Chapter 32
Mistakes were made.
Very, very big mistakes, and now I’m suffering the consequences.
Ellie Mae and I decided to get some ice cream and eat it on the beach before my prenatal appointment, which didn’t seem like a horrible decision at the time, but as soon as we finished and it was time to go, it became evident how wrong I was.
Ellie Mae decided she hated the feeling of sand in her sandals—honestly, relatable—and insisted I carry her, which typically wouldn’t be an issue, considering she’s a toddler and weighs next to nothing, but my lower back has been killing me all day, the ice cream didn’t sit well with my stomach, and Graham would rip me a new one if he knew I was carrying her.
By the time we made it back to the car, I felt like I was going to puke and collapse simultaneously.
Now, we’re currently sitting in a room waiting for Dr. Mitchell, and she’s bouncing off the walls, probably from the ice cream.
Like I said…mistakes were made.
I don’t typically bring Ellie Mae to these appointments, but her nana had an eye doctor appointment that she forgot about until last night and Graham had to work, so we’re having a fun little girls’ day.
Or it was fun until this appointment. Now I just feel like shit.
And to top it all off, when the nurse took my blood pressure—surprise, surprise—it was high.
No matter how easy I’ve been taking it lately, I cannot seem to escape these higher readings.
It’s exhausting, always worrying about it, always wondering if things are going to take a turn for the worst, and it’s frustrating that there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do to make it better.
A knock sounds before the door to the exam room opens.
“Good afternoon, Charley,” Dr. Mitchell says warmly as she steps inside.
Spotting the tiny human standing near the sink—because she apparently has ants in her pants and won’t sit in the chair—she stops and kneels until she’s eye level with her.
“Well, what a fun surprise this is,” she murmurs as Ellie Mae walks over and gives her a hug.
“Do you want to color while the grown-ups talk?”
“Yeah!” Ellie Mae bounces between her feet in excitement as Dr. Mitchell leaves the room, coming back a moment later with a couple of crayons and some coloring sheets on a clipboard.
After she sets her up in a chair, Dr. Mitchell takes a seat across from me.
My stomach twists at the look on her face.
Without saying anything, I already have a hunch about what she’s going to say, and I wish Graham was here.
He comes to most of these appointments, but now that they’re weekly, it’s harder for him to swing it because of work.
“Alright, Charley, let’s jump right in, shall we?”
“Let’s do it.”
“I’ve gone over your home blood pressure readings from this week, as well as your labs and the reading the nurse did. There’s still no sign of protein in your urine, which is great news; however, these numbers are still running higher than we’d like to see at this point in your pregnancy.”
“I’ve been doing everything you’ve recommended,” I say, defeat spreading in my chest, even though I knew this was the case.
She nods, her gaze softening. “I see this a lot, Charley, and I don’t think it’s because of anything you’re doing or not doing. It’s just how it is sometimes.”
“So, what now?”
“Because your blood pressure is staying up and you’re considered early term, I think the safest option is to go ahead and deliver the baby now. I’m recommending that we induce you today.”
“Today?” My eyes widen as my heart leaps into my throat.
“I want to reassure you, this isn’t an emergency, Charley, but we don’t want to wait for it to become one.
Your baby is at a great gestational age, and this decision is all about staying ahead of any potential complications, for both of you.
So what we’ll do is get you checked in to Labor and Delivery after this, and the team there will begin the induction process.
Do you have any questions or anything you’d like to talk through before we move forward? ”
“Wow, uh…” A chill races down my spine as my mind catches up to what she’s saying.
I feel like a fish out of water, with the way my mouth opens and closes, trying to find words.
“What about her?” I ask, nodding toward Ellie Mae, who’s completely unaware of the panic growing inside of me.
“And Graham isn’t here. Can we hold off until he gets here?
And what happens once I’m checked in? How does induction work? ”
“Great questions,” Dr. Mitchell says softly.
“Of course, we can wait for Graham to get here. Once you get checked in to Labor and Delivery, we’ll start monitoring you and baby; checking your vitals, doing a quick ultrasound or listening to the baby’s heartbeat, and get you settled in.
We will likely then begin with a medication to help soften and open the cervix.
After that, we’ll start a medication called Pitocin through an IV to help get your contractions going.
The whole process can take some time, especially with a first baby, but you’ll be closely monitored throughout, and we’ll be with you every step of the way.
Our goal is a safe, smooth delivery for both you and baby. ”
I nod, my mouth dry, heart beating a mile a minute.
Today. I’m having this baby today.
“I’ll give you some privacy so you can call Graham and whoever else,” Dr. Mitchell states as she stands. “And while we wait, I’ll give Labor and Delivery a heads-up. I’ll be just outside if you need me, Charley.”
“Thank you,” I murmur quietly.
As soon as she leaves, I swallow thickly and grab my phone. With shaky fingers, I find the inn’s phone number and press call. Asking for Graham, the new front desk lady places me on hold, and it feels like an eternity before his deep, comforting voice comes through the line.
“Hey, everything okay?” There’s concern in his tone. I hardly ever call him at work.
“They’re inducing me,” I say quietly, hating the way my voice trembles. “Because of my blood pressure.”
“Right now?” he blurts out.
“Not right this second, but yes, soon.” Pressure builds behind my eyes. “Graham, can you please get here? I need you.”
“Of course, I’m coming, Sunny,” he says reassuringly. “I’ll let my boss know, then I’ll call my dad and see if he can come grab Ellie Mae.”
“Thank you.” I swallow down the lump in my throat, not wanting to fall apart in front of her. Then a thought pops into my head. “The car seat, Graham. I don’t have the car seat, or the hospital bag. I have nothing.”
