Chapter 15
CHAPTER 15
Somehow I survived my classes today. Even with the whispers and stares, I kept my chin up and showed everyone I was unfazed. At least on the outside.
On the inside, I was a fucking mess. However, something I didn’t expect happened that made it all a little more bearable. There were some girls who waved and said hello that I’ve never seen before, which led me to think my words made a positive impact on a few. But honestly, if I could help change one girl's opinion about herself and her sexuality then this shitshow is worth it.
Well, I felt that way until I got to cheer. Practice was brutal today. Coach Wendy really stuck the fork in us with this half-time routine. We’re not even close to perfecting it, and she expects us to perform it at Saturday's home game.
An abrupt thud on my door has me jumping off my bed.
“Coming,” I holler.I set my brush down on Avery’s vanity and approach the door, no longer afraid of who might be on the other side.
The day the video surfaced, I was terrified every time someone knocked on this door. Now, I’m ready to face the world with my head held high. There’s peace in empowerment, and I’m feeling it now more than ever.
Stealing a peek out the peephole, my peace is quickly replaced with a sudden urge to wage war.
I rip the door open and come face to face with the last person I want to see. “What the hell do you want?” I spit at Kamden, who looks as if he’s ready to battle it out as much as I am.
The heavy bags under his eyes tell me he hasn’t had much sleep. Good. I hope he’s getting the same horrid messages I was getting before I went live and took a stance.
His jaw clenches. “Take down the fucking video, Brogan.”
I assume he’s referring to the recording of my live stream the other night—I reposted it, three times. Now I might post it three more. Or one for every meme I see of my naked body. I haven’t quite decided.
“Screw you!” I go to slam the door shut in his face, but he wedges his foot in the way.
With his palm pressed firmly to the door, he pushes and sends it flying wide open as he grits out, “Take down the video and tell everyone you made a mistake.”
With my arms tightly folded across my chest, my jaw tightens. “And why the hell would I do that?”
“Because it’s a lie!” he shouts. “I didn’t share that fucking video of us. I don’t know who the hell did, but it sure as hell wasn’t me.”
I roll my eyes, standing tall. How dumb does he think I am? “You seriously think I’m buying that bullshit? No one had that video but me and you. I also never consented to you recording us. Seems like I was right not to trust you.”
“Oh, grow up. It was hot and you know it.”
I might agree that it was hot, but I’m also a firm believer that consent matters and he never even asked, not even when I pointed it out.
“I don’t believe you,” I say, ignoring his statement because even if it’s true, it doesn’t give him the right to share it.
“Someone must have gotten access to your phone because it sure as shit wasn’t me, Brogan. I might be an ass sometimes but not even I would stoop that low.”
“Or maybe someone had access to your phone,” I snap. “You know what, forget I said that because I know it was you, Kamden.”
“And why the hell would I share a video of myself jerking off? Think about it.” His face is red, his hair sticking up like he’s been pulling at it. Good . Maybe if people gave him shit about what he did to me then he’ll understand how I feel.
“I have thought about it,” I bite back, “and all I come up with is, you hate me more than you love your dignity.”
“First of all, I didn’t hate you until that video surfaced. For all we both know, your new fuck toy shared it. You have been hanging out with him a lot.”
My teeth grind and I narrow my eyes. “Hayes would never .”
I’m not really into defending Hayes, but why would he share that video just show up right after and offer to help me. Some could say a mastermind would think that way, but this is Hayes. He can hardly remember to show up on time, much less launch an elaborate scheme.
“Right. Because you know him so well. Well, I’ve got news for you, Brogan. I know him better and he wouldn’t even hesitate if he knew it would drive a wedge between us.”
“Well, I’ve got news for you , Kamden,” I mock him. “Hayes didn’t have to drive a wedge between us. You did that yourself.”
He shakes his head, refusing to take responsibility for anything that he did, only solidifying my hatred toward him. He is nothing to me anymore.
Kamden shakes his head. “Don’t count him out so quickly. It was either him or you. Maybe one of your many nights of drinking went too far and you did it to get a little attention from the guys on campus.”
“How dare you!” Without thinking, my hand connects with his face in a loud smack. I take a step back, feeling the sting radiate through my palm while I grit my teeth. This is the third time now Kamden has made me out to be a slut and it fucking stops here.
Cupping his cheek, he glowers. “You’re fucking crazy. I think that psychopath Hayes is rubbing off on you since you two are spending so much time together.”
I jab a stern finger in the air, pointed at the door as my voice rises, “Get out!”
