62. Zander
62
ZANDER
My heart has been pounding against my chest since I heard his name. Alexander.
The image of my father calling my name swims before my eyes, a memory of a time when my life was still normal.
My gaze skids to the back seat of the car. Alex’s head hangs low, his chin almost hitting his chest. Since the hospital released him, he hasn’t spoken a word. Thankfully, he lightly nodded when Rose asked him if he’d prefer to come with us instead of going to the police station.
My hands on the steering wheel tighten.
Are we doing the right thing?
Rose asked me the same question, but after having met the kid, I wonder if I’m healed enough to take care of someone named Alexander, even for a night.
He doesn’t move or lift his gaze to look at us. There’s no protest or anything, and my chest clenches in sadness. He’s too young to have lost his spirit. Sitting in the back seat, he reminds me of myself and my brothers in different phases of our broken childhood.
How is he handling everything alone? We had Beast, but it seems like he’s got no one .
I park the car outside our house. Rose joins me as I open the door on Alex’s side, but he makes no attempt to get out and remains seated on the back seat, clutching the red backpack close to his heart.
“Alex.” I call his name softly, but he doesn’t budge. “Buddy, come out.” My heart clenches as I watch him trying to make himself smaller. My grip on the door tightens to a degree that I can feel the metal digging into my palm.
Rose places her hand tentatively on my arm, silently urging me to relax. I’m sure she can read the pain in my eyes. She bends forward a little and says, “Alex, if you step out of the car, we can go inside the house. Out of the cold. We have a fireplace. Would you like something warm to drink? Maybe a hot chocolate?” Her words are so soft and filled with nothing but care and love.
I’m so fucking proud of my couch girl. I know caring for a child is unfamiliar territory for her, but she’s doing so well. So well, in fact, that Alex looks up at us through his lashes.
“Marshmallows too?” His whispered words are only heard because it’s dead silent at this dark midnight hour.
Rose’s hand clutches mine as she excitedly replies. “Yes, of course! Zander makes the most amazing hot chocolate in the world. Would you like to try it?”
He nods and finally steps out of the car, the wet red rucksack held tight to his chest.
Rose leads Alex to the fireplace in our living room while I march toward the kitchen. I can see my sweet wife guiding our guest to a chair before she bends down to start the fire.
I take my phone out after giving them a final glance. The hospital told us not to give Alex any solid food tonight, but to be safe, I shoot a text to his nurse, Erica, and confirm that a hot chocolate would be okay.
Her reply with a yes is immediate .
After I add some milk into the melted chocolate heating in a saucepan, my gaze drifts back to Rose and Alex, now sitting close to the fire burning in our living room. They’re not speaking, but Alex is no longer clutching his bag close to his chest, and I even see him look around our house a bit.
I fill the three cups, topping one with two giant marshmallows, and amble toward the sitting area.
Even though Alex hasn’t spoken a word, there’s no sign of impatience on Rose’s warm face as it glows under the orange light of the fire.
I place the tray on the center table and take a seat in a chair between them as they sit across from each other.
“There you go, buddy. If you’d like more marshmallows, just let me know.”
When I hand him the cup, his gaze skids from my hand to my chest—or precisely, to the apron tied around me.
“That’s Wolverine!” His words are a little stronger than before.
I smile. “Yeah. He’s our favorite.” The tension eases off my chest as his excited gaze flies between Rose and me.
“You like superheroes?” For the first time tonight, an emotion of surprise ghosts his face.
“We do. I have a huge Wolverine comic collection.” Rose’s eyes gleam, mirroring Alex’s excitement.
After another glance at Rose’s face, Alex’s bright gaze drops to the table. “You’re lying. Grown-ups don’t like superheroes. Also, grown-ups lie.”
Fuck. Rejection over the past few months has for sure messed up this kid’s head.
What do I say to him? Because he’s right, grown-ups lie and do things for their own convenience.
“I’m not lying, Alex.”
Rose’s words have no effect on him. He’s again silent, and much like before, he’s gone back to hiding in his shell. His marshmallow-topped hot chocolate sits untouched before him.
