Chapter 24
I was a self-proclaimed asshole most of the time, but even I wouldn’t step over the line and clearly take advantage of Sophie right now.
She wanted a diversion, an escape from what happened with her ex, and while I could empathize, it was up to me to take a stance.
Be responsible not only toward her but for her.
But she was making this entire situation nearly impossible, tilting her mouth toward mine while she stood too close.
I wanted her with a fierceness I’d never felt before, but I restrained myself, albeit barely.
What I told her was the truth. If she gave herself to me, even just one time, I’d become intolerable.
Bouts of jealousy had already rattled me where she was concerned, and I was self-aware enough to know it would only get worse if we had sex.
I couldn’t afford the distraction, especially not with my fight looming over me.
I’d put everything in jeopardy, and for what? One time with her?
Images of what I’d do to her, what I’d demand she do to me, infiltrated, and it took all my willpower to shove those thoughts away. But I struggled between being a decent guy and giving in to my desire for the woman in front of me.
Would it be so bad if we just kissed?
I could control myself if that was all that happened right now, right?
No, you fucker. She’s too vulnerable.
Damn my conscience.
I was a discipled man in every aspect of my life. My diet. My training. Even the relations I engaged in with women. But ever since Sophie came into my life, my regimented world slowly started to crumble.
She wasn’t making it any easier on me right now, pleading with me with her eyes, tempting me with a slow lick of her lips. But her tear-soaked cheeks were the reminder I needed that she wasn’t in the right headspace to make any kind of rational decision.
“I’m not asking for a commitment or exclusivity between us,” she said. “I just want to be with you right now.”
Her voice was like sweet torment. I wanted to give in, but somehow, I managed to hold on to the last bit of restraint I had and took a step back.
She frowned, her eyes quickly roving over my face before she dropped them to the ground.
I hated witnessing her embarrassment or self-doubt or whatever feeling it was that made her drop her shoulders, but I had to do what was right, no matter how hard.
“I better go,” I said.
She nodded but kept her head down.
“Sophie.” She didn’t look at me. “Sophie,” I said once more, a softness to my voice that sounded alien to me. “You know this is the right move.”
She finally looked at me. “I know.” Her response was barely above a whisper. “I’m just…. I think I only wanted to… because of….” Her words trailed off at the end, and even though she hadn’t completed a full sentence, I understood exactly what she tried to convey.
“I get it. More than you know.” A tiny crease formed between her eyes, but she didn’t ask me to elaborate. I gestured between us. “This can’t be awkward.”
“It won’t be.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” She straightened her posture and tipped her head upward. “I promise. We’re good. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I paused a moment as I studied her. This time, she held eye contact, and a flicker of strength flashed behind her eyes.
“See you tomorrow.”
I left her place and walked the five steps to mine, wishing for more space because for as much as I talked a good game about doing the right fucking thing, I doubted I’d stick to my guns and stay away from her tonight.
The best thing I could do was find one of the guys and have them occupy my time until I was confident I wouldn’t knock on her door and take her up on her offer.
I tried Lance, but he had plans with his wife. Luckily, Trevor answered on the second ring and was free for the night. We agreed to meet at the bar close to my apartment, the only place we’d manage to get a bit of privacy.
Since the bar was only a couple blocks away, I ended up walking there, needing the time to try and clear my head.
Everything about Sophie confused the hell out of me, but to be fair, it wasn’t like any of it was her fault.
I battled with my feelings toward her and the situation of her being my employee.
Why couldn’t Lance have hired a fat middle-aged man?
I dismissed the question as soon as it formed.
There was no way I would’ve tolerated the fictional man’s presence.
Sometimes, I think the only reason I didn’t press harder for Lance to get rid of Sophie was because there was something about her I needed, even when I hadn’t realized it.
The thought came out of nowhere, but I was too emotionally drained to dissect it.
“Jackson!” Trevor shouted from across the bar, raising his arm in the air so I could locate him. It was busier than usual tonight, but I supposed that was to be expected for a Friday night.
“Hey,” I greeted, taking the stool next to him in the corner.
“I shouldn’t have agreed to meet you for a drink because you’re not supposed to have any alcohol during training, but you never call to get together outside the gym, so I figured something was up.”
“I’m just having one drink. That’s it.” After we placed our order with the bartender, I sat in silence, not sure what to divulge. If I told him how Sophie and I almost crossed a line, and not for the first time, he’d insist on firing her. He’d get Lance and Elton to back him up too.
“So, what’s up?” he asked, taking a sip of his beer.
“Something happened earlier today, and I wanted to let you know in case anything escalates.” I angled my body toward him, tapping the edge of the bar and stalling for more time.
I teetered on the edge of telling him everything about me and Sophie or diving into a whole other topic, one that was also important.
“You gonna tell me, or do you want me to guess?” he asked, scratching the side of his head, his dark wavy strands falling right back into place.
“Sophie’s ex came by the gym. He was waiting outside when we walked up.” I answered his question before he asked. “We went for a run together after my session. Anyway, he made threatening remarks to her, and I stepped in.”
His eyes widened. “You didn’t hit him, did you?”
“No,” I said incredulously. “Nothing like that, but I did threaten that if he showed up again, he’d regret it.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah,” I replied.
“How was she after the encounter?” He shifted in his seat, his interest in Sophie prickling my skin. Calm down, he’s just asking to make sure she’s okay.