When he just stands there, a sly grin on his face, I shove my hands to his chest and push him to the door. “If you ever come back here again, I’ll get a restraining order against you!”
As soon as he’s out the door, I go to slam it closed, but he stops it, once again. “You do realize who my father is, right? Take down the video of you slandering my name, or you’ll face expulsion and a lawsuit.”
I shove my whole body into the door, finally latching it before dragging the chain lock across it.
Tears of anger immediately spring from my eyes as I slide down the door and sit in front of it.
Maybe it was wrong of me to call Kamden out like that on FlashChat. Even after what he did, I had the opportunity to be the bigger person and I chose to retaliate publicly. It’s possible he didn’t share the one of us, but he’s still the reason it exists in the first place.
He can come for me and bring Daddy along for the ride, but I won’t fight lying down.
As for my message promoting sexual positivity and advocating for women who have been shamed for enjoying something so natural, I have no regrets. And I’m sure as hell not going to delete it because Kamden told me to.
Suddenly, the handle shakes violently and the door rattles in its frame. I sit up, wiping my face with shaking hands. With a creak, the door opens slightly, stopped by the chain lock. Avery’s voice hits my ears. “B, Let me in.”
I push myself off the floor and swipe away the tears under my eyes. As I go to close the door, it nudges back open. “You have to shut it, Ave.”
The sound of her giggle has me smiling. “My bad.”
We’ve done this a hundred times, but her impatient ass always expects me to unlink the chain with the door cracked open.
She pulls it shut and I drag the chain across before the door comes flying open. I’m met with wide eyes and hands that grip my shoulders. “What the hell was Kamden doing here?” Before I can even answer, she tilts her head to the side and says, “why are you crying, babe?”
I draw in a bumpy breath and sniffle. “He demanded I take down the live recording I shared and then threatened me with a lawsuit and expulsion.”
“That son of a bitch,” she grits out before spinning around and taking a step out the door.
I grab her by the hood of her sweatshirt and jerk her back into the room. “Oh no you don’t.”
“Let me have him, B. Let me fucking have him.”
I laugh through the heartache in my chest. “He’s long gone by now.”
Her shoulders slump in defeat. “Just say the word and I’ll barebow him with an arrowsmith straight to the chest.”
“That extracurricular archery course is going straight to your head.” I can’t help but chuckle, which is why I love Avery so damn much. Even when I just got threatened and slut-shamed by my ex, she still finds a way to make the tears stop.
“Seriously though, B. Don’t take down the video. Do you have any idea how many girls came up to me today and asked me to thank you for what you said?”
“Really?” My voice squeaks, a smile playing on my lips. “How many?”
“One,” she quips, and my expression drops a little. “But that’s more than none.”
“Yes, Avery. One is more than none.” I laugh. “I’m not taking down the video, though. I thought about it, and in the end, I decided to take my chances.”
Avery walks over to the bed and drops her bag on top of it. “Kamden is such an ass. He has some nerve coming to our room and threatening you. Do you think he’d actually try and get you expelled?”
I shrug. “Maybe. He is sort of a jerk like that. And he definitely has the means. I don’t know much about his dad, and I’ve never met him, but I know he has money and power, and with his countless donations to Rosewood-U, there’s not a doubt in my mind the school would act in his favor. “
“Let’s not forget, B. You have connections, too. Your stepdad is the mayor of your hometown and your mom is a district attorney.” She sits down on her bed, kicking off her shoes and crossing her legs. “You could win, and even file a counterclaim and sue him for what he did.”
I shrug, sitting next to her. “That’s the thing. Kamden is claiming he isn’t the one who shared the video of us.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” she grumbles. “Please don’t tell me you actually believe him.”
I think about it for a second because when he came in here, the last thing I wanted to do was believe a word he said. I still don’t. But part of me feels like he was telling the truth, and even if I want to take that part and tell it to fuck off, Kamden looked truly bothered. “Yes and no.”
Her eyes roll to mine. “Brogan Ann Astor.”
“That’s not my middle name.” I laugh.
“Oh. Well, what is it?”
“Alexis.”
“That’s pretty.” Her tone shifts abruptly to a more serious note. “Brogan Alexis Astor, please don’t buy into Kamden’s bullshit. The next thing you know, you’ll be the one apologizing to him then you’ll be back in his bed the next day.”
“No.” I shake my head. “Not anymore. I’ve forgiven Kamden for standing me up, being an ass, and even lying to me, but he went too far this time. Even if he isn’t the one who shared the video?—”
“But he is,” she cuts in.
