Chapter 11
Karrick
I’d been buzzing all night long. So much that I couldn’t get a wink of sleep.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Phoenix in my mind’s eye, radiant and glowing like the boy I’d known in my childhood.
But he was no longer a boy. Now he was a man, one with a chiseled jaw, adorably tousled hair, and a pair of flaming eyes that saw right through me.
Well, not literally. Because if he actually could see what I was feeling, there would’ve been a lot more questions.
And most of them were from myself to myself.
Up until that moment Phoenix got his memory back last night, I only ever thought about women when it came to any sexual or romantic desires. But now that had changed. And I was more confused and terrified than ever.
All I could think about was the way Phoenix had felt in my arms, warm and solid and real.
The way his hands had fisted in my fur like he never wanted to let go.
The trust in his eyes when he’d looked at me, the same absolute faith he’d shown as a child, but now there was something else there too.
Something that made my chest tight and my pulse race in ways that had nothing to do with friendship.
I rolled over in my narrow dorm bed for what felt like the hundredth time, burying my face in my pillow with a frustrated growl. Thankfully I had a private room this year, which meant I could pace and mutter to myself without having to explain why I was acting like a caged animal.
Because that’s exactly how I felt. Caged by my own confusion, my own fear of what these new feelings meant.
I’d had crushes before. Sarah Frampton, a selkie I knew in high school, with her long blonde hair and easy smile.
Rebecca Torres, the human girl who’d worked at the coffee shop near campus before the attack.
I knew what attraction felt like, or at least I thought I did.
This thing with Phoenix was different. Bigger. More consuming. And far more heated.
Maybe it was just the intensity of getting him back, I told myself as I sat up and scrubbed my hands through my dark fur.
Maybe my emotions were just scrambled from everything that had happened.
The memory modification, the ritual, seeing him break down in my arms as his stolen memories returned.
It would be natural for me to feel protective, possessive even.
We’d been best friends. I’d lost him once already.
But that didn’t explain the way my skin had burned everywhere he’d touched me. The way I’d wanted to bury my face in his hair and breathe him in. The way I’d had to fight every instinct not to hold him closer, tighter, like I could somehow absorb him into myself and never let him go again.
I flopped back down and stared at the ceiling, my heart hammering against my ribs. Was I gay? Bisexual? Or was this just Phoenix? Just this one person who’d somehow rewired my entire understanding of myself?
The thought terrified me almost as much as it thrilled me. And when I glanced down in the dark at my half-hard cock, it terrified me even more.
I groaned and threw off my covers, unable to stand the confined space of my bed any longer. Pacing across my room, I tried to get my head straight, but that just made me snort at the irony. Straight. I wasn’t even sure what that meant for me anymore.
“Pull it together, Laurent,” I muttered to myself, claws digging into my palms.
The digital clock on my desk read half past four in the morning. Practice would start in less than three hours, and I hadn’t slept a wink. Coach would have my ass if I showed up looking like I’d been hit by a truck.
I moved to the window, pushing it open to let the cool pre-dawn air wash over my overheated fur. The campus sprawled below, peaceful and quiet. Somewhere out there, Phoenix was sleeping. Or maybe he was awake too, just as confused as I was.
No, not confused. Phoenix had never seemed confused about who he was. Even as a kid, he’d been so sure of himself, so comfortable in his own skin. And the way he’d looked at me when his memories came flooding back...
My cock twitched again, and I slammed my fist against the window frame, causing a hairline crack to appear in the wood. Shit. How was I going to explain that to housing?
The truth was, I wasn’t just scared of what these feelings meant about my sexuality. I was terrified of what they meant for our friendship. Phoenix and I had just found each other again after all these years. What if I ruined it by wanting more? What if he was disgusted? What if he laughed?
But what if he felt the same way?
That thought sent a jolt of electricity through me that had nothing to do with fear and everything to do with hope. I remembered the way his fingers had lingered on my arm, how he’d leaned into my touch. The flush on his cheeks when our eyes met.
