10. Heal Me, I’ll Heal You
Chapter ten
Heal Me, I’ll Heal You
Monique
Daddy. Mommy. What. . .next?
We rode the elevator down.
Due to the handcuffs, Lei stood next to me.
Chen and Duck were behind us with several other men.
I must’ve looked like a zombie. My mouth was parted. I didn’t have the energy to shut it. My eyelids slowly drooped. I was hunched over because my broken heart weighed two tons.
What do I say to Jo, Chloe, and TT?
I scanned the space and thought of how much I’d changed since getting on the elevator earlier.
Before I’d been one-type of Moni.
Now I was different—broken, devastated, and covered in blood.
Chen spoke, “We should take her to any family she has in Glory.”
A dark edge laced Lei’s words. “We will, when she’s better.”
Will I ever be better?
So many emotions fogged my head and left me in a haunted daze. My thoughts swam in between cracks of past memories of my father. Faded moments where he’d made me smile. The times we laughed. The times we cried. The times I thought I couldn’t live without his love, his hugs, and the confirmation that he cared.
Chen whispered, “Lei, it will take her a lot of time to be better.”
Lei growled, “Then, so be it.”
“As your Deputy Mountain Master, I must explain that it will take her a lot of time . It could be past our dealing with Leo,” Chen explained. “It could be well past everything that we have to do in the East.”
Lei growled again, “You think I don’t understand that?”
“I don’t think you’re properly considering any of this.”
Duck chimed in, “I wouldn’t mind if she were handcuffed to me. I will take on the responsibility. I messed up. I dishonored you, Mountain Master.”
Lei gritted his teeth. “Shut up, Duck.”
My head kept replaying the last time I saw my father—the day of Mom’s funeral when I told him to never come around us again.
I shouldn’t have said that. I thought I had time to forgive him. Time for us to heal.
Guilt seeped into my darkening soul.
But life. . .it’s so fragile. . .so fast. . .
Tension tightened around my throat like someone was choking me. This heavy force pressed down on my chest.
I messed everything up by going along with Leo.
I’d thought I’d been living right, following God, and being a good person. I figured things would eventually get better for my sisters and me. I just had to keep the faith and work hard. But life kept kicking me hard in the ass. And with Dad’s death, my life would forever be turned upside down.
“She’s not one of your strays, Lei.” Chen sighed. “She’s an adult woman.”
Duck chimed in, “I’ll do a better job of protecting her from now on.”
“Gallant effort, Duck, but unnecessary,” Chen said. “I’m sorry, but we are not in the business of dealing with suicidal—”
“ I decide what business we’re in.” Rage rode Lei’s voice. “And we don’t mention suicide again!”
“Can we mention kidnapping ?” Chen said. “Because that’s what this is. It’s kidnapping.”
Lei snorted. “You’re worried about the police?”
“I’m more worried about someone in the South getting involved due to you having their relative, thus possibly giving Marcelo an excuse—”
“We’re done talking.” Lei turned my way and studied me.
Any other time, I might have looked down. Maybe, I would have been too shy.
In this moment, I was desperate. I directed my gaze into Lei’s deep, dark eyes, hoping for him to save me. Praying that he would give me some sense of salvation.
Help. . .
I swore he heard me.
He took my hand and gently pulled me closer to him. My arm pressed against his. There was a soothing affection through this physical closeness. Warmth came to the cold parts of my soul.
In one moment, I felt like I was freezing.
In the next, I felt like I had just stepped in front of a heater.
Lei squeezed my hand, triggering more comfort from our skin-to-skin contact. It anchored me, made me feel more balanced. It cocooned me, giving me some sense of calm.
The elevator stopped.
The doors slid open.
Drowning in sorrow, I didn’t even think I could walk forward. “No.”
“Don’t worry.” Lei looked back at me. “I have you.”
Duck walked around us and put his foot near the doors to block them from closing.
Not moving, I stared at the opened view. “Where. . .”
Lei quirked his brows. “What?”
“Where’s my father’s. . .body?”
“He will be on the next elevator ride and then put into the van.”
“Okay.” I let out a long breath and took the first step. “Thank you, Lei.”
Together, we walked forward.
