29. Rose
29
ROSE
It’s been a few weeks since Zander left and Kristy got engaged. Hearing Kristy’s grand wedding plans, I was expecting a date at least six months ahead. But to everyone’s surprise, Kristy and Oscar decided to marry after a mere two months.
Though I don’t blame them.
Why would you not want to spend every moment of your life with the person you love?
I’m getting firsthand experience of distance and separation and it’s hard, really hard.
When the news of their engagement was finally out, it took everyone by surprise. Sophia visited us last week to have a formal meeting with Oscar and his family.
Oscar’s sister, Clementine, is doing the dresses for the bride and bridesmaids, which is where we’re heading now. However, since this morning, I haven’t been able to stay as enthusiastic as before.
“Rose?” Kristy calls my name before shaking her head in exasperation as we wait for the light to turn green.
Has she been calling me for long ?
“What?” I avoid her questioning stare. I don’t want to bother her with my silly issues.
“What is it? You’re making me nervous.” She cocks her head to my hands, which are almost tearing the cuff off my red-and-black checkered shirt.
“It’s nothing.” I halt my aggressive move, but she keeps staring at me, even after the lights have turned green. A car honks behind us, and I say, “Okay, okay. I’ll tell you. Just drive.”
She starts the ignition. “Spit it out before I stop again.”
“Zach called me. He and Zane invited me to St. Peppers for Zander’s birthday next week as a surprise,” I finally blurt.
“Anxious about the travel?” she asks in understanding.
“Yeah, but that’s not all.” I clutch the cold door handle too tight under my sweaty palms.
“What else, then?” Kristy glances my way once before looking back to the road.
“I-I’m not sure. Everything is going so… fast.” My throat dries as the unwelcome insecurities claw at me again. As ever, they try to rob any sliver of happiness that has come my way. I hate the words coming out of my mouth. “His brothers calling me like I’m a part of their family—it’s scary.”
Her sympathetic eyes meet my anxious gaze. “Rose, it’s okay. Everybody gets cold feet when going from casual to serious in a relationship. It’s normal to have second thoughts.”
“I’m not really having second thoughts about Zander. I just fear…”
“What?” She pulls up at the corner of a street.
“Why did you stop? We’re not there yet.” I look around at the other cars on the road.
“It’s okay. I want to finish our talk first.”
My friend, always looking out for me, even when she has her own wedding to plan. Maybe I’m not that unlucky after all. I look away, not meeting her inquiring gaze. “I fear, eventually, he’ll find something in me that he hates.”
There. I said it.
“Rose, why would you say that?” She grabs my hands, making me look at her. “Did Zander say something?” Kristy asks hesitantly. I hate her doubting Zander, and I hate myself more for making her do so.
“No, never. It’s all me. I know I’m not thinking straight.” I chew on my lower lip. “But it’s…my first relationship. I fear… I’ll do something wrong and lose him.” My voice cracks.
Crab, I don’t want to cry on the way to shop for my best friend’s wedding dress. “I’m sorry.”
She smiles and puts her hand on my shoulders. Rubbing my back, she tries to calm my nerves as always. “I’ll confess something but promise you won’t be mad.”
“Um, what is it?” I’m surprised by the sudden change of topic.
“No. First, promise.” A tiny smile pulls on her face, abating some of my anxiety.
“I promise,” I reply, turning toward her in my seat.
“Zander and I talked before he came to our house the first night.” She pushes the red curls away from her face and squints my way.
“What?” My stomach tenses at the thought of what they might have discussed about me, and why Zander felt the need to talk to someone else. “W-what did you… talk about?”
You, you idiot , my brain screams.
“We talked about Zander’s fear of losing you.”
My mouth opens and closes in disbelief.
“He said the exact same thing,” Kristy repeats, confirming I heard her right. She tilts her head to the side and a pleasant smile covers her lips. “He feared he might do something that’ll lead you to hate him. ”
“Really? He said that?” I’m having a hard time imagining Zander being unsure of himself. Uncertainty is for people like me, not him.
