Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
BELLAMY
I sat in the garden, cutting the nettles and dropping them into the basket while the pixies, Driscoll, and Leoni sat nearby, arguing about how to make proper tea. Three weeks had passed since my visit to the prisoner, since I spent an entire night playing mapora with Kairoth. It was the same routine every day. Harvest the nettles, cut them open, strip their fibers, and then start knitting the next sweater. I had two sweaters now, but I’d run out of fibers and needed more to start the third.
“You put sugar in your tea?” Wesley asked Driscoll. He tugged his blonde ponytail, horror pinching his expression.
“Of course you do.” Goji rolled her eyes. “Elementals ruin everything.”
Driscoll scoffed. “Excuse me. I’m from the earth court. We happen to have some of the best tea blends on the continent.”
Jerome shrugged. “As long as the tea is hot and served with milk, I don’t care where the leaves are steeped.”
Goji shot Jerome a look. “You like my tea last time I checked.”
Jerome raised a brow. “Oh, I love your tea.”
Wesley snorted.
Driscoll shot a look at Leoni, then me. “Did that sound sexual to anyone else?”
Goji sighed. “Jerome wishes.”
“It’s true,” Jerome said. “I do wish.” He waggled his eyebrows. “I’m not ashamed to admit it.”
“You should be,” Wesley snapped, and Goji shot him a questioning look that made his cheeks turn red. “Not ashamed to want to have sex with you, that is.”
Driscoll choked, and I sliced my thumb on a thorn at Wesley’s statement.
“There’s nothing to be ashamed about when it comes to wanting to have sex with you,” Wesley continued, voice squeaking, cheeks reddening.
Jerome was smiling now, and Goji was just staring at Wesley with a raised brow.
“What I was trying to say is that it’s not okay to talk about it so blatantly.” He cleared his throat then looked down at his feet.
“Is there like a threesome thing going on between you all?” Driscoll gestured to the pixies. “Because I’m all for that.”
“No!” Jerome and Wesley yelled at the same time, both of them glancing at each other before putting distance between themselves.
“Are you ever going to tell us why you choose to put yourself through this?” Goji gestured to my hands, once again swollen and agitated from the nettles.
“Probably not,” Leoni said. “She’s not very trusting.”
“Or friendly,” Driscoll said. “But I think she’s actually starting to like us.”
I gave him the middle finger.
“Never mind,” Driscoll said. “But you guys are starting to like us.”
Jerome lay onto his back, winding his arms behind his head and staring up at the blue sky. “We’re starved for attention, so to be fair, we probably would’ve liked anyone who came through those doors.”
I breathed through the pain pricking my fingers, looking down at the angry purple and red lines stretching from the wounds. My hands had gotten worse over the last few weeks, and they hurt worse and worse every day, making it hard to communicate with anyone. Including Kairoth. He came to the terrace every night as I knitted the sweaters. Sometimes we just sat in silence. Other times, he told me stories, and other times, when my hands needed a break, we’d play mapora or other games he taught me. Ancient games.
I hadn’t visited the prisoner again. I told Driscoll and Leoni about her story, even though it felt like a betrayal to Kairoth.
I felt like I was constantly being tugged in a different direction. One moment, Kairoth was tugging me to him, making me feel like he might not be the awful spirit everyone thought him to be. But it didn’t line up with his actions. He was collecting weapons. He held a woman prisoner below the castle. A woman who very well might have been his former lover. I didn’t even know whether to believe what he’d said about the star court—that destroying it and the shadow court had been an accident.
He was tiptoeing around me as well. I could feel it. I could feel him holding back the questions he wanted to ask me. At some point, we’d have to play our cards, we’d have to lay them down and reveal our hands. But right now, this felt so much safer, and if I was being honest, fun. I liked getting to know Kairoth. I liked spending time with him that felt easy and carefree.
Just admitting that felt like another betrayal. One to the entire world. But it was the truth, and if I could just stay in this safe bubble until I finished these sweaters, then I would. After the sweaters were finished and I freed my brothers, well, then I would confront what Kairoth was hiding.
By this point, everyone was laying around me, staring up at the blue sky and the puffy white clouds dotting it.
“Why do you work for him?” Leoni asked after some silence.
I stiffened. I wasn’t the only one who was avoiding hard conversations. We hadn’t asked the pixies why they’d serve Kairoth instead of living with the other pixies in the jungle. We just had fun with them. Or Driscoll and Leoni did. I was usually on the sidelines, silent but listening.
