Chapter 7 #3
Especially when said stepbrother was clearly in love with someone else.
The thought of Lan looking at another person the way Jaxson desperately wanted him to look at him—it was like a knife to the gut.
Worse than any physical pain he’d ever experienced.
A pain that felt almost primal, like something fundamental was being torn away from him.
As if the universe itself objected to the separation.
“I doubt it,” Lan had mumbled in the car. “That person sees me about as romantically as a pet goldfish.”
Who was this blind idiot who couldn’t see how incredible Lan was? The thought of someone dismissing Lan’s feelings made protective rage surge through him, temporarily drowning out the guilt of his own actions. If Jaxson ever found out who this person was, he’d—
He stopped that train of thought before it could fully form, alarmed by the violence lurking at its edges.
This wasn’t like him. He was the reasonable one, the controlled one.
Not this… whatever was happening to him.
This possession. This obsession. This bone-deep certainty that Lan belonged with him, to him, under his protection and care.
And yet, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. As if this fierce protectiveness, this overwhelming need to claim Lan as his own, was written into his DNA. As if he’d been born for it. As if his very soul recognized Lan as its other half.
Ten minutes later, Jaxson emerged from the shower feeling physically clean but morally bankrupt. He’d barely finished pulling on his pajamas when he spotted Lan’s clothes on the floor—because apparently the universe wasn’t done torturing him yet.
He gathered the pile, telling himself he was just being the responsible older brother. The same responsible older brother who definitely hadn’t just jerked off thinking about the owner of these clothes. Christ.
The scent of honey, cherry blossoms, and lilies clung to the fabric, that distinctive fragrance that belonged only to Lan.
Jaxson found himself bringing the shirt to his face before he could stop himself, inhaling deeply.
The effect was immediate and overwhelming—a rush of comfort and desire that made his head spin, his pupils dilating instantly.
His heartbeat accelerated, his body temperature rising in response to the scent.
It felt like coming home and burning alive simultaneously.
Something about that scent bypassed his rational mind, triggering responses he couldn’t control or understand. It felt like a key turning in a lock, opening doors to feelings that had been waiting patiently for years.
The clean jeans caught his attention—trust Lan to leave perfectly good clothes in the bathroom. The boy would lose his head if it wasn’t attached to those delicate shoulders of his. Not that Jaxson spent time thinking about Lan’s shoulders. Much.
After dumping everything in the washing machine and steadfastly ignoring how domestic it felt to be washing Lan’s clothes, Jaxson found himself walking toward Lan’s bedroom.
The jeans were a flimsy excuse at best; he could have just left them outside the door like any normal person.
But apparently, he was a glutton for punishment.
What the actual fuck are you doing? His conscience sounded suspiciously like Colt at his most judgmental. You just got off thinking about him, and now you’re going to his room?
He should turn around. He should definitely turn around. Instead, his knuckles met the door in a gentle knock.
“Lan?”
Because clearly, his common sense had taken a vacation along with his moral compass. At this rate, he’d be lucky if he didn’t spontaneously combust from the combination of guilt and wanting.
But God help him, he needed to see Lan one more time tonight.
Needed to assure himself that Lan was still here, still close, still his in some small way.
The thought of being separated from him, even by a door, sent another wave of that strange physical ache through his chest. Even if it meant adding another entry to his ever-growing list of Things He’d Have to Confess If He Ever Found a Priest Willing to Handle This Level of Dysfunction.
The things he did for love.
Love.
Well, wasn’t that just the cherry on top of this sundae of inappropriate feelings?
Except it didn’t feel inappropriate. Not really. Not deep down where it mattered. It felt like fate. Like destiny. Like something written in his very DNA.
And if Lan truly loved someone else…
Jaxson’s hand clenched into a fist against the door, his knuckles white with the effort of restraint.
The pain in his chest intensified, a physical ache that made it hard to breathe.
No. He wouldn’t allow it. Couldn’t allow it.
The thought sent another wave of that strange, primal pain through him, making his breath catch.
He’d find a way to make Lan his. To show him they belonged together. To help him see what Jaxson already knew bone-deep—that they were meant for each other. That they had always been meant for each other.
Starting tonight.