Chapter 12
Phoenix
I’d been up nearly all night, too excited to sleep and far too distracted. Yesterday I didn’t have anything to think about before bed other than the monotony the next day would bring. But now I had years worth of childhood memories to sort through. And all the feelings that came with them.
I rolled over in my narrow bed, staring at the ceiling as fragments of recovered memories played like a movie reel behind my eyes.
Karrick carrying me on his massive back through sun-dappled forests.
The two of us building elaborate fairy houses out of twigs and moss.
His patient voice teaching me the names of different birds while I helped him practice speaking in his shifted form.
But it wasn’t just the innocent childhood memories keeping me awake. It was the way he’d looked at me when I’d thrown my arms around him after the ritual. The way his breath had caught when I’d buried my face in his fur. The careful tenderness in his clawed hands as he’d held me while I sobbed.
I pressed my palms against my eyes, trying to sort through the tangle of emotions in my chest. Relief at finally remembering who I truly was.
Rage at my parents for stealing those memories from me.
And underneath it all, something else. Something that made my skin feel too tight and my pulse race whenever I thought about the warmth of Karrick’s arms around me.
Thomas stirred in his bed across the room, mumbling something in his sleep about potion ingredients. I envied him his peaceful slumber. My mind was too chaotic for rest, spinning between past and present, childhood innocence and adult complications.
Because that’s what this was becoming, wasn’t it?
Complicated. The boy I’d loved so fiercely as a child had grown into a man who made my breath catch just by looking at me.
His amber eyes held depths I wanted to explore, secrets I wanted to uncover.
When he’d cupped my face in his massive palm last night, I’d felt something shift inside me, something that had nothing to do with recovered memories and everything to do with the heat building low in my belly.
The fire that made my magic stir in ways I never thought possible.
I’d never felt this way about anyone before.
My parents had kept me so isolated, so controlled, that I’d barely had the chance to explore attraction or desire.
There had been a few girls at the private academies they’d enrolled me in, pretty witches with perfect smiles who’d shown interest. But I’d always felt detached, going through the motions because it was expected.
This was different. This burned.
I thought about the way Karrick’s muscles had rippled beneath his fur when he’d caught me as I collapsed. The careful strength in his arms, powerful enough to crush me but gentle as silk. The rumble of his voice against my ear when he’d whispered my name…
My hand drifted down my body almost without conscious thought, fingers trailing over my chest to rest just above the waistband of my sleep pants.
I was half-hard already, my body responding to these new feelings.
The phantom weight of Karrick’s hands on my skin.
The way his tusks had caught the candlelight when he’d smiled at me.
I bit my lip, glancing across the room to make sure Thomas was still asleep. His breathing remained deep and even, completely oblivious to my internal turmoil. Carefully,
I slid my hand under the waistband of my sleep pants, wrapping my fingers around myself with a silent gasp.
The contact sent sparks shooting through my body, magic responding to desire in ways I’d never experienced before.
I had to bite my lip to keep from making a sound as I slowly stroked myself, imagining larger, furrier hands in place of my own.
Was this normal? To want your childhood best friend this way?
To imagine his amber eyes darkening with desire, his massive body pressed against mine?
I’d never given much thought to my sexuality before.
My parents had made sure of that, keeping me isolated from anyone who might corrupt me.
But now, with the pendant gone and my memories restored, it was like floodgates had opened inside me.
I remembered the way Karrick had looked at me in Professor Blackwood’s office, something hungry in his gaze that made my skin flush hot even now. Had I imagined that? Or did he feel this too, this magnetic pull between us that transcended friendship?
My pace quickened, breath coming in shallow pants as I worked myself closer to the edge.
I pictured Karrick’s tusks grazing the sensitive skin of my neck, his claws carefully tracing patterns on my back.
The thought of his strength, his size compared to mine, sent a shiver of anticipation through me rather than fear.
I came with a silent cry, biting down on my free hand to stifle any noise as pleasure crashed through me in waves. For a moment, the world narrowed to just sensation, the racing of my heart, the tingling in my fingertips, the lingering image of amber eyes behind my closed lids.