“I can even lend you one for tonight,” my sweet wife prods further.
Alex’s head jerks up, but his lips are pressed together in a mix of surprise and doubt. His untrusting gaze stabs my heart, urging me to make a decision. To show him that not all grown-ups lie. I place the mugs back on the tray and get up from my chair.
“Why don’t we check them out?”
I stride toward our study and briefly glance over my shoulder to find Rose and Alex following me.
I place the tray on the coffee table next to the small couch as Alex steps into the room, which is a library-slash-office for me and my couch girl.
His gaze jumps from my austere desk, where there’s a lone laptop, to Rose’s side on the other end of the room. Her desk is topped with two shiny silver monitors, her laptop, and an iPad. There are string lights on the wall, through which hang photographs of us and our family. Not to forget her superhero poster sitting proudly in the middle of the room.
“Wow, this looks like a time machine.” My chest warms as Alex’s voice fills with amazement.
I chuckle. “Rose does a lot of superhero stuff here.”
“You do?” His gaze on my wife is almost reverent, making me bite back my smile, which slips upon hearing his next words. “Does that mean you can go back in time and bring my mom and dad back to me?”
Rose’s breath hitches as her pained gaze shoots to me.
“I don’t have any superpowers, Alex. I’m so sorry.” She gets down on her knees and hesitantly holds Alex’s hands. I know in her heart she’s cursing herself for not being a superhero and being able to take away Alex’s pain. That’s how my girl is .
“Rose and I, we both grew up without our parents. We understand what you’re going through, kid.” I lightly stroke his hair, trying to tell him that we understand.
Alex looks up at me. “So, your mom and dad also died?”
“Mine did. But Rose got lost as a baby, and she found her parents only recently.”
“You mean I can also find my mom and dad once I grow up?”
His hope-laced, innocent questions hurt my heart. I don’t know how to reply to him, but thank God Rose has better answers for him.
“You’ll find new parents who will love you so much.”
“Everyone in the home says that, but no one wants me. I’m broken.” He hitches up one leg of his pants, and there’s a scar running from above his socks and hiding under his raised pant.
He must have been in the car with his parents.
Rose’s eyes shine with tears as she tugs Alex’s hand away, letting his pants fall down.
“You’re not broken, Alex. Someday, you’ll meet people who’ll love you so much that you’ll forget these painful months.”
He doesn’t look convinced, not even a tiny bit. Most likely because he’s been told the same thing multiple times over the months.
A determined look crosses Rose’s face. She gives me a last glance and then turns around. Hitching up her shirt just a tiny bit so that the scars on her waist are visible, she looks over her shoulder.
Confusion etches on Alex’s face until he realizes what’s in front of his eyes. He gasps. “You’re broken too.”
My fists clench, and my heart fucking tears out at the sight of Rose’s scars as she shows Alex he isn’t alone and forgotten. There are others too.
“I’m not broken, Alex, and neither are you. ”
When she turns to face him again, he throws his arms around her. “I don’t want to be broken.”
My eyes fucking well up, and my heart beats wild as hiccups tear through Alex’s body. Maybe he doesn’t need someone perfect but someone like us—a little broken like him.
“You’re not, and you won’t be.” Rose’s misty gaze meets mine, and I smile at my wife. My chest is filled with nothing but pride for her. As she wipes Alex’s tears, I grab two Wolverine comics from her stash and place them in his hand.
A spark lights in his teary eyes. “These are really yours?” His gaze jumps between Rose and me. When Rose nods with a huge smile on her face, his hold on the books tightens. “Can I read them?”
“Only if you drink your hot chocolate first.” I motion toward the coffee table, and Alex nods furiously before walking to the couch.
My gaze follows him as he places the comic books beside him and then grabs his mug before sipping the hot drink.
“He looks comfy,” Rose whispers in my ear, her hand brushing against mine before she clutches it tight.
“You don’t know how to cook?” Alex’s raised eyebrows reach to the middle of his forehead. His stunned gaze skips from Rose to me as I beat the eggs for today’s breakfast. “And you cook?” When I nod, he asks, “But you’re also her boss, like the biggest boss in the office?” He repeats the words Rose just used to describe our work relationship.
