Chapter Twenty Azrael
Chapter Twenty
Azrael
I don’t get a chance to point out that a visit to Hell might not be the best idea right now, before Lucifer manages to do it for me.
“Do you think it wise, little dove?”
Considering the apocalyptic nightmare that just destroyed half the city . . .
Recovery is going to be a long time coming, if it ever comes.
I stand off to the side near the penthouse’s window, struggling not to fade into the Nothing and break the unexplainable hold the two of them seem to have over me.
I couldn’t look away if I tried.
And to be fair, some jealous part of me wants to.
To turn away and never look back.
But the vulnerability in his eyes, the tenderness is . . . genuine.
Genuine enough to fool me.
I shake my head, scratching at the stubble on my jaw as I search for an excuse to leave.
There’s nowhere else I’m supposed to be.
Most of the souls inside the city are already gone—I work quickly—and the others, the ones still trapped beneath the rubble or those all over the world who’ll meet me as Famine rides and society collapses over the coming days, still have a bit of time left to suffer, unfortunately.
And it is suffering. Their lives. Their existence.
I know that firsthand.
But I seem to be incapable of moving from where I’m standing.
He loves her.
He actually loves her.
And it’s deeper than I thought.
Because she gave him what I couldn’t.
Lucifer cups the back of Charlotte’s head, his expression far more tender than anything I thought him capable of.
I should’ve known the moment he gifted his Father’s redemption to her.
It’s the one selfless act he’s ever been able to claim, and yet, even then, I was skeptical.
But I see it now. In the lines of his face, the way he looks at her . . .
That revelation places a whole new level of hurt on the way he and I ended.
It was bad enough when I thought he couldn’t love, but now . . .
Now, the way he’s looking at her feels far too private for my viewing.
Personal. Intimate.
Like something that was never meant for me.
Like she never was.
Like he never was, either.
Charlotte leans into him, rising on her toes to kiss him again, and God, I must be seriously fucked in the head if I ever thought we could be . . .
She pulls back, their mouths lingering.
I’ve seen the two of them together plenty of times before, but never . . . never in the small, vulnerable moments when neither of them seems to realize anyone’s looking.
Charlotte’s staring up at her Lightbringer like he’s the key to her whole fucking world, her everything. Like her next breath, her life, fuck, even her death, the one thing that’s supposed to be mine, somehow lies in his arms.
And Lucifer . . .
Fuck.
Lucifer, I nearly groan.
I inhale, forcing myself to look away.
How many times did I wish that he would look at me like that? Like I was the only thing he needed?
And I was, for a while, anyway.
I thought I’d seen every side of him there was. After a millennium together, there are few surprises left, but clearly, I . . . took him for granted.
It almost reminds me of when he . . .
I can’t allow myself to finish the thought.
“Not now. Later,” Charlotte whispers, brushing some of Lucifer’s dark hair from his forehead. The wet strands fall over his brow again smoothly.
Fuck, they’re so effortlessly beautiful together, they’re almost painful to look at.
But there’s something in Charlotte’s voice that lets me know she’s not agreeing just because she’s eager to please him anymore.
It’s because she trusts him completely.
In the way he never could me.
The thought is like a knife to my chest, but I’m not sure which one of them is driving it in. She sounded the same way when I had her pinned beneath me last night, when I fucked her until she came apart. My gaze drifts back toward them.
Fuck, I can’t help it.
If only . . .
My whole miserable existence seems to be punctuated in those two damn words.
If only . . .
I shake my head, stomping out that thought before it can begin to take hold. No matter how Lucifer and I might be sharing her, the three of us could never be anything.
The love of my life I can’t seem to hate, no matter how hard I try, and the one woman who’s ever managed to—
“I want you,” Charlotte whispers against his lips, causing my cock to stiffen.
This is not for me. Not for my eyes.
But some invisible force seems to tug at me.
Not fate, but something damn close to it.
Something as powerful as I am.
Suddenly, Charlotte glances over Lucifer’s shoulder at me, like I’m no longer alone and she can feel it too.
I press my lips together, swallowing the aroused growl that nearly tears from my throat. I watch her trail a possessive hand over Lucifer’s biceps as she stares at me.
A dangerous jealousy strikes hot, clouding my vision.
And I’m torn between whether it’s directed toward him or at her.
I’m not sure it fucking matters.
I can’t see Lucifer’s expression from where his mouth’s now buried in the crook of her neck, but the gleam in Charlotte’s eyes as she looks at me makes her message loud and clear.
She’s not asking for his softness right now.
And she’s not content with me sitting on the sidelines either.
She wants both of us.
But Lucifer is never going to agree.
“Are you asking to wear my collar for tonight, little dove?” he purrs, pulling back as his thumb traces over the smooth leather of the training one she’s wearing like it’s jewelry. “For me to make you mine again in every way?” He hooks two fingers underneath it as he yanks her to him.
Mine.
I see red.
A sudden pulse of jealous fury barrels through me.
I prowl forward, prepared to do . . . fuck, I don’t even know what.
She’s his. She always has been, and yet . . .
I won’t let her go that easily.
Charlotte’s eyes widen, and she shakes her head, staying me, even as she flicks those innocent doe eyes back toward Lucifer and snakes her arms around his neck.
Like she’s trying to make a vicious monster out of me.
“Not just yours,” she whispers before she looks toward me. “Azrael?”
She puts out her hand, reaching out like she expects me to take it.
But I’m frozen in place.
The taut feeling in my abs hardens, my cock aching.
Lucifer seems to recognize the dilemma she’s placed us in as much as I do, and he has just as many reservations about this, because without missing a beat, he clears his throat and says, “Charlotte, darling, I’m not certain it’s a wise idea if Azrael and I—”
“Please, Daddy?” she whispers, blinking up at him. “For tonight.”
My already stiff cock twitches as Lucifer’s gaze rakes over her.
The hunger in his eyes is readily apparent.
My balls tighten.
Lucifer looks toward me then, the hellfire in his irises flaring.
He’s still furious with me from learning that I put the blade into play, even if I did have my reasons, but what else is new?
And I think, for a second, he’s going to make some excuse for us both, but then his gaze falls to my lips, and a familiar ache sparks inside my chest.
So sharp, so dangerous and acute, it’s almost . . . destructive.
As destructive as he and I together could be.
A moment of tension passes. A momentary truce.
He and I are even now.
It’s always a fine line we’re walking.
Between love and hate, hope and toxicity.
But now there’s one thing that can remain steady.
Our devotion to her.
The words he hurled at me like weapons earlier come rushing back to me. I would make any deal, destroy anything in my path. Lie, cheat, kill, sin, stop my Father’s goddamn apocalypse, and upend the whole fucking universe if that’s what it takes to see her happy.
And I’d do the same. In a heartbeat.
But this is different.
It has to be.
I’m not certain I could handle it, if he still had feelings for me.
Lucifer holds my gaze for a long beat, the two of us locked in some kind of eternal battle, and then he gives a curt nod before he looks away quickly.
Like he’s afraid I might see too much.
My knees go weak.
“Both of you go to the playroom and wait in position for me,” he orders, his voice dropping to that all-too-familiar register he used to use on me.
The one he now uses with her.
“Death and I will indulge you in this one time only.”