“ Even if he isn’t the one who shared the video, he said some unforgivable things to me and made me feel like the biggest slut in the world. I would never take him back. Besides, I’ve?—”
“Fallen for Hayes Madden,” she cuts in again.
I exhale heavily. “No. I have not fallen for Hayes Madden.”
At least, I don’t think I have. Though I can’t deny that yesterday I felt things I didn’t think he could make me feel. I’ll never admit it to Hayes, but I actually was jealous of those girls at his house. It literally felt like one of them reached their nails into my chest, clawed out my heart, and slapped it on my sleeve for him to steal. And he almost did when we were standing at the top of the steps in front of his door in the rain. The way he looked at me…no guy has ever looked at me like that before.
I can’t go there right now. If I do, it will throw our whole plan off track and I’m sticking to it. Now more than ever, I want Kamden to feel pain.
“Don’t worry,” I say to her. “I’ll never take Kamden back. Let’s just leave it at that.”
Her lips press together tightly as they draw up in a crescent-moon smile. “You’re better off, B.”
“I know I am.” I get up and decide that comfy clothes are the answer to my problems right now.
It doesn't make it hurt any less, though. It’s not even my relationship that’s doing me in right now, it’s the way it all fell apart.
Rummaging through the middle drawer of my dresser, I pull out a pair of boxer shorts and a Willow Creek High t-shirt. After tossing them into my mint green bathroom tote, I grab my shower caddy from one of the built-in shelves on my desk.
“I need to shower and go to bed so I can sleep off this day.”
“Have you eaten?” Avery asks with the concern of a mother in her tone.
Dragging my feet, I head to the door. “Just a croissant for breakfast.”
“Go shower and I’ll get us some food. I’ve got an idea that will make you forget all about Kamden Donnelly for the night.” Her brows do a little dance and I’m afraid to even ask.
“Be nice,” I warn, pointing a finger at her. “I know how crazy your ideas can get.”
Avery’s lips curl up into a mischievous grin, revealing the prominent dimples on her cheeks.
I can’t resist shaking my head as I leave the room, trying not to smile at her antics.
Our senior year, during spring break, Avery had the grand idea to take a road trip to Vegas because she swore on everything that we could gamble there at the age of eighteen. She was wrong. But it just so happened that the first place we went wasn’t checking IDs and instead relied on signs, which neither of us paid any attention to. When Avery actually won three-thousand dollars, the cashier was ready to pay her out and that's when she was asked for identification.
We were told we had to leave and Avery had to forfeit her winnings. Avery, being the loud mouth she is, argued with the cashier and they threatened to call the police and press charges, which would have landed both of us in jail for the night. After a lot of convincing, I got her to leave and we were walked out by security.
We laugh about it now, but I sure as hell wasn’t laughing that night.
I walk down the hallway to the shared bathrooms, relieved to hear that none of the showers are in use. I don't mind sharing a bathroom with everyone on our floor—growing up with siblings prepared me for it. However, I do prefer having the space to myself when I use it. Even when I do have privacy in the bathroom, I still try to hurry.
There’s always at least one or two people that come in to use the toilets and nothing grosses me out more than cleaning my body while the scent of shit wafts through the steamy air.
My stomach curls just thinking about it.
Coming to college has been a real wake-up call. As much as I thought I was ready for the real world, I'm finding there’s still a lot to navigate. I couldn’t wait to get out of my parents’ house so I didn't have to live by their rules anymore, but I'm finding that making up my own rules is more difficult than following theirs.
Before college, I never would have let a guy record me naked, but I decided to let it slide. Now look at where it landed me.
So many people my age think they are ready for the big world, but to me it feels a little too big. There is comfort in someone else making your own meals, having your own room, and your own shower, even if you have to share it with your stepbrothers. There is stability—balance.
That's something I realize I'm craving as I step out of the shower and start packing up my stuff to go back to my room. I just want some balance. I want the thoughts to feel less chaotic and I want the world to stop spinning quite so fast.
It’s sort of crazy that I feel most balanced here when I'm with Hayes. Even when I was pissed at him for being late the other morning, I knew exactly what I wanted. He makes me think one step ahead all the time. Even though he still surprises me here and there, it doesn't feel like an earthquake trying to knock me down. Things between us just flow. One sarcastic response to the next.
As I walk out of the bathroom and down the hall to my room, the smell of pizza floods my senses and my stomach growls. I open the door, ready to run and kiss Avery for ordering it, but I come face to face with Hayes fucking Madden who is sitting on my bed wearing a big ass cheeky grin.
