Chapter Forty Charlotte
Chapter Forty
Charlotte
By the time Monday rolls around and I arrive at Xzander’s studio, I’m feeling so hopeful about stepping into my full power and about our plans to save Jax on the near horizon that I’ve been riding high all weekend.
The third seal may have been a level of devastation greater than we anticipated, but I’m confident in the path forward, and training with Seraph has been going so well, I can feel a shift in my energy.
I know who I’m becoming now, and I think I’m actually proud of it.
Azrael and I are solid, each night with him better than the last, and he and Lucifer even seem to have stopped fighting.
I’ve seen their lingering glances, the heated looks, and this morning, after another night spent wrapped in my devil’s arms, I felt bold enough to put my permanent collar back on.
The one with the pearls and metal eyelets that Lucifer gifted me at our engagement party. Though I haven’t shown him yet.
I’m done waiting to have all the answers before I allow myself to be happy. To feel like I have it all figured out. I don’t need to earn his love. To please anyone.
I know I’m choosing myself this time. Not hiding in him.
Fate be damned.
This is the right decision for me.
I’m certain of it.
That certainty carries me all the way to Xzander’s studio, where I’m feeling light and buoyant until the moment I enter and a hushed silence falls over the room, and I slam back down to earth.
“What’s going on?” I glance to where Xzander and his staff are huddled around his iPhone.
Xzander’s forehead pinches. “I think you might want to sit down for this, diva.”
I cross the room to his side. Nothing the tabloids say about me could possibly be—
I stare down at the words on the screen, the temperature in my body dropping.
Killing of Five-Year-Old Lily Parker One of Many Tied to Extremist Sect the “Righteous”: Open War Declared Against the “Unholy”
Bile burns the back of my throat.
This is retaliation for how I chose to strike first.
To punish them for abducting Jax.
Within moments, I’m on my knees in Xzander’s bathroom throwing up what little food I managed to keep down this morning.
Xzander—God bless him—orders one of his assistants to hold back my hair for him, so my extensions don’t get caught in his nails.
“I’m sorry, Xzander.” I pant between retching. “I don’t think I can do the fitting today. I—”
“You don’t say another word, diva. I’m calling Imani.”
By the time Imani arrives with Dagon and the rest of the security team, I’m shaking from head to toe, barely able to speak.
I did this.
I did this because I thought I was strong enough to make a move.
To wield my anger like the divine justice it’s supposed to be.
Thought I was strong enough to make moves of my own. That I knew who I was becoming, but clearly, I had no clue.
Imani takes me by the shoulders, urging me to my feet. “You know the drill. Don’t say anything.” She nods to the flashing cameras outside. The paparazzi are already circling like vultures, leaning in to feed off my pain, my mistakes, like they’re hungry.
Hungry to see the end of me.
I shake my head. “Every time I think I’ve made a right turn, every time I think I’ve helped someone, it comes back to haunt me. Why give me all this power if He . . . ?”
“You are not responsible for this,” Imani says fiercely, marching me toward the door.
“She wouldn’t have even been on their radar if it weren’t for me. If it weren’t for how I’d—”
“Charlotte! Charlotte!” the press shout at me.
But it’s like I don’t even see them.
They’re never going to see me like I hoped they would. They never will.
Imani crams me into the back of the Town Car, sliding in alongside me.
We ride to the penthouse in silence.
Until I realize what this means.
“The other Originals,” I breathe.
If the Righteous have escalated into killing innocent civilians with only cursory connections to me, it’s only a matter of time before they . . .
“The Righteous have connections to Michael, and they already were in possession of celestial weaponry once. The other Originals won’t risk their own necks with the Righteous declaring war like this. They’ll leave you in the dust. That’s how this life works.”
This life.
This life of glitz and glamour and celestial power moves that I chose.
But when does it all end?
When does all the violence stop?
When am I going to be . . .
That word Lucifer used the other day keeps coming back to me.
Worthy.
I felt so close to it then, but now I just feel like I’m becoming the very thing my father warned I’d be.
“I need you to do a favor for me.” I swallow, looking at Imani. My voice sounds wooden, like I’m no longer in my own body.
I feel cold all over.
“Anything.”
I nod. “Let Lucifer know we’re moving forward with the wedding plans. I want it scheduled just before Haute Couture week. I know it’s fast, but it’s the last chance we have to shift the narrative in our favor.”
Disgust churns through me, a bitter taste burning in my throat.
Is this the immortal I’ve become?
One who treats human lives like they’re just another chess piece?
Imani seems to read my expression. “You’re making the right choices, Charlotte. Even if you can’t see it currently.”