“Shaken up. She didn’t say as much, but based on his threats and the way she reacted, I’m sure he abused her.” My blood boiled at the suspicion that bastard laid a finger on her.
“Okay.” He looked off into the distance, seemingly lost in thought. “Okay,” he repeated. “We’ll keep an eye out for him. What does he look like?”
“He’s about your height, maybe a little shorter. Dark brown hair, cropped style. Looks like your typical cop.”
“He’s a cop?”
“Yeah.”
Trevor’s shoulders deflated. “Fuck, Jackson. We don’t need that kind of heat right now.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You threatened him. You threatened a cop.”
“No, I threatened Sophie’s ex.”
“Same fucking thing. Fuck!”
“You said that already.”
“Well, I needed to say it again.” He rubbed his hands together, looking like he was devising some sort of plan.
“Okay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
We need to be smart about this. We can’t have anything come back on you.
Not right now. It’s way too risky. He isn’t just some Joe Schmo off the street.
You know how police protect their own. We’ll keep an eye on Sophie.
If he shows up again, we’ll call the police, although I don’t know how much good that’ll do.
” He paused for a moment. “Do you know if she has a restraining order on him?”
“I don’t.”
“You should probably find out. That way we can have something done if he comes by again.”
“And if she doesn’t have one?”
“Advise her to get one.”
“Things are kind of tricky between us right now,” I blurted. “I’m not sure I’m the best person to advise her on anything.”
Trevor tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, suspicion etched into his expression. “What do you mean tricky between you?” His lips parted. “I asked her if there was anything going on between you two, and she said no.”
“When did you ask that?” I’d managed to keep my emotions in check up to this point, but his admission had my anger simmering.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter. What gives you the right to go behind my back and ask her about us?”
“So, there is an ‘us’?”
“No, there isn’t,” I said, slapping the top of the bar for emphasis.
“But you want there to be, don’t you?” He straightened in his seat and pointed at me.
I swatted his finger away, but he pointed it at me a second time.
“You like her.” Before I could get a word in, he continued, “What are you thinking, man? You can’t get involved with her, especially since she’s your employee.
But more importantly, she’s a distraction, one you don’t need right now.
Goddammit, Jackson! What were you thinking?
” He shook his head at me, chastising me.
“I didn’t see this one coming. I’ve never known you to be interested in a woman before. Other than for sex.”
I leaned into him. “Are you done now?” The scowl on my face was enough to cause him to back up.
“Pfft… I guess.”
“First off, nothing happened between me and Sophie. Do I think she’s attractive? Yes. Is there a vibe between us? Yes. But have we done anything about it? Again, no.”
“Not yet.”
He was right. It was only a matter of time before one of us gave in and made the stupid decision to act on the chemistry between us. What would happen afterward, I had no idea. I’d never been in this type of situation before, so I was ill-equipped to process the ramifications.
“Does Elton know about this?” he asked. “How about Lance?”
“There is nothing to know. And if you keep shaking your head at me, I’m going to knock you off your stool,” I said, clenching my fist.
“You can’t fight outside the ring, remember. So, your threat is moot.”
“Then I’ll accidentally kick your stool out from underneath you,” I threatened, which got a smile out of him.
“Try it, fucker.” A moment later, Trevor placed his hand on my shoulder. The man always had my back, so his concerns came from a place of loyalty. “Seriously, Jackson. Be careful. You have to focus on your training and nothing else. Be smart about this.”
“I will. Don’t worry.”
“Okay, I’ve said my piece. Now it’s my turn.” He sighed, and I swore the weight of the world resided in his exhale. “I think I made a mistake with Christina.”
Christina was his ex-girlfriend. He’d broken up with her over a year ago but never said why. Trevor, like me, didn’t often talk about personal shit.
“What makes you say that?”
“The shitshow that is the dating world. The women are either crazy, looking for someone to take care of them, or, on the chance I actually connect with someone, she ends up ghosting me. I don’t get it. Christina wasn’t complicated. She didn’t play games. She was sweet, funny, and kind.”
“She was a looker too,” I added.
“She was gorgeous.” Trevor’s expression fell. “I fucked up.”
“Why did you break up with her, then?” I finally took a sip of my beer, licking the foam from my lips.
I was the last person who could relate to his situation.
It’d been many years since I’d been in a relationship, and that had only lasted four months.
Trevor and Christina had been together for two years before he ended things between them.
“Because I was stupid. I wasn’t ready to settle down. I thought I was missing out. I don’t know.” He drained half of his drink before placing the glass back on the bar.
“Why don’t you reach out to her? See if she’s willing to meet up.”
“Because she’s engaged.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.”
I could tell by the slump of his shoulders and the way he continually sighed that he didn’t wish to discuss his former girlfriend any longer. So, I broached the topic of my training and the upcoming fight. The diversion seemed to do the trick.
A half hour later, after he finished his second beer, we parted ways. I took my time walking back to my place, needing to think. But my colliding thoughts did nothing but confuse me further.
I hesitated for a minute outside Sophie’s apartment, contemplating knocking on her door. But what would I say? What would I do?
Nothing good would come from it. Well, one good thing would happen. One amazing thing. But Trevor was right. I had to be smart about how I proceeded with her.
Or to be more accurate, how I didn’t proceed with her.