way in helping me with a new business I’m starting.”
She nodded once and glanced away again, giving him her profile, which was stunning. She was a beautiful woman. But not his woman and hadn’t been for a number of years now. He opened the door wider and rolled back a foot. “Did you bring any dog food for Mick?”
“Of course. And his bowls, and his bed, and toys.” She drew an unsteady breath. “So, Noah’s dog is welcome, but I’m not?”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
For a moment, she looked utterly lost, and whether it was real or manufactured it still got under his skin. She’d put him through hell, but she was going through it now, and he just couldn’t kick her when she was down.
“It is getting late.” he said gruffly. “So you can stay for the next day or so, but when I move out at the end of the week, you need to have a plan on where you’re going next. You obviously can’t stay here with the new family moving in, and the house I’m renting isn’t big enough for the three of us.”
Her head turned, thick golden hair swishing. “Three? Who else will you be living with?”
“Again, none of your business.”
“Do you have a girlfriend, Bear?”
“I do not have a girlfriend, but my roommate is a girl.”
“And the house has only two bedrooms?”
“The house has three bedrooms, but the smallest bedroom is going to be my office.”
“You couldn’t put a sleeper sofa in that room? Or one of those fold out chair beds? It’d give me a place to crash for a while.”
“ No. ”
Her shoulders slumped, her entire frame crumbling. “Bear, I’m desperate. I’m not doing good. My thoughts are crazy. I feel crazy. Please. ”
“It’s not fair to Josie. It’s a big enough move—”
“Can I talk to her? Before you decide for her, can I at least talk to her? Let me explain the situation? It wouldn’t be forever. Just a little bit. Just until I get back on my feet.”
“What about your music, and all your summer concerts? Noah told me about your schedule. He was worried you both were so busy you wouldn’t see each other.”
“My busy was lots of small county fairs, and small outdoor stadiums. Nothing significant. Nothing that will impress anyone in Nashville.”
“It’ll help pay some bills.”
She nodded. “True.” She hesitated. “But if I keep the baby, I can’t do what I’d planned. Too much travel, too many late nights, too much stress.”
“So, you’re thinking about keeping it?”
“I’m thinking about where I could live until I deliver it. But no, not keeping it. There is no way I could keep it.”
“The baby.”
“It.” Her eyes locked with his. “Don’t torture me, Bear. Don’t make this harder than it already is.”
He lifted a hand. “Not trying to torture you, but Noah’s family should at least know. His parents might want his child—”
“Stop. Please? I’ve driven for two days and two nights and I can hardly see straight. If you want to hammer me on ethics, let me at least get a good night’s sleep.”
“Fair enough We don’t need to figure all of this out now. Get your bag, come in. We’ll talk more later. Okay?”
She nodded, lashes wet. “Thank you.”
He looked up into her face, feeling like a pushover, wishing he’d told her no, wishing he could tell her to get lost, but he couldn’t. Not the way things were now. Not with Noah gone.
“I’m doing this for Noah,” he said quietly. “And for his baby. Not because you and I have anything between us, as there’s nothing here, nothing left. Not even a friendship—”
“I got it,” she said, unsteadily, pushing a long, light tendril of hair from her face. “No need to hammer it in. You don’t like me. You don’t respect me. You don’t trust me. I got it. But I’m thankful anyway. Now, I’ll get my bags and get out of your way.”
“And Mick. Let’s let him out of the car, shall we?” It was only then that Bear remembered his dinner plans with Rye and Ansley and Josie that night. The celebration dinner in Marietta.
He couldn’t go now. There was no way he could go. The desire to celebrate was gone.
*
Josie got the text at five thirty last night that Bear had to cancel dinner and asked everyone if they could please reschedule for next week once the purchase had closed.
Rye and Ansley agreed. Josie agreed, too, but she was disappointed. She’d been excited about going on a double date with her brother and sister-in-law, even though it wasn’t really a date, but it still had felt special.
But now it was morning, and she was out for a walk, trying to get some exercise in before she ended up at Java Café for a coffee and one of their delicious homemade cinnamon rolls. The ring of her iPhone interrupted the music she was listening to, but she didn’t mind when she saw it was Bear calling.
“Morning,” she said, slightly breathless from her brisk pace.
She’d chosen a different route this morning, walking first to the end of Bramble where she entered Crawford Park, passing the library to the trail that followed the river. She walked the trail through the park, over the bridge to the fairgrounds and had just turned around to head back when Bear phoned.
“Morning,” he answered. “Where are you?”
“Heading to Java Café. I tried a new walk this morning. It was along the river and very pretty.”
“How far are you from Java Café?”
“Not far at all. Why?”
“I’ll meet you there.”
“Has something happened?”
“I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
Bear beat her to the coffee shop and had ordered her favorite latte along with her favorite cinnamon roll. She didn’t even know he knew what her favorites were, but they were waiting for her when she arrived. “What brings you to Marietta so early?” she asked, joining him at the little round table in the bay window.
Bear propped his elbows on the edge of the table. “Savannah is at my house.”
Josie couldn’t follow. “Savannah.”
“My former fiancé.”
Josie’s lips parted before she made an effort to press them closed. His ex was staying with him?
As if reading her mind, he added, “Just for a few days.”
