11. Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
Sunny
We’re halfway through the parking lot before I realize it.
He’s still holding my hand. Not the quick grab kind of hold that happens out of necessity. No, this is different. His fingers are laced tight and secure between mine. It’s intentional. It should make me panic.
But it doesn’t. Or at least it hasn’t yet. Maybe because everything happened so fast, or maybe it’s because I’m too busy trying to keep up with him. Whatever the reason now that I’m aware of it, I can’t think about anything else.
We stop in front of a sleek and shiny black truck that stands out like a sore thumb in the middle of all the beat-up sedans and rusty second-hand trucks. Levi’s hand drops to his side, and for a second, neither of us seem sure of what to do next. Awkwardness settles into the space between us, thick and uncomfortable. It stays until he clears his throat, breaking the tension.
"So, uh, do you need a ride?"
I hesitate, looking first at Levi, then back towards the school as if I might actually be considering going back. I wouldn't of course, not now, but the idea of getting into a car with Levi, of being that close to him is... unsettling to say the least.
“No. I can walk.” It's disappointing how weak the words sound.
“Sunny, I was only asking to be nice. We both know I'm not about to let you walk away from here by yourself. Not after what just happened." He pauses and raises an eyebrow. "Get in.”
I open my mouth to argue but judging by the tone of his voice and set of his jaw, he's serious. I don't think I'd win the argument, regardless of how good a case I made for myself if it came down to it. And honestly? I don't have the heart to try right now.
I let out a slow breath and nod as he reaches for the door handle and pulls. I climb up into the passenger seat, and he shuts the door. I stare out the window focusing on keeping my breath under control even as my brain screams at me in protest for willingly allowing myself to get trapped.
Levi gets in on the driver’s side, and for a moment, we just sit there, neither of us saying a word. The silence is heavy. And awkward. Finally, he starts the engine, the low hum filling the cab of his truck. “So… where to? Where were you gonna go if you hadn't gone to class today?"
"Nowhere." I pause and shrug. My voice comes out shaky. "A-anywhere. I probably would've spent the day walking. I didn't have a plan or anything.
Levi nods, his eyes focused out the window. "I can work with that." He starts the car, puts it into gear, and starts backing out. "Anywhere but here sounds perfect right now."
And then, a little softer, a little quieter. "You can relax. I told you I'm not going to hurt you."
We drive in silence for awhile. The rhythm of the tires on the pavement fills the quiet space and before long I do, much to my surprise, begin to relax. The streets blur together, getting further and further apart, as we drive into parts of the city it’s been years since I’ve seen. One more sharp turn and Easton Creek begins to fade into the distance. Levi turns on the radio and I roll down the window. Classic rock blasts out of the speakers and a cool breeze washes through the cab of the truck. There's nothing but open road in front of us, and for the first time in a long time, I’m not thinking about school. Or Zack. Or Garrett. Just the hum of the tires on the road and the way the wind rushes through the window.
And then, I recognize the turn ahead. I sit up straighter, my heart picking up speed. "Hey. I know a place. Somewhere we can go. Turn up here."
When Levi turns on to the dirt road, all the memories come flooding back at once. Most of the only good ones I have were made at the end of this road.
I lean over, holding my head out the window, smiling when the wind catches my hair, swirling and whipping it around my face and leaving me breathless. I haven't been out here in over five years, but it's exactly the way I remember it.
"It's right up here, keep following the road."
When I pull my head back in, I replace it with my hand, letting my fingers surf the wind. Levi glances over at me and laughs. It's a low, warm, comforting sound, not the sharp, hard-edge laughter I'm so used to hearing. I close my eyes, and smile, letting myself sink into the pure pleasure of the moment. It's been a long time since I've felt this light.
When we round the last corner, the smell of warm earth and cool water fills my nose. I toss my head back and laugh—a deep, full-throated laugh that shakes my whole body. I don’t care how I look right now or what Levi might think—for the first time in years, I can remember the person I used to be. The wind, the sun, the smells. They all remind me that there was a time when things were different. When I was different.
Another half mile and the lake comes into full view. It's even more beautiful than I remember. The carpet of soft summer-green grass leading to the edge of the lake is lush and untouched by fall yet. Bright patches of color—sunflowers, ironweed, yarrow and asters—dot the rolling hills surrounding the water. The air is alive with the sound of frogs and birds resting in the cattails growing out of the muddy bank. Tall trees—a mixture of oaks, cottonwoods and willows—cast deep shadows over the water that the mid-morning sun has turned into liquid gold. It's breathtaking.
Levi pulls the truck up to the spot where dusty gravel meets grass and turns it off. He's staring out the window and I hear him mutter, "Holy hell, Angel. This is amazing."
