Chapter 51
LEONORE
“What did it feel like?” Nessa whispers.
“Like I should’ve kept pulling the trigger,” I reply.
“No one would’ve blamed you if you did.”
We’ve been lying here with Larissa asleep between us for almost an hour. Our words are hushed so as not to disturb her. But now she stirs. Her little eyes flutter open, and for a moment, she’s somewhere between sleep and awake. Then she sees Nessa, and her whole face changes.
“Mommy?”
The word is small and loaded with so much hope.
“Hi, baby,” Nessa whispers.
Larissa’s smile is big. “You came back.”
“Of course I came back.” Nessa’s voice cracks, but she holds it together.
Larissa pulls back to look at her mother’s face. “Where did you go? I came home, and you weren’t there.”
“I know, baby girl. Mommy is so silly. My watch stopped, and I didn’t realize how late it was. I’m sorry, sweetheart. But you did good calling Auntie Leo. It won’t happen again.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
“Cross your heart?”
“Cross my heart and hope to eat a thousand caterpillars.”
Larissa’s eyes light up. “You hate caterpillars.”
“That’s right, so I must be telling the truth.”
A giggle escapes Larissa.
Thank God she slept through everything, so she will never know how bad it was. I envy children for their ability to feel so safe and sleep so heavily.
“I like having sleepovers with Auntie Leo and Silas.” She yawns. “Do you think we can have pancakes in the morning?”
“I think we can arrange that, baby,” I say, and a warmth spreads through me at the thought of her approving of Silas.
“How about you go back to sleep for a little bit longer?” Nessa says as she begins to stroke her hair.
“Okay, but wake me for pancakes,” she says, already drowsy. Larissa nestles between us, and when her breathing evens out again, and her small body softens back to sleep, Nessa looks at me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“For what?”
“For this. For everything. For being the reason this all—”
“Stop. Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”
“Nessa…”
“You didn’t do this. He did. That asshole lying dead on the floor downstairs did it.” She reaches across a sleeping Larissa and takes my hand. “You aren’t responsible. I just wish I had known you went through this.”
My tears slip free. “I never should have pulled away from you. When things got awkward because I felt weird about you and Ben, I should have been there.”
“We both could’ve done things differently. I’m sorry. We’re here now, and that asshole isn’t.” She smiles. “So I think we’re ahead.”
I laugh, but it’s weak. “You told them to go fuck themselves.”
“Damn right I did.”
“While tied to a chair.”
“It seemed like the appropriate response. Maybe I was thinking what would Leo do right now, and it brought me a lot of strength even when I was scared.” That hits me hard.
Even though she saw me in one of my psychotic episodes, she looks at me the same.
And it fills me with love knowing that somehow she was able to gain strength from me even when I wasn’t there.
“Pinky promise me something,” I say.
She raises an eyebrow. “We’re doing pinky promises now?”
“Pinky promise me,” I press.
She sighs dramatically but holds up her little finger, and I hook mine around it.
“We always have each other’s back,” I say. “No matter what. No more pulling away.”
“Even if the other one is being an idiot about a man?” she asks sheepishly.
“Especially then.”
She tightens her pinky around mine. “Deal.”
“Deal.”
We hold the link for a moment longer than necessary. Then Nessa smiles.
“Now stop being sappy and let me sleep.” She gets comfortable among the pillows and closes her eyes. “I’ve had a really shitty day.” But before she closes her eyes, she says, “I like Silas for you too. He might be able to handle you.”
I scoff. “He can try to keep up.”
She laughs as she closes her eyes. It doesn’t take long for her to fall asleep too.
When I’m sure she’s fully out, I carefully extract myself from the bed and slip out of the room.
I find Silas in his study. He’s in the leather chair behind his desk, staring at a glass of whiskey in his hand. He looks exhausted.
He lost men tonight, and I can tell he’s feeling the pain of those he lost tonight deeply. Everyone in his crew feels like family.
I lean against the doorframe. “You should sleep.”
“I wish that were an option.”
“From where I’m standing, it’s the only option.”
I cross the room and sit on the arm of his chair. He doesn’t look up, but his free hand finds my thigh and begins to gently stroke my skin.
I place my hand over his. “You’re a good man, Silas.”
“Says the woman who wanted to cut off my dick and fuck me up the ass with it.”
I laugh. That conversation feels like a lifetime ago. Back to a time when all my walls were up, and I couldn’t imagine letting this man anywhere near my heart.
Now he has it wholly.
“You keep surprising me,” I say.
He looks up. “How?”
“With your strong sense of family.” I brush a strand of hair from his forehead. “When you first walked into my lab, I never imagined this was who you are.”
“Family is everything,” he says.
I take the whiskey from his hand and set it on the desk. Then I slide off the arm of the chair and into his lap, and his arms close around me. Resting my head against his chest, I listen to his heartbeat. Even after everything, his heartbeat is steady and strong.
“It’s really over,” I whisper against his chest.
His arms tighten around me, and his chin rests on the top of my head.
“Yes, it is,” he agrees.
But we both know that’s not entirely true. There will be fallout.
But tonight, none of that matters.
Tonight we are safe.
And Konstantin Lomonov is dead.