I couldn’t tell you how we made it to the car or what happened during the journey. I just held onto Lei’s hand and kept stepping. The whole time the handcuffs bumped against my wrist and I focused on that instead of anything else.
When we arrived at the vehicle, Duck opened the door. He stared at me as if wanting to say something. His mouth parted, yet no words left him.
Lei let go of my hand.
Chen began to get in.
“No.” With his uncuffed hand, Lei pointed to the van behind us. “All of you take that one.”
“What?” Chen quirked his brows. “Are you sure?”
Lei sighed. “I need silence.”
Duck frowned. “I want to stay by her side.”
“Leave.”
Anger filled Duck’s eyes, but he remained quiet.
“Alright. Duck and I will go, Lei.” Chen moved back from the door. “However, Hu must remain to keep you safe.”
Lei gritted his teeth. “Fine.”
“I’ll ride behind you and make the hotel reservations.” Chen placed his hands in his pockets. “Since we’re discussing the hotel details, what will be Monique’s sleeping arrangements? Do you want her room to be next to yours or Duck can—?”
“She’ll be in my suite.”
Chen cleared his throat. “I can get a two-bedroom suite.”
Lei glared at him. “She’ll be in my bedroom.”
Chen frowned. “Is that because you will still have her handcuffed to you, this evening?”
“That was my thinking.”
Chen rubbed his forehead. “Will you at least be open to alternatives to the handcuffs later?”
Lei checked the handcuffs as if he were worried they had fallen off. “Maybe.”
“I can work with that. See you at the hotel.” Chen nodded and left.
Duck followed.
Another man went to the front and got in the passenger seat. That must’ve been Hu. He had a gun that looked like it was covered in tiger stripes.
I chose that moment to climb in.
Lei entered after that and sat next to me.
One of his men shut the door.
The driver sped off.
I gazed down at my bloody pajama shirt and jeans. I didn’t think I could ever see Cookie Monster again and not cry.
This fucking day. I mean. . .really. . .
My phone buzzed.
I took it out and checked. Jo’s name glowed on the screen. I didn’t answer. If I spoke to her, I would confess Dad’s death. I wasn’t ready to say that out loud and I didn’t want to ruin my sisters’ already hectic day.
I’ll tell them tomorrow. There’s no need to hurry.
The phone buzzed again.
Lei checked it. “Who’s that?”
“My sister.”
The phone stopped buzzing.
Then a text appeared.
I read it.
Jo: Girl, Aunt Betty is on a cruise with some new, young boyfriend. She’s a cougar!
A hint of smile came to me as I typed back.
Me: Did you grab the key from under the pot and let yourself in?
Jo: No need. Banks was here.
I sighed in relief.
More texts rushed in.
Jo: Now Banks is making his nasty ass macaroni and cheese with tuna fish.
Jo: Chloe is trying to convince him to get chicken.
Jo: Banks said he couldn’t. He has some chick he has to guard tonight.
I typed.
Me: How is TT?
Jo: She’s excited to be so close to Dream Lake.
Jo: She thinks we’ll be going treasure hunting this week.
I brightened thinking of TT’s hope. She was always this beacon of light during the roughest times.
Sighing, I typed back.
Me: Please, tell TT that I will personally take her to Dream Lake when I get there.
Jo: When will that be? What’s up with Dutch and Snow?
The image of their dead bodies came to me.
I swallowed down my anxiety and texted.
Me: Everything is solved and good. No worries.
Jo: Then, should we come back home tonight?
The very idea—of walking into my apartment with the broken door from Snow and Dutch and all the photos of my parents’ smiling faces covering the walls—broke me.
I had to stable myself for a few seconds, before responding.
Me: No.
I stared at the phone not sure what else I could say to her. I was certain Jo was confused as fuck by my texts.
I’ve got to be strong for my sisters. Why would I think I could just jump off the balcony and escape?
I sent my final text.
Me: We’ll talk more in the morning. I love you.
I put the phone up. It buzzed several times, but I didn’t want to look at it. Jo would want answers that I didn’t have.
I’d never considered myself a suicidal person. But that moment on the balcony came when I had tried to race to death.