As reality slowly filtered back in, I peeled off my cum-stained shirt and tossed it into the laundry basket, guilt and confusion mingling with the afterglow.
What was I doing? Karrick had just come back into my life.
We were rebuilding a friendship that had been stolen from us.
And here I was, complicating everything with these new, intense feelings.
What if he didn’t feel the same way? What if I was misreading everything, projecting my own confused desires onto simple gestures of friendship? The thought of losing him again, of making things awkward between us when we’d only just found each other, made my chest ache.
Sleep finally claimed me in the early hours of morning, my dreams filled with forests and amber eyes and possibilities I wasn’t brave enough to face in daylight.
However, my slumber didn’t last long.
I woke to Thomas shaking my shoulder, his face hovering over mine with annoyance etched in every line.
“Finally! I’ve been trying to wake you for five minutes,” he huffed. “You’re going to be late for Elemental Theory if you don’t get moving.”
I bolted upright, instantly alert. “What time is it?”
“Quarter past ten. Your alarm’s been going off for ages.” He gestured to an enchanted stone on my bedside table, which was indeed flashing and vibrating against the wood. “I thought you were dead, the way you were sleeping. Are you alright?”
I rubbed my eyes, trying to shake off the lingering fog of too little sleep and too many confusing dreams. “I’m fine. Just had trouble sleeping.”
Thomas raised an eyebrow but didn’t press the issue. “Well, you’d better hurry. Professor Blackwood doesn’t tolerate tardiness, and after your absence yesterday...” He trailed off meaningfully.
That’s right. Thomas still thought I’d been actually sick. He knew nothing about the ritual, my returned memories, or the missing pendant. But he was still a spy for my parents, and I had to play it like nothing had changed. The last thing I needed was him blowing my cover.
“Right,” I said, pushing back my covers and forcing myself to stand. “Thanks for waking me.”
My mind was still reeling from the intensity of last night’s fantasies, but I needed to focus. I couldn’t afford to give Thomas any reason to suspect something had changed. I grabbed my towel and shower caddy, trying to appear as casual as possible.
“You still look like death warmed over,” Thomas observed, watching me with narrowed eyes. “Are you sure you should go to class? I could tell Professor Blackwood you need another day to recover.”
“No!” I said too quickly, then moderated my tone. “I mean, I’m fine. Just tired. And I can’t afford to miss any more classes.”
Thomas shrugged. “Suit yourself. But don’t blame me when you pass out in the middle of a demonstration.”
I forced a smile. “I won’t, I promise.”
The shower helped clear my head, the warm water washing away the remnants of sleep and the evidence of my early morning activities.
As I stood under the spray, I tried to formulate a plan for how to act around Karrick in class.
We couldn’t be too familiar, that would raise everyone’s suspicions.
But the thought of pretending I didn’t know him made my chest ache.
And what about these new feelings? Should I acknowledge them? Ignore them? The very idea of confronting Karrick about the way my heart raced when I thought about him made my stomach twist with anxiety.
By the time I’d dressed and gathered my books, I had less than fifteen minutes to get to class. I hurried across campus, the crisp autumn air filling my lungs and bringing a flush to my cheeks. The elemental arts building loomed ahead, its ancient stone walls seeming to pulse with magical energy.
I paused outside, my hand on the heavy wooden door. Karrick was in there. After everything that had happened yesterday, after the things I’d imagined last night... How was I supposed to face him with any semblance of composure?
“Get it together,” I muttered to myself. “It’s just class.”
But it wasn’t just class, and I knew it. It was the first time we’d see each other since the ritual, since the flood of memories, since I’d spent the night imagining his hands on my body.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the door and stepped inside. The hallway was already emptying as students filtered into classrooms. I quickened my pace, reaching Professor Blackwood’s classroom just as the bell tolled across campus.
I slipped through the door, my eyes immediately scanning the room for Karrick’s massive form.
He was there, in the back row as usual, his amber eyes finding mine the moment I entered.
Something electric passed between us, a recognition that went beyond our recovered friendship.
My pulse skipped, and I felt heat rising to my cheeks.