22. Chapter 22
Mason
Jinx’s excitement to show me his place spreads through me as he tugs my hand up the stairs on the outside of the stables while trying not to spill our drinks.
The building itself is beautiful, nestled between tall trees and evergreens.
It’s more wooded here than at my place, creating this beautiful oasis.
I can see all the young men thriving here.
The main house is really nice, too. The biggest cabin I’ve ever seen in my life. The inside of the house is furnished with basic furniture. It’s not designed or decorated. It looks like how a bunch of young men would live, although I’d only seen the kitchen, dining room, and living room.
I’m curious as to how Jinx lives.
“We think this is where the people who worked here lived before us because my apartment is fully renovated,” he says, huffing up the steps, gusts of steam coming from his mouth.
“As soon as I saw it, I wanted it. Everyone else lives in the house, but I wanted more privacy. I’ve never had a space of my own before, even though I get lonely a lot. ”
He opens the unlocked door, steps inside, and I follow behind him.
“I like that the stairs are on the outside. As much as I love horses, I don’t want my place smelling like them,” he rambles on excitedly.
“Where does your staff stay? Your horse trainer?” I ask.
He shrugs and removes his shoes, leaving them by the door, so I do the same. “They have places of their own. Jim isn’t far. He’s got a little house a few miles away. Our vet works with other ranches, so he’s not always here.”
Jinx helps me out of my coat and hangs it up on one of the hooks along the wall. He takes the glasses of wine and sets them on the kitchen table.
I shove my hands into my jeans and look around his place while he gets his wood-burning stove going. “There’s central air and shit here, but I like the stove. It really warms up the place. I wish I had a fireplace, though.”
I smile at his rambling and walk through his space. He’s definitely been nervous for most of the evening.
His place is one huge open floor plan without a private bedroom. It’s spacious and covered in rich woods from the walls to the pointed ceiling. Thick beams of reclaimed wood span across, giving it that old-world vibe.
His apartment is much more decorated than the house, with a strong rustic-yet-modern vibe.
He has some tasteful paintings hanging on the walls, curtains on the windows, and some standing shelves with books and decorations, though most of the books look unread.
I stand in front of the shelves and reach for a book about religion in society. “Did you read this?”
Jinx takes the book from my hand and returns it to its home.
“Yeah, I love sociology. I take as many classes as I can. When I started learning, it was really hard. I read a lot of novels and shit to help. I still don’t understand it all, but I’m getting there, taking my time in school. Why rush, you know?”
He threads our fingers together and drags me toward the kitchen.
“I don’t cook much, but look…” He smooths a hand over the polished stone counter.
“Pretty, right?” Before I can answer, he yanks me to the center of the room.
“Look at these rugs! Aren’t they amazing?
We found a bunch of really old Persian rugs tucked away in a storage room in the barn.
Julien had them cleaned, and I got to keep a couple.
They weren’t in the best shape and were a bit worn, but they’re still pretty.
Who would leave such nice things behind? ”
I pull him into a hug and kiss the top of his head, smiling at his excitement. He’s fucking adorable. “I love your place, Jinx. It’s very nice.”
“Thanks, I like it too.” He pulls back and drags me toward the corner where he sleeps.
“Look at this.” Jinx points at an antique wardrobe.
“This was left here, too. It’s really old, like from the early 1900s or something.
It was banged up and falling apart, but Julien let me keep it, so I had it all restored. ”
“It’s gorgeous, Precious.”
He smiles up at me and shrugs. “Sorry, I usually don’t get excited about stuff. It’s just…”
When he looks down, I lift his chin to get him to look at me. “I feel your excitement. I’m happy for you. You’ve never had nice things or a safe space. It’s more than shelter for you.”
His blue eyes go wide, and he nods, looking younger than he should.
It starts to pull doubts from me, but I shove it away.
I’ve made him mine, so there’s no turning back now, and I don’t want to.
This is also a side of Jinx I haven’t really seen.
The joy that spills from him is addictive.
He needs more of it in his life. Hell, I do, too.
I don’t quite feel like I deserve him after what I did to Jude, but I didn’t realize how lonely I’d been until Jinx stumbled into my life.
Or I stumbled into him. He loves to make sure everyone knows that.
The quick change in him has left me amazed. He went from stubborn, angry, and sassy to someone willing to hand over his entire being to me, filled with more trust than I’ve really earned in my life.
I drag my fingers across his cheek, and he leans into the touch.
He’s definitely affectionate. He just hadn’t found the right person to expose himself like that.
I can see his fear of getting close to someone and why he’s avoided men.
“I know I’ve told you this countless times already, but you are truly beautiful.
And no, you’re not a disaster. You’re perfect. ”
Pink dusts his cheeks, and he tries to look away, but I won’t let him, holding his chin in place. “I’m not,” he breathes.
“You are for me. I adore everything about you, even your faults. They make you, you. Special. Unique.”
Something shifts in him. Visibly. It’s the moment he realizes things are getting too deep, and he tries to pull away.