“Fuck,” I growled, pressing my forehead against the cool glass of the window.
I needed to talk to someone about this. Silver would listen without judgment, but the idea of admitting these feelings out loud made my stomach knot.
Coach Flannery had been surprisingly understanding when I’d approached him before, but this was different.
This wasn’t about football or trauma or recovery.
This was about the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about my childhood best friend’s lips, his hands, the way his lean body would feel pressed against mine.
I pushed away from the window and grabbed my class schedule from my desk. I had Elemental Theory with Professor Blackwood at eleven, after morning practice. Phoenix would be there. We’d have to face each other in the harsh light of day, with all these new memories and feelings between us.
The thought made my heart race all over again. I needed to get out, to run, to work off this restless energy before I exploded.
I pulled on a pair of shorts and a tank top, not bothering to try to hide my growing boner. Nobody would be out at this time of day, anyway. If I was lucky, the run would help it go away.
I grabbed my keys and slipped out of my dorm room, padding quietly down the hallway.
The building was silent, most students still deep in dreams about magic or monsters or whatever the hell normal people dreamed about.
Not their best friend’s lips. Not the way his eyes glowed like embers when he looked at you.
The cool night air hit me as I stepped outside, a welcome relief against my overheated fur.
Campus was beautiful at this hour, all gothic spires and mist-shrouded walkways, the magic that permeated Widdershins almost visible in the pre-dawn light.
I stretched my muscles, feeling the pleasant burn as my beast form adjusted, then set off at an easy lope toward the woods that bordered the eastern edge of campus and were still well within the wards.
Running had always cleared my head. Even before the attack, before therapy and recovery and all that shit, I’d found peace in the simple rhythm of my feet hitting the ground, my lungs expanding, my heart pumping.
In beast form, that sensation was amplified, every sense heightened, and muscle more powerful.
I could smell the damp earth, the pine needles, and the distant hint of rain just beyond the horizon.
What I couldn’t smell was a solution to my Phoenix problem.
I pushed harder, increasing my pace until I was sprinting between the trees, dodging branches and leaping over fallen logs.
My cock bounced uncomfortably against my thigh, still half-hard despite my best efforts to think about anything else.
Coach Flannery’s disappointed face. Dean Thornfield’s droning announcements.
That time I’d walked in on Silver singing show tunes in the shower.
Nothing worked. My mind kept circling back to Phoenix like a compass finding north.
I remembered the way he’d looked at me in the library, confusion and recognition warring in those flame-colored eyes.
The way his hands had trembled as he’d shown me the books on memory manipulation.
The absolute trust he’d placed in me, a virtual stranger as far as he knew, to help him discover the truth.
My pace faltered as a new thought hit me. What if Phoenix only felt connected to me because I was a link to his past? What if all this intensity between us was just the echo of our childhood bond, magnified by the trauma of what his parents had done?
I slowed to a stop, bent over with my hands on my knees, panting hard. The sky was beginning to lighten, pink and gold streaking through the darkness. I’d run farther than I’d intended, ending up on some far side of campus with the wards only a few feet away.
It reminded me of the forest behind my family’s home in the Pacific Northwest, where Phoenix and I had spent those golden summers.
I straightened up, looking around at the massive pines and oaks.
This was the kind of place where a small human boy and a young Beastkin had once built forts and caught frogs and promised to be friends forever.
But what about two grown men? What kind of mischief could they get into in the woods?
“Fuck,” I muttered, dropping down to sit on a fallen log. My cock was still half-hard and getting worse by the second.
My imagination was running wild, conjuring images of Phoenix pressed against one of these massive tree trunks, his cream-colored shirt half unbuttoned, those orange eyes dark with want. I could practically feel his hands running through my fur, hear the soft sounds he might make when I…
I groaned and buried my face in my hands. This was getting out of control. My cock was now fully hard, straining against my shorts, and every thought seemed to lead back to Phoenix in increasingly explicit positions.