Chapter 45
Chapter Forty-Five
BELLAMY
W e stood outside the castle, the clear night sky spread out above us, not a cloud in sight. The stars twinkled, their presence filling me with peace.
Leoni and Driscoll stood on either side of me.
“So what do you do now?” Driscoll asked, glancing around. “Should we really be out in the open like this?”
“You said Kairoth is gone. That means there’s no one here who would be watching.”
He twined his hands together. “Just be careful. If this is too much or you feel weak, then stop and we’ll figure something else out.”
I nodded, but I wouldn’t stop. Not until I found my brothers and made sure they were safe and that they hadn’t done anything stupid.
I blew out a shaky breath, and Leoni lay a hand on my arm, giving me a nod of encouragement. Jitters filled me, and I bounced on my feet. After all this time, I might actually be able to see my brothers, to talk to them.
I lay on the soft grass, staring up at the stars and reaching toward them with both hands. Leoni and Driscoll sat on either side of me. The stars dazzled, their light shining over me as I closed my eyes and directed the light to find my brothers.
The starlight shined over the jungle, and I could see what the stars saw. Could see into the jungle at all the sleeping creatures and boys.
Something tugged at my attention, pulling it toward a waterfall. It crashed down into a pond where seven swans sat, all of them asleep.
I gasped.
“What?” Driscoll asked, voice distant. “Did you find them?”
I nodded.
Now for the hard part. I followed the starlight down toward one of the swans. Soloman.
I entered his dreams just like I would any elemental. I gasped. There he stood in front of a bookshelf. He was dreaming of our place. The library in the star castle where we’d often go pick out books, then sit in a nook together and read quietly. We did that nearly every day. He never asked what I was reading, and I never asked him.
That was more of a Phoenix question. My other older brother loved to talk about the books we were reading.
But not Soloman. He was content to just sit. To be.
Slowly Soloman turned to look at me. His long brown hair was tied back in a ponytail, hands twined behind his back.
“Bell?” he asked.
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, and I flung myself into his arms. “You’re here,” I said, voice wobbly. “It’s really you.”
“Of course I’m here. It’s my own dream, and it’s... this is real,” he said into my hair.
I nodded against him. “It’s real. I’m here. And you—” I pushed him to arm’s length. “You look the same as you did almost sixty years ago.”
He scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah. And you’re an adult. You look older than me at this point. My baby sister.”
I couldn’t believe I’d never thought to do this before. To think all these years I could’ve actually been speaking to my brothers, visiting them in their dreams. All these years I could have felt like I had an actual family again. It made me feel sick how much I’d missed out on, how different my life might be right now if I’d had my brothers all these years.
But this shouldn’t have been possible. I’d been saying that a lot lately. Too much. A wariness prickled over me.
I clutched my stomach, and Soloman studied me with his dark eyes. “Hey, it’s okay.”
“I didn’t know,” I said. “I didn’t know you’d retained some of yourself in this form. I never even thought to try and enter your dreams.”
“I know,” Soloman said. “We were with you, though. We got to watch you grow, even if it’s been slower than normal because of the Wilds.”
I thought about my other brothers. “Did I bring all of us together somehow when I was sick?”
He led me over to the little nook with its purple cushion, the window giving view of the twilight sky and the ribbons of green undulating through it.
He sat me down. “Yes,” he said. “We’ve been able to communicate in our swan form, but none of us have been able to use our star magic. We couldn’t enter each other’s minds or yours. In that dream state, that was the first time we’d all actually seen each other in our human forms in a long time.”
Tears pricked my eyes again. I couldn’t imagine how that must’ve felt after so many years stuck as a bird.
I threw my arms around him again.
He sighed. “Bell, something I don’t understand... we’ve always been powerful. Father told us our powers exceeded star elementals, that the Wilds made us stronger than normal. But you’re doing something that’s far beyond that. You brought seven different people together in the same dream. You merged all of our subconsciouses. How?” His thick brown eyebrows pinched together. “Did the Wilds do this to you over time? Did it twist your magic even more?”
Kairoth had had the same questions. My answer had always been the Wilds. It must’ve been that cursed placed upon it. But I was beginning to doubt that more and more. Because Soloman was right. I had more power than I should have. More power than I could explain, and I had a feeling I’d only accessed the tip of it.
“I don’t know,” I finally said. “Soloman, I’m starting to think I don’t know anything. There’s so much happening. I just wish you all were here to help me through it. You will be here soon. I promise.”
