Chapter 34
THIRTY-FOUR
FENRIR
PRESENT
Smoke.
Behind my eyes, under my skin, in my blood.
The smell of it makes me want to wretch, but there’s no time. I have to get her out. But I can’t find her.
The rooms aren’t familiar.
Doors aren’t where they’re supposed to be. Walls where they shouldn’t be.
It’s hot. So fucking hot.
Flames flare against my skin, making my flesh bubble.
I must find her.
Curtains cremated. Carpets incinerated.
She isn’t here.
Yet, I know she is.
Heat hovers. Smoke swirls. Flames flicker.
Must save her.
My sister?
No, not my sister.
Hayami.
Smoke chokes me. Winds itself around my throat. Smothers my eyes.
Can’t breathe.
So heavy, the weight on my chest.
I pull at my skin.
Try to breathe, but there’s no air.
Can’t breathe.
Can’t.
Then the smoke drops, just like that.
And I see her.
Dark hair.
Darker eyes.
The darkest glare.
Hayami?
She holds a black scarf over her mouth.
I want to peel it away, but I’m frightened of what’ll be underneath.
It won’t be her luscious lips. It’ll be sharp teeth, torn flesh, and oozing blood.
Her hand goes to the scarf.
Please don’t take it off.
My chest is so heavy.
Please, God, no.
Can’t breathe.
And my heart fucking stops.
My eyes snap open, banishing the gnarled nightmare as I’m thrust straight into another one, because the heaviness on my chest remains.
Hayami sits astride me, her hands pressing down on my ribs, her gaze boring into my face.
Under any other circumstances, I’d be flipping her over, pulling her under me, and showing her exactly what she does to me, but this is not my Hayami.
Her head is tilted to the side, that sickly grin across her face, her hair hanging like rags.
“Hayami?”
Her head twitches, and she grins that horrible, slimy smile, but it isn’t her mouth. Her eyes shift, her hair grows longer, and her lips appear fuller.
“Who are you?” My voice is barely a whisper. I want to throw her off, but this is Hayami’s body, and I won’t hurt her.
She holds her finger up as if to shush me. Her hands move down towards the waistband of my shorts.
“Hayami, can you hear me?” I try to move, but she has me pinned to the bed.
Fuck. Panic floods me. None of my training has prepared me for this. What the hell is going on?
I try to move again, but it’s hopeless.
She has to be dreaming or sleepwalking again. But it doesn’t feel like it. I don’t sense her in there. This is someone else, and I have a feeling I know who.
Kuchisake-Onna.
She stares at me. Then, as if a button has been released, the smile drops and her eyes widen, fear expanding them before she flops onto my chest like she’s melted before me.
“Hayami?” I wiggle up the bed and pull Hayami up.
She opens her eyes. Blinks. She searches the room before her gaze lands on me, taking in that she is astride me.
“What the hell?” She lurches back, her face frantic.
“I don’t know what happened. I woke up and you were sitting on me.”
“Oh my God.” She puts her hand over her mouth. “How? Why? I don’t….”
“Did you fall asleep?” I ask.
“I don’t…. I’m not sure. I don’t remember. I was reading my book, and then….” She shakes her head. “Maybe?”
“I think you were sleepwalking,” I lie.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s fine.”
She sits up on her heels. “It’s not, though. What the hell is wrong with me? Why would I climb onto your lap?”
“There’s no need to look for reasons. People do all sorts of strange things when they sleepwalk. It’s fine, honestly.”
“I’m so embarrassed.” She places her head in her hands, and I pull them away.
“Listen to me,” I say, holding her hands between us. “Don’t ever be embarrassed in front of me. Ever.”
“But—”
“No buts. There’s no need to feel shame in front of me, Hayami. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Except straddle you in your sleep. Oh my God, I didn’t….” She gulps, assesses me. “I didn’t touch you or anything, did I?”
“No. And stop this, now. It was nothing. Innocent sleepwalking, that’s all.”
