3. Arden
3
ARDEN
I hated how my hands trembled as I climbed into my truck. That tiny flickering motion gave me away as I twisted my key in the ignition. I’d moved fast, my training and instinct kicking in, and that was a good thing. I could’ve ended the too-handsome-for-his-own-good man in a single heartbeat.
His face flashed in my mind. Dark brown hair, just a little wild and unkempt. Stubble coating a strong, angular jaw. Hypnotic, gold-green eyes. He hadn’t looked like a killer. And it turned out he wasn’t one. Just a new gym patron. One who probably thought I was more than a little unhinged.
My fingers tightened around the wheel, making the leather creak and groan as embarrassment flooded my system.
More than thirteen years.
Yet it sometimes felt like I was still that broken little girl who’d arrived on the Colsons’ ranch scared of her own shadow. But I wasn’t. I knew how to protect myself now. Keep myself safe. If that meant people thought I was a freak, so be it.
I reminded myself of that all the way home as the sun rose, casting glittering pink and gold across the landscape. There were already a couple of vehicles at Cope’s place, and I knew it was because he was headed back to Seattle with his girlfriend, Sutton, and her son, Luca.
A pang lit in my sternum. It wasn’t that I didn’t like solitude. I did. It was simply that, after all they’d been through in the past month, I liked the reassurance of knowing they were safe. Especially Cope. When you almost lost someone, it took a while to trust that they weren’t going to fade away in front of your eyes. And when you saw someone you loved disappear into the gone, it took even longer.
I flexed my fingers around the wheel, forcing them to relax slightly as I turned toward the guesthouse. I knew sleep wouldn’t find me now. I had too much brewing after the encounter at Haven. Instead, I opted for a shower and coffee.
Once I’d cleaned up, caffeinated, and dressed in my barn clothes, I headed outside, Brutus on my heels. The August sun beat down on me as I headed for the small, two-horse barn. The deeper into summer we got, the earlier in the day the blistering heat arrived. I was just thankful that being nestled in the mountains of Central Oregon meant the evenings were cool.
The peaks also made for a beautiful backdrop that made me feel like I could breathe. I stopped for a moment, pausing to turn and really take in the landscape surrounding me. The snowcapped Monarch Mountains to the east and the golden faces of Castle Rock to the west. It was a breathtaking place to call home. Even if it wasn’t truly mine .
Cope would hate it if he knew I thought that way. My brother had done everything he could to make me feel like this place was mine, from building a barn for Whiskey and Stardust to constructing a massive art studio beside the guesthouse to hold my pieces.
A heavy weight leaned against my thigh, and I glanced down to take in my shadow. Brutus was one hundred pounds of pure love but would gladly take out someone’s jugular at my command. My hand lowered to scratch his head. “Your breakfast is next. Don’t worry.”
Sweat already threatened to gather at the small of my back from the combination of the August heat and the thought of mucking out the stalls. If I was smart, I’d start earlier, when it was more civilized. But a morning person, I was not. Because when sleep did manage to find me, I held on to it with everything I had.
My girls greeted me with snorts and whinnies as I entered the barn. They were already waiting at their stall doors. They knew the drill. The routine was a balm to all of us, and I was grateful that I’d managed to find two mares who didn’t begrudge my later start times.
“Sorry I’m late,” I said as I ducked into the tack room that also housed their feed. Filling a bucket, I headed back out and down the aisle.
I stopped at the first stall, bending to press my forehead to the dappled gray’s. Her coat was like a scattering of light and shadow. Some days, it looked like the light would win, and others, the shadow. It was the same sort of battle I felt warring inside me. I stayed there for a moment, soaking in the contact and the grounding sensation it gave me. Stardust stayed, too, as if she sensed I needed extra today.
Finally, I forced myself to straighten and poured half the grain into her bucket. I moved on to the buckskin. She was all tan body and dark mane, tail, and legs. I gave Whiskey a scratch between her ears the way she loved, relishing how she pressed into my hand, searching for more. The trust in that movement was the same gift it always was. I pulled my hand back and poured the rest of the feed into her bucket.
My girls didn’t wait; they dove right in. And I knew Whiskey would be begging for more in a matter of minutes. I wasn’t wrong. A whinny sounded, and when I turned around, she blew air between her lips.
I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of me as I grabbed a lead rope. Sliding the stall door open, I hooked it to her halter. “You know treats are for the evenings or after a ride. You have to earn it.”
The mare snorted as if she understood every word I said. I led her into the pasture and then did the same with Stardust. I poured some kibble into a bowl for Brutus and got to work on my barn chores. An hour or so into mucking out and sweeping up, Brutus let out a bark.
As I turned, he quivered next to me. Over the seven years I’d had him, I’d learned to decipher his barks. There were warnings and alerts, but there were also happy ones like this. Those that told me someone he loved was near.
I wandered to the edge of the barn, my hand shielding my eyes to take in the figures climbing out of the familiar SUV. The moment Luca’s feet hit the gravel, a wide grin on his seven-year-old face, I gave Brutus the command for release. “ Freigeben ,” I said, patting his massive gray booty.