“But at what cost?” I whisper.
We pull up outside the penthouse a moment later, and Dagon opens the door for me.
He and Imani fight off the waiting press and paparazzi, leading me inside.
But I swear out of the corner of my eye, on the edge of the street corner, I see Gabriel tapping his wrist like the clock on my timer to get Sloth into Heaven is ticking.
The ride to the top floor feels like an eternity, each moment stretching until I feel numb all over.
That sweet girl.
That sweet, sweet little girl.
When we reach the penthouse’s foyer, my surroundings don’t even register. It’s not until I’m standing in front of Azrael and then Seraph inside the training room that I realize I’m simply going through the motions of the day.
This is going to fracture everything.
Our plans.
Humanity.
Azrael takes one look at me and moves to pull me into his arms, but I lift a hand and stop him.
If I allow myself to fall apart right now, I might come undone completely.
Never be able to put myself back together.
“Tell Lucifer I need to see my father tonight. It’s time we get answers about the Righteous, and we need to consider immediately moving forward with our plans to get Jax.”
If our alliance with the other Originals is fracturing because they’re covering their own asses, we need to move quickly, and the longer we wait, the more likely Michael and Lilith are to be onto us.
Azrael shakes his head. “Moving ahead right now is too risky. Our plans, the In-Between, it won’t be—”
“I didn’t ask if it was a good idea, did I?” I snap at him, instantly regretting it. But I double down, the defensive anger I feel at myself for causing this, for making this entire situation worse, coiling like a venomous viper inside my chest. “That’s an order, soldier.”
Azrael’s forehead creases as he frowns. “Yes, my queen.”
And then he’s gone in a blink.
Disappeared into the Nothing.
I turn toward Seraph.
She’s here for training. But I’m not certain I can . . .
“What happened?” she asks, nodding down to where I’m clutching my phone.
An image of Lily Parker. A school photo lit up on the screen.
I show it to her, expecting her to be just as devastated by this as me.
Seraph’s expression goes flat, but then her gaze drops, a shadow of grief crossing her face before she shutters it. “This changes nothing.”
“What?”
The tightness in my chest aches, and I back away slightly, depositing my phone into my bag.
“You heard me,” she says, her expression suddenly unforgiving. “This changes nothing.”
I’ve only been training with her for a little over a week now. But I’ve never seen her like this before.
Cold and unforgiving.
“You want to fight like an angel? Be one of God’s warriors?” She nods toward my hands, a reminder to put my guard up, circling the edge of the lines on the floor we’ve marked as the training ring. “Then you must trust His will completely.”
I shake my head. “I can’t.”
“You would allow something like this to break you? To curb your hope? The death of a single child?”
“I’m not a monster.” I wrinkle my nose, staring at her in disgust. “Human life matters.”
“Of course it matters.” She scoffs, still circling me. “But so do the millions, the billions of other lives that now rest in your hands. And yet you’d allow this to break you?” She straightens, her wings bristling. “You have to use it as fuel.”
“I can’t.”
“You’re not thinking like a celestial. Like an immortal. You’re still acting like a human, playing small when you’re meant for something greater. What are you afraid of?”
“I don’t know.”
“I said, ‘What are you afraid of?’”
I gape at her, not knowing what to say, but then the answer just tumbles out of me. “My anger.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. Because I’m not strong enough.”
“Why?”
My fists clench. “Because I still fear His judgment.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m angry with Him!” I shout, the fire in my hands suddenly igniting.
Seraph smiles as I look at her, but all I can feel is my pounding heartbeat, the anger inside me blazing.
“Why would He allow this to happen? Why allow so many innocent people to be hurt in His name? Why is there so much pain and suffering when He claims to love us?” I gesture toward the window, to the city, to the world that’s falling apart all around me.
Suddenly, my voice grows small, quiet. “Why would He allow them to hurt me?”
Seraph lifts her chin high, her stance wide. “Good. Now, you’re ready.” She gives a crisp nod, and I put my guard up. “You think we are never angry with God?”
Angels, she means. God’s warriors.
“That we never question? Never doubt?” She presses her lips into a hard line.
The fury I feel rising with her every word.
“Do you even know my brother?” She thrusts her shoulders out. “He was the best we ever had.”
The next thing I know, she’s on me, sending a shock wave of burning energy toward me. I manage to roll, diving out of the way, sending a blast of Holy Fire and light back her way.
“But why would He do this?” I clench my fists. “Why me?”
Seraph pulls in a deep breath, a satisfied smile on her face. “Why don’t you ask Him yourself when you find Him?”