Somebody would have walked up to my dead, smashed body on the street. I would have mentally harmed so many people.
I felt crazy and weak. Guilty and so sad.
That won’t happen again.
Even though it was hard to deal with the pain, I would figure out a way to survive.
Also. . . e verything must change.
I refused to step back into that apartment. I couldn’t look at any of it anymore. And I couldn’t go to that damn strip club, put another ugly ass wig on my head, and carry jerk-offs their drinks in six-inch heels.
And I was done with my side job at the chicken plant too. No more cracking bones on an endless conveyor belt.
God, are you really there? Will you help me figure it out?
Lei’s dark voice filled the car. “The money in the briefcase is yours. My men have it now. We’ll get it to you this evening.”
Maybe, there is a God.
I exhaled the pressure rising in my chest. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me.” Lei rubbed his head. “That was from my father.”
I blinked at the mention of Leo. “Did he. . .”
Lei raised his eyebrows.
“Did your father really do all of that in the penthouse?”
“He did most of it. However, Uncle Song probably hung them from the chandeliers.”
I blinked. “Why do you say that?”
“That’s his thing. Long ago in Shanghai, my uncle discovered their mother after she hung herself. He was a teen. Because of that, he doesn’t talk much. He can be silent for months without one word.”
What? Song was talkative today.
Lei continued, “When he or my father kills, he will always hang the bodies up.”
I focused on Lei’s words, needing to escape into any reality that wasn’t mine. “And Song is your uncle?”
Lei nodded. “As well as Chen and Duck’s father.”
I sat there stunned.
Sighing, Lei rubbed his face and looked out the window. “I don’t know why my uncle joined the fight. It was already going to be hard enough to kill my father. Now my uncle brought in his psychotic monks to protect father.”
“Why do you want to kill your father? Is it because he’s a murderer?”
“In my world, being a murderer is fine.” Lei gave me a sad smile. “I would never hurt him for that.”
I widened my eyes. “Then, why?”
“My father killed the only woman that I have ever loved in my entire life.” Lei fisted his hands. “He took her away from me.”
My heart twisted. “He murdered your girlfriend?”
Lei frowned. “She wasn’t my girlfriend.”
“I’m sorry. Your wife.”
Lei shook his head. “We were never. . .anything.”
“But you loved her?”
“With all my heart. Her name was Chanel.”
“Did she know how much you loved her?”
Lei looked away. “I don’t think so. Maybe.”
What?
I reached out for him, but then stopped myself. “You never told her?”
“Never.” He kept his back to me as he gazed out of the window. “I tried to show her many times, but. . .”
Stunned, I gaped at him.
How could he have not said anything?
He whispered, “I was too afraid to tell her.”
How could he be afraid of anything?
Lei was tall and handsome, strong and fiercely powerful. Men followed his orders. They were willing to serve him. He had guns and knives that I was certain he absolutely knew how to use. He had an army with him. Even now, there were several blue vehicles following behind us as if he was a politician.
How could he be afraid?
Lei turned and caught me staring at him. “I should have said something, but I was scared.”
Still shocked, I held my hands out. “Of what?”
“Her rejection.”
I pursed my lips.
“I imagined her rejection being sharper than the world’s deadliest sword. I was certain it would cause more damage than any bullet.” Lei touched his chest. “I didn’t think I could have survived her telling me that she didn’t love me. I might have been just like you on the balcony today, leaping to some form of freedom. Trying to escape the horror of reality.”
I froze.
No words left me.
“I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “It’s too soon. I shouldn’t have said that.”
I looked down at my fingers. “No. You’re right. I was trying to escape. I’m glad Duck saved me. It was so stupid. . .I’m sorry.”
“You were broken-hearted, never apologize for that. Just don’t do it again.” Lei studied me. “When you ran to that ledge, my heart imploded within itself. I could barely breathe.”
“I wasn’t thinking.”
“Of course you weren’t. Too much had happened.”
My eyes watered, but no tears came.
Lei raised his eyebrows. “Have you ever lost anyone before today?”
“My mother passed last winter from cancer.”
He frowned. “My mother passed last fall from a heart attack.”
“Oh my God.”
