31. The No Holding Back rule
Chapter thirty-one
The No Holding Back rule
Monique
There, Lei stood. His toned muscles shimmered under the sunlight. He was a sexy vision of raw and primal desire that both electrified and scared me.
My words came out a bit rougher than intended. “What do you mean by that, Lei?”
A hint of mischief glimmered in his eyes. He leaned closer until he was only an inch away from me. His hot breath tickled my ear as he whispered, “That we don’t hide our emotions for one another, or the attraction between us.”
“We’re already half naked in front of each other. Not much hiding is happening.”
“Still.” He licked his lips. “No holding back.”
I met his gaze.
My heart pounded in my chest. The thought of exploring this rising desire with him on a physical level was exactly what I yearned for.
“No holding back,” I echoed. “I can agree to that.”
His gaze softened. Those dark eyes gleamed with something more than just desire. Perhaps, it was respect, understanding, and a glimmer of something else, something deeper, something that spoke of a bond we had yet to truly understand.
Meanwhile, I had another question. It was probably a bit much to prove right now, but we had already said a whole hell of a lot today.
I might as well take it there.
I sighed. “So. . .”
He quirked his brows.
“We’re talking about no holding back, and I love that. But like. . .I don’t have the limits you have, so you really need to help me understand how we are going to navigate this because I am. . .”
Horny as fuck.
Lei studied me. “You are what?”
“Don’t worry about that.” I blinked. “I know we are talking about no holding back , but there are some limits with you. That is for sure.”
“What limits?”
Dude. . .you are a virgin. Don’t make me say it.
“Lei.” I smiled. “You have a limit.”
“What do you think it is?”
“Sex. Actual penetration.”
“Ah.” He gave me a warm smile. “It never comes up so, I don’t know, I didn’t think about that part in this situation.”
How the hell are you not thinking about that part? It’s a BIG part! Like. . .what else could the no holding back even mean?
I swallowed, needing us to talk about this, but not wanting to be too pushy as he grieved for Chanel. In the end, he had saved all of that big, thickness for her.
Who was I to demand it now, greedily for myself?
Even. . .beg for it?
But. . .he was the one that said no holding back .
What did he really mean by that?
“So. . .” My body hummed with need.
Meanwhile, he watched me with amusement.
I held out my hands. “Penetration is. . .putting. . .your dick. . .inside of me.”
He appeared ready to laugh, yet he held it back. “Yes. I am aware of what that is.”
“Alright. True.” I raised my hands up slightly from my side as if as if I could actually reach for the right words in the invisible pool of vocabulary between us. “But let’s go deeper. Here we go.”
He grinned.
I touched my chest. “I really like penetration.”
His face went neutral. It was so odd and fast it caught me completely off guard. In one second, he seemed to be amused with my discomfort in talking about this. In the next second, he shut away all expression on his face as if guarding his thoughts.
Did I sound crazy to him? Did I go too far? What the fuck? Say something.
I waited.
He studied me.
Why did you change your look? Now it’s awkward silence. Fuck. Oh well. Somebody has to take the conversation there.
“You know what. . .I’ve already said that so I’m just going to really not hold back.” I shrugged. “And if you are uncomfortable with anything I’m saying, then let me know. I will stop. Are you cool with that?”
He kept that neutral mask on his face and nodded.
“Alright. You tell me when I go too far.”
Silent, he watched me.
I punctuated each word with my finger. “I. Like. Dick.”
He blinked, yet the mask remained on his face.
“I like dick moving deep inside of me with my hands pinned above my head. I like dick filling me up. I like being bent over with the dick slamming and pounding so much that my ass cheeks are wiggling from all the movement. And my back is blown the fuck out.”
He widened his eyes.
And due to him not responding and my already saying a lot. . .I continued, “And I like to bounce on the dick until I cum.”
He drew in a sharp breath.
I had no idea if that was a good or bad reaction.
I crossed my arms over my bra due to my nipples now stiffening and pushing against the fabric. “And. . .after a few drinks and a really good evening of dinner and dancing. . .hey. . .I like dick in my ass.”
That neutral mask cracked. This fierce hungry look peeked out. He fisted his hands at his side.
Oh. That’s a good response. Right?
I swallowed. “I even like dick when I’m on my back, and my legs are in the air, and the guy pulls the dick out fast, and it’s all dripping wet with my arousal, and he slaps the head against my clit like. . .bitch don’t ever play with me, and then slams the dick back into me and starts pounding real hard until I scream.”
His lips parted in shock.
Monique, you said too much. Some of that could have been watered down. What the hell is wrong with you?
Maybe it was all the damn sexual tension making me crazy. For god’s sake, the man had kissed me like a beast last night TWICE, and then slept next to me all sexy and muscular like it was just fine.
Like I wasn’t a warm-blooded woman with sexual needs!
Now we were half naked by a stream and shit, and he kissed me again, so hot that it vibrated through my body.
I was not Mother Theresa or any other godly female saint.
Plus, I hadn’t gotten dick since the night of my mother’s funeral. I was desperate for some, and he was right there in front of me—huge bulge, thick, long.
What would any other logical woman do?
Additionally, once Lei did that Azure Dragon’s Spiral move, it was hard for me to not scream, ‘Why don’t you get all dragon spirally in this pussy?!’
I pursed my lips together.
He just stared at me with his mouth open and his hands fisted.
I cleared my throat. “Did I go too far?”
“No.” He shook his head and blinked twice. “I’m just trying not to cum all over myself.”
