Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
BELLAMY
M y eyes blinked open, the scent of ember and ash surrounding me. Flickers of orange, red, and yellow popped in the air, and I slowly sat up, wincing. My body felt like it had been crushed by a falling tree.
“Don’t,” a voice said, Kairoth’s concerned face appearing over me. “Don’t try to sit up.”
He pushed me back down, but his hands were gentle. Not forceful or commanding. More like a suggestion. I didn’t fight him. In truth, my body was exhausted. So I lay down, wondering what in fiery stars had happened.
Kairoth sat by the fire, stoking it with a stick. It was such a jarring experience, this god sitting here building me a fire. Tending to me. Shadows hovered around him, careful to avoid the light from the fire, which made them keep to his back, hiding behind him. That’s when I realized they weren’t swirling around the god like normal. The fire scared them. He was laid bare before me for the first time ever, and I couldn’t look away.
A scar stretched from his eye to the corner of his mouth. His golden skin gleamed in the firelight, his brown hair wavy, thick, and tousled. His eyes were amber but had a reddish tint to them. I remembered the times they’d flashed red. Mainly when he was irritated with me. Another scar stretched across his forehead. I didn’t even think gods could get scars. Maybe he’d gotten them before he became one. Suddenly, I wanted to know their stories.
He cleared his throat, and I looked away, realizing I had been staring.
My brows furrowed as I tried to work through what had happened.
I looked down at my hands, thick bandages wrapped around them. Bandages I didn’t have before. I gave Kairoth a questioning look.
“Your friends told me where you were.”
Of course they did.
“And I found you right before my shadows were about to tear you apart.” He held up his hands. “Just so you know, your friends didn’t sell you out willingly. They actually held out far longer than I expected them to.”
My lips quirked up at that.
“And they didn’t actually reveal anything until they saw a group of swans outside the window of my castle.”
I stiffened as his eyes flashed red. Irritated. He was mad about something.
“You were in danger because you left. And the only reason I was able to come save you before my shadows tore you apart was because of those damn birds. I told you not to leave. I explicitly said it was one of my rules. So why would you break it? What is so important about this nettle weed that you were willing to risk your life for it? It’s time to tell me the truth.”
I stared at him, really looked at him. There was irritation in his words, yes, but also fear. He’d been scared. For me.
“Who are those swans, Bellamy?”
He shoved a hand through his thick hair.
I sat up, wincing at the pain in my ribs and ankle. “They’re my brothers,” I signed, slow and stilted because of the bandages. His brows drew together, and I took a deep breath. “My brothers were cursed by one of the magical items on your island.”
Kairoth was standing now, pacing. “The swans are your brothers?”
Confusion laced his voice, and he looked at me with a worried expression. I realized how crazy this all sounded.
I nodded. “My stepmother got hold of one of those magical items and used it against my brothers to turn them into swans. She hated us, hated that we took my father’s attention away from her. My brothers protected me from the curse, but they couldn’t save themselves.”
His eyes flashed red again. It was hard to stop staring at him. When the shadows covered his body, there wasn’t much of it to see. It was clear he was large, but now I could see the muscle under his black shirt, the way dark hair peppered his chest in thick curls. The way stubble covered his carved jaw.
I focused my attention on something safer: the fire. “There’s a lake in my home that tells of your future. The lake showed me that there was a way to break the curse. I needed to knit seven sweaters. Seven sweaters for my seven brothers. The sweaters must be made from nettle weed.” I paused. “Briars.”
He stopped. “Magic always has a price, and to break dark magic, the price is steep. You have to sacrifice, poison yourself, disfigure yourself.” He swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing.
“I needed more of the briars. That’s why I came here.”
He gave no indication of what he was thinking, his heavy gaze weighing on me as I stayed still, determined not to look at him. I wasn’t sure why I’d opened up like that. Maybe it was the poison in my hands, finally traveling to my brain and infecting me. Maybe I was losing it. Or maybe Kairoth had somehow become someone I trusted. I shouldn’t have trusted him, but I did.
A finger hooked under my chin and lifted my head so I was face-to-face with the god, who now crouched down before me. “I’m sorry about your brothers. I’m so sorry about all of it. But Bellamy, why did you try to leave the jungle?”
“The briars. I saw them.”
A creased formed between his eyebrows. “There aren’t any briars in this area of the island.”
My heart sank at his words. Then what had I seen? Had I imagined it somehow? Been so desperate to see them that I willed them into existence? Or maybe I was delirious after my fall.
I swallowed thickly.
He was so close, face inches from mine. He didn’t break my gaze as his thumb brushed away something on my cheek, and I realized I was crying. Tears silently rolled down my cheek, some dam breaking.
His strong arms crushed me to him, and I winced.