“We do not serve him,” Jerome said. “We serve the shadow court. Wesley and I have been serving this castle since it was built.”
“It’s our birthright,” Wesley said.
“Speak for yourselves,” Goji said glumly.
“Oh, Goji.” Jerome turned his head to look at her. “It’s not so bad here. You get to work with two handsome pixies, after all.”
“Oh yes, my life’s dream,” she said drily.
“You’re paying the consequence for your foolish actions,” Wesley said, his tone like that of an adult chastising a child. “You made a bad decision, and you know it.”
“Wait,” Driscoll said. “Is that why you’re here? Because of what you did?”
My head snapped in Goji’s direction as I waited for the pixie’s response.
She sighed. “I betrayed him. I lost his trust. So now he wants to keep a close eye on me.” Goji sniffed. “It’s fine. I will earn back his trust and then I can get out of this spirits-forsaken castle—and away from these two.” She jabbed a thumb at Wesley and Jerome.
Leoni picked absently at a dandelion by her side, the breeze blowing the feathery tufts into the air. “How can you all just be okay working for someone like that? He’s... evil.”
And there it was. The conversation we’d been avoiding since we got here. A conversation that could end any burgeoning friendship Driscoll and Leoni had with the pixies.
“He’s not evil,” Goji said, and I didn’t know why I felt such relief at her words.
“I hate to point out the obvious,” Driscoll said, “but he imprisoned you.” He pointed a finger at Goji.
“It’s not like that,” Goji said. “He’s been betrayed before. Hurt. What I did... I don’t regret it, but I could’ve gone about it in a different way, a way that involved him. He was betrayed before. By a shadow elemental who survived his slaughter. She came to work for him at the castle, to help him. He confided in her, and after many, many years, she convinced him to let her leave, to go out on his behalf and speak to the other leaders of the courts, to get their help.”
We all stayed silent, listening to Goji’s story.
“She went to Gilraeth, and when she didn’t return, Master Kairoth found out that she was using his name to instill fear. Using his name to help herself rise to power. She claimed she was some sorceress working for the mysterious Shadow King. That she was there under his orders to take over the fire court and rule in his name. She stole dragons’ shadows. She overthrew the rulers. She cursed the princess to a deep sleep. Kairoth sank into a deep depression after that. She’d been a friend to him. Eventually, Princess Seraphina freed herself and defeated the sorceress, but after that Kairoth hasn’t trusted easily. He’s been closed off.” Goji rubbed her arms. “Like I said, I should have gone about it differently.”
I felt sorry for Kairoth. That must’ve been so hard, so lonely, for him to realize the one friend he had wasn’t actually a friend at all.
Wesley was glaring at Goji. “It’s not our place to talk about Master’s past.”
Goji cleared her throat. “Just be thankful you’re on his good side, that he’s offered you a place in his castle instead of below it—or out there.” She jabbed a thumb at the jungle that stretched out down below.
“Oh, he wouldn’t do that,” Driscoll said, shooting a sly smile my way. “Not when he’s spending every night with Bellamy.”
My face heated as everyone’s gaze landed on me. “It’s not like that.”
Goji’s brows drew together and she sat up. “What?”
So she didn’t know. None of the pixies did from the confused looks on Wesley’s and Jerome’s faces.
“He just sits with me on the terrace while I knit my sweaters. Sometimes we play games.”
“Games?” Goji echoed. “You play games with him?”
Jerome’s eyes widened, and Wesley choked, banging his fist against his chest. “I’ve been trying to get Master Kairoth to play a round of chess with me for years.”
I shot Driscoll a withering look, but he just smiled back at me. “I think your master might have a crush. I’m honestly shocked. All Bellamy does is glare and tell us to shut up. Then again, maybe that’s his thing. Grumpy, glaring women.”
“Shut up,” I signed, my face on fire.
He gestured to me. “See? I don’t even know sign language, but she uses that one so much, I’ve learned it.”
This was getting tiresome. “He does not have a crush. He doesn’t even like me. He’s just keeping me here because he’s suspicious about my activities, about these sweaters I’m knitting.”
Goji studied me while Leoni translated my message for everyone, and I could tell she was unhappy about this revelation from the downturn of her lips, but I didn’t know why. Did she care about Kairoth in that way? Was I competition now? But I didn’t think that was it. From the weeks I’d spent here, I hadn’t gotten any indication she had feelings for the god. Especially not after she’d betrayed him for the pirate lord.
