Chapter 14
Karrick
It was hard enough to concentrate on football practice with Phoenix on my mind. That alone made it almost impossible to remember plays or what drill I was doing for more than ten seconds. But having Phoenix sitting in the stands, all by himself, watching my every move? Gods… it was torture.
I could feel his eyes on me from the moment I stepped onto the field.
Of course, I was used to being watched at games.
That was just part of the experience. But nobody came to the practices to watch.
And certainly not Phoenix Emberwood. But now that he was, I couldn’t tell if I was embarrassed or turned on.
Then again, considering how tight my jockstrap was getting, it was probably the latter.
Thank the gods for my cup or else the entire team would’ve known exactly what I was preoccupied about.
“Quit adjusting your balls and get your head in the game,” Jackson snarled after I failed to stop another linebacker from driving him into the turf. “Are you all fucked up again like you were the other day?”
I shifted my uncomfortably tight jock once more, wincing not in pain, but the sensitivity. I was fairly certain my underwear was slowly getting stained with pre-cum.
“Sorry,” I muttered, irritated but too distracted to get really angry. “I… I think something's wrong with my gear.”
“Well get the fuck over it,” Jackson called back. “And don’t let me get tackled again!”
I tried to focus on the next play, but my eyes kept drifting to the stands where Phoenix sat with perfect posture, his attention completely fixed on me.
The afternoon sun caught the auburn highlights in his dark hair, and even from this distance, I could see those orange eyes tracking my every movement. It was like being studied by a flame.
“Laurent!” Coach Flannery’s voice boomed across the field. “What the hell was that?”
I looked around, disoriented, realizing I’d completely missed whatever formation we were supposed to be running. Silver was giving me a concerned look from across the line, while Daisuke just shook his head in disappointment.
“Sorry, Coach,” I called back, forcing myself to tear my gaze away from Phoenix. “Won’t happen again.”
But even as I said it, I could feel the heat of Phoenix’s stare burning into my back.
My cock throbbed painfully against my cup, and I had to bite back a groan.
This was worse than yesterday. At least then I’d only been dealing with memories and confusion.
Now I had to contend with the very real, very present object of my fantasies sitting right there, watching me make an ass of myself.
Not to mention, I’d just jerked off about him this morning which had undoubtedly made it much worse.
“You sure you’re okay, man?” Silver jogged over during a water break, his purple skin glistening with sweat. “You’re playing like your mind is somewhere else entirely.”
I glanced toward the stands, where Phoenix was still sitting alone, his chin resting on his hand as he observed our practice with what looked like genuine interest. “Just distracted,” I muttered, taking a long drink from my water bottle.
“By what?” Silver followed my gaze, and his eyebrows shot up when he spotted Phoenix. “Oh. Oh shit, Karrick. Is that the guy? The one from when you were kids? Wasn’t he ignoring you?”
My chest tightened. “Yeah.”
“And he’s here because...?”
“Because he wants to talk,” I said, the words tasting bitter in my mouth. “And apparently he meant it when he said he’d wait until I wasn’t busy. I just didn’t realize he was going to follow me around the entire time.”
Silver whistled low. “Damn. That’s some dedication.” He studied Phoenix for a moment, then looked back at me with a knowing expression. “No wonder you can’t concentrate. He’s hot.”
I choked on my water. “What?” I had no idea Silver was into guys. “What are you talking about?!”
“Come on, man. I have eyes.” Silver grinned, showing sharp teeth. “And so do you, apparently. The way you keep looking at him... that’s not just friendship, is it?”
Heat flooded my cheeks beneath my fur. Was I really that obvious? “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Bullshit.” Silver’s grin widened. “You’re into him. Like, really into him.”
I wanted to deny it, but the words stuck in my throat. Because Silver was right. I was into Phoenix in ways that terrified and thrilled me in equal measure.
“It’s complicated,” I finally managed. Then I grabbed him by the front of his pads, pulling him away from the others. “And shut the fuck up about it, dude. Jesus. I don’t want the whole team thinking I’m—”
I snapped my mouth shut, realizing how that must sound.
“I’m gonna assume that didn’t sound like you meant it,” Silver said, his mouth pressed into a thin line. “And that you weren’t just about to say that word.”
“No!” I sputtered. “Gods no! Dude… I’m…” I shrugged, trying not to panic. Silver was a great friend to me. I didn’t give a shit if he liked guys. “Look, I’m confused right now. And surprised. But I’m not a dickhead. I would never call you… that.”
“Good,” Silver nodded. “Now do you want to explain why this guy has you wound up like you got a spring in your ass?”
I ran my hands through my dark fur, feeling the dampness of sweat and stress.
“We grew up together,” I said quietly, glancing around to make sure none of the other guys were close enough to overhear.
“Best friends. Then his parents found out he was hanging around a Beastkin and they... they took him away. Made him forget me completely. Magically.”
Silver’s expression shifted from teasing to serious. “Shit, man. That’s fucked up.”
“Yeah, well, he got his memories back yesterday. All of them.” I stole another glance at Phoenix, who was now leaning forward slightly, his elbows resting on his knees as he watched us talk.
Even from this distance, I could see the intensity in those orange eyes.
“And now I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do with that. ”
“Talk to him?” Silver suggested, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“It’s not that simple.” I lowered my voice even further. “The things I’m feeling... they’re not just friendship, Silver. And that scares the shit out of me.”
