5. Chapter 5
Mason
“You want me to be a sub or something.”
My smile easily stretches across my face. “I knew you were intelligent.”
“Yeah, I already know that.”
Arrogant little shit. Adorable shit. This is going to be fun if Jinx accepts. I’ve already decided that I’m going to go forward with this, if he wants.
“What gave it away, if you don’t mind my asking?”
He shrugs as he’s prone to doing—such a nonchalant reaction for someone who’s far from being nonchalant. “You were talking about discipline and shi—stuff. Being a former sex worker and all, it’s not that hard to figure out, but I wasn’t… entirely sure either.”
“I appreciate your honesty, Jinx. The more honest you are with me, the better it will be for both of us.” I chug back half of my wine. “We talked about ages. I am indeed twenty years older. How do you feel about our age difference?”
“It’s all I’ve ever known until I started dating women after moving here.”
“That’s not consent, Jinx. That’s simply acceptance.”
He rests his elbow on the counter, then places his head on his palm, watching me.
“All my instincts and training tell me to talk you into fucking me. It’s hard to break.
It was all I knew,” he repeats. “I don’t give a fu—fudge about our age differences.
” I inwardly smile at how he tries so hard not to swear, but does so when talking about sex.
“You should.” I stand and pour myself another glass of wine.
“It’s a power dynamic where I hold most of it due to my age and experience.
While I love to dominate, you will hold most of that power, but people on the outside may not see that.
You will always have the right to say no, and I will always obey, no matter what. We can do this, Jinx, but no sex.”
“No deal,” he says entirely too quickly and too calmly.
From what I’ve noticed, he’s a reactionary.
It’s concerning, and I need to make sure we both know exactly what we’re getting into.
While he’s a lot like Jude, my Jude was never sexually assaulted or trafficked.
He had a different sort of trauma. “I want what you’ve brought me here to do. ”
“Why? Be clear and honest.”
His face hardens, and he looks away, trailing a finger along the dark lines against the white of the quartz. “I… don’t know entirely.”
“I said to be honest. You’re still hiding. This isn’t going to work unless we can be fully transparent with each other.”
“It’s embarrassing…”
Interesting admission.
With a sigh, he drinks down the rest of his wine. I don’t pour him another. “Whatever I’ve been looking for, I haven’t found it. I can’t get close to anyone. Every relationship fails—”
“After what you’ve been—”
“I’m not done.” I wave for him to continue.
“Yeah, I’ve been avoiding men. I just can’t see myself with a guy my age.
They’re annoying, and I annoy myself enough.
” I grin at that, but say nothing. “It’s Phillip.
Yeah, he was an older man. Old enough to be my grandfather, probably.
And yeah, he loved boys. But he was really nice to me, you know?
He never hurt me, not like how Tito did.
He taught me adulting shi—stuff. And he… ”
“He what?” I ask as he pauses, lost in thought.
“He was affectionate. No one had ever just held me or let me snuggle. I felt… safe.” His blue eyes watch me hard.
“And don’t tell me he was manipulating me.
Even back then, I wasn’t fucking stupid.
Sorry…” he sighs and runs a hand through his hair.
“He was lonely. He was kind. It didn’t matter what he was in the end.
Not to me, anyway.” Jinx huffs a laugh and pinches his eyes.
“I cried the day Tito wouldn’t let me see Phillip again. Cried for a fudging week.”
“He made you feel like a human.”
Jinx’s eyes land on mine, watering and red. “Yeah, exactly. The only people who know the full story are Aleks, my doctor, and now you.”
I want to reach for him and comfort him, but not until we establish our dynamic.
My heart aches for him, though. Everything he’s endured.
He came out on top, found a life and a unique family, and achieved things that others in his position would’ve ended up on the streets for, or worse.
Jinx clearly had some help from Julien, another interesting and curious young man.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “Life should never be this hard.”
“Yeah, well, it is for most people. You either fight it or succumb. Your turn.”
He’s truly intelligent. I wonder where he would be if he’d had a more fortunate life. Despite how smart he is, he’s still fucking young. Maturity doesn’t negate age. Yet, here I am…
“My family comes from Naples. I was born and grew up in New York City, but I came to Colorado for a quieter life. I’ve lived in Durango now for about five years and opened six restaurants across Colorado.”
He rolls his eyes. “Jesus… That’s it? I already got all that online.”
I swallow the growing lump. “There will be more to come later, but you’re the first person I’ve brought to my home to see if we’d be a good match in eight years.”
“You’ve done this before?”
I nod, needing something stronger, so I stand, open my liquor cabinet, and pour a finger of whiskey, tossing it back like a shot.
“It didn’t work out,” I say, pressing the back of my hand to my mouth as the liquor burns going down.
“He’s the reason you’re here right now. You… remind me so much of him.”
“He died?”
Damn intuitive, that one.
“Yes. It hurt enough to move across the country and to live alone for all these years.”
Like me, Jinx doesn’t approach or console me.
I just pray he doesn’t make me elaborate.
Before he does, I say, “This will be a symbiotic relationship if you wish to proceed. You also have the choice to walk out that door and never see me again, or to stop it at any time. Consent is everything. Do you understand?”
When I’ve gathered my emotions, I turn to face him. He nods and swallows. “Okay.”
“I want this to be as fulfilling and rewarding for you as it will be for me. But there will be rules.”
“So… let me get this straight. You’ll be my Dom, and I’ll be your sub?”
“Yes, Jinx. But it could be so much more than that if you let it. For it to work, it will have to be built on absolute trust, and as I said, honesty.”
“Why me again?”