Brutus didn’t wait. He bounded over to Luca, who crouched to get right up in the dog’s face. Sutton laughed as she joined them, bending to give him all the rubs and whisper sweet nothings. They were effusive with their praise of my pup, and I wondered if he wished I were more like that. But our bond was a quiet one built during endless days in my studio or on long walks and rides in the wilderness. Still, I hoped he knew how much I loved him, even if that love lived in the silence between us.
A new flash of movement caught my eye as Cope slid from the SUV. He no longer moved as if every step was painful, but I didn’t miss the strain around his eyes and mouth as his feet hit the ground. The urge to scream at him to stop moving was strong. The image of him in the hospital after a bullet had torn through his chest and collapsed a lung flashed in my mind.
My hands fisted, fingernails biting into my palms. As the sting of pain flared, the image retreated, but not before Cope caught my look. Pain was back in his expression, but for a whole new reason now.
Fucking hell.
Cope forced a smile as he ruffled Luca’s hair. “Why don’t you and your mom go say goodbye to Whiskey and Stardust?”
Luca pushed to his feet, sighing. “I’m gonna miss them. Think they’ve got horses in Seattle?”
Sutton’s expression softened. “I’m sure they do. But I know what they definitely have…”
Luca gave her a wide smile, revealing his new permanent tooth growing in. “Hockey!”
Luca was hockey-crazed, so it felt like destiny that his mom had fallen for my professional-hockey-playing brother. As soon as Cope fully rehabbed his injury, the three of them would be surrounded by all things ice.
Sutton laughed as Luca took off toward the pasture. She followed but stopped to give me a quick squeeze. “I’m going to miss you.”
I’d gotten used to having her company and admired the hell out of her strength and tenacity. “You’ll be back before you know it.”
“We will.” Her gaze lifted to Cope. “And this is important.”
I knew it was. Cope needed one more chance to play hockey his way—a healthier way—now that he had Sutton and Luca in his life.
As Sutton followed her son into the barn, Cope made his way toward me. I grimaced at the way he still guarded his steps. “Are you sure you should be doing this much walking around?”
“You’ve been avoiding me.” This was the new Cope. No hiding behind jokes and straight to the point.
My hand dropped, and my fingers found a loose thread on my jeans to twist. “You’ve been busy.”
Cope pinned me with a droll stare. “Oh, yeah, super busy watching endless movies and doing my hundred-yard walks every couple of hours.”
I winced. “I suck.”
He moved in closer, ducking his head so his dark blue eyes met mine. “Don’t talk shit about my sister. Only I get to do that.”
A half laugh, half scoff left my lips. “Brings up stuff…you getting shot.”
It had stirred my ghosts and demons. Maybe that’s why I’d overreacted to the poor guy at the gym this morning. Somehow, I doubted he’d keep his membership.
Cope muttered a curse. “I’m sorry, A?—”
“You ask to get shot?”
His lips twitched. “No.”
“Then don’t be dumb. It’s not your fault. But I like your egotistical ass, so I’d rather you not get dead. Think you can work on that?” It took everything I had to make light of what had happened—an obsession that had turned deadly .
Cope nodded. “Sutton’s going to make sure I only have boring days ahead.”
“I heard that,” she yelled from the pasture.
This time, I did laugh. And it helped. It released some of the tension that had been building in my chest.
Cope turned his focus back to me. “You going to be okay?”
I nodded. “You know me. I like my alone time.”
Cope winced as his gaze pulled toward a vehicle in the distance.
“What?” I asked, dread pooling in my stomach.
“You won’t be alone. Not exactly .”
“Explain, Puck Boy,” I growled.
Cope scrubbed a hand over his face and glanced back at the SUV getting closer. “You know Linc, the owner of my team?”
I nodded slowly. I knew of him but hadn’t actually met the man, even during the camp Cope had hosted in Sparrow Falls and in the aftermath of his attack.
“He’s been looking for a spot to build a vacation house.”
“Billionaires,” I muttered. I might not have met Lincoln Pierce, but I’d heard plenty. Merciless when it came to protecting his various holdings. Innovative when it came to his approach to business. And if what I’d been told was right, a bit paranoid about giving his trust.
Cope pinned me with a hard stare. “He’s not like that. Linc’s a good guy and is going through some stuff. So, go easy on him.”
That piqued my interest, but I didn’t bite. I just eyed him warily and waited for him to explain.
Cope sighed. “I told him he could stay at my place while Shep started the build.”
“You didn’t.” The look I sent my brother should’ve had him ducking for cover. I didn’t do well with strangers, as evidenced by this morning’s gym outing. The last thing I needed was someone to be awkward around when Cope wasn’t here as a buffer.
“It’s only a few weeks here and there. Just at crucial parts of the build. His life is in Seattle,” Cope protested.
“Unbelievable,” I muttered, scowling at the approaching vehicle .
“Could you try not to look like you’re being tortured when you say hello?” Cope mumbled.
I flipped him off. “Strangers make me grumpy. You know that.”
Cope chuckled. “Yeah, he said you already almost killed him.”
Everything in me stilled. The door to some overpriced SUV slammed, and my spine jerked straight at the sound. But more than that, at the sight. Those swirling hazel eyes. The thick, dark hair my fingers itched to run through. The jaw sharp enough to cut glass.
Oh, hell no.
One corner of that beautiful mouth kicked up. “Hey, Vicious.”