“Unfortunately, we have a lot of sad shit in common.”
“We do.”
“Now that. . .” He stopped speaking and shook his head.
“What?”
“Now that you’ve lost your father, I wonder. . .is dealing with death. . .easier?”
“Not easy at all. With my mother, I was a little prepared. This time I’m devastated.”
He nodded. “I’m hoping that with my father’s death, my anger will heal any pain. I’m hoping it will be. . .easier. That. . .I won’t miss him at all.”
“I hope you’re right.” I tried not to think about my father’s dead body in the vehicle behind us. Instead, I focused on helping Lei. “Duck and you didn’t have to care so much about my life. I’ll forever be grateful for that.”
“I have never witnessed Duck run so fast.”
It was strange, but I almost asked about Duck’s penis. Was it corkscrew or not? It was crazy what thoughts came to my head as I battled the sorrow within it.
“I think I feel a tiny bit better. Maybe. . .I needed to say these things out loud. . .to someone.” Lei’s gaze remained on me. “It may be a good thing that you’re by my side, but I don’t know why.”
“My mother used to say that there wasn’t anything more powerful than a stranger’s ear .” I shrugged. “Sometimes it’s easier to share your fears and pain with someone that’s not close to you.”
“Why do you think so?”
“Our family and friends care so much. They may be biased and protective with their advice. And then they’ll always be responding from their perspective of you.”
He directed his view to the window. “And the stranger?”
“That person’s independent. No emotional connection. Perhaps, the stranger is more objective.”
He looked back at me. “And you’ll be my stranger’s ear?”
I raised my handcuffed wrist, thus triggering his hand to rise too. “I’ll be something, until you release me.”
He stared at the locked metal. “Eventually, I’ll take those off.”
“You should because. . .” I gave him a sad smile. “ Eventually , I’ll need to go to the bathroom.”
“There’s ways we can keep the handcuffs on and you still go to the bathroom.”
I widened my eyes. “I would rather not explore those ways.”
“We’ll see.”
“We sure will.” I lowered my handcuffed hand and took in his silhouette.
Lei put his view back on the window.
He was such a handsome man.
Had it been another day, another time, I could have been completely enamored with him. Surely, he was a perfect example of masculine strength and beauty. Another week, it would have been hard to not stop everything and relish in the idea of him.
There was so much pain in his eyes, and now I knew why.
His heart must be so broken. He never got to love her.
Not thinking, I reached for his hand and gently squeezed it. Once our skin touched, I instantly felt like nothing could hurt him or me. As if when our hands bound together, we became shielded from harm.
He snapped his view to me, but he didn’t move his hand away. He kept it there and watched me. Maybe, he experienced the same protective sensations I did.
Should I let his hand go?
He closed his eyes and leaned back in the seat.
A long breath escaped his lips.
Still, he didn’t take his hand from mine.
Needing more contact, I turned his hand over and traced the lines on his palm. He had several old scars there. They were pale white and jagged little lines.
What happened to him?
It was odd to touch his hand this way. To experience this soft, subtle intimate moment with a man I barely knew. Never had I held hands this much with a stranger.
I should have stopped, but I couldn’t.
I should’ve let go, but I continued to stroke his palm.
My caressing kept my shattered mind busy.
Lei’s voice was a soft whisper. “Maybe, I won’t uncuff you.”
I trailed my finger along his thumb. “Why not?”
“Your touch is making this fucked-up reality. . .appear less distorted.”
My broken heart warmed. “Then, I’ll touch you more.”
Still leaning his head against the seat, he turned my way and opened his eyes.
No words left him.
Warm silence ran between us.
His piercing, brown eyes trapped me. They lured and beckoned. They summoned me to step into their wicked darkness. They whispered for me to fall into the tunneled view where the outside world disappeared and nothing mattered, but us two.
Help me heal and I’ll help you.
And I willingly let myself get lost in his dark gaze. I sank in it. Drowned in it. I let it envelop me. I wore it like a second skin.
And my spirit lifted a little.
And my bruised mind went weak with reckless possibility.
And my heart drummed with the subtle hint of hope that he could heal me.
And a silent desire filled my soul, telling me that maybe I could heal him too.