“Jesus. What’s wrong with me?” She glances over at the chair she was sitting in when we came into my room. Her book’s abandoned on the floor. “I need to stop reading this shit. It’s doing things to me, and not in a good way.”
“Let’s go downstairs and get a drink, shall we?”
My hand shakes. I hide it behind my back as she moves from the bed, and then I stand, frustrated that I’m lying to her, but she looks so embarrassed.
She thinks she’s losing her mind because of a bit of sleepwalking and a racy book.
But what would she think if I told her what I saw and what I now think is happening in this house?
Kuchisake-Onna.
Maybe she’ll think I’m losing my mind. As I sure as hell feel like I am.
We head downstairs and into the kitchen.
“What time is it?” Hayami asks as I pour two glasses of whisky.
“Just after twelve.” I hand her one glass, which she takes, and I lead her into the large living room.
There’s a chill in the air. Hayami pulls the long cardigan she’s wearing around her shoulders and places her glass on the table before kneeling in front of the fire.
She works quickly, piling up the kindling and arranging larger logs on top. I’m grateful she appears to have picked up that I don’t like to light the fire. I don’t even like it burning, but the heating system isn’t powerful enough to heat a room this size.
I make my way over to the window and reach for the curtain. “It’s snowing,” I say.
Hayami joins me. “I thought the forecast said tomorrow.”
“When have you ever known the forecast to be right?”
She doesn’t answer as we stare at the small flakes that flutter silently through the air as if they have no purpose.
“Do you think it’ll settle?” she asks, tucking her hair behind her ear.
“It’s dry enough.” We’ve had no rain for the past two days, which has been a welcome break from the mist and drizzle. But now we’re in for something completely different.
“Is there a chance we could get snowed in?” Hayami wraps her arms around her waist.
“Possibly.” I don’t mention the forecast, how bad they’ve predicted this snowstorm is going to be. You wouldn’t think it, looking now at how light and lazy the snowflakes are falling—the calm before the storm.
“Wouldn’t be such a bad thing,” she says, and I note how small she appears standing next to me, arms cocooning herself as if this is her only line of defence.
“Wouldn’t it?” I ask, closing the curtains.
“I could handle being stuck here for a bit,” she says, wandering over to the fire and warming her hands. “Actually, I would love to be stuck here forever.”
I don’t pick up on what she’s saying, not at first. “You’d be stuck up here with me.”
She regards me. “You’re not so bad.”
A low chuckle rumbles in the back of my throat. “Even when I hauled you out of that cubicle at the club?” I pass her the glass of whisky, then move over to the sofa and sit down.
Hayami settles on the rug by the fire, sets her glass down, then pulls her cardigan over her knees. “You were just doing your job.”
“Was I?”
She stares at me. Then her shoulders drop along with her eyes.
I feel bold. Not sure if it’s the silence in the room, the dream I’ve just had, or six months of protecting this woman from herself. But I have to know.
“That day I dragged you from the pool.”
She looks up, her eyes wide. And I feel bad for asking, but I need to know.
“You weren’t just floating, were you?”
She swallows hard, her lips clamping shut, and I fear I’m riling her. I’m going to lose this connection we have right now, and I don’t want to.
“It’s a strange thing, surviving,” I tell her.
“When your whole family dies and you’re the one who is left alive.
You ask yourself so many questions that your head begins to spin.
I spoke to my therapist about it, just after the fire, and he told me I was suffering from survivor’s guilt, and that it was perfectly normal for me to feel the way I did, like I should have been the one to die.
That I should have been the one buried, not my sister, not my father, not my mother.
But I wasn’t. I lived. And I’ve had to live with that knowledge.
But the one thing it’s taught me is that life is precious, even if we don’t think it is.
And when I look at you, I see an intelligent, beautiful woman who has so much potential.
I know you’re a Devall. I know the hold your father has on you, but he isn’t going to be around forever. So why did you want to end it all?”