“It’s okay. I’ll ask one of my sisters to stop by the house on their way to the hospital. We’ve got time, Sunny. It’ll be okay.”
“Thank you.”
“Breathe, you got this. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
We hang up, and as if Ellie Mae can sense something’s up with me, she climbs off her chair and comes over to the exam bed I’m sitting on. She steps up on the stool and rests her head on my left leg.
“Looks like you’ll get to meet your brother or sister soon, sweet girl,” I tell her, bringing my hand to her back.
Waves of emotion crash into me, all at once. I’m scared because this isn’t how it was supposed to happen. What if something goes wrong?
I’m nervous. I don’t know what to expect. But underneath all of that, I’m also emotional because the time is here, and soon I will be holding this little baby in my arms for the first time.
About twenty minutes later, Graham rushes through the door, and it feels like I can breathe again. He pulls me into his arms, still in his work uniform, smelling like fried food mixed with his natural musk. “You okay?” he asks after he kisses the top of my head.
“I’m not ready,” I murmur. “I’m scared.”
Graham picks up Ellie Mae before bringing his hand to my cheek. “You are ready, Sunny, and I’m not leaving your side, I promise.”
Soon, we’re brought into a new room, the one I’ll be giving birth in.
Graham’s stepmom picks up Ellie Mae, and I get choked up saying bye to her, knowing the next time I see her, she’ll be meeting the baby.
After the nurses get me hooked up to the monitors, they give me the medication Dr. Mitchell told me about to help my body dilate and, suddenly, everything feels real.
Obviously, I’ve known this day would come, but it’s not a far-off date anymore… It’s right now.
“We’re having a baby,” I say to Graham when we’re alone again.
Sitting in a chair beside the bed, Graham slips his hand in mine. “We’re having a baby, Sunny.”
Tears spring to my eyes, and a smile stretches across my face. Teenage Charley never would’ve believed that one day she’d be having Graham’s baby, yet here we are.
“Hold on,” I grit out, flattening my palm against the wall.
My breaths are shallow and rapid as the pain washes over me like a hot, sharp, unrelenting wave.
It’s subtle at first, like a warning, but soon, it’s an intense, all-consuming pressure radiating through my lower back and hips.
Sweat drenches the nape of my neck, slicking the hair to my forehead as I squeeze my eyes shut and force myself to breathe deeply.
It’s raw and primal, my thighs trembling and my stomach tight and hard, and then it fades.
“Okay, we can keep going,” I say once it passes.
“You’re doing so good,” Graham murmurs, his hand on my lower back as we continue down the hall.
Dr. Mitchell started me on Pitocin a few hours ago, and to help labor progress, she suggested moving around. We’ve been walking for about half an hour, but each time a contraction hits, I’m immobilized. The pain steals my breath away.
“He’s right,” Grace says. “When I was in labor with both kids, I didn’t even try to walk or bounce on a medicine ball or anything.”
“I did the same with Sutton,” Gemma chimes in. “Then with Rosie, I tried moving around and realized how much it helped.”
Georgia’s here too, but she’s downstairs getting coffee for everyone but me. It’s been almost seven hours since I was admitted, and they’ve been here ever since. Having Graham and the three of them here for support has been great.
“Okay, well, I’m ready to take a break,” I mutter as we near my room.
I’m exhausted, both my body and mind, but there’s no way I’d be able to rest through these contractions.
Dr. Mitchell and I agreed to hold off on the epidural as long as I can to avoid me being bed bound, but fuck, I can’t wait for that sweet relief.
Approaching the bed, I drop my hands onto the mattress, letting my head hang between my shoulders as the start of another contraction hits me.
It could be all in my head, but I swear they’re getting more and more intense each time.
I grip the sheets with tight fists, my knuckles white, as the pain surges through me, vibrating through my middle.
It feels like my pelvis is being pried open.
Graham places a steady hand on my back, rubbing in soothing circles. “Remember to breathe slowly through the pain, Sunny,” he murmurs softly. “You got this.”
Once it passes, I climb back on the bed as Georgia walks in, a sympathetic smile pulling on her lips as she meets my gaze. “How’re you doing, babe?”
“Never been better,” I say teasingly.
The curtain in front of the door slides open again as Tiffany, my nurse, strolls in. “Let’s get those vitals checked and see how you’re progressing.”
“I better be at least at nine,” I grumble.
“Let’s cross our fingers,” she says sweetly, fingers clicking against the keyboard. After a minute, she says, “Everything’s looking great. Looks like you’ve had some pretty strong contractions.”
“Can I please take this off?” I ask, pointing to the blood pressure cuff that’s driving me nuts. It’s been on since I was admitted.
“It has to stay on, unfortunately,” she says. “I know it’s annoying, but given your history of high blood pressure, we need to make sure your levels remain okay through the duration of labor and delivery.”
Irritation flashes through my chest, but instead of voicing that, I just nod, because it’s not her fault.
“I’m gonna check your cervix now, okay?”
I nod again, praying I’m more dilated than I was the last time she checked. The contractions are more intense, so surely, that means my body’s opening up…right?
“You’re now at a six,” Tiffany says, letting the sheet drape over my legs again.
“That’s it?” My body sags against the bed, frustration swelling inside of me. “I’ve only gone up a centimeter? How long has it been since you checked?”
“Two hours,” she offers softly. “I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you are making great progress.”
My jaw is tight and my eyes sting as she leaves the room. Glancing at Graham, I say, “I’m never going through this again, so you better stock up on condoms.”
He snorts, which makes me laugh, even as a tear streams down my face. I’m so fucking exhausted. I want this to be over already.
I want to hold my baby.