I barely wait for the truck to stop completely before I'm out and running towards the dock. It stretches out over the glowing surface of the lake. The faded wood creaks and groans under my weight. Each step takes me further out into the water with a satisfying hollow thud and a subtle shifting under my feet. When I get to the end, I sit down and rush to take off my shoes, stuffing my socks inside. I scoot to the edge, roll up my pants and let my feet dangle in the cool, clear water. My entire body lets out a sigh. It doesn't take long before the dock sways and rocks letting me know Levi is coming.
"I don't think I've ever seen you smile like this. You should do it more often. It looks good on you," he says wearing a very self-satisfied smirk as he settles down next to me.
"Yeah. Um, so you've told me," I say playfully.
I'm rewarded with a deep, embarrassed sounding laugh. When I look up Levi's cheeks are flushed pink and his eyes are focused on some distant point across lake. "That was pretty awful, wasn't it."
"A little."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I was an idiot." He shuffles his feet. "So, how did you know this place was here?"
I kick my feet in the water enjoying the sound of splashing and the cold water on my toes. "My dad and I used to come here a lot. He loved it here. We'd spend the entire day swimming and fishing. This is where I learned to skip rocks." I swallow down the lump forming in my throat. "We'd always have the whole place to ourselves. I don't think a lot of people know it's here. The last time we came out here was right before..." My voice fades and I tilt my face up to the sun. "It's been a long time."
"I'm sorry Sunny," Levi says. I turn to look at him and his face is serious, concerned.
"It's okay. It shouldn't bother me as much as it does still. I miss him though. A lot."
"Tell me about him."
I don't know what to say or where to start. It's been years since anyone's asked about my dad. He was gone an entire week without checking in before my mom started to worry. It was another week before she reported him missing. Within a week or two after that Garrett had moved in and it was like he'd never existed. Not to anyone but me.
I wasn't allowed to talk about him anymore. All of the pictures with him in them were taken off the walls. The scrapbooks and photo albums were picked clean. It was scary how easily he was erased. I still don't understand what happened or why.
"There's not a lot to say. He was a good guy. Smart. Funny. Kind. You know. All the things people say about someone once they're gone." I wiggle my toes and close my eyes.
I can feel Levi watching me. Waiting. "He was my favorite person. But obviously, I didn't really know him. He was gone a lot for work."
I sigh deeply. It feels strange to be talking to someone like this. "He wasn't who I thought he was. I mean, I'm sure you've heard the stories. About the kind of people he worked for. So, I guess when it comes down to it, he was either the horrible person everyone says he was and deserved whatever happened, or he was the horrible person who walked away from his family and didn’t look back. Either way, it doesn't say much about him."
Levi's voice is quiet when he speaks. "No one's perfect Sunny. Most people are more than one thing. He could've been the person you remember, but maybe he was a few of the other things too."
I open my eyes slowly and look out over the lake. Levi's words are a lot for me to take in. He makes a good point, raises some good questions, but none I'm ready to answer. I swallow hard over the lump in my throat.
"So, tell me all about him. Everything you remember."
He asked, and so I do. At first, it's uncomfortable. Giving voice to something that's been so completely buried. I don't usually like to remember how things were before. It hurts too much—even after all this time But, somehow, he makes it easy.
Finally, breathless from laughing so hard, I run out of stories and turn the conversation to him.
"What about you? How did you end up in Easton Creek."
The question seems like an easy one, but he lets it hang between us unanswered. I'm almost ready to ask again, thinking maybe he didn't hear me, when he finally speaks.
"I'm here with my mom. Things with my dad are, um, complicated." Levi rubs the back of his neck, glancing out across the lake before looking at me again. "He's one of those people I was talking about before. He's a lot of different things. My mom couldn't do it anymore. She said she wanted more for me. A better life. So, we left. And this place...well, it's about as far away from where we used to live as you can get."
"I figured." I look behind us to his black truck shining in the sun. "You don't exactly blend."
He laughs deep and loud from the center of his chest, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't starting to enjoy the sound of it. And the way his whole face lights up when it happens. And the way he runs his hands through his hair like he can't stop until he shakes it off. And...
When the laughter dies, and it's quiet between us again, his face turns serious. "Hey," he pauses, and takes a deep breath before continuing, "can I ask you something? Serious? You don't have to answer if you don't want."
"Shoot."
"What happened this morning, is it always like that?"
"Way to kill the vibe," I say with a small huff of disappointment. My mind races, running through the hundred different ways I can answer, from sugar-coated lies to brutal honesty. If it were anyone else, I'd settle somewhere in the middle, but it doesn't feel right to be less than honest with Levi. Not now.
"Usually. Sometimes it's worse though."
I turn to face him expecting to see him looking at me with pity, but all I see are questions. Ones there are no answers to. That day in the backyard with Garrett I'm sure he thought he'd figured everything out—that when I'd gone inside and he'd left, he knew what kind of life I had, what kind of girl I was. There was no way for him to know how bad it really is.
