Chapter 24 #2
Go home? Like I’d ever leave him to suffer in his own mess, alone and hating himself.
Not after what we’d been through. Not after everything that had happened over the past few weeks, let alone the last six years.
Even when I left, part of me stayed, trapped in his gravity, still reaching for what we’d almost had.
And now he was finally—finally—giving me one honest piece of himself.
Walk away? Like that was even possible.
Maybe I wasn’t the only one who hid. I’d ran to hide from my past. But Rowan just stayed behind and built walls instead.
I followed him out of the bathroom, the sharpness of the antiseptic trailing behind him as he stalked down the stairway, his boots pounding the floorboards underneath the worn carpet.
He crossed the living room and poured himself a glass of whiskey without looking at me, the slap of liquid unnaturally loud in the empty house.
“Rowan,” I said, but he ignored me, throwing back half the glass in one go. He slammed the bottle on the shelf, the glass shuddering. “We need to talk about this.” I came up behind him.
He didn’t budge, even as I hovered at his back, afraid to touch him, afraid not to.
It didn’t matter that I couldn’t see his face—I knew what I’d find if I did.
Disappointment.
And his disappointment carved deeper than anyone’s—it always had.
He topped up his glass and leaned against the edge of the couch, the amber liquid trembling in his grip. He didn’t turn, just stared through the window at the yard, now black and eerie under the moon.
“Can you just leave it, Sadie?” he said, his voice rough and barely audible.
It was my turn to laugh, but it came out small and sad. “Please just talk to me.” My voice shook. “For once. Please?”
He whipped around so fast I flinched, instinctively bracing for the crash. For a second I thought he might throw the glass at the wall.
Instead, his eyes locked with mine, golden and burning and wild. “Talk to you?” he said, scoffing. “Why? You don’t seem to think talking to me about things is important, so why should I?”
“Seriously, Rowan? Are you kidding? You’re the one who shuts down every time I try.” All the frustration and tension poured out with my words, and the air crackled like static, the hairs on my arms standing on end.
“Me?” He frowned even as a flicker of realisation passed over his features. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“You know exactly what it means,” I snapped, my voice rising. “You’ve held me at arm’s length this whole time. You won’t even let me in.”
Rowan’s hand tightened around the glass.
“Because you left me, Sadie!” His eyes burned into mine, the muscles in his neck straining, veins bulging.
“I needed you, and you fucking left me. It goddamn broke me. I didn’t just lose Logan—I lost you, too.
You were the only family I had left. You really think I want to live through that shit again?
” His voice cracked, and he shook his head, a bitter laugh escaping his lips.
“Not a fucking chance. But you just keep putting yourself in danger. What the fuck am I supposed to be without you, Firefly?”
His words slammed into me like a punch to the gut, knocking the air from my lungs. I stumbled backward, my legs unsteady beneath me.
“You . . . you think it was easy for me to leave?” I choked out, the words barely above a whisper. “I couldn’t stand to look at Logan’s window for one second longer. I didn’t have a choice.”
Rowan descended on me, stopping just close enough for the heat of his body to swallow me whole.
“You think it was hard for you?” He jabbed a finger against his sternum.
“I had to live in this same fucking house, walk past that room every single day. The same room I found my little brother hanging in.”
Silent tears tracked down his face, catching in the light. He swiped at them as he hurled the whiskey glass at the wall. It hit with such force, the glass exploded, scattering across the floor as the amber liquid streaked down the wall and soaked into the carpet.
The scent of whiskey filled the room, mixing with our shared grief. Our history.
A sob ripped from my throat. I stepped forward, hand half-raised, not to reach for him, but to catch myself if he shoved me away. “Ro?—”
He held up a hand, squeezing his eyes shut as though he was trying to block out the world—or just me. “Don’t, Sadie,” he said, his voice low. “Whatever it is you’re going to say, I don’t want to hear it.”
All the anger that had been raging through me disappeared, replaced by an aching sadness I knew all too well. And it seemed so did Rowan.
My chest tightened, and all I wanted to do was wrap him in my arms. He’d never shown me this side of himself—broken, raw, and achingly beautiful.
I took another step closer, and he stiffened.
He swallowed hard but didn’t move. Instead, he tracked my every movement.
My heart pounded in my chest as I put one foot in front of the other, then another, until I was so close I could feel the heat radiating off him.
He stared me down, silent and storm-eyed, as tears traced lines down his face and darkened the collar of his shirt.
He was no longer hiding from me. Now, he was handing me the part of himself that was made purely for me. In one blinding moment, we’d gone from dancing around each other, to full-blown annihilation.
Maybe tomorrow he’d shut me out again. But for tonight, he was wide open.
And he was mine.
My hand inched closer until I was sliding it up his stomach, landing on his chest, just above his heart. It raced under my touch, his breaths shallow.
