CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX #2
Alec points at her immediately. “You’re crying.”
“I am not.”
“You absolutely are.”
She waves the spatula threateningly at him. “I’ll give you something to cry about in a minute.”
Ray’s shoulders shake beside me with quiet laughter.
“It’s so peaceful here,” Ray says quietly as we stop beside Josh’s grave.
The cemetery stretches around us, beneath grey skies and swaying trees, everything hushed except for birdsong drifting faintly through the air.
“Yeah,” I murmur, glancing around slowly. “I always liked that about this place.” My eyes drift back to the headstone. “It feels fitting for grief somehow.”
Ray nods thoughtfully before lowering himself onto the small bench nearby. Part of me aches seeing him here, because this isn’t easy for him. Not just because of Josh. But because grief has a hold on Ray too.
“Part of me wishes we had somewhere to visit Anika,” he admits quietly after a moment.
Emotion tightens immediately in my chest. I crouch beside the grave and begin removing old flowers from the vase carefully.
“You don’t really need a place,” I tell him softly. “You can talk to her anywhere.” When I glance back over my shoulder, he’s staring out across the cemetery like he’s genuinely considering that. “You do talk to her?” I ask gently.
He gives a slight shake of his head. “Talking makes it real,” he admits after a second.
“Like I’m fully accepting she’s gone.” His jaw tightens briefly.
“And part of me still doesn’t want to.” The honesty in his voice hurts.
Because underneath all his control and composure, Ray still carries grief like an open wound nobody ever taught him how to treat.
I stand immediately and cross the small distance between us. Then, carefully, I lower myself onto his lap and wrap my arms around his neck. Ray exhales softly the second I hold him. I kiss the side of his head gently before simply holding him there beneath the quiet sky.
“We all miss her,” I whisper, “but I think you probably miss her more than any of us.”
His arms tighten around my waist slowly. Then he presses his face into the crook of my neck and inhales deeply. “You’re helping me feel happiness again,” he murmurs quietly against my skin. “Just like she said you would.”
I pull back slightly, surprised. “She said that?”
He nods once, eyes softer than I’ve ever seen them. “She knew me better than anyone.” A faint smile tugs at his mouth. “And the second she met you, she told me we’d be perfect together.”
Warmth floods painfully through my chest. I kiss him softly. “She was right.”
Ray scoffs quietly beneath me. “She’d be insufferable hearing you admit that.”
I laugh softly before climbing from his lap and returning to Josh’s grave. Kneeling carefully, I unwrap the white roses I picked up earlier and place the first into the vase. The sight of his name still hurts, but it doesn’t destroy me the way it used to.
“I’ve got so much to tell you,” I whisper as I carefully place another rose beside the first.
“But first . . . I’m sorry for the last time I came here.” Emotion thickens my throat instantly. “Everything felt so heavy back then.”
The memory of collapsing beside his grave in the rain flashes painfully through me. “I think part of me knew I was drowning,” I admit quietly. “And honestly,” I laugh shakily, “I think you knew too.”
I place another flower down. “I felt like you were right beside me telling me to get help.” I wipe quickly beneath my eyes. “And I did eventually.” I smile faintly. “Not willingly. Lucy and Dad practically dragged me there kicking and screaming.”
Behind me, I hear Ray huff out a quiet laugh.
I sit back slowly on my heels and rest my hand against my bump. “I’m gonna be a mum,” I whisper. Emotion rushes through me so fast it almost steals my breath. “Can you believe that?”
When I glance back at Ray, I catch him quickly brushing a hand beneath his eye before straightening like he hopes I didn’t notice.
I hold my hand out to him silently. He comes immediately and kneels beside me, slipping his fingers through mine.
“This is Ray,” I whisper softly towards the grave. “The father of my baby and . . .” Emotion swells thickly in my chest as I glance towards him. “The man I love.”
Ray’s fingers tighten around mine instantly.
“So very much,” I add quietly. A tear slips down my cheek before I can stop it.
“We’re gonna be a family,” I whisper. Ray brushes my tear away gently with his free hand.
“I probably won’t visit as often now,” I continue shakily.
“We’re living in London, and life’s about to get busy.
” My voice breaks slightly. “But please know you’ll always matter to me. ”
The wind stirs softly through the trees around us. And for the first time since losing him, I don’t feel consumed by guilt.
Because loving Ray doesn’t mean I loved Josh any less. It just means life kept moving.
Slowly, painfully . . . beautifully.
I rest my head against Ray’s shoulder and close my eyes.
“You can rest now,” I whisper , and a sob catches painfully in my throat. “Because I’m finally happy.”