He grabbed my hands, now smooth and painless in this dream world. He studied them before meeting my gaze. “I know this is what you want, but the others agreed that we can’t let you suffer for us any longer.”
His face was so solemn.
“You have to tell them I won’t stop.”
“We know,” he said.
“You can’t end your lives.” I tucked my legs under me. “Soloman, I’m so close. I have two sweaters knitted. I just need five more?—”
“But you almost killed yourself.” A ribbon of green slashed across his face.
I thought of Driscoll’s and Leoni’s words about possible salves or medicine that could help. “I have a solution,” I lied.
Suspicion flashed in his brown eyes.
“It’s true. A salve that I can put on my hands every night that will draw out the poison. It will keep me safe. I won’t get sick again. I won’t let myself. I’ll be more careful, and I will save you.”
I closed my eyes, reaching for my other brothers, trying to grasp onto them and bring them into this dream, but I didn’t know how. I’d done it once, and that meant I could do it again.
I gave a frustrated huff, wanting to be reunited with all of them again. Wanting stare at their faces and memorize every freckle and mole, every scar.
“You have to tell the others not to do anything rash. Tell them I swear I’ll be smart this time around. Tell them I’m close, Soloman. So close.”
He looked away, his gaze shadowed by darkness.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. “Do you want me to tell them? I’ll go into everyone’s dreams tonight. I can do that. I have the strength.”
“No.” He held up a hand. “You don’t. You might be able to hide your disfigured hands, but you forgot to hide anything else.” He raised a finger to my eye. “There’s purple smudges under your eyes. You look gaunt, like you’ve lost too much weight. Your hair is a mess.”
“I get it,” I said drily.
“The point is, you might be incredibly powerful, but you’re also still healing. It’s a miracle you survived this.”
Driscoll and Leoni had said the same thing.
“I guess I got lucky.” I shifted again.
He nodded, but by the troubled expression on his face, I could tell he wasn’t buying it.
“There’s something you should know,” he said. “The others will kill me for telling you this, but we’re starting to lose more of ourselves. When this first started, we had full clarity of who we were all the time. But ever since we escaped the Wilds, that clarity has slowly waned. Now we have maybe a few hours a night where we remember who we are. Every day I feel more swan than man. I think time somehow stopped for us in the Wilds, like it did for everyone else. But now time is ticking again, and we’re struggling.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, afraid that if I tried to speak, I would burst into tears.
“I’m not telling you this to scare you, but I’m worried that soon we’re not going to remember who we are at all, and once that happens, I don’t think this curse can be broken.”
This was far worse than I’d imagined. This meant I no longer had unlimited time to do this.
“I’ll get started knitting sweaters again right away,” I said.
His gaze snapped up to me. “No.” He leaned forward right as a ribbon of green flashed across his face. “You have to heal first, Bell. It’s no good to us if you get sick again, and I don’t want that for you.”
He gathered up my hands in his. “I’ll talk to the others. I’ll let them know you visited me, and I’ll tell them what you said. But you know that we’ll be watching. We’ll be able to tell if you’re lying, if you’re not taking care of yourself. And you know Ryder. You know Jorah. They’re stubborn, and they won’t back down if they think you’re putting yourself in danger.”
I gave a curt nod. “Understood.”
He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead.
I was about to tell him that I’d be back, that I’d figure out how to get all of us together, when my connection to him snapped, my power bleeding out of me as my eyes shot open and I stared as Driscoll, who was shaking me awake.
I sat up, groggy and disoriented.
“C’mon, let’s get inside,” he said. “You were starting to shake, and you looked like you might pass out.”
Leoni was already grabbing my arm and hefting me to my feet, and I struggled against her, angry that she and Driscoll had interrupted me.
Driscoll gripped my arm firmly. “I am not about to become Spirit Shadow’s dart board because we let you die using your magic.”
I rolled my eyes. When I actually had the time, I was going to make Leoni, Driscoll, and Kairoth sit down and have an actual conversation so Driscoll would stop being so damn scared of him.
“Did you get to see your brothers? Did it work?” Leoni asked as they helped me toward the castle doors.
I nodded. “It’s worse than I thought,” I signed. “They’re starting to lose more of themselves, forgetting who they are, that they’re human. I have to start knitting again soon. I have to find more nettle weed.”
Driscoll and Leoni shot each other concerned looks across from me. “That’s a tall order,” Driscoll mumbled.
“We’ll work on the salve part,” Leoni said. “Starting tomorrow. We’ll figure out a way to keep you from getting sick while you figure out a way to get more nettle weed.”