Chapter 23
Ashley didn’t say anything until we got back to my bedroom, then she spat questions at me rapid fire. “What did he say? Did he ask you out for a proper date?”
“Ashl-”
“Did he want to kiss you? He looked like he wanted to kiss you. Did you want to kiss him? Because from what I saw, you looked like you wanted to.”
“Ashley.” I said forcefully, causing her to stop and stare at me.
“He’s not interested. He gave me the “let”s be friends” line.”
“No way. We all saw you two have the perfect romantic moment. At least until Jack interrupted it. I thought Meg was going to kill him.” She took a swig of the beer she’d just opened. “I like her, she’s fun. And she’s totally on Team Jemily. That’s what I’m calling you when you finally hook up.”
She wasn’t listening, so I tried again, “Ashley, he’s not interested. He was just being nice earlier. He’s letting me down easy by saying he isn’t ready. I’m sure he thinks I’m not worth the trouble.” He hadn’t used those words, but I was sure that’s what he meant.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? Em, you’re totally worth it and he’d have to be an idiot not to see it. And I’m sorry, but even if he’s not ready to admit it, he’s into you. You can’t fake that kind of chemistry. Not to mention what AJ said.” She paused for dramatic effect.
I shouldn’t want to know, but I did. “What’d he say?”
“He said Jamie’s usually cool as a cucumber and it’s not like him to lose his shit, like he did at the bar. That’s got to mean something, right?”
It had been a bit much, and at first I’d been afraid. But it didn’t last long, Jamie wasn’t Craig and his response was done in a professional capacity to protect me. “I don’t know, he’s paid to protect me.” Not wanting to cling to false hope, I shrugged it off. But what if.
“And you’re clearly into him.” She ignored me.
“Ugh is it that obvious?” Everyone thought Jamie and I should get together, including me. I plopped down on my bed, feeling defeated.
Ashley sat down next to me and handed me her beer. I didn’t think about it and took a sip, then almost spat it back out. I scrunched up my face as I handed it back to her. We agreed on a lot of things, but not our taste in beer.
“Sorry, I should’ve grabbed one of yours.”
“That’s okay, I probably shouldn’t drink anymore.” I wanted to get drunk and forget how the night ended, but was worried I’d end up crying over my shit-show of a life instead. I also didn’t want to be hungover at the BBQ tomorrow.
“No, you need your beauty rest.” She gave me a knowing look. “You’ll have a chance to talk to him again tomorrow, and clear up this nonsense.”
“Maybe, but I feel like I should give him some space. I don’t want him to think I don’t respect his feelings. Besides, I just left Craig. I’m not sure I’m ready to jump into a new relationship.”
Ashley and I hadn’t seen each other much over the last few years, but she still knew me too well to fall for my bullshit.
“Sweetie, Craig has nothing to do with this. And there’s no rule about how long you have to wait before dating a great guy after leaving an asshat. I looked it up.”
I laughed. Ashley had a way of making her point without it feeling like a lecture.
She was right, I shouldn’t use Asshat Craig as an excuse. Jamie had made it clear earlier he didn’t want to go out with me, but that didn’t mean I had to sit home alone and wallow. There were plenty of fish in the sea. I just had to suit up and go swimming.
Ashley and I stayed up talking and laughing into the early morning hours. We talked about everything, including whether she wanted more than just a fling with AJ, which she didn’t. They’d agreed a fling would be fun, but neither was looking for more. When I asked why she didn’t go home with AJ tonight, she said she didn’t want to ditch me.
Reconnecting with Ashley was the best choice I’d made in a long time, second only to leaving Asshat Craig.
I’d always thought one-night-stands and hook ups just happened, so it seemed weird to me they’d talked about it. But then again, I didn’t have much experience. My only one-nighter was back in college and happened when I got drunk at a party.
When I reminded Ashley about that night, we had to bury our faces in our pillows to keep from waking up my parents with our laughter. I’d been trying to live life to the fullest after a breakup, and Ashley helped me pick up a guy at a party. It turned into a cluster-fuck of comedic proportions. Needless to say, my courageous stage was short-lived after that. But it was fun while it lasted.
We talked until we fell asleep, fully clothed, lying on top of my bed.
I woke up a little later and couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d said about Jamie, and how he’d looked at me. Was she right? Am I right? Was he interested, or was he just being nice? I thought back to what he’d said earlier. He hadn’t said he wasn’t interested. In fact, he’d said he liked me but wasn’t sure he was ready to date. Why had I assumed he was only being nice? That he didn’t like me? Am I really that insecure? The short answer was yes, because Craig had destroyed my self-esteem.
I started thinking about what it’d be like to go on a date with Jamie. I imagined him being the perfect gentleman, bringing me flowers and opening doors for me. He wouldn’t give me judgmental looks if I ordered pasta.
I imagined Jamie was the kind of guy who would drop me off after a date, walk me to the door, then give me a hug and a gentle kiss. A kiss. It was stupid to think about kissing Jamie, but that didn’t stop me from thinking about what his lips might feel like on mine. His soft, full lips would gently brush mine, hesitant at first, then inviting. He’d let me decide if I wanted more and I’d part my lips just enough to let him know I did. He’d put his hand on my cheek, his strength obvious from how easily he controlled the pressure of his touch. Not too much, not too little. He’d tilt my head up towards him just a little as he parted his lips. Then he’d tease my upper lip with the tip of his tongue and I’d moan into his mouth as I returned his kiss, begging for more.
Holy shit.Just thinking about kissing him had me all worked up. I got up and went to the bathroom. If I’d been alone, I might have let the fantasy go a little longer. Maybe even all the way. I wasn’t as adventurous as Ashley but I wasn’t a prude either, and had been known to satisfy myself a time or two.
But I wasn’t alone. And it was too late, or maybe too early, for a cold shower. So I settled on rinsing my face in the coldest water the tap could provide.