His intelligent, cold blue eyes watch my every reaction. “Connection? Something about you called to me, hiding between your rants and attitude. Those eyes… As I said, you remind me of my last sub, my lover…” My everything. “You’re very beautiful, too. Do you find me attractive?”
“Yeah, you’re hot.”
Jinx stands and heads over to me, but instead of touching me or saying anything, he reaches behind me and grabs the bottle of whiskey. He pours a shot’s worth into my glass and drinks it down, and I don’t stop him. Only once we’ve reached an agreement will I lay out the rules.
He stands on his toes, being at least seven inches shorter, and kisses me. It’s just a peck. Nothing with tongue. He then pinches my chin and kisses me deeper. I let him have his moment. This need to show he’s not afraid. He tastes of whiskey and fucking risk.
“Are you ready to hear the rules? Again, if you don’t like them, you can go home, and I’ll leave you alone.”
“I think I want this,” he says, resting a hand on my chest, tilting his head as he looks up at me. Is this the former sex worker Jinx? Or the real Jinx?
“Don’t think. Know.”
He shrugs and grins. “How can I, if I don’t know the details yet?”
“You already know this will be a Dom/sub relationship. You will do everything that I say without question. If you do them perfectly, I’ll reward you.”
“Are we going to have sex tonight?”
“Not tonight.”
“But I prepped.”
“Sex is part of a reward system, and only if you want it.”
“Oh.”
I tilt my head at him. “Do you think you’ve earned sex tonight?”
He’s still standing on his toes, both palms on my chest. “Not really. Can I make suggestions?”
“You may. This is a two-way street, Jinx. As a sub, you hold a lot of power, most of the power, believe it or not. Would that feel good to you?”
He huffs a laugh. “Yeah, it really would.”
Before his mouth reaches mine again, I grab a handful of his hair and pull him back. “Kisses are also rewards. The first one was free.”
“And what happens if I’m bad or don’t do what I’m told?” he asks, a teasing glint in his eyes. Any residual fear he had when we first met has completely vanished. Oh, he’s going to be so much trouble; I can feel it. He’ll push my boundaries frequently. After hearing his story, I understand why.
“Usually, I spank, but I don’t think I should after all you’ve been through.”
I’m still holding his hair, but he doesn’t fight me off.
His large eyes look up at me with a fearlessness he hadn’t shown earlier.
I wonder how many facets there are to Jinx.
I bet he has many little masks he chooses to show, depending on the person.
“Shouldn’t I decide that? I mean, Phillip did it to me all the time. ”
“Explain.”
“He was the only one who asked first. Like you, he gave me the choice to say no. But what we did was mild Dom/sub stuff.” Jinx lifts his shoulder as if it’s not a big deal when it is.
“He liked doing it out of pleasure, not because he wanted to harm me. Phillip was always careful. He made it hot instead of mortifying.”
“You weren’t afraid?”
“Yeah, at first, but I ended up liking it surprisingly. It’s not the same as getting punched or being forcefully handcuffed to a bed so someone can do whatever they want to you. I had freedom with Phillip that I never got from anyone else.”
Jinx is truly fascinating, yet terrifying. He could ruin me if I’m not careful. I drag my thumb across his bottom lip, and his eyes close in response. “I never intended to invite anyone into my life again. We take this one step at a time, for both our sakes.”
I rest my hands on his shoulder and ease him back.
I walk over to the small, built-in desk in the kitchen, open the drawer, and pull out a folder, dropping it in front of Jinx.
“Inside is a list of likes, dislikes, and things you haven’t tried and are willing to do or not to do.
I want you to fill it out when you’re at home and have time to process everything I’ve told you tonight. ”
Jinx opens the folder and flips through the pages. “Then what are we going to do this weekend? More chit-chatting? Staring at each other in silence?”
I want to corner him, press him against the counter, then drop his pants and spank him. I have visions of all the things I want to do to him, but that’s what he wants, judging by his bratty tone. I don’t give my subs what they want until they’ve earned it.
Jinx is stiff, as if anticipating that I will do just that. Then he turns to face me. “What if I want to start now?”
I drag my knuckles against his cheek, and he leans into the touch.
For someone who’s not very affectionate, as he claims, he sure is responsive…
unless this is an act. “While you will obey everything I ask of you, you will be yourself, Jinx. I will not accept your sex-worker persona. I want the real person behind the masks. Acting as if you enjoy it is manipulative. Before, you were being paid to behave that way, but I’m not going to pay you.
This is a mutual, and, hopefully, symbiotic relationship. ”
“Does that mean we can start?”
“I’ll think about it.”
Jinx will be my fifth sub since I started this endeavor back in my last year of college.
I crave my hand to sting again. I miss watching my subs on their knees, begging me for direction, so eager to please.
It feels like I’m home again. Yet, I worry about what this will mean in the long run.
I don’t want to get attached to Jinx, but it’s hard to sever those emotions and connections that so quickly grow strong in a dynamic like this.
“I just ask…”
“Ask what?” I hedge.
“Don’t be mean to me. Don’t…” He looks down at his feet, rubbing the small tattoos on his fingers. It’s another hint at his vulnerability. It’s unexpected but welcome.
Against my better judgment, I gather him in my arms and hold him. He’s stiff beneath me before he relaxes and holds me back.
His body is incredibly tight, and he feels good pressed against me.
“I’d never be mean or cruel, Jinx. That’s not how I roll, as they say. I want you to trust me, but I know that’s earned.”
I gently ease him back. He doesn’t look at me, but he says nothing. “Come on. Let me show you to your room.”