Jerome cleared his throat. “Well, it’s getting late. I should get back inside and attend to your rooms.”
Wesley floated up into the air. “I’m going to check on Cook, see how dinner is coming along.”
Goji rose into the air, staring at me for a few minutes. “He is not bad, but that doesn’t mean he’s not dangerous. Stay away from him, Bellamy. You will thank me.”
She flew off after Jerome and Wesley, leaving the three of us in silence.
“What in the spirits below was that about?” Driscoll asked.
Leoni shoved him. “Why did you tell them that about Bellamy and Spirit Shadow? Now they’re going to be suspicious of us, suspicious of Bellamy. They’re clearly loyal to him. They’re probably going to think Bellamy is trying to get information from him.”
Driscoll threw up his arms. “Isn’t everyone sick of all the secrets and hidden information? Can we just maybe be adults and have an honest conversation about what’s going on?”
Leoni’s mouth dropped open. “Are you serious? Us be adults? You ran away from a perfectly good man who is likely about to be king of an entire court all because you’re afraid to tell him how you feel.”
“That is not—” Driscoll held up a finger. “You do not know what you’re talking about.”
I rubbed my temples, absently cutting another stalk and dropping it into the basket.
He looked at me. “I mean, you could just ask Kairoth why he’s collecting the weapons. Why he’s keeping a prisoner below the castle.”
I bit the inside of my cheek.
“So why aren’t you?” Driscoll asked.
Leoni slowly turned to look at me. “Because she’s trying to get close to him so he will reveal everything on his own, so he will trust her enough to do so. Right?”
I cleared my throat.
“Wrong.” Driscoll looked far too pleased with himself. “You should know by now that I can sniff out sexual tension a mile away.”
Sexual tension. I scoffed, slamming the stalk in my hand down on the basket—and immediately regretted it when the thorns jabbed my hand. “You haven’t even seen us together.”
Leoni translated.
“Yes I have,” Driscoll said simply. “I have a perfect view of the terrace from my room.”
Now it was my mouth that dropped open. I jabbed a finger at him, then my eyes, then myself. He got the message.
“I was not spying. It’s not called spying when you two are right out in the open, flirting and laughing and chatting away. I’ve never seen you talk so much. Smile so much.”
I covered my face with my hands.
“She’s not faking it,” Driscoll said to Leoni. “And I think the reason she’s not asking the tough questions is because if she does, then it might ruin their little thing.”
“Bellamy, I’m not sure what’s going on with you and Spirit Shadow, but you cannot fall for him,” Leoni said. “For very obvious reasons. The first being that he’s likely planning on destroying our world, and we might be the only ones who can stop him. The second being that—” She paused. “No, I think the first reason pretty much covers it.”
“I’m not falling for him,” I signed. “And we are not having this conversation.”
“When are we ever going to have a conversation?” Leoni asked. “We’ve spent weeks together, and I still barely know anything about you, and you definitely haven’t asked about us or our lives or how we’re doing.”
My heart pounded at the accusation.
“All you do is close yourself off to us. To everyone.” She stood. “It must be so very lonely to be you, Bellamy.” She stared down at me with pity in her eyes.
I swallowed, tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.
“Listen, I love a good shadow daddy as much as anyone else.” Driscoll stood as well. “But Leoni’s right. You can’t fall for him. We have a job to do, and we have to see it through. Everyone’s depending on us.”
I didn’t say anything, my hands throbbing to the point that moving them anymore was too painful.
I just swallowed and watched as Leoni and Driscoll walked away from me and back to the castle.
It must be so very lonely to be you, Bellamy. It was lonely, but it was also the only way I knew how to protect myself. I couldn’t lose anyone else. If I did, it might break me completely. They were right. I was being foolish. Spending every night with Kairoth on that terrace. Telling him about my brothers, my childhood, letting him tell me stories about his time as a god, his time as a human. It made me feel like what we had was normal. And it wasn’t.
There was no way this could end well for either of us. So tonight, there would be no terrace visit.
I reached to grab hold of another stalk, but my hand sank into soft dirt. I looked down and realized what I was seeing: the nettle weed was gone. All of it. I had to find a way to get more, and that meant finding a way out of this castle to do it.