He stiffened, pulling back. “What? Are you okay?” I pointed to my ribs, and he swore. “It’s a good thing I found you when I did.”
He still held me, arms hanging around my waist as I sat curled up in his lap. Our faces were inches apart. I tapped his chest, and he looked down at my hands. “Why did you come for me?”
His gaze trailed back up to meet mine. “How could I not?” His thumb grazed my cheek. “You’ve put some kind of spell on me, Bellamy. It’s the only way I can explain why I felt the need to tear down this entire mountain when I thought you were in danger. Capsize the whole island and fly away with you safe in my arms.”
My throat grew thick, my chest tightening. His eyes flicked to my lips, and for a moment, I thought he might kiss me. I thought I might want him to, but he just cleared his throat and looked away. The moment between us was gone, and I had let it pass. I wished I knew why, but my mind was still fuzzy, filled with fog and cobwebs, too hard to navigate in this moment.
I tapped his chest again, and his gaze slowly dipped down to my hands. “Why didn’t you bring me back to the castle?”
“Because I didn’t know where or how you were injured. I didn’t know if flying you would make things worse. And I can’t take you with me when I transport myself.”
My brows furrowed.
“When I disappear in a cloud of smoke and reappear somewhere else. I can transport myself anywhere, but I cannot take others with me.”
I swallowed. “Thank you.”
He hesitated. “You have two more questions.”
My brows shot up, and the corner of his lips tipped upward.
“When we were stuck in that tree. You had two questions you didn’t ask. So ask them now. Anything.”
His face was open, nothing guarded about his expression or his body. He stretched out a leg while keeping the other bent, hooking an arm around it. His shadows continued to lurk around the edges of the cave, but he was truly vulnerable in this moment.
“Why are you collecting the other gods’ weapons?”
He didn’t recoil from the question or break my gaze. “Because I’m afraid if I don’t, the weapons will get into the wrong hands, that the gods will be freed, and if they are...”
He didn’t have to finish that sentence.
If they were freed, it would be bad. “So you’re not trying to set them free?”
He jerked back, his shadows flaring out. “Set them free? Gods, no. I don’t ever want to see them free again. They’re dangerous, Bellamy. They were dangerous back when they were free, and this time around? They will not hold back. They will reign down terror upon terror. You’re all the same to them. It won’t matter that the mortals of their era are dead and destroyed. They’ll want revenge for being trapped and all the elementals will suffer for it.”
I stared at him as he spoke, everything I’d heard about him, that I thought I knew about him, fading away. I believed him. I believed he was telling the truth.
Both relief and horror filled me. Relief that Kairoth wasn’t the monster everyone thought him to be. But horror at what he was saying. It was something we’d suspected, but hearing him confirm how deadly and powerful the gods were was terrifying.
“I’m not the hero, Bellamy.”
My gaze shot up to meet his.
“I know what you’re thinking. That maybe I’m not a monster. But I am. I’ve done monstrous things. I’ve killed so many people. I’ve taken so many shadows.” He gestured out past the cave, and I assumed he was referencing the Neverland boys. He shoved a hand through his hair. “The gods—we have to be continuously fed by our element to remain powerful. I have to take shadows, otherwise I grow weak, and if I grow weak, I cannot do what needs to be done. So I forced a pirate lord to do my bidding. To kidnap people no one would miss and bring them here so I could take their shadows and remain in power. The pirate lord is the one who chose orphans, boys with no homes, to bring here. It was clever. His own way of doing some good, I suspect. Giving these boys a home. I tried to make sure they were safe here, would want for nothing. Had a community. But at the end of the day, I still took their shadows, their freedom. I’m not good.”
“Maybe not,” I signed, thinking about all the creatures of the Wilds, thinking about the things I’d done that I regretted. “But you can be. Give the shadows back. Let the boys go free. You just took Driscoll’s and Leoni’s shadows. You can take mine next if you need to ? —”
“No,” he said, voice firm, eyes flashing red. “Out of the question.”
I reached over and lay a hand on his arm. “You’re not a monster. A monster wouldn’t have regrets. A monster wouldn’t want to make things right. A monster wouldn’t be trying to convince me not to like him.”
His gaze was so intense on me that it felt hotter than the fire. “You continue to surprise me at every turn. I’ve been alive for thousands of years. I stopped being surprised by anything centuries ago. Until you,” he murmured, lips so close to mind I could almost taste them.
His words conjured the memory of just hours earlier, when I’d surprised myself by using my magic to fly.
“What’s wrong? You look pale.” His amber eyes flashed with concern.
“I can fly,” I signed slowly. “I never knew I could do such a thing.”
His jaw went slack before he recovered, his face slipping into a neutral expression. “You flew?”
I nodded, not wanting to explore what any of this might mean. My powers, the things I could do with them. It was starting to feel like maybe my father hadn’t been as truthful as I’d thought. But that was just another path I didn’t want to go down. Not tonight. Tonight I just wanted to shut my mind off to everything. Except him.