Only at night does he allow himself to be truly free and open, but I want him to feel that way all the time.
“No one’s ever cared about me like that…
all of me. For so long I’ve felt… I dunno. ”
“Invisible?”
His eyes meet mine. This time they’re red-rimmed with unshed tears, but he doesn’t let them spill. “Yeah, exactly. It’s stupid. I mean, I’m closed off as fuck. But still… you see me.”
“To be fair, I’m also older and more experienced than those you’ve been dating.”
“True.” Jinx coughs and shifts on his feet, shoving away the last emotional tugs, and smiles at me again. “Do you want to go to Italy with me in January? Aleks and Julien are getting married. I’d really like you to come. Can you? Please?”
“What do they say about it?”
“They said it was okay if I brought you, but since everything’s already paid for, you just have to cover your own expenses. They’re getting married at this old castle you can actually stay in. I have a room there; you can share it with me. Please say yes.”
“I’d love to.”
“Yes!” He jumps and wraps his arms around my neck. “Thanks.”
“I can even speak Italian. I’ll be your translator.”
Jinx pulls away, jaw on the floor. “You mean you’ve been able to speak Italian to me all this time?”
I chuckled. “I can. Well… I’m a little rusty. It’s been a while, but I was raised speaking it.”
“Well, shit. Say something to me in Italian.”
“Ti adoro. Mi hai ridato la vita. Mi sento di nuovo vivo. Di nuovo speranzoso.”
Jinx fans himself, making me laugh. “Oh, that’s hot. What does it mean?”
I wrap my arms around him and pull him close. “It means, ‘I adore you. You’ve given me life back. I feel alive again. Hopeful again.’”
He holds me back, resting his head on my chest. “I feel the same…” he whispers.
We stand like that for a while, swaying and dancing to silent music, just holding and feeling each other. A sudden, loud yawn escapes him, and he pulls back. “Will you watch a movie with me? I’m too stuffed and tired to fool around.”
I smile, and my shoulders relax in relief because I’m stuffed and tired, too. “I’d really like that.”
Between the ski lodge and Thanksgiving, we haven’t done many sessions.
We seem to be easing into something new and different, like a hybrid relationship balanced by Dom/sub and something more tender.
It’s new for me. Jude enjoyed being a sub 24/7.
We were always ‘on.’ That didn’t mean we were never tender, but I was perpetually his Dom.
Jinx leads me to the cushioned sofa that divides the kitchen and bedroom areas. We sit, and he tucks his legs underneath him and rests his head on my shoulder. I wrap my arm around him as he grabs the remote and flips through the channels.
“I love TV and movies,” he says. “Aleks and I didn’t have much downtime as prostitutes, but when we did, we’d always watch TV and eat popcorn while curled up on his bed.”
“He’s a good friend,” I say.
“Yeah, he really is. He’s softer than I am. Kinder. Sweeter.”
It’s so hard for him to meet my eyes when he’s vulnerable, so I always have to lift his chin and force him. I want to make sure he sees my truth. “So are you, Jinx.”
Doubt flashes in his eyes, but he doesn’t argue.
“You can’t expect to be someone else. We all have our own lived experiences.
We all interpret things in different and unique ways.
Some are better at it than others. But it’s all made you who you are.
Who I am. As life changes and we adapt, it shapes a personality that is uniquely yours.
Don’t wish to be anyone else. Love who you are. ”
As I love you.
He’s not ready for those words, so I don’t say them. I’ll let him come to that conclusion. I don’t want to pressure him or make him feel he should feel the same. He doesn’t need to.
He scoffs, but there’s no humor in it. “You sound like my therapist.”
“You’re saying I’m intelligent and worldly?” I tease. “I’ll take it.”
He rolls his eyes and gently smacks my chest. “I mean, you’re all lecture-y and shit. All this, ‘love yourself and you’re special’ nonsense.”
“Jinx—”
“Let’s watch The Princess Bride. It’s one of my favorites,” he says quickly.
“I’m afraid I’ve never seen it.”
He sits up and gapes at me. “You’ve never what? You’re crazy. Oh, shit, you’re so gonna love it. Think fairy tales with beautiful princesses and handsome princes, sword fighting, evil kings, but corny and funny.”
I chuckle. “Sounds right up my alley.”
I rarely watch television, but it’s nice to have him cuddled next to me as we just chill and swell from our heavy meal.
He turns on the movie and rests his head on my lap, one hand tucked underneath my thigh, the other resting on my knee. I play with his silky hair, only slightly paying attention to the movie.
His eyes start drooping before he blinks them open. His body sags heavily against me. Soon, his breathing slows, and his eyes slide shut.
I stare out the window. It’s dark now, and I’m tired myself.
I turn off the movie and gently lie down while taking him with me.
He stirs awake for a moment, but settles down as he lies on top of me, his face nestled in my neck.
I grab the blanket draped over the couch and pull it over us, then close my eyes, feeling content, comfortable, and happy.
Feelings I haven’t had for so long. He’s made my pain bearable, and I’m grateful for him.