“Oh.” A wicked smirk spread across my face.
“Don’t look like that.”
“How can I not? It’s sexy.”
“It’s not sexy. I should have more control than that.”
“Hey, if you want to cum all over yourself.” I chuckled. “We are best friends. No judgement. Take it out and let me see.”
“You are very funny.”
But I wasn’t trying to be funny. . .
Lei let out a long breath, yet a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I wasn’t expecting you to. . .bring this part of comforting up.”
“No?”
“No, but let’s discuss it.”
“Alright.”
“It’s not like I have never wanted to be inside of a woman. It’s just that. . .before. . .it was only one woman. . .” His voice trailed off, and he looked away, suddenly appearing more vulnerable than ever.
I got the sense that I was one of the few people to ever witness him this way.
Everyone else saw Lei—the Mountain Master.
And I was getting Lei—the man.
He turned back to me. His eyes clouded with confusion and worry. “I loved Chanel. I wanted my first time to be with her. But now that she’s. . .” His voice broke, and he didn’t need to finish the sentence.
The implication was clear.
I nervously froze.
Of course, I understood the depth of his love for her. It was probably why I could probably never see us being more than just. . .best friends.
She had his heart.
Always, she would probably be the other woman in our conversation.
I needed my own man, all to myself.
However. . .we would be together for these next days.
If we were going to comfort each other and explore our desires. . .I felt like the discussion on penetration was warranted.
It’s just my nervousness came from the sudden realization that if he said no to having sex with me in this moment. . .it would still feel like rejection.
And while my mind knew why he would be saying no, my body would feel unworthy. Undeserving. And I wasn’t sure how I would feel about that.
My stomach twisted as he continued, “But now everything is fucked up. And now I don’t know if any of it matters anymore. Why would I hold on to my virginity now? Why not just simply. . .have sex?”
Am I supposed to answer those questions?
Regardless, I stared at him with several answers burning on the tip of my tongue.
Fucking is good! And boy, I could show you some things. You mess around with me for too long, Lei, and you will be outside my door, panting in the middle of the night.
I gritted my teeth and remained silent.
I had already said quite enough today.
“If I was going to lose my virginity to anyone at this point. . .and it was you. . .well. . .” Lei slipped his gaze down my body. “I would be very fucking happy about that.”
Alright. Alright. Not a hard core yes, but more of a. . .“hey, Monique, I would totally fuck you. . .most likely.” I can live with that.
He unfisted his hands. “But for now, I need some time to think about it.”
“O-kay.”
He leaned his head to the side. “Do you understand?”
“I do.”
“And Monique. . .you are breathtaking and beautiful. Warm, silky, and soft. I love the way you smell, too. It’s not perfume. It’s your skin. I love your eyes. I could probably cum just from staring at them for a long time.”
Shocked, I stood there, pretty much unable to speak.
“And the soft moan that escapes your mouth when I kiss you. . .that makes my body crazy. It makes me want to be inside of you. And. . .”
My voice cracked. “And?”
“You are only the second woman in my life that I have ever considered being inside of. Just Chanel and you.”
“Oh.” I unfolded my arms from my chest. “But what about your harem?”
“They only serve a purpose. They have never incited hot lust like you do.”
Oh shit. I incite hot lust!
“They don’t make my cock jerk in my pants just from being close to me.”
I do that too? Alright now.
“Basically. . .you do that to my body and more.” Lei put his gaze on the ground. “I cannot lie to you. The response my body has to you, well, it makes me feel guilty, and it. . .I don’t know. I need some time to process my rising feelings for you and my. . .umm. . .” He sighed and looked back at me. “And my trying to get over the loss and pain and. . .”
“I understand.”
“What I’m trying to say is that I would need time to think about this.”
His response wasn’t rejection, and it all made perfect sense. In fact, I was happy that we were able to comfortably communicate this. It made me feel closer to him.
“However.” Lei brushed his hand against my wrist, causing a shiver of delight to race down my spine. “If we end up making love. . .”
My body shivered at the very idea.
“It wouldn’t be in some tent on a mountain. I would want it to be extremely special. A captivating memory. A true experience with you that would last a lifetime.”
My chest rose with emotion.
“Because I think that you would make that moment so beautiful, Monique. And that’s why if there was any woman on this earth that I would give my virginity to, it would be you.”
Warmth flooded my body, and my heart swelled. I couldn’t help but smile. Plus, his words were beautiful and the feeling behind them was even more so.
He watched me. “Is that a suitable answer for now?”
“It is.”
“Good.” He leaned forward. “By the way, those visuals you put in my head. . .”
“I was just telling you what I liked. There was no need to imagine it happening.”
“How could I not?” He wiped the sweat off his head. “My whole body is on fire.”
Damn.
Then, he studied me. “Someone has slapped their dick on your. . .”
“Clit? Yes. I like that.”
“Is it weird that I’m a little jealous about that?”
“There’s no need to be jealous. That was a long time ago.” I grinned. “And you have a harem.”
“You think too highly of my harem.”
“Only a very spoiled Mountain Master would say that.”
He looked down at my bra and whispered, “We should cool off.”
“And get wet. Right?”
His gaze snapped to me. Heat flooded his pupils. “Fuck yes, but let’s get naked.”
“What?” I was caught off guard so much that I edged back. “What are we doing now?”
“Take off your clothes. This may be my only true break with you for the week, and after that talk. . .we might as well get naked.” And with that, he yanked down his boxer briefs and blew my fucking mind.