I bite back my smile at his bewildered state.
Last night, after drinking hot chocolate and finishing one comic book, we brought him to the guest bedroom adjacent to ours. He hesitated, but when Rose told him that he could come to us anytime in the night, he finally got under the covers.
I left the light in the corridor on and also rechecked the motion sensors around the property. I hoped it wouldn’t come to that, but I still didn’t want a repeat of the previous night—Alex running around the streets of Cherrywood.
And thank fuck it didn’t happen. He slept soundly. I checked multiple times, as sleep didn’t come easy to Rose and me. We stayed up almost the whole night, hiding in each other’s arms and remembering our own childhoods.
We were sipping coffee when Alex walked down the stairs this morning. His worried face relaxed when he found us, and it fucking warmed my heart knowing we built some trust with him in one night.
“Zander!” Rose’s voice brings me back to now. “Your phone is ringing.” Her confused face confirms this isn’t the first time she’s called my name.
“Sorry.” I place the bowl of over-beaten eggs on the counter before grabbing a kitchen towel. Wiping my hands, I stride toward the sitting area. As soon as I pick up my phone, the ringing stops.
It was Officer Cole.
My heart leaps in my throat seeing his name.
I glance toward our open kitchen, where Rose and Alex are softly talking. Most likely, Rose is telling him more stories of our friends and family.
“I’ll be back in a sec,” I holler, and when Rose looks at me, I covertly tilt my head in Alex’s direction before marching into our office.
I shut the door slowly and hit the dial button. “Good morning, Officer Cole. Sorry I missed your call.”
“Good morning, Mr. Teager. I just wanted to inform you that in about an hour, I’ll arrive with the headmistress to pick up Alex. Hope that’s fine with you and your wife,” he says. I hesitate for a second, and the good officer speaks up. “Mr. Teager, are you there?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m here.”
“We’ll see you soon.”
My heart sinks as soon as the call is over. I suddenly feel a heaviness settling on my shoulders as I clomp toward the kitchen. But my feet halt halfway at the sight before me.
Rose has turned off the stove, and she and Alex are nibbling grapes from a bowl. Rose is saying something when her hand brushes Alex’s hair off his forehead. Their discussion continues without either of them missing a beat, as if this is something they’ve done all their lives.
I know that after seeing Rose’s scars, Alex has bonded with her. Maybe deeper than any other bond he could possibly form right now.
I’m about to tell them about our soon-arriving guests when they both turn toward me.
“Zander, we’re hungry. Aren’t we, Alex?”
A smile lights Alex’s face as he nods. I can’t fucking believe he’s the same kid from yesterday. The words that are ready to slip out of my mouth stop in my throat. I want him to have this happiness for a little longer before I rob him of it.
After we polish off our breakfast, I know I can’t hold off anymore. We’ll soon have the headmistress at our doorstep, along with the police officer.
“Alex, do you remember Officer Cole?”
Upon hearing my question, the wide smile that was etched on his face slips. His hands slide from where they were playing with the fork, and he tucks them behind his elbows .
My fists tighten around the counter as Rose’s hand slides toward the cuff of her shirt.
We all knew this was just for a night, Zander. Don’t overthink.
“Officer Cole is coming with the headmistress from your home. She’ll be here to pick you up soon. Why don’t you get ready?” I blurt it out in a rush as helplessness courses through my body. I haven’t felt like this in a long time, but my jaw clenches to a point of hurt as Alex mechanically gets up from the breakfast bar and heads up the staircase.
“Zander, he isn’t happy there,” Rose whispers as soon as he’s out of earshot.
“We can’t do much, couch girl. We’re lucky Officer Cole let him come with us last night.” I look away from her face, but she grabs my hand, and her serious gaze meets mine, stopping me in my tracks.
“But he likes it here.” She stresses each word.
Before I can think more about what she’s trying to tell me, the doorbell rings. I get up from my chair and press a kiss on Rose’s forehead before going to open the door.