“Don’t,” he whispered, closing his eyes. “It hurts too much to be this close to you, Sades. It always fucking has.”
My bottom lip trembled as I held back my own tears.
“Rowan,” I said, his voice coming out more like a prayer.
“I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry.” I pushed up on my toes, pressing my lips to the side of his mouth.
His breath hitched, and he groaned softly.
“We’re both broken.” I kissed him again, this time lingering on his hot skin.
“We haven’t known peace, not in a long time.
Logan’s death shattered us both, but being with you, some pieces are starting to fit back together again.
Don’t you feel it?” I grabbed his hand and placed it on my chest. His long fingers traced my collarbone.
“That’s real, Ro. My heart only ever beats this fast when I’m with you. ”
His nostrils flared, his chest heaving. “Don’t say those words to me, Sadie. Not unless you mean them.”
“I wouldn’t say them if I didn’t.” I slid my hand from his chest, up to his neck, his skin warm beneath my touch. “Don’t hold back this time. Not with me.”
Like a rubber band snapping, Rowan snatched me around the waist and shoved me against the wall.
His lips crashed against mine, his tongue forcing its way into my mouth, tangling with mine.
He tasted of whiskey and a quiet kind of desperation.
He groaned and pushed himself harder against me, his hands tugging at the hem of my shirt .
“Tell me to stop, Firefly,” he murmured against my mouth. “Tell me to stop, and we’ll never mention this again.”
I tugged at his hair at the back of his neck. “I don’t want you to stop, Rowan. Please. Don’t stop.”
He groaned, the sound deep. It vibrated through me. “Fuck it,” he murmured, then collided his lips against mine again.
My skin heated until I was burning all over. Rowan ripped at my clothes, shoving my jeans down my thighs until they pooled around my ankles. I kicked them away, arching into him, needing him more than I needed air, more than I needed anything else in this world.
I yanked his hair, dragging him closer until there was no space left between us.
Rowan’s belt fell to the ground, the buckle hitting the floor with a thud. He slipped a hand between my legs, pushing my thighs apart.
“Fuck.” He pulled his mouth from mine and dragged his lips down my neck. On a ragged breath, he fell to his knees in front of me, his eyes never leaving mine as he slid my underwear down my legs.
I swallowed hard. I’d imagined Rowan on his knees a thousand times. But nothing compared to this. I could barely take a breath, let alone speak.
Rowan bit down on his bottom lip, his focus zeroing in on my lower half. I gripped his hair as he pressed his lips to my pubic bone. The softest touch sent a shiver racing through my body.
“I need to be inside you, baby,” he said, his eyes asking for my permission. “I’ve waited so long for this. For you.”
I nodded, hoping he could feel everything I couldn’t say, with just that one simple movement. It was all I could do.
He stood, lifting me in one swift motion, my legs wrapping around his hips, and claimed my mouth again, his tongue finding mine, warm and soft. My skin burned everywhere he touched, and all sense of control vanished as Rowan lined himself up and slid inside of me.
He growled, while I moaned, the way he stretched me an ecstasy I wanted to drown in, to lose myself inside. I’d waited years for Rowan to put his hands on me, and now it was finally happening.
He pushed in further, his muscles straining and clenching under the effort. I fisted his hair, my body tensing with barely contained restraint, my legs trembling with the effort to keep him close. A small whimper left my parted lips.
I held onto his shoulders, my fingernails digging into his skin through the thin cotton of his T-shirt. Inch by inch, he sank into me. Until there was nothing else—just him. Just us.
Groaning, he stilled, his breathing heavy, erratic. A pained expression crossed his face, an internal battle raging inside him. For a second, I thought of Logan, of what he’d say if he saw us now. And I hoped, maybe, he’d understand.
I brushed my thumb over Rowan’s bottom lip, tugging it down slightly. “Don’t question it, Ro.”
He swallowed and pulled out slowly. Pushed in again.
His rhythm remained controlled, the heat from his body swallowing mine whole with each movement in and out of me, our lips a breath away, our eyes locked on each other.
It was like nothing I’d ever experienced, the way he ate me up with just his eyes, as if his entire world centred around me.
I wanted to crawl inside his skin and never leave.
My chest ached, but my heart devoured his until they both beat in sync. My broken man. My best friend’s brother—someone I shouldn’t have wanted but always had. Always loved .
He wrapped a hand around my throat, gripping it lightly, as though he could snap me if he held on too tight.
“I’m done pretending, Sadie,” he murmured against my lips. “You’re mine. I’m never letting you go, not again. I should have chased after you all those years ago. Forgive me, baby?”
A tear slid down my cheek, and Rowan kissed it away. “There’s nothing to forgive. I’m yours for as long as you want me.”
He pressed his forehead to mine. “It’s only ever been you, Sades. It’ll always be you. If there’s another life after this, I’ll find you there too.”