Diary #10
Dear Mom,
I could really use some motherly advice. It’s days like today when I notice the lack of a female adult in my life. Being raised by MC men wasn’t without its challenges. They never appreciated my sense of style or love of shoes—something I’m sure you would have—and the day I got my period, well, let’s just say I wasn’t the only one in tears. But they taught me to be tough, to laugh at things, and to never define myself by a man.
I love who I’ve become, and these rough and tough men were part of that.
But I’ll be honest, big emotions are not my strong suit. Feeling this full of conflicting emotions is overwhelming. Do I ignore my sadness to deal with my anger? Or do I focus on the fear? The confusion?
Quite frankly, the only conflict resolution skills I have involve challenges or sex, and I’m not sure even my pussy can fix the cluster of emotions me and my men are currently feeling.
It’s so helpless not knowing how to solve something. With a clear solution in place, it’s easier to move forward. But when there’s not, how do you figure it out? I feel like confetti in the wind. Each time I soar, I scatter and float in the opposite direction I intended, only to be whipped back in another direction and tossed further from where I started.
How do people deal with this all the time? It’s suffocating.
I’m thankful I have my guys. They’re the constant bright spot and give me the space to figure things out. I want to be the same for them.
I’m hoping this is one of those things that comes with age. The more life I live, the easier it will get to know. I’d like to imagine that if you were here, you’d fix me a cup of tea, hug me tight, and give me sage advice while stroking my hair. Because I could really use it right now.
I don’t know what to do, and it’s important that I make the right decision.
Hopefully, the next time I write, I’ll have a better update.
Love,
Darcie