Officer Cole greets me with an older-looking woman who’s wearing a simple floral-printed skirt, a white blouse, and a black cardigan. She fixes her glasses before her astute gaze meets mine.
“Mr. Teager, meet Ms. Dorothy Day. She’s the headmistress at Alex’s group home.”
“I’m so thankful to you and your wife for bringing the boy to the hospital and taking him in for the night.” Ms. Day shakes my hand before I lead them into the living room.
“It was no problem at all. We’re happy we could help,” I say when Rose joins us, and we all take our seats.
“He’s a very sad and lonely child.” The headmistress’s words don’t help the helplessness growing within me. “Did he give you any trouble?”
“No, not at all,” Rose quickly responds. “We had lots of fun with him until— ”
“He spoke to you?” Ms. Day interrupts as her eyebrows rise in surprise.
I nod, but before we can explain more, our conversation halts as Alex’s soft feet hit the landing on the stairs. He stops at the last step and then stays there.
“Alexander. Why don’t you join us and thank Mr. and Mrs. Teager for last night?” Ms. Day says.
Alex doesn’t move, but his gaze shoots at us—Rose and me. It’s as if someone just stabbed me with a thousand knives. He has transformed into the same shy, lonely kid from last night. The spark in his eyes from this morning is long gone.
Rose’s hand clutches mine. Her fingernails dig into my skin as we watch her new friend slipping away.
I clear my throat before asking, “What happens next?”
“We have some more applications for foster parents. We’ll try our best to find a happy home for Alex.” Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes.
I’m sure the accident and the subsequent injury must have brought their own set of problems for Alex. I don’t know how many new parents are willing to look past that.
My heartbeat accelerates, knowing Alex might have no choice in picking his happy home.
“We should leave.” Ms. Day gets up from the L-shaped couch.
Is it my imagination or did Alex take a step back? His hands clutch his backpack, which Rose dried last night after carefully slipping his things into a plastic bag with his help.
My wife walks to him, and his grip on the bag loosens.
“I have a small gift for you.” She places the two comics in his hands, and Alex immediately hugs her legs. My heart clenches at the sight and then more when my wife looks at me over her shoulder. She’s pleading with me for something, and I don’t know how to give it to her.
“He isn’t interacting with us at all, but it looks like your wife won him over.” Ms. Day’s words have more guilt rising inside me. She doesn’t know there might be no one who’ll understand Alex as well as Rose.
“Don’t let me go.” His words cut through my heart, and Ms. Day gasps. My gaze shifts to Officer Cole as his mouth falls open in shock.
Ms. Day recovers fast from her surprised state. “Alexander, please come here.”
I walk toward Alex and Rose, just in time to hear him whisper to my wife. “Please, I don’t like it there. I want to live with you.”
“We shouldn’t have let him go.” Rose’s finger digs into my wrist as we watch the police cruiser leave our property.
“Rose, we can’t keep a kid at our place.”
“Why the hell not?” Her gaze meets mine. I’ve never seen Rose challenge me or anyone else, and it takes me a while to let go of the shock.
“What are you asking, couch girl?” I pull her into my arms, not liking the distance between us. I also don’t want to look into her blazing eyes. They accuse me of not doing the right thing.
“Zander, you know what I’m asking.” Her body goes lax against mine. “Why can’t we adopt him? Why can’t he stay with us?” Her questions, her sobs on this gloomy, cloudy day as we stand on our porch, kill me.
“Calm down, Rose.” I rub her back gently, urging her to take a deep breath. “We can’t decide this on a whim, couch girl. It’s an important decision, and it affects Alex’s whole life.”
“He thinks he’s broken, Zander.” Tears run down her cheeks as she looks up at me. “He thinks he’s unlovable. He thinks no one’s gonna love him.” Her every sob, her every hiccup, hits me hard. “We can’t leave him there, Zander. We can’t, especially after knowing he was in an accident.”
“Shh, babe. I’ll talk to the headmistress. I’ll do everything to make this right.” I hold her in my arms, making a promise to her that Alex won’t be a kid left alone and forgotten like us.