Chapter 21
Icouldn’t stop thinking about the moment when I fell into Jamie, my hands landing in the middle of his warm, hard chest. Or how his strong, protective hands felt on my waist, steadying me as his gorgeous hazel eyes stared into mine. For one brief moment, the world stopped spinning. It felt like forever, though I’m guessing it was only a few seconds. Then Jack ruined the moment when he cleared his throat, loudly.
I felt the absence of Jamie’s hands when he stepped back, but then he held a hand out to me. His eyes never leaving mine, the noise of people around us dulled to a slow, steady hum. I didn’t need his help to step off the blanket, and I certainly didn’t need to keep holding his hand after I’d taken the two steps needed to reach the grass.
But I did it anyway. I couldn’t help it. His stare was intoxicating. His touch comforting. This time, it was a child screaming nearby who broke the spell, and suddenly I was keenly aware of the silence of our small group. Had they noticed? I brushed down my red, white, and blue t-shirt and looked around. If their grins were any indication, they’d seen it all. And they’re happy about it. I reminded myself this couldn’t happen. Not only am I a mess, but he’s my brother’s best friend, and my bodyguard. He’s off limits twice over.
Ashley had a shit-eating grin on her face the entire ride, as Jamie drove us back to my parent’s house. She’d clearly had a good night with AJ. I wonder why she didn’t go home with him?
Jamie kept glancing at me in the rearview mirror, an unreadable expression on his face, and a death grip on the steering wheel, like he was afraid he’d lose control. Did I upset him? Did I cross the line? Had I assumed too much? I reminded myself it didn’t matter.
For a second, I’d thought I felt a connection when our eyes locked. Maybe I’d misread the situation, and he was just being helpful and polite. That was probably it. He was being nice, and I read too much into it. Now he’s trying to figure out how to let me down gently, because there was no way Jamie was attracted to me. Why would he want to get involved with someone who let her ex-boyfriend hit her? Someone his company needed to protect?
Ashley got out without a fuss when Jamie asked to talk to me for a second. I twisted my thumb ring, knowing what was coming didn’t make me any less nervous. Would he tell me he just wanted to be friends? Or that it wasn’t me, it was him? Or some other cliché expression he thought would let me down gently. Or maybe he’d just tell me the truth, he needed someone smarter, stronger, like Isabelle had been.
“Emily, I-” He paused and looked away. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine Jamie, why wouldn’t I be?” I wasn’t, but I couldn’t tell him why without embarrassing myself.
Jamie was just doing his job, which included being helpful and nice, and I let myself forget that. I was mad at myself for thinking maybe he liked me, because despite how much I didn’t want to, despite knowing it was a bad idea, I liked him. I could hear Ashley saying, “I told you so,” in my head.
“Thanks for a fun day, Jamie.” I was going to leave it at that, and go inside, but I couldn’t. I’d acted out of line and he deserved an apology, so I gathered my courage as I sucked in a big gulp of air conditioned air.
“Jamie, I-, I’m sorry if I crossed a line-”
He cut me off. “Don’t. Please. You didn’t.” He looked like he wanted to say more, but he looked at his hands on the steering wheel instead.
I waited, not wanting to interrupt his thoughts. He was obviously trying to figure out what he wanted to say, and I wanted to hear it.
“Emily, I had a lot of fun today and I’m not sure how to handle this, us.” He circled his hands to include both of us. “I’m not sure what I’m feeling right now.” He didn’t sound like his normal, confident self.
“That’s not true.” His voice was barely above a whisper. He took a deep breath, ran his hand through his hair, and met my eyes again. “I like you, Emily.”
My heart skipped a beat, then another. Did he just say that? He reached over and grabbed my hand.
“And maybe under different circumstances…” He paused, “but for now, I don’t think it’s a good idea to be anything more than friends.”
I broke eye contact first but he lifted my chin until I was looking into his eyes again. “I don’t know if I’m ready, and… and, I think you deserve better than that.”
“I understand.” I didn’t. “I’m not sure about all this either.” I mimicked his earlier hand motion. At least now we’d talked about it, and I knew where I stood. He doesn’t really like me; he’s just being nice, letting me down easy. After all, he couldn’t send his best friend’s sister home in tears, could he?
“You should go,” he looked out the window, “Ashley’s waiting.”
Did he just dismiss me? Fine. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore anyway. All I wanted was to go inside, and drink the pain away with Ashley. She’d help me forget how stupid I was for getting my hopes up.
“Good night Jamie. Thank you for a wonderful day.” I tried to sound casual but my voice was more stiff, more formal than I wanted it to be.
If Jamie picked up on the change in my tone, he didn’t show it. “Good night Emily. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Emily, not Em.
He got out when I did, and waited. Halfway to the porch, I glanced over my shoulder. He was standing near his door, watching, making sure I got inside safely.
Because it’s his job. I turned back when I heard Ashley say, “Come on, I need a drink!”
Me too.