Zack wasn't lying when he said the things he said. No matter what I do or how much I try to hide it, the ink that Garrett put on my skin tells the world what I am, who I am. It doesn't matter how it happened. It doesn't matter that I hadn't wanted it, or that I'd kicked and screamed and fought until I was exhausted. All that matters is that I'm marked.
I tried so hard to hide it, but all it took was one towel slip in the locker room after gym class, and everyone knew. Everyone, including him now.
I force myself to look at him. I need to be looking at his face, into his eyes, when I say what I have to say next. "I need to tell you something, Levi." My voice splinters as I try to get the words out. "Everything Zack said about me is true. I wish it wasn't, but it is. I wasn't lying when I said I've got nothing you'd want."
"Sunny, I—"
I interrupt as soon as I hear him say my name. My face burns and my heart races. I don't want to hear what he has to say. The thought of him turning on me now, is too much. I'm not ready for this—whatever this is—to end. My next words are apologetic. Weak. Desperate.
"Wait. Look. I'm sorry. You don't have to say anything. It's probably better if you don't. I thought you needed to hear that though. Hear the truth. From me. And it's okay. I'll understand if you don't want anything else to do with me."
Levi's expression doesn't change. His eyes stayed fixed on mine and he stays quiet and still.
I want to look away, hide my face from what I know is coming, but I can't. I need to hear the words. See the hate and disgust take over as what I said sinks in.
I only hope it hurts bad enough to destroy me when it happens. So I know it's real. I need the pain to stomp out every last bit of hope I've let myself feel since I’ve met him. I need to be reminded that some things aren't for me. That some things will never be for me, no matter how badly I want them.
Finally, unable to bear the silence anymore, I start to stand. "We can go now. Can you at least give me a ride to the edge of town? You can drop me off and I can walk from there."
Before I can get my feet underneath me, Levi reaches out and grabs my hand, pulling me back to sit beside him again. "Sunny. Whoa. Hey. Slow down."
He stares at me for a long moment, and I can tell he's thinking of what he wants to say, or do, next. Finally, he turns his body towards mine. Reaching out, he cups my face in his hands. When my eyes lock onto his, my breath catches in my throat, and I freeze. I've seen that look in someone's eyes before. It's a hungry look sitting under a thin layer of concern. It’s dangerous and scares the hell out of me.
My heart pounds wildly in my chest. I flinch back as a deep shudder works it's way through my entire body. I thrash and try to pull away, try to get away. But Levi holds me tight. "Look at me Angel. You're okay. It's me. I'm here. It's okay." His voice is steady as he repeats the words over and over, not letting me go, not letting me look away from him.
Eventually, his words cut through the haze and the fear begins to unravel. My heart rate slows and my breath becomes even again. He softens his hold and strokes my cheek with his thumb. "I will never hurt you Angel. Never. You have to believe that."
He leans in close, pressing his forehead to mine. “I’m not letting go of you and I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again.” His voice is rough, but tender, and his breath is warm against my skin. It makes my chest ache.
For a second, I think he's going to let go of me and settle back into his own space.
But he doesn’t.
"Can I kiss you, Sunny?"
The question catches me off guard.
No one’s ever asked me that before. They’ve always taken.
The word ‘yes’ sticks in my throat, too foreign to feel like mine, and my heart hammers against my ribs.
But somehow, I manage a small nod. And then—he kisses me.
Not rough. Not demanding. Just soft, warm, and impossibly gentle.
The world doesn’t just fade—it vanishes. My body hums with electricity, and for the first time in my life, the voices in my head go silent.
This is what it’s supposed to feel like. This is what it was meant to be. And God help me, I don’t ever want it to stop.
I lean into him fully. All of the fears and doubts I'd been feeling dissolve away into nothing when his hand slides up to the back of my neck.
Tangling my hair in his fingers, he deepens the kiss and I can’t help the soft gasp that escapes my lips. This is everything my first kiss should've been. It's everything that it wasn't. There's no taste of blood, no smell of whiskey, no pain. It doesn't feel dirty and I don't feel broken.
I feel safe. Cared for.
I press closer, my hands trembling as they find their way to his chest, feeling the steady, reassuring beat of his heart under my fingertips. The kiss is slow and intense, and I don't want it to end.
In this moment, I believe him—every word of what he said. He's already proven to me, twice now, that he's willing to do whatever it takes to keep me safe.
When we finally pull apart, he rests his forehead against mine. Our shallow, ragged breaths mingling in the impossibly small space between us.
“You okay?” he murmurs, his voice low and rough.
I nod, a small, self-conscious smile tugging at my lips. “Yeah. I’m okay.” More than okay. The words feel strange on my tongue, but they're true.