“What’s up, Legs?”
My lips press into a thin line as I drop my bag on the floor. “Just the thing to cheer me up, huh?” I sneer at Avery as I shoot my thumb toward Hayes. “He’s supposed to do that?”
“He brought us pizza” She beams as she digs her teeth into a large slice. “Oh,” she continues as she chews. “And look what's on?”
I follow her gaze to the television that’s mounted in the corner of our room and see Hocus Pocus playing.
With everything going on, I completely forgot Halloween is coming up. This is my favorite month of the year and I haven't even decorated or made any plans. I guess watching my favorite Halloween movie can set the mood for that, but watching a movie with Hayes feels so…awkward. Are we at that level of friendship, yet? Are we even friends at all?
I step farther into the room, closing the door behind me. “Why are you really here, Hayes?”
He stands for a second, grabs a slice of pizza from the box sitting on Avery’s desk then sits back down on my bed. “Avery texted me and said she needed my help cheering you up. You were right.” He shoots a look at Avery. “She does seem sort of down.”
“I’m fine,” I stammer. “I can’t believe you invited him here. Let me guess, you told him about Kamden coming here, too?”
Hayes jumps to his feet mid-chew. “Why the hell did Kamden come here?”
“Guess you got your answer,” Avery snickers. God help me I might actually smack her this time.
“Did he seriously come here?” Hayes asks adamantly. “Is he the reason you look like you want to punch a wall? What the fuck did he say to you?”
What I want to know is why he cares so much?
“Yes, he came here,” I tell him. “But it’s not a big deal. And I am not about to punch a wall, that's a Kyle move.”
I steal a look at Hayes who is holding a piece of pizza in one hand and trying to conceal something on my bed with the other.
“What are you doing?” I cross the room toward him and pull away the corner of my blanket he so carefully folded up. “You dropped pizza on my bed and now you’re trying to hide it?”
A growl climbs up my throat as I grab a couple napkins next to the pizza box and scrub vigorously at the sauce stain.
“You really need to lighten up, Legs.”
I scoff as I direct his attention to the red stain on my baby pink comforter. “You dropped pizza on my bed.”
“So what?” he huffs. “It’s just pizza. You need to chill out and have some fun once in a while. Why’s everything so serious with you?”
“She gets like that,” Avery whispers, but I hear her loud and clear.
I shoot her a glare before dragging my eyes to Hayes. “I’m not always serious and I happen to have a lot of fun. It’s just been a rough couple days.”
Part of me feels like I should apologize, but my damn pride is getting in the way. I flip the corner of my comforter back up, hiding the stain before plastering a big ass smile on my face. “See.”
“Oh yeah,” he drawls teasingly. “Hide that stain, baby. We’re partying hard now.”
I can’t help laughing. Hayes does a good job of cheering me up. I’ll give him that.
“Well, you two, “Avery begins as she slips her foot into a knee-high boot. “This has been fun, but?—”
“No you don’t!” I point my pizza at her as I swallow down a bite. “You don’t get to leave. Uh Uh. You can’t invite someone into our room then bail.”
“After what’s been going on, I just didn’t want to leave you alone. The thing is, I’ve sort of got plans tonight.”
She could have reached out to any number of our friends, yet she called Hayes. And while I don’t exactly despise him anymore, I still don’t want to lie in my room and watch a movie with him…alone. He makes me nervous. Which is crazy because guys don’t usually have that effect on me.
Planting my hand on my hip, I give Avery a death glare. “Plans with who?”
“A guy...” She pauses for a beat. “...named Evan. Remember the night after the hockey game when Hayes said his friend was checking me out. Well, he called the other day and now we’re going out for dinner.”
“I hate you,” I grit at her.
“Hey,” Hayes sings. “I thought you only said that to me. Welcome to the club, Avery.” He holds up his hand and she smacks him a high five.
My face feels hot. Hell, my entire body feels hot. I can’t believe she’s actually leaving us alone together in this dimly lit room with pizza and a movie playing. She thinks she’s so sneaky, but I know exactly what she’s up to.
I could easily rest on the certainty that Avery likes Hayes and she doesn’t like many guys when it pertains to me. Her opinion means the world to me and she’s almost always spot-on—hence what happened with Kamden.
I look at Hayes briefly, admiring the way he carries himself. He’s so confident and sure about everything he does and says. It doesn’t hurt that he’s breathtakingly gorgeous.
No. I can’t think like that. We’re about to have sex and record a revenge video. I’m not falling for Hayes. I can’t be. Can I?