“Did you know she was coming?”
“No. She showed up yesterday late afternoon. She’d been driving for a couple of days and was beat. I didn’t feel right sending her away and putting her back on the road.”
Josie nodded slowly. “I get it.”
“Do you?”
She nodded again. “My brother Rye would do the same thing. You guys are moral guys. You’re the good ones.”
“Not that good, Josie. Especially when it comes to Savannah.” His brow creased, his jaw set. “I’m not happy she’s at the house. I’m not comfortable with her around. We had a complicated relationship, equal parts good and bad, and in the end, it was just bad.”
“But you were going to marry her.”
He nodded once. “We had booked the reception, paid a nonrefundable deposit for the band, mailed the save the date cards. But then I was hurt, and it changed everything. We’d always had a fiery relationship, and when it ended, it truly imploded.”
“If that’s the case, why did she drive all the way here from Nashville? Or is there someone else in the area she’s hoping to see?”
“She brought me a dog.”
Josie went silent. Bear wasn’t surprised. He was springing one thing after another on Josie. “Do you like dogs?” he asked.
“Doesn’t everyone?” she answered, reaching for her latte, needing something to hold.
“No. And you’re not allergic to them?”
“No.”
“How do you feel about having a dog in the house?” he asked.
“It’s your house, Bear. You’re the landlord. You make the rules.”
“Now you’re sounding a little prissy.”
Josie leaned across the table, glaring into his eyes. “I am not. I’m being sincere. It’s your house. You can do what you want.”
“Then why are you angry?”
“It’s just a lot, Bear, but give me a moment, and I’ll catch up. I went from being all excited to have coffee with you to your ex is back, she’s moved in, and you have a dog together.”
“We don’t have a dog together. It’s not my dog. It’s my friend Noah’s.”
Josie’s heart suddenly plummeted, and all fight abruptly left her. “Noah was your friend that died in the pile up in Idaho.”
Bear nodded.
She closed her eyes and bit her lip to hold back the sting of tears. Poor Bear. Poor Noah. “I’m glad you’re going to take his dog,” she said, opening her eyes, hoping he couldn’t see the sheen of moisture. “What’s his name?”
“Mick.”
“Mick,” Josie repeated.
“He’s an Australian Shepherd. Very smart dog, high energy.” Bear’s forehead furrowed. “He’s probably not going to love living in the house here in town.”
“That’s a complication, but we’ll make it work. I can take Mick for walks in the morning and then again in the afternoon—”
“He’s not your responsibility.”
“But I want to help.”
“You always do.”
Josie winced a little, even as she knew Bear hadn’t meant anything unkind by it. “I’m being pushy,” she said. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re fine. I’m still trying to figure all of this out.”
Frowning, she took a quick sip of her coffee. “So, there’s more.”
“There’s Savannah.”
Once again Josie’s insides did that awful nauseating free fall. “Does she want to get back together with you?” she asked lowly.
He shook his head. “No. No, um, it’s kind of hard to explain, but Noah and Savannah have been together for the past year. I don’t know how serious they were—no, that’s not true. Noah was very serious about Savannah, and I’m not sure what she felt, or how committed she was, but that’s not the issue now.”
“What is the issue?”
“Savannah’s pregnant.”
“Noah’s baby?”
“Yes.” Bear said.
“And now he’s gone,” Josie whispered.
“Yes.”
“I understand now.” She thought for a moment, and then carefully put her thoughts into words. “I might be missing something, though. Why doesn’t Savannah want to keep their dog? I mean, if they were living together, wasn’t it her dog, too?”
“She’s not a big dog person. Or animal person. But that might be due to her lifestyle more than anything. She’s a singer, and she’s often traveling, and Noah usually took Mick with him when he went anywhere. They were inseparable. The only reason Mick wasn’t on that trip to Pendleton is because he’d had an upset stomach. Crazy how a bout of diarrhea saved Mick’s life.”
“Mick’s going to have a hard time without Noah then.”
“He will. He’s also going to find this change tough. He’s used to being in the truck every day, going to the stables, being on the road.”
“Too bad you’ve just leased out your ranch.”
“No. That had to happen.” Bear rubbed his bristled jaw, troubled. “It’s going to be an adjustment, but we can do this.”
Josie didn’t know if the we was Bear and Mick, or Bear and her, or Bear, Josie and Mick, but it didn’t matter. She was on team Anderson, and she’d do what she could to make the dog’s—and Bear’s—transition easier.
“Are you all moved in now?” Bear asked, changing the subject.
“I just have some books and things to bring over, but otherwise, I’m in.”
“What do you think?”
“I think you have a great little house.”
“Want to show me what you’ve done?”
“Not yet. You have to wait until I get the furniture in, and it’s all being delivered tomorrow.”
“Don’t you need me there?”
“No. Rye said he’d stop by.” She reached across the table and linked her fingers through his. “Can’t wait for you to see it all, though. I just want you happy.”
He glanced down at their hands and then back up into her eyes. “I’m happy,” he said, voice pitched low and husky. “Happier than I ever thought I’d be again.”
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Whatever you do don’t cry .
Josie contented herself with just giving his fingers a quick light squeeze, even though her heart felt impossibly full. She loved him.
Could he possibly love her? If not now, then one day?