“Bellamy,” Kairoth started, but I surged forward to cut him off, pressing my lips right against his.
He froze, his lips so tender. I shifted in his lap, bringing my hands to his chest and awakening something in him. He growled, tightening his hold on me as he deepened the kiss. His hands moved around to the curve of my ass, and he cupped my bottom, lifting me toward him until I was straddling him, arms wrapped around his back while our mouths moved in unison. This felt so good. So damn good. I felt alive.
His cock stiffened against me, and my breath quickened just thinking about stripping my clothes away, stripping his clothes away, slipping myself over him and rocking together until we both couldn’t think anymore. Heat gathered between my legs, and I rubbed against him, making him moan deeply.
I moved to undo the laces on his trousers when his hands wound up into my hair, and he tensed. I moved my head back to send him a questioning look. Maybe he was regretting this already, but it didn’t look like regret on his face. It looked like worry.
“You’re burning up.” His hand was pressed against the back of my neck.
I shivered.
“Are you cold?” Concern laced his voice. “Fuck, you shouldn’t feel this hot. Something is wrong, Bellamy.”
I hadn’t noticed. First I’d been distracted by our conversation. Then I’d been distracted by other things, but now that he mentioned it, I realized I was trembling. All the aches and pains I’d been pushing away during our conversation surged forward. Spirits below, everything hurt so bad. My adrenaline had been pumping so hard after I’d awoken, I hadn’t noticed. Now it was impossible to ignore.
My head spun, my stomach turning with the way my body hurt.
“Bellamy?” Kairoth’s voice was distant, but I could hear the worry in it. He stroked my head. “Sleep. You need sleep. Tomorrow, I’ll get you back to the castle and we’ll have a healer look at you.”
I wanted to protest, to tell him to put his lips back on me, but my mind was growing fuzzy from the pain. I curled into myself. Bloody stars, I just wanted the pain to go away. My head pounded with it. My ankle pulsed. My hands felt like they were raw strips of meat.
“Sleep,” Kairoth commanded, and I wondered if he was leaving. His voice was so far away.
Maybe he would go back to the castle tonight, come back for me in the morning. A god wouldn’t sleep on a cave floor.
I blinked a few times, and I swore I saw his figure floating away in the dark, red eyes all around him.
“Sleep,” he said again, and this time, I listened, closing my eyes and letting myself drift off.
I woke several times through the night, and each time was worse than the last.
One time I threw up all the contents in my stomach.
Another time, I woke up shaking so badly my teeth chattered.
The third time, or maybe, the fourth, I woke up and swore I saw my brothers. They were all standing there in the cave with me.
I sat up, rubbing my eyes as they all frowned down at me.
Jorah stepped forward, his blond hair hanging to his shoulders, his strong jaw moving back and forth in irritation. “Bellamy, what happened to you? You’re sick. You’re really sick.”
“Why isn’t he helping?” Ryder scowled, jabbing a finger at a hulking form, and I realized it was Kairoth sleeping.
I must’ve been dreaming.
“Hey.” Solomon came forward, the smallest of my brothers, slighter and shorter than the others. He crouched next to me. “You need a healer.”
I was fine. I was sick, yes, but my body was just going through the trauma of everything it had experienced.
“Enough is enough.” Phoenix shook his head, his brown curls falling over his forehead. “We can’t let her do this anymore. The nettle weed is killing her.” I forgot how tall Phoenix was. Not as tall as Jorah, but almost. Yet unlike Jorah, he was lankier, skinny. He reminded me a bit of Driscoll.
“Bellamy?” Killian asked.
Klaus stood next to him, both of them identical with their freckles and long brown hair tied back in ponytails.
But usually they were laughing, joking, playing pranks. Now they looked as serious as everyone else.
“Can you hear us?” Klaus asked.
Killian threw up his hands. “Phoenix is right. We can’t let her do this anymore. It’s irresponsible. We’re supposed to protect her. Not the other way around.”
“I think we need to let Bellamy decide,” Solomon said gently, still cradling my hand in his.
Marcello was the only one who hadn’t spoken. He nodded in agreement, staring at me with tears in his eyes. He usually was so outspoken, but now he kept his mouth clamped shut. Killian clapped on a hand on his shoulder, and tears ran down his cheeks.
They were acting like I was dying.
“Do what you need to,” Solomon said to me, still at my side.
“Let us go,” Jorah urged.
Ryder stood next to him, hands balled into fists.
“Bellamy.”
I was about to open my mouth to protest when they began to fade away.
“Bellamy,” a voice said. Low, worried, distant.
I reached out a hand to them, desperate for them to stay a little longer, but when I blinked again, they were already gone.