Silver studied my face for a long moment. “You’ve never been with a guy before.”
It wasn’t a question, and I found myself nodding. “Never even thought about it. Not until...” I trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.
“Until him.”
“Yeah.” The admission felt like a weight lifting off my chest and settling there all at once. “I jerked off thinking about him this morning, Silver. In the fucking woods like some kind of animal. What does that make me?”
“Human,” Silver said simply. “Or, you know, whatever the Beastkin equivalent is. Look, sexuality isn’t always black and white, Karrick. Maybe you’re gay, maybe you’re bi, maybe Phoenix is just your exception. Does it really matter what label you put on it?”
I stared at him, surprised by the wisdom in his words even though it annoyed the shit out of me. “It’s more complicated than that.”
“Is it?” Silver shrugged. “It’s just sex, dude. It’s not a big deal.”
“But it changes everything!”
“Does it change how you view me?” he asked, lifting one of his white eyebrows. “I’m assuming you didn’t know until just now.”
“No! Of course not!” I cried, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. “You’re still Silver! I just didn’t… you know… know.”
“So that means it’s not a big deal?”
“Ugh,” I sighed, letting my shoulders slump. “It’s just… it’s a lot to process.” I glanced up at him. “How are you so cool with it?”
He shrugged. “I’ve had time to figure myself out.
Plus, my species doesn’t really do the whole hetero-normative thing.
We’re pretty fluid about attraction.” He clapped me on the shoulder.
“The point is, you’re not broken or weird or whatever bullshit your brain is telling you.
You’re just figuring yourself out. That’s what college is for. ”
Coach Flannery’s whistle cut through our conversation. “Back to work, ladies! We’ve got a game this weekend!”
As we jogged back to the group, Silver leaned closer. “My advice? Stop overthinking it and just talk to the guy. He came all this way to watch you practice. That’s gotta mean something. And it’s cute as hell if I’m being honest.”
The rest of practice passed in a blur of half-hearted plays and stolen glances toward the stands.
I managed to pull it together enough that Coach didn’t single me out again, but I could tell my performance was still off.
My teammates kept shooting me concerned looks, especially Daisuke, who was probably the most perceptive guy on the team.
When I missed another block, letting Jackson get driven back five yards, I heard him mutter something about me being useless under his breath.
The comment made my fur bristle with embarrassment.
Was I really so obviously distracted? I risked another glance at Phoenix, who hadn’t moved from his spot in the stands.
He’d been sitting there for over an hour now, patiently watching every drill, every play, every water break.
His dedication was simultaneously flattering and terrifying.
When Coach finally blew the whistle to end practice, I felt a mixture of relief and dread. Relief that I could stop embarrassing myself on the field, and dread because I knew what was coming next. Phoenix was going to want that talk, and I had no idea what I was going to say to him.
“Hit the showers, gentlemen,” Coach called out, his clipboard tucked under his arm. “Laurent, a word.”
Shit. Not again.
I trudged over to Coach Flannery, aware of Phoenix’s gaze following me from the stands. The rest of the team filed toward the locker room, Silver giving me an encouraging thumbs-up as he passed.
“What’s going on with you this week?” Coach asked when I reached him, his blue eyes studying me with that penetrating werewolf stare. “And don’t give me any bullshit about being tired or rusty.”
I shifted uncomfortably, my cleats digging into the soft turf. “I’m just... distracted.”
“No kidding.” He glanced toward the stands where Phoenix sat, then back to me with a knowing expression. “That the friend you mentioned? The one who didn’t remember you?”
I nodded, surprised by his perceptiveness. “Yeah.”
Coach’s expression softened slightly. “Looks like he remembered you after all.”
“Something like that.” I couldn’t quite meet his eyes. How was I supposed to explain that I was playing like garbage because I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing my childhood best friend?
Coach Flannery studied my face for a long moment, his nostrils flaring slightly as he took in my scent. A flash of understanding crossed his features, and I remembered too late that werewolves could smell arousal. My cheeks burned beneath my fur.
“I see,” he said quietly. “Well, that certainly explains a few things.”
I wanted to sink into the turf and disappear. “Coach, I—”
He held up a hand to stop me. “You don’t need to explain anything to me, Karrick.
You’re not the only one on the team with similar proclivities.
” He grinned slightly. “But you do need to sort this out. Whatever’s going on between you two is affecting your game, and I can’t have that.
Not with Blueridge coming up this weekend. ”
“I know,” I said miserably. “I’m trying.”
“Try harder.” His voice was firm but not unkind. “Take the rest of the day. Get your head straight. Or not straight. Whatever makes you happy. There’s no shame in anything you feel just as long as it doesn’t distract you so much that Jackson gets turned into mincemeat out there.”
“Honestly,” I grumbled, knowing there was no arguing. “Jackson deserves it.”
Coach laughed. “You might be right about that. But still. Go figure it out.” He leaned in closer, nudging me with his elbow. “Take it from an old gay werewolf. You don’t want to miss out on life because it’s new or scary. Go have fun.”
And then he walked away, leaving me completely dumbfounded. Apparently, I really wasn’t the only one on the team with these feelings.
I took one last glance at Phoenix up in the stands and blew out a long sigh. Well, there was no avoiding it anymore. I had no idea what I was doing or what I was going to say, but it was going to happen. One way or another.