Chapter 37 Emotions and Pain
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
EMOTIONS AND PAIN
Harlow
Getting grazed by a bullet delayed our trip by a few days, but we’re finally in Iowa.
I’m not sure what I expected from my first meeting with my new brother, but it wasn’t this.
Chrissie didn’t mess around or leave out any details when she gave me the lowdown on Jett. Devon’s deep-dive into my brother’s background confirmed every bit of it.
Jett was a highly decorated soldier.
The key word ... was.
I’m not the only one who took life’s punches. The last few years have not been easy on Jett.
Our first hour together as siblings was ... tense. Putting it mildly, it was awkward and uncomfortable. We danced around subjects and questions that no one wanted to lead with.
Leave it to Devon to break the ice. And he didn’t do it gently.
No. In pure Devon Donnelly fashion, he threw a boulder into our strained meeting. He said, “I’ve had enough. Let’s skip over the pleasantries and get to the dirty shit that everyone in the room wants to talk about. Who the fuck kept you from your family?”
I was mortified for about two seconds. Then I wanted to throw myself in gratitude at the man I can’t seem to quit, because that’s when history started unfolding.
It’s what we all wanted. Even Jett seemed at ease.
History, or more like other people’s choices that kept Jett from knowing his father’s identity, unfolded. It was heartbreaking. And even though there’s no one to be angry with, I was.
In the end, Jett was kept from his family, my father was deprived of a son, and I lost out on a brother.
Because after only three hours with Jett Parker Cross, I’m grieving the loss of not having him in my life since the moment I took my first breath.
My brother is thoughtful, discerning, and has a way about him that makes me want to sit and listen to him talk for hours. It’s no wonder Chrissie was mesmerized reading his emails. Once Devon did all of us the favor of breaking the figurative ice, Jett talked, the truth flowed, and we listened.
And, yes, I shed plenty of tears.
For him, for my dad, and for me. But really, just for him.
Our time is almost up. Jett has commitments, and we didn’t plan to stay long. I didn’t want to keep Devon from work, and I had no idea how this would go.
We’re about to say our goodbyes, but we’ve already made plans to meet again ... with our father.
But leaving is the last thing I want to do. I look up at Jett, who has my father’s height and his eyes. I see traces of Dad in his features, but he must have gotten his coloring from his mom. His eyes are darker than mine, and his hair is dark and wavy.
There’s no way I can leave here without knowing when I’ll see him again. “What’s keeping you in Iowa?”
He crosses his arms over his wide chest and lifts a shoulder. “Where else would I go?”
I look around the house that’s barely furnished with no pictures or décor.
It’s not homey, welcoming, or warm. It’s bare bones.
A roof, running water, and a place to eat.
Not that it couldn’t be made into a home, but it screams a man lives here who’s used to living in barracks and survival is his only instinct.
Jett has bigger problems in the world than making a home for himself, but it still tugs at my heart because I want more for him.
I bite my lip and glance up at Devon. “How many rooms do you really have set aside?”
Devon shakes his head, but he does it with a smirk. “For your brother, I can work something out.”
“Work what out?” Jett asks.
Devon wraps an arm around my hip and pulls me to his side. “Your sister is starting over in Winslet and wants you to be a part of her small-town, picture-perfect life.”
Jett looks at me like I grew a second head. “There’s nothing about my life that’s perfect. I’d never fit into your vision.”
I lean my head against Devon’s shoulder and say what’s coursing through my heart.
“Then that means you have to catch up on getting to know me, because I don’t have a vision of life without you in it.
At least visit, please. I’ll send a plane.
The trip will be fast and comfortable. You work from home, which means you can work from anywhere.
I’ll see if Dad is ready to travel, and you can meet him there.
All I know is, my family just grew by thirty percent, and I plan to make sure it flourishes.
Please, Jett. I’m not asking you to pack up your pets just yet. But you can visit, right?”
Jett lets out an exasperated exhale. Exhausted might be more like it.
Devon supports me, just like he always has. “We’ll do everything to make sure you’re comfortable and have what you need. You have my word.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Jett says.
I smile. “Then it’s official. You’ll visit Winslet. My new mission in life is to make you fall in love. You’ll never want to leave. If I have to emotionally blackmail you, I will.”
Jett turns his frowned gaze at Devon. “You must be a glutton for punishment if you signed up for this.”
Devon presses his lips to the top of my head. “It’s the other way around, mate. She signed up for me. There’s not a moment I take that for granted. I consider myself her broody ball and chain at this point.”
“Don’t listen to him,” I say. “He’s a softie at heart. A real marshmallow.”
Devon gives me a warning squeeze. “If you call me a marshmallow again...”
My smile swells into a grin, and I turn to Jett. “See? Total softie—as long as you’re not creating havoc in the world or selling state secrets.”
Jett finally relents. “Looks like I’m taking my first vacation in over a decade.”
“Tell me when you’d like to travel. I’ll send a plane. A jet for Jett.”
“This will be a whole new experience,” Jett says.
I pull out of Devon’s hold and force my new brother to accept the hug I’ve wanted to give him since he opened the door to us hours ago. He’s reluctant but finally reciprocates.
Tears threaten again, and my voice is thick with emotion. “Thank you. We’ll go from there. I can’t wait to move forward and have you in my life.”
His muscled arms tighten around me. “For so many reasons, me too, Harlow. Me too.”
After we say our goodbyes, Devon and I walk hand in hand silently to the car. I quicken my pace and struggle to keep my feelings in check. Devon barely has the chance to close the passenger door of our rental before I completely lose it.
As with so many other things since he entered my life, he knows exactly what I need. Without a word, he puts the car in drive and reaches over to wrap a possessive hand on my thigh, but he gives me the silence I need.
We zip through Iowa cornfields to make the thirty-minute trek back to the tiny airstrip that was closest to the town where Jett lives. This is where he grew up with his grandmother. He said nothing is holding him here, he just didn’t have anywhere else to go when he got out of the Army.
We’re almost to the airstrip when Devon finally breaks the silence. I’m surprised he’s given me this long to sit quietly in my feelings. “Do I even need to ask what you’re going to do, or am I correct in assuming that you’re dead set on saving the day?”
I blow my nose and wipe the tears from my face. These aren’t eloquent tears. I’m all out ugly crying. “Why would you even ask me that?”
Devon exhales as his hold on me tightens. “Baby—”
“You can’t talk me out of it. I have to. If I don’t, I’ll never forgive myself. I have to know.”
He takes the final turn and pulls into the tiny parking lot. The Stonebridge Capital plane looks out of place waiting on the short runway. Devon turns to me with a pained expression and cups my face. “But what if—”
I rest my hand over his and don’t let him finish that thought. “You know the answer to that. I have to do this.”
His eyes narrow, and his jaw goes tight, but he doesn’t try to change my mind. He grasps my face in both hands and pulls me to him. His kiss is deep and possessive and laced with pained emotion for reasons very different.
When he finally breaks the kiss, he rests his forehead against mine. “We’ll cross that bridge if we get to it.”
“Yes,” I agree. “But if I do get to cross that bridge, there won’t be a question, Devon. You know that.”
He kisses me one more time, gently and slowly, savoring it. “I know, baby. I know. Forever the philanthropist. I wouldn’t expect anything different.”
“Thank you. I mean it with all my heart. Thank you for always being what I need.”
His gaze drags heavy over every feature of my face like he’s memorizing me. “Let’s go home, baby. The future will play out the way it’s supposed to be. Let me have you in the present.”