But she nods. “He loves you, Rose. I can see it in his eyes. I could see it that day.” She rests her hand over mine, which is clutching my bag too tight. “Don’t be afraid of doing something wrong. Zander will always find something cute in those mistakes. Remember the sandwich? It’s a crime to feed your boyfriend that piece of crap.”
I snort, which is followed by her laughter.
As always, she’s taken away my fears and rolled them into hope.
We’re quiet for the rest of the drive, until we reach the small store and find Clementine lying on the floor, her legs propped up on the wall and a notebook on her chest as she sleeps.
“Someone’s gonna rob you someday.” Kristy opens the unbolted door and throws a tissue she just balled up at Clem, who sits upright lazily, not a care in the world.
“Hello, sis-in-law,” Clementine drawls. “To be honest, I’d love for someone to come inside, even if for robbing.” She gets up and grabs three soda cans from her mini fridge.
I snicker at her one-of-a-kind joke. Looking around at her store, I notice all her mannequins are dressed in silk gowns this time.I take a seat on one of the colorful chairs as Clementine dumps the contents scattered on the table to the beige carpet.
“There’s an exhibition in Italy next week— Dress in Silk ,” Clem explains when she notices Kristy inspecting the dresses up close.
“Will your work be presented?” I ask, following Kristy’s moves as her hands glide over the soft fabric.
“No, it’s only for the local Italian fashion houses. I just got excited with the idea of being part of such an event in the future. ”
She waves her hand, making light of it, but even I, a fashion illiterate, can see this isn’t just some random stuff done in excitement. There has to be more than ten pieces, and each is beautiful in its own way.
“One day, you are gonna get your chance, Clem.” Kristy squeezes her soon-to-be sister-in-law’s shoulder before perching next to me.
“I think so too.” Clem beams, and I’m once again reminded of her super optimistic attitude.
I often wish I could be someone like Clem, not thinking about the worst but focusing on the good that’s happening and believing in it.
“But today is about you, our bride-to-be.” Clem grins and points to the dresses hanging on the side rack. “I’ve selected some designs based on your description. Why don’t you try them on, and we can discuss what you like and what not?”
As Kristy inspects the dresses, Clem turns to me. “How’s your handsome boss boyfriend?”
“He’s good,” I reply sheepishly, which only makes her grin wider.
“Oh, I think he’s more than good. That face, that bod—you hit the jackpot with him, Rose.”
Hearing her flat-out talk about Zander sparks something in between excitement and jealousy within me. I’m reminded of our last lovemaking session and our reflection in the mirror, his eyes fixed on me.
I did hit the jackpot.
“Wow, that’s Zander,” Kristy says as she walks toward us, carrying two gowns she’s selected from the rack. “The camera does love him.”
While I was revisiting my memories, Clem Googled one of Zander’s pictures, and there he is looking breathtaking as always, dressed to perfection and holding a champagne flute. Black suit, white shirt, and a black bow tie. His gaze is looking straight at the camera, his head tilted to the side and a ghost of a smile on his handsome face. The proud dimple is on display.
My heart does a flip looking at him. His strength, his virility, is like an aphrodisiac, and I feel my palms and body sweating.
“I can’t believe you get to be in bed with this guy. I would pay to sleep with him.” Clementine fake swoons, and my face gets hotter than ever.
Guess I’m not the only one affected by him.
But she’s not exaggerating. He looks so sensual in this picture. I can’t believe this guy is the one who took my underwear—my dirty underwear — to remember me by.
“Okay, girls, bring your focus back to work. You’ll get enough time to eye fuck Zander at my wedding.” Kristy emerges from the changing area marked by a wooden partition, wearing a champagne-colored gown.
I’m too happy when Clem’s attention is drawn away from my man as she shakes her head, almost pulling the dress off Kristy and sending her back to try on a new design.
Four hours later, we’re back home. Kristy went for a traditional white floor-length ball gown.
Meanwhile, I called Zach and confirmed my trip to St. Peppers for Zander’s birthday. The plan is that they’ll somehow keep him busy in the office till midnight, and that’s when we’ll surprise him. Everything sounds great, and I can’t wait to see Zander’s expression when he finds me in his office. Suddenly, I remember his words about how he wants me to…
God, what am I thinking? I can’t do that. Can I?