Chapter 8
The following morning, I sit at the kitchen table, drinking my tea and eating a blueberry muffin when Tia strolls in wearing a black tank with tiny silk leopard shorts and wild bed hair.
”Morning,” she yawns, rubbing her sleepy eyes,
“Morning,” I respond, taking a sip of my tea.
Tia moves around the small space, pouring half a cup of coffee and adding lots of sugar.
Tia shuffles toward me, dragging her feet with each step, and lets out a groan as she finally reaches the chair. ”Ugh, fuck. I”m tired as hell.”
She takes a sip of the steaming cup, and her face relaxes.
”How was your night?” I ask.
She leans back in the chair, closed her eyes briefly, and then replies, ”It was good. Sophia and I watched Toy Story back to back.” Her voice trails off toward the end, and another yawn escapes her lips.
”Tia, I came home to you screaming in your sleep,” I say quietly.
Following the traumatic experience we both faced, she sought professional help from a physiatrist and was prescribed the right medication to help her recover. However, over the past few months, I”ve noticed that she has become increasingly withdrawn, unlike her usual self—a vibrant and feisty Latina. What concerns me the most is that she seems to have lost the spark that once burned fiercely within her, the same fire that kept her strong and untouchable. It”s like her once-burning passion has slowly faded away.
Tia tucks one leg under her and wraps both hands around her mug. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Tia.” I reach for her hand but she pulls away. “Don’t apologize. When did they start?”
She clears her throat. “A few weeks before we moved here.”
“Wh-what? I never heard you have one until last night,” I say.
She nods and bites her lower lip. “Some nights, it’s just me waking up in a sweat with tears on my face. But I think last night was the first night I screamed.”
“What triggered them, Tia?” When she doesn’t say anything, I persist. “Please, talk to me.”
“What do you want me to say, Sadie?” She shoots up from her chair at looks at me. “I’m fucked up, and I’ve learned to deal with it.”
“You are not fucked up.”
She lets out a cold laugh. “Oh, please. You know what happened to me because you were there.”
“Tia, I only know what I saw. The other times you were in the back, I—”
“Stop,” she says in a strong whisper.
What the hell happened then? Tia rarely speaks about the attack; it’s almost as if she has blocked it out of her head and certain things are triggering it now.
“I know you mean well, but I don’t want to remember those two weeks,” she says in a whisper, still staring at her cup as if it’s the most interesting thing in the room. “I have to live with it for the rest of my life, and I’m just trying to get through life the best way I know how.” She rises from her seat, ready to walk away.
“By avoiding it?” I ask, and she glares in my direction.
Fuck this.
We’re not ones to walk on eggshells, afraid of hurting one’s feelings. We’re Tia and Sadie. We could get hit with a bullet and still come out walking with our heads held high.
I run my hands through my hair and let out a sigh. “Talk. To. Me. You are stubborn as fuck, Tia, but you’re also strong. Strong enough to help me with all the hell that I’ve been through. It’s my turn to be there for you. Why won’t you let me?”
“I’m not doing this,” Tia grits through her teeth.
“Yes, we fucking are.” I sit up straighter in my seat. “You need to talk to someone, Tia. Paloma told me you stopped seeing the doc a few weeks after the attack, even though you told me you were still seeing the physiatrist.”
Tia firmly grips the chair in front of her and leans forward, shooting me a look of intense hatred.
Good. Fight, Tia.
“Titi Paloma has a big mouth, and it’s none of your fucking business, Sadie. You’re not my fucking keeper.” She pushes off and walks over into the kitchen.
“It is my business when we’re living together, Tia. My daughter lives under this roof too.”
She halts and glances over her shoulder. “I’ll move out if I’m such a fucking bother, Sadie,” she sneers.
“God, you’re infuriating, Boricua.” I groan in frustration and rise to my feet. “You know damn well that’s not what I meant so don’t come at me with that bullshit!”
“I WAS RAPED, OKAY!” She smashes the cup in the sink and whirls to face me. I don’t flinch because this is what I need her to do—break down those walls. My heart sinks at the reality that in the back of my mind, I knew Frankie did horrible things to her.
I was just hoping I was wrong.
“Is that what you want to hear? That your precious, strong virgin Tia was fucking raped and couldn’t do anything about it because I was too fucking weak to fight back?”
“You are not weak,” I tell her calmly while keeping my emotions in check.
She laughs manically. “You are so dense, Sadie. I mean, come on!” She throws her hands in the air and lets them come down to her sides. “When Ash was trying to touch me, you know what I did?”
I don”t say a word, knowing Tia isn’t done talking.
“I freaked the fuck out! I can’t even let a man touch me again, Sadie. I feel dirty and used. And you know what he did?” She shakes her head, and the tears fall freely down her face. “He walked away because he agreed with me.”
No.She’s assuming like she always does whenever she feels like there’s no other explanation.
“You don’t believe me?” she asks in disgust. “Of course not. They are your boys, after all,” she mocks.
”And you”re my girl!” I snap. ”And yes, you think he did because I know you, Tia. You will sabotage anything good when shit gets rough because, at the end of the day, you don”t feel like you’re good enough for anyone.”
Tia lets out a sob, and I immediately regret my choice of words. But I know I can”t back down now.
”And I know what that feels like since I did the same thing to Donnie. Tia, Ash cares about you. Remember, he witnessed what they did to you. His way of hurting you was walking away because he didn’t know how to help you because you pushed him away, and so he did that to keep his shit together. That doesn”t mean that he walked away from you.”
I take a step closer to her, trying to convey the sincerity of my words. ”We are worthy of love, Tia. We are not dirty. We are not used. We matter. You fucking matter.”
She falls into my arms, and I hold her tightly as she cries into my shoulder. It breaks my heart to see her like this, but I know I have to be strong for her.
”I don”t ever want to hear those words from your mouth again, etiendes?” I say softly but in a firm tone.
She laughs through her sobs and pulls away. ”That baby inside you is making you fearless, babe.”
I can”t help but grin at her words, even though my heart is still heavy.
”Girl, I would”ve whooped your ass if you weren”t prego,” she says.
”I”d like to see you try,” I say with a laugh.
She laughs, too, and for a moment, everything feels okay.
”I love you,” she whispers.
”I love you too.”
We hug each other tightly.
”Promise me you”ll talk to Ash?” I say, pulling away.
I know I”ve hit a nerve when Tia doesn”t say anything. ”Tia, he cares about you and is broken up about being unable to see you.”
”He is?” she asks innocently.
”Yeah, he is.”
She sniffles and wipes away her tears. ”Okay, I’ll think about it.”